by Beth Rinyu
I arrived at Becca's office and was greeted by a security guard sitting at the front desk. It was after hours and the rest of the office staff had gone for the day. I flashed him my badge and told him my reason for my visit before he buzzed me in and I made my way back to Becca’s office. Becca skimmed her fingers along a piece of paper as I stood in her office doorway, silently watching her. I knocked lightly and jumped when I was greeted by a barking dog.
“Oh shit,” I whispered.
Becca began to giggle. "Did she scare you?" she asked as a Golden Retriever stuck her head out from underneath her desk.
"Just a little."
"This is Lilly....She’s my eyes."
"Well, it's nice to meet you, Lilly," I said.
"Go ahead girl, you can go and say hello."
The dog got up to greet me and I bent down to pet her. "She's a sweetheart."
"Yes, she is. She's my baby. Aren't you, girl?" She perked up at the sound of Becca's voice and went running over to her with her tail wagging back and forth. "Since it was such a nice day, I decided to walk to work, so Lilly had to come with me to help me get here." I bit my lip, still having such a hard time grasping the fact that she was blind. "So would you mind stopping off at my place to drop her off before we grab a bite to eat?"
"No problem."
She reached down on the floor and moved her hand around until she located her briefcase, grabbing all the papers that were written in braille from her desk. I was amazed by how well she had adapted to everything without her sight. She grabbed Lilly's leash, feeling around for the latch on her collar. "Ready?" she asked, grabbing onto her briefcase with one hand and Lilly’s leash with the other.
Her apartment was right up the street from her office. I watched as she unzipped her purse and grabbed the key ring. I was readying myself to help her insert the key into the lock, but stopped myself when I saw her do it with ease. "I just want to feed her dinner and get her some water before we go."
“No problem.” I stood in the middle of her living room as she maneuvered her way through the tiny kitchen like she had twenty-twenty vision.
"Do you mind if I change really quick?" she asked after she took care of Lilly.
"No, go right ahead."
"Have a seat, if you aren't already." She smiled.
"I'm good."
She walked off to her bedroom as I began taking everything in her apartment in. It was decorated to perfection and part of me wondered why she needed all of the elaborate paintings and portraits that were hanging on her wall if she couldn’t see them. My eyes skimmed over them and my heart sank when I saw the one hanging over her sofa. The same one that I had hanging in my apartment. The one that Becca had made for me all those years ago. I moved closer, examining the details of that star filled sky that had been so beautifully captured on canvas. It was filled with so much intricate detail and was almost identical to mine with the exception of the moon. She had put her whole heart and soul into those paintings. I closed my eyes, remembering the night that she had given it to me. I was speechless, especially when she explained the symbolism of the moon, making me feel like total shit for lying to her and leading her to believe that I was someone that I wasn’t. The only thing I wasn’t lying about back then were my feelings for her. Every emotion. Every kiss. Every touch was real. Becca Keeton made me feel things that no other woman ever had been able to make me feel before or after I had met her.
"I'm ready," she said, walking out of her room. "Do you mind if I use you to help me out a little? I'm perfectly fine in here but once I get outside, I get a little lost."
"Oh, not at all," I said, walking over to her and looping my arm in hers. It felt so good being this close to her again. We walked out of her apartment building and I flagged down a taxi. "Do you like Italian?" I asked, already knowing the answer.
"Love it," she replied as I helped her in the cab.
I gave the driver the name of one of my favorite restaurants and we headed on our way. "Sorry for making you wait so long. You must be really hungry by now."
"Nah, it's all good," I said. I was finding that trying to make small talk with someone that you pretty much knew everything about was pretty hard. I was relieved when we finally arrived at the restaurant. I helped her out of the taxi and we headed inside. She opted to sit in the outside seating area and since it was such a nice night, I didn't object.
"Umm....I hate to be a pain but would you be able to tell me what is on this menu?" She smiled.
I looked over the menu, finally locating her favorite. "Pasta primavera -"
"Say no more.....I'll take it!" she said, taking a sip of her wine. I smiled at her as I gazed into her eyes. She was still the same girl from all those years ago. I just wished that I was the same guy. "So, Agent—"
"Mason," I Interrupted.
She furrowed her brows. "I'm sorry-what?"
"Call me Mason. That's my name."
She nodded. "Oh. Okay."
“So Becca, do you have a boyfriend?” I blurted out.
“Oh….um, no.” She shook her head, seeming a little embarrassed by the question. “No guy in their right mind would want to be burdened by me.”
My heart sank to my knees. “What do you mean?”
“Well, for instance, look what just happened now. I can’t even read my own menu. It’s like going out with a three year old. Sometimes I just feel so helpless and I would never place that load on anyone else.”
“Are you crazy? You are a beautiful, intelligent girl with a great personality.”
I was happy to see the remnants of a smile adorn her face. “Well thank you very much, Agent…I mean, Mason. But unfortunately, my perception of how others see me will always be tainted.”
“I don’t see you that way, Becca, and I would love to take you out on a non-business date some time.”
She began to fold her napkin and I could see she was feeling uneasy over the whole situation. “That’s so sweet of you. But trust me; my inability to see isn’t my only defect.” She shook her head and sucked in her bottom lip as she silently stared into space. She looked down at the table and began to speak again, totally changing the subject. "I've gotten through half of the tapes so far and I'm just a little confused. How did you know that Mueller was involved with the Trent Roberts deal?"
I couldn’t stand the pain in her eyes. How could she feel that way about herself? To me she was still that same beautiful Becca from all those years ago. I took a deep breath, trying to shake off the sadness in her eyes and answer her questions. "Easy. Trent Roberts was one of Mueller's main customers in both the drug business and his prostitution ring that he ran. Mueller was using his women to transport the money and drugs. Roberts, who was the All American Guy in everyone's eyes—perfect husband, perfect father, CEO of a very reputable company—was living this whole other life. And in return for drugs and free women, he allowed Mueller to funnel the money through his charities that he was running and a few of his company owned bank accounts. It's a very common thing. I've worked on a lot of cases like this one."
"The night of the bust….the amount of drugs that were seized, that is unheard of."
"Yeah, they were rolling in drugs and money until it all came crashing down."
"So, you were Alec Williams, the bartender in Mueller’s once booming restaurant?"
I nodded, as she sat there staring at me blankly. "That is correct," I finally answered. I rubbed my hand over the scruff of my face. "Ninety percent of the deals went down there. So it was the perfect job for me. Plus, I learned how to make a pretty mean martini."
She raised her eyebrow and let out a giggle. "I can't even imagine pretending to be someone else. How do you do it?"
I looked away. "Some cases are easier than others."
We continued going over the case until the waiter brought us our food. She felt around on the table for her fork and tasted a piece of her pasta. "I feel like such a pain, but is there salt?" I picked up the shaker and placed it in her
hand. "Thank you," she whispered.
"So, is it hard going into a courtroom and not being able to see?"
"Well, at first it was a little scary. I don't get to actually lead the case. I'm just what they call a second chair. I assist the main prosecutor. You'd be amazed by how in tune your other senses become when you lose one of them. I hear and smell things that others can’t. I could just sense certain things almost as if my other senses are picking up the slack for my lack of vision. Plus, we have a few part time college students that read for me.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Well, they read police reports and rap sheets and stuff like that to me and I just make my notes in braille.”
“Wow, that’s pretty amazing.”
She shrugged her shoulders. “Well, it’s not exactly how I had hoped to be practicing law. I wish that I could be walking around the courtroom, making eye contact with people and gauging their reactions, but I guess it’s better than nothing, right?” She had a look of defeat on her face as she took another bite of her pasta.
“You should be very proud of yourself. Most people don’t achieve half of your accomplishments even with their sight.”
Her eyes filled with tears as she stared into mine. “Well, someone once told me to not ever let anything prevent me from what I wanted to do. If I wanted it bad enough, it’s always obtainable no matter what obstacles are in the way.” She quickly wiped her eye with the back of her hand and I felt my heart ripping from my chest as I remembered saying those words to her like it was just yesterday. She shook her head, trying to shake it off. “Even though I want to forget the person that said it, those words stuck with me and kind of kept me going….weird, right?”
I shook my head, before clearing my throat and pulling it together. “No, it’s not weird at all,” I whispered. I ran my hand through my hair, answering her questions about the case even though my mind was a million miles away. How could I have been so stupid to think that she actually wouldn’t hate Drew Bryant for what he did to her? The look in her eyes the night I told her I was leaving, haunted me for the past six years of my life. I knew I was saying goodbye to the best thing that had ever happened to me.
Six years ago
It was Becca’s twenty second birthday, and I had gotten the call yesterday, telling me that the arrests were going to go down and I was being pulled off the case. It was the day that I couldn’t wait for when I had started this case and the day I had most dreaded after I had met Becca. I knew that the FBI was still trying to get Simms on the human trafficking charge and I was praying that they weren’t going to try and use Becca as bait. When I asked, I was told that it was privileged information that I didn’t need to know and my part of the case was over. I was going completely crazy not knowing what to do. I wanted to warn her, but I knew if I did it would jeopardize the whole case and put my job on the line. I was spent from over thinking it all and I knew that Becca was picking up on it. She was so on edge at this party and I knew why. She was afraid that her father was going to say something to offend me. Little did she know, her dad was the least of my worries right now and, ironically, the one person that I felt I could divulge this information to. I knew that Becca’s safety was his first priority.
“Where are you going?” Becca asked when I let go of her hand for the first time all night.
I hated that she was such a nervous wreck. “To the bathroom.”
“Oh, okay.” She stretched her neck and gave me a quick kiss.
I awkwardly stood around waiting for her father to wrap up his conversation that he was in. “Dr. Keeton. Can I talk to you for a minute?” He looked surprised when he turned around to face me.
“Sure. What is it, Drew?” I could hear his dissatisfaction for me in his voice.
“In private.”
He nodded, leading me into the house and into his study.
“If you’re here to tell me that you have nothing but good intentions with her, save your breath. I’m not buying –”
I shook my head and put my hand up to stop him from talking. "Dr. Keeton, I need to tell you something and I need to know that this is going to stay in this room." He gave me an uneasy look and nodded. "My name isn't Drew Bryant, it's Mason Boudreaux. I'm not a college student, I'm a DEA agent that was sent here to bust up an illegal drug ring that was supposed to have revolved around Ashton Barrett, but I've found out it's so much bigger. Your medical practice is being investigated. Ashton's father is now the new target. They pulled me off the case because they’ve got all the information that they need for the busts and they’re afraid that my cover may have been compromised. I have to report back by tomorrow morning." I looked out the window, trying to pull it together. “I can't say anything to Becca. I can't put her at risk. But please, I'm begging you, get her off this charity. They're using her as a drug runner to transport the drugs back and forth. That's why I had been going with her to all of them. I found out that they have another one set up this coming week to one of the biggest dealers in this area. He's in the drug business and other illegal businesses that involve young girls. They want to take him down before they close the case. I’m not sure if the Barretts’ are going to try and get Becca to do the delivery or not. I'm not even supposed to be here and I may be blowing this case wide open and lose my job by telling you this, but Becca is my first priority right now. Just please do whatever you have to do to make sure that she doesn't go." He was speechless. “I may have lied about who I was and my intentions, but I never lied about my feelings for Becca.”
He shook his head and took a seat behind his desk. “You took advantage of my daughter, made her fall in love with you, knowing the whole time that you were going to leave her. Was this all some sick game to you!?”
I looked down at the ground and then back up at him. “No sir, it wasn’t. I care about Becca more than you will ever know. I would give everything up right now and walk away from it all for her, but you and I both know that she would never forgive me for not telling her the truth.” I was hoping for some type of indication from him that maybe Becca could get past this so we could have a future together, but there was none.
He had an uneasy look on his face. “Do you have any idea what this is going to do to her?”
I got a sick feeling in my stomach, thinking about how much it was going to hurt her. “I didn’t mean to fall in love with her. I just wanted to protect her. But you know better than anyone what an amazing person she is.”
He took a deep breath and briefly closed his eyes. "I'm sorry, but this is just a lot for me to take in right now.”
“I felt that it was only fair to warn you for both professional and personal reasons. The Feds are going to be all over your medical practice; just give them whatever information they ask for. It’s Barrett that they’re after.”
“I have nothing to hide,” he whispered. “My main concern is Becca right now. She's going to be devastated."
I looked away and nodded. "I’d rather have her hate me for the rest of her life and know that she's safe. These people are dangerous. You may think you know them, but they are using your daughter for their own personal gain. She's exactly what they wanted. A young, innocent girl. I can’t protect her anymore, so I’m leaving it up to you."
He ran his hand through his hair and nodded. "I'll make sure that she doesn't go and I promise you I will not breathe a word of this to anyone. Thank you for watching over my daughter."
"You're welcome." I hung my head low and began to walk out of his study.
"Agent Boudreaux," I turned around and stared into his eyes, "I'll take the blame for you leaving."
"I appreciate it, but that's not necessary, sir. Becca will never forgive me for this no matter what, so it doesn't matter how much she hates me. You're her dad. You will be in her life forever. I don't want her hating you, too. I just need you to know that I truly do love your daughter and I always will.”
I packed up the rest of my clothes and double checked to make
sure that I wasn’t leaving anything behind, with a very heavy heart. This place was filled with memories of me and Becca. There wasn’t a room in this entire house that we hadn’t made love in. I shook my head, trying to shake off those memories. I felt like such a coward for not giving her an official goodbye, but I knew it was better this way; neither of our hearts could handle it. My stomach dropped when I heard a knock at my door and saw Becca’s car in the driveway. I didn’t know if I was going to have the strength to do it. I took a deep breath and opened the door. I couldn’t even look at her, knowing that I would never be seeing those beautiful eyes again.
“I know you're tired and have a headache, but I just wanted to see you to make sure that everything was okay. You seem kind of off tonight.”
“Yeah, everything's fine.”
“I’m really sorry if my dad said something wrong to you tonight.” She wrapped her arms around my neck and it took everything inside of me to push her away. I knew that if I hugged her back, I would never be able to let her go. I felt like I was being kicked in the balls over and over again when I saw the look on her face. “Drew what’s the –”. Her eyes focused on the suitcase that was sitting on the living room floor. I ran my hand through my hair and let out a deep breath. “Are you going somewhere?”
The pain in her eyes was killing me. “Yeah, I'm going back to California.”
“To visit?” Her voice quivered. The best I could muster was a shake of my head. “Drew, what the hell's going on? You're moving back to California?”
“Yes.” I could feel my eyes stinging as I finally found the courage to look at her.
“Why?” She began to cry. “You weren’t even going to tell me?”
“I'm sorry, but trust me you're better off. It just has to be this way, Becca.”
