She was in the middle of her first coffee morning when she saw Kaden again, and she nearly dropped her cup. He stood in the doorway, tall and gorgeous in long robes, jaw dark with stubble. He’d obviously just returned. She could swear her heart physically clenched as she saw him again.
All the women immediately bowed and went silent.
He inclined his head. “I’ll leave you to it. I’m sure you’re discussing far more important things than I will be at my cabinet meeting later.”
He smiled, but to Julia it looked slightly strained. His eyes skated over her, giving her no more nor less attention than the other women. The awful yearning for him to acknowledge her with more than that inclusive glance nearly overwhelmed her, and she had to shove the hurt down deep.
He left, and after a moment of pregnant silence the women started chattering in a mixture of English and Burquati. Julia had been struggling to connect with the women, who’d seemed very suspicious, but suddenly they were all smiles and laughs.
Her secretary smiled at her sympathetically, misreading her anguish. “Don’t worry. It’ll just take some time.”
Julia smiled wanly and went to join in again, feeling prickly because, if truth be told, she was jealous of these women. Kaden could come and charm them so effortlessly when he couldn’t even be bothered to touch her any more!
Julia was lying in bed that night, unable to sleep. Kaden hadn’t returned to their suite all evening, and she’d eaten dinner alone. She knew she couldn’t continue like this, with Kaden holding her at arm’s length and looking at her as if she might explode at any moment like a ticking bomb.
When she heard his familiar step she tensed. He came into the moonlit room, treading quietly.
Julia came up on one elbow and said huskily, “I’m awake.”
He stopped, and all she could see in the gloom was his huge shape. Predictably, despite her tangled head and emotions, her body reacted to the sight of him. Softening, melting.
She sat up and pulled her knees towards her to try and hide her agitation. “Why didn’t you come to dinner?”
Kaden started to disrobe. Julia could see gleaming flesh revealed bit by bit, and her belly clenched helplessly with desire.
His voice was cool. “I got held up with a phone call to Sadiq, discussing the oil wells. They’re expecting a baby too. Not long after us.”
“Oh …” Julia didn’t know what to say. Kaden seemed to be determined to avoid any further discussion.
He came to the bed and lifted back the covers, getting in and lying down. Tension vibrated between them like a tangible thing.
Julia turned to face him, feeling her hair slip over her shoulders. “Kaden … we need to talk. It’s obvious that this isn’t working out.”
Kaden didn’t like the flare of panic. He’d been reacting all day to the gut-wrenchingly urgent need he’d had to see Julia immediately on his return from the desert. And then, when he had seen her, the relief had sent him away again just as quickly, for fear she’d read something into his reaction that he didn’t want her to see.
He felt as if he was clinging onto the last link that was rooting him in reality. That was rooting him in what he knew and had accepted for twelve long years. His distance from Julia for the past couple of days had restored some clarity, some perspective, and a sense that perhaps he wasn’t going mad … Except earlier, and now, it was back with a vengeance. Any illusion of control gone.
His whole body was rigid against the effortless pull of Julia beside him. Her soft scent was like a siren’s call to his blood. He turned his head and saw her outline: the slim shoulders, the curve of her breasts, the swell of her belly under the soft cotton of her vest. She wore vests and shorts to bed, attire he’d never seen another woman wear, and yet it inflamed him more than the slinkiest negligée he’d ever seen.
He turned away from temptation and forced out, “What isn’t working out?”
His clear reluctance to talk made the tiny flame of hope Julia had harboured that they might discuss this fade away. She was overwhelmed for a moment by the sense of futility, and lay down too. She said in a small voice, “Nothing. It doesn’t matter.”
For a moment there was nothing but thick silence, and then, in a move so fast she gasped, Kaden was looming over her, eyes like black pools. “Tell me, Julia. What were you going to say?”
He was fierce, when only moments before his rigid control had been palpable. She smelt the slightest hint of whisky on his breath, and somehow suspecting that he was in some sort of turmoil too made her feel simultaneously tender and combative. And something in her exulted that he was finally reacting.
Before she could say anything, though, something in the atmosphere shifted and his fingers touched her throat. He said huskily, “You’re wearing the necklace.”
Julia froze all over, going clammy. Some of her things had arrived from London earlier and she’d found the necklace. She’d put it on, feeling some silly need to connect with something she’d always found comforting. She’d fully intended to take it off.
She immediately sought to protect herself from his scrutiny and drew back minutely. “It’s OK. You don’t have to get the wrong idea …”
His voice was a lot harsher than a moment ago. “What does it mean, Julia? Why have you kept it all this time?”
Julia knocked his hand away and scrambled inelegantly out of the bed, feeling far too vulnerable lying so close to a naked Kaden.
She lashed out in her own anger for exposing herself like this and in anger at Kaden for questioning her. “I just saw it and put it on. It doesn’t mean anything. It certainly doesn’t mean that I don’t know what this marriage is about. It’s about the fact that I’m pregnant with your precious heirs—nothing more, nothing less.”
Kaden uncoiled his big body from the bed and walked around to Julia. Acting on the irrational panic rising within her that she was about to come apart completely, Julia reached up and grabbed the necklace with her hand. She yanked at it, breaking the delicate chain instantly, and flung it aside onto the ground.
Inside she was weeping. Outwardly she hitched up her chin. “See? It means nothing.”
Kaden looked at where she’d thrown the necklace and then back to her. The air crackled between them. In an abrupt move he pulled her into his body and said fiercely, “You don’t have to resort to dramatics to make your point. I get the message. From now on there will be no doubt as to what this marriage is about.”
Julia closed her eyes as Kaden’s mouth fused to hers, his arms like a vice around her. Their bodies strained together. Tears burned the backs of her eyes, but she would not let Kaden see the helpless emotion. It was hot and overflowing, but as Kaden lowered her onto the bed and came down over her she shut her mind to all the mocking voices which told her that she was fooling no one but herself.
The following day Kaden was standing alone on an open terrace in the palace. He’d been having a meeting with an architect about the palace’s preservation, but the architect had long gone. The city of Burquat was laid out before him. Cranes dotted the skyline—evidence of much necessary modernisation.
Kaden didn’t see the view, though. His thoughts were inward. He smiled grimly to himself. He’d been right to fear touching Julia again. It was as if he’d known it would be the final catalyst in his coming undone. His own useless defence system had crashed and burned spectacularly last night, like a row of elaborate dominoes falling down with one small nudge.
Julia had only had to wear that necklace for him to see clearly for the first time in years.
His jaw tightened. Even then he hadn’t been able to give in, still fighting right to the end … He’d had to make her say it, make her tell him how she really felt. As if he needed the concrete proof of her words and to feel the pain that came with them. Because he knew he deserved it. Perhaps that was what he’d been protecting himself against all along—the truth of her feelings. Not just his own.
He’d held something very precious a l
ong time ago, and he’d broken it for ever. Kaden looked down and opened his fist to reveal the necklace, its chain in two pieces.
CHAPTER TEN
JULIA was in their private dining room, where Kaden had said he’d meet her for lunch. She was standing at the open French doors but seeing nothing of the glorious view. A couple of weeks had passed since that night. When Julia had woken the morning after she’d been alone. She’d immediately got up to look for the necklace but hadn’t found it. Her sense of loss was profound, but she was too nervous to mention it to anyone or ask for help in searching for it. The last thing she wanted was for Kaden to know she was scrabbling around looking for it at any given opportunity.
She’d had to realise with a heavy heart that perhaps she needed to be rid of it because it symbolised something she’d never really had or would have—Kaden’s love.
Kaden hadn’t avoided her at night since then. They’d made love. And yet his touch was more … reticent. As if he was scared he’d hurt her. It seemed to compound the yawning chasm growing between them, so much worse than before.
How could they have gone three steps forward only to go about a hundred back?
“I’m sorry to have kept you waiting.”
Julia whirled around to see Kaden in the doorway. Even though he’d left their bed only hours before, she blushed. She schooled her reaction and walked to the table. Just as she put out a hand to touch her chair she felt a kick in her womb, forcible enough to make her gasp and touch her bump, which was now big enough to be obvious to everyone.
Instantly Kaden was at her side, holding her arm. “What is it?”
As much in reaction to his touch as the kick, Julia said shakily, “I’m fine … it was just a kick—the first real kick I’ve felt.”
Another one came then, and she couldn’t stop a smile spreading across her face. Feeling the babies move was dissolving any inhibitions. She reached instinctively for Kaden’s hand and brought it to her belly, pressing it down, praying that they would kick again. She looked at Kaden, and as always the ever-present awareness seemed to hum between them.
When the seconds stretched and there were no more kicks Julia flushed. She felt exposed. Kaden was too close, looking at her too assessingly. She pulled his hand away,
“They’ve stopped …”
Instantly the connection was broken, and Kaden stalked to the other side of the table and sat down. Staff appeared as if by magic and served them. Their conversation was stilted, centring around a charity fête that Julia was due to attend that afternoon.
When they’d finished eating Julia wiped her mouth, preparing to go.
Kaden said, “You don’t have to go to the fête this afternoon if you don’t want to. Unfortunately I can’t get out of my meeting with the foreign minister. He’s due to fly to the US tomorrow.”
Julia smiled tightly. “It’ll be fine. I need to get used to going to these things on my own sooner or later.”
Kaden leaned forward and took her hand in his. Julia’s eyes widened.
“I know this is hard for you, but already I can see a difference in people’s attitudes. You’re winning them round.” He grimaced then. “I’m sorry that you have to go through this when you’d never have willingly signed up for this life.”
Julia’s face burned. Little did he know that she’d often dreamt of being by his side.
She took back her hand and pushed back her chair. “The car will be waiting.”
Kaden watched her leave the room and cursed himself. He clenched his fist and just stopped himself from bringing it crashing down on the table. He kept thinking about the moment after their wedding, when he’d found her sobbing her heart out. Guilt burned in his gut, compounded now by the way he’d felt when he’d seen that beatific smile lighting up her face. He’d felt jealous that something else could make her happy. Jealous of his own babies!
The moment hadn’t lasted long before she’d withdrawn again to that cool, polite distance which only dissolved when they were in bed.
He didn’t need to be reminded that Julia hadn’t smiled like that once since she’d met him again. As if he didn’t know why. She was stuck in a marriage of convenience with a man who had brutally rejected her when she’d been at her most vulnerable just to protect his own cowardly heart. Julia was humbling him every day with her innate grace and stoic acceptance of a difficult situation. Of a life she didn’t want.
Kaden knew that he had to be fully honest with her. She deserved to know everything. Later, he vowed. When she got home he would tell her. Everything. And whatever her reaction was … he would have to deal with it.
Two hours later Kaden was sitting at his desk listening to his minister for foreign affairs talk, but not taking anything in. He was wondering where Julia was now. Had she reached the fête? Was she feeling awkward? Was she smiling in that slightly fixed way which signified she was shy or uncomfortable? His gut clenched at the thought of anyone being rude or unfriendly to her.
Only last week he’d watched her host another of her coffee mornings, this time outside in the palace grounds. He’d been inordinately proud of the way she’d listened to people, really devoting her time to them. A million miles away from his ex-wife and stepmother who had both been brought up specially schooled to be in this world.
“Sire?”
They’d announced the news of Julia’s pregnancy a few days ago, now that she was showing more obviously, and he was hoping it would have an effect on people’s interaction with her. Surely the prospect of—?
“Sire!”
“Hmm?” Kaden looked at his minister, a little dazed for a moment, and then saw that his secretary was also in the room. He frowned. He hadn’t even noticed her come in. “Yes, Sara?”
He only noticed then that she was deathly pale and trembling. The hair went up on the back of his neck for no reason.
“Sire, I’m sorry to disturb you, but I’ve just heard—there’s been a terrible multi-vehicle accident on the main freeway to Kazat, where the fête is. We’ve been trying to call your wife and the driver, but there’s no response from them or the bodyguards. We don’t have news yet as the emergency services haven’t reached them.”
Kaden heard her words and tried to react, to move. But it was as if his limbs were instantly weighted down with wet cement. He couldn’t get up. He could feel his blood draining south and put his hands on his desk to hold on to something.
His secretary started crying and the foreign minister stood up. “Sire, I’ll get your car immediately.”
Kaden stood up then, even though he couldn’t feel his own legs, and said with an icy calm which belied the roaring in his brain, “Not the car. Too slow. Get the helicopter ready and make sure there’s a doctor and a paramedic on board. Now.”
What felt like aeons later, but what was in fact only thirty minutes, Kaden’s helicopter pilot was setting down in a clearing beside the freeway. All Kaden could see was a tangled mass of vehicles, a school bus on its side, with steam billowing out of its engine, and lines of cars blocking the freeway.
The flashing lights of the first emergency vehicles were evident, and there were people blackened from smoke and fire rushing everywhere. And amongst all that twisted metal and heat was Julia. Kaden’s mind shut down and he went into autopilot. He simply could not contemplate anything beyond the next few seconds.
The blast of heat nearly pushed him backwards when he got out of the chopper, but Kaden ignored it and waded straight into the carnage. He shouted at the young, scared-looking doctor with him, “Stay beside me!”
All around them people were wandering around looking dazed, with blood running down their faces, holding hands and arms. But to Kaden’s initial and fleeting relief there seemed no serious-looking injuries. He focused on the school bus on its side, and as he went towards it, acting on instinct, he finally saw the Royal car. It was skewed at an angle near the bus, ploughed into the steel girder which ran down the middle of the highway, and near it, on its roof, was the
security Jeep.
Kaden’s heart stopped. He ran towards the car, and when he got there, his lungs burning, ducked his head into the back seat. It was empty. He felt sick when he saw the trail of blood that led out of the car.
He stood up. “Julia!”
Nothing. Panic at full throttle now, he went towards the other side of the school bus and stopped dead in his tracks, a mixture of overwhelming relief and incoherent rage making him dizzy. Julia was handing a small child to her driver, who was in turn handing it to someone else. Adults who looked like teachers were standing in groups with other children, crying. Julia’s kaftan was ripped and bloody.
He went towards her and she saw him. “Oh, Kaden—thank God! Please … you have to help us. There are still some children trapped inside, and the engine is leaking petrol.”
She looked half crazed, which he could see was due to shock and adrenalin, and in the periphery of his vision he could see people standing with phones, taking videos and photos. Very deliberately he put his hands on Julia’s arms and bodily moved her out of harm’s way. He looked at the doctor and said, “She’s over five months pregnant. If anything happens to her you’ll be held personally responsible.”
Julia protested. “But, Kaden, there are still children—”
He cut her off. “You stay here. I will go and get the children. If you move one inch, Julia, so help me God I will lock you in the palace for the rest of your life.”
Through a haze of shock and panic Julia could only feel limp with relief as she watched Kaden stride back to the bus, climb up, and reach in to help pull the children out. Within minutes they were all accounted for, and Julia had already instructed the now terrified-looking doctor to go and help the injured children instead of babysitting her. She was helping too, ripping material off her dress to tie around bleeding arms and legs.
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