Blind Side Of Love

by Beth Rinyu

  “His name is Mason Boudreaux. He’s a DEA agent and I met him through work.”

  “Oh, sounds exciting!”

  I finally felt the side of my phone and pulled it from my purse. “Go into the pictures section. It should be the one and only picture in there.” I giggled.

  “Oh, I cannot wait to see what he looks like!” she exclaimed, taking the phone from my hand.

  I waited to hear her reaction, but instead there was silence. “Did it come up?” I asked.

  “What? Oh… umm….yeah,” she said, sounding a little confused.

  “Well, what do you think of the dress and more importantly what do you think of him?”

  “The dress is beautiful. You look beautiful,” she replied, sounding like someone had stuck a needle into her and sucked all of the excitement that she had been conveying just a few moments ago.

  “And? What about him? Is he as cute as I imagine him to be?”

  “Umm….yeah, he’s really nice looking. So what exactly does he do as a DEA agent?”

  “He mainly works undercover and breaks up drug rings.”

  “Oh,” she replied, sounding deep in thought.

  “Okay girls, I got ice tea, chips and salsa, and some cheese and crackers.” My mom’s voice came closer as did the rattling of Lilly’s dog tags.

  “Krista, show my mom the picture,” I said.

  “Of what?” my mother asked.

  “My new friend, Mason.”

  “Oh yes, hand it over!” my mother said.

  “Oh darn!” Krista shouted. “I think I accidently deleted it. I’m so sorry, Becca.”

  “Oh really? Oh, well I can get his sister to send it to me again.”

  “Aww, I wanted to see!” my mother pouted.

  “I promise I’ll have pictures next time, Mom.”

  “Oh my God. I cannot believe what an airhead I am. I actually have a three o’clock appointment that I just totally remembered. I’m so sorry, Becca. I promise we’ll catch up the next time you come and visit.” I heard the chair move and felt Krista’s lips grazing my cheek.

  We said our goodbyes and my mother got up to walk her to the door. I was feeling a little saddened, wishing that Krista and I could have hung out for a little while longer. I jumped when my phone began to beep and the voice on the speaker said, “Call from Mason.” Suddenly, I wasn’t feeling so down anymore.

  Mason

  I said my goodbyes to Becca and slipped my phone back in my pocket just as Liz got back into the car. “Well, did I miss anything?” she asked. We had been waiting on a bust for the past hour and a half and something told me it wasn’t going to happen today.

  “Not a thing. I think Ortiz got stood up.”

  “Since when are dealers on time?” she asked.

  “True.” I remained focused on Agent Ortiz as he stood out on the corner, waiting for the deal to go down.

  “So, I haven’t talked to you in a while. How was your trip home?”

  “It was really nice.”

  “Did Becca have a good time?”

  “Yeah, I think she did.”

  “Guess she still doesn’t know?”

  “I’m working on it, Liz.” She raised her eyebrows and nodded. “What’s that look for?” I asked.

  “Nothing. Nothing at all.”

  “What fuckin’ ever!”

  “Boy, someone is cranky. Is it because his girlfriend isn’t around?” she taunted.

  Maybe it did have a little to do with Becca not being around and a lot to do with knowing that my time was coming closer and I had to tell her the truth. Every time I thought about it, I got a sick feeling in my stomach, and I didn’t need Liz reminding me of that fact and making me feel worse.

  “How do you know she’s away?”

  “Natalie was talking to her the other day. She wanted to get together with her this weekend to go over the details of the meeting Becca’s going to be speaking at.”

  My eyes shifted to the guy talking to Ortiz, trying not to look conspicuous. I watched as the money exchanged hands. “Can I do the honors?” Liz asked.

  “Be my guest.” If it will get you off my case about Becca, do whatever you please.

  “Hey gorgeous girl,” I shouted as the conductor helped Becca off the train. I took her bag from her hand and pressed my lips against hers.

  “Well, that was a very nice greeting.”

  I looped my arm in hers and we began to walk. “Are you hungry?” I asked.

  “Actually, I am starving.”

  “Good, so am I.” We decided on a place and were on our way.

  Lilly lay under the table as we sat in the outside seating area and ate our dinner. Becca told me all about her doctor’s visit and the new surgery that he had told her about. “I don’t get it. Why wouldn’t you want to go for it if there’s a chance that you may be able to see again?”

  “It’s a fifty percent chance,” she said very nonchalantly as she took a bite of her fry.

  “Okay? And that’s fifty percent more of a chance than you would have without it.”

  “I-I just don’t want to talk about it right now.” She shook her head and ran her hand through her hair. “So, my friend said you pass the cuteness test.”

  “What?” I asked in confusion.

  “I asked your sister to send me a picture that she had taken of you and I at your parents’ party and I showed it to my friend, Krista. She said you were very nice looking. I wanted to show my mom, but Krista accidently deleted it.” I felt my insides twisting. What the fuck? There was no way in hell that her friend Krista didn’t know who I was and then to delete the picture? Clearly, she didn’t want Becca’s mother knowing, but why? I tried my best to focus on Becca’s conversation, but I couldn’t turn off the million thoughts racing through my mind. I knew I had no choice but to come clean right away. The last thing I wanted was for her to find out from someone else.

  After Dinner, I took Becca back to her apartment. I sat on the couch, battling with my nerves and the fact that this may be the last time we spent together. After tonight she may never want to talk to me again. I took a deep breath and prepared myself for one of the hardest things I was ever going to have to do.

  Becca

  It felt so good to have Mason’s arms wrapped around me as I cuddled up with him on my couch. Even though it had only been two days since I had last seen him, I missed him like crazy. "Is everything okay?” I asked. “You seem like something is on your mind."

  He let out a deep breath and I felt my stomach begin to drop. I could just sense that something wasn't right. "I have one more week to make a choice about this promotion.”

  "What promotion?" I asked.

  "It's a supervisor job. I wouldn't be doing undercover work anymore."

  I could feel the happiness building inside of me, but I wasn’t going to let it show to him. I didn't want him basing his decision just on how I was feeling. But I was hoping that he would take it. I worried about him every day. At least with this job he would be a lot safer. "Well, what do you want to do?"

  "I don't know. I'm just so used to doing undercover work it's like it's a part of who I am."

  I nodded, trying desperately to not show my disappointment, but I knew where he was coming from. I was fighting the same battle in my head with this surgery. I had been blind for so long now, it was kind of who I was. "Well, then -"

  "But since you've come into my life, everything has changed."

  "Mason, I don't want you basing your decision on what I want or because of me. I want you to be happy, and if working undercover makes you happy then please don't let me stop you."

  "You know what makes me happy, Becca?" I shook my head. "You."

  I closed my eyes, holding back the tears. I didn't deserve this man; he was too good to me. I reached for his hand and wrapped my fingers around it. "Thank you, Mason. That makes me really happy, but will I be enough?"

  "What do you mean?"

  "Do you really want to be stuck in
an office job because you feel like you have to be around to take care of your blind girlfriend? I don't want you to resent me for feeling like I was the reason you took it. I want you to base this solely on how you are feeling. Take me totally out of the equation."

  "Why would I do that? You are part of my life now and I don't want to lose you again."

  I lifted my head from his shoulder. “Again? What do you mean by again, Mason?" He let out a deep exhausting breath. "What do you mean by again?” I repeated, this time raising my voice a little louder.

  He grabbed the back of my neck and pulled me into a kiss. I struggled to break free but he wouldn't let me. I was breathing heavily as our lips finally disengaged. "Becca, tell me who you're seeing when I kiss you."

  My head was spinning and I was praying that what my heart had been telling me for a while wasn't true. "I-I don't know."

  "Damn it, Becca, tell me!" All the signs were there and I chose to ignore them because I didn't want to believe it. "Say it, Becca!" he shouted.

  The tears began to spill. How could this be happening again? "Drew," I whispered.

  I backed away when he went to touch me again. "Becca, I wanted to tell you but-"

  "But what? You just figured you would use me like you did back then and leave me again?"

  "No, that's not what I did back then and that is not what I'm doing now."

  "You are a sick bastard, you know that!?"

  "Becca, I had no choice back then. My cover was going to be blown. They had you running drugs to some pretty dangerous people and I had to do everything I could to protect you." I shook my head. None of this was making sense to me. "That Simms guy; he is in prison right now for human trafficking. Becca, don't you see? The Barretts’ had you doing all of their dirty work and were going to use you as an added bonus for this guy." I covered my ears with my hands. I couldn't listen to any more of it. How could I have been so naïve back then and still be so naïve now? "I may have lied to you about who I was, but I never lied about my feelings for you. I would have given up everything to be with you back then."

  "Then why didn't you? Why did you make me feel like I did something wrong?! Why did you make me run off and sleep with someone I hated so badly that I needed to go out and try and kill myself to forget what I had done?" I tried to catch my breath in between my sobs.

  "Becca, what are you-?" He stopped himself as if he finally got what I was saying. "Why?"

  "Because all I wanted to do was hurt you the same way you had hurt me. I wanted the memory of you gone!"

  "Becca, I am so sorry." He placed his hand on my face and I smacked it away.

  "Don't touch me ever again! You lied to me now, the same way that you lied to me back then. Everything I thought we had was a lie and I can't believe I was stupid enough to fall for it again! I hate you and I will never ever forgive you for doing this to me again! How dare you use my blindness to your advantage!?”

  “Becca, please don’t do this! Why the fuck can’t you see how much I love you? I never stopped loving you. I wanted to tell you, but I was afraid of losing you again.”

  “So you just strung me along again and made me feel like I had something special that would make you actually fall in love with a blind girl when the whole time it was just your guilt over what you did to me?”

  “I swear to God that’s not true. You are special; you always were and you always will be. Don’t you see I don’t give a fuck that you’re blind? To me you are still that same girl that made me fall in love with her all those years ago.”

  I couldn’t listen to it anymore. My heart couldn’t handle it. “Leave now!” I shouted.

  “Becca.”

  I pulled my legs up onto the couch and wrapped my arms around them. I buried my head into my knees, completely ignoring him, finally letting out the loud sob I was holding back once I heard the door close. My head was spinning. Was I really that clueless? The smell of his cologne, the way he knew exactly how I took my coffee and my love of sunsets. Why did I choose to ignore all of those signs? I knew the answer to that better than anyone. For the first time since my accident, I had been happy and I knew that admitting to what my extra sense was telling me would take that happiness away, so I chose to ignore it. Yes, he lied to me, but I was partly to blame as well for disregarding that little voice deep inside of me. Then there was Krista… Why didn’t she tell me who was really in that picture when I showed it to her yesterday? Lilly jumped up on the couch and whimpered. Her cold nose touched my face and she nuzzled into me, trying her best to comfort me. I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her on top of her head.

  “Oh Lilly, you are the only one I can trust.” I buried my face into her, letting it all out. Her fur was soaked in tears, but she didn’t seem to mind. She stayed by my side the entire night—just like any true friend would do.

  Mason

  It had been three days since Becca found out, and it was killing me not seeing her and not talking to her. I missed her so much and I just wished that she understood why I did what I did. But I knew I hurt her bad and in her mind it was unforgivable. I had been fooling myself the same way that I had been fooling her by actually thinking that maybe she would have been able to overlook it and move on.

  “What’s going on with you? You look like shit!” Liz asked when I walked into her office.

  “I told her.”

  Her jaw dropped and an honest to goodness look of concern washed over her face. “Oh no. That bad?” she asked.

  I nodded. “Yup, she hates me.”

  “Well, did you try and explain yourself?”

  I ran my hand through my hair and looked out her office window. “Yeah. She didn’t want to hear it. Can’t say I blame her.” I turned around and faced her once again. “Just don’t say ‘I told you so’.”

  She sighed heavily. “I won’t. Well, maybe she’ll come around once she has some time to digest it all. I mean, she fell in love with you once and it seems as if she was beginning to fall in love with you again, that has to account for something.”

  “I seriously doubt it. You didn’t see the look on her face when I told her.”

  “What made you decide to finally come clean?”

  “This whole promotion thing. I was so up in the air about what I wanted to do and I was hoping that Becca would help me make that final choice. Guess she did now; it just wasn’t the choice that I was hoping it would be.”

  “Well, you still have a few more days to ponder that. Don’t give your answer until the last possible second.” She stood up and walked over to me, placing her hand on my shoulder. “I have to run. I’ll be around later tonight if you need to talk.”

  I nodded and watched her walk out the door. I remained seated and my mind wondered once again to her friend Krista and why she wouldn’t have jumped on the opportunity to tell Becca who was in that picture. It wasn’t as if she exactly liked me—far from it. I stared off into space and was immediately brought back to that day that I found out exactly what a bitch that girl really was:

  We had just finished up kayaking as I sat around, trying my hardest to seem interested in Ashton's juvenile conversation. Krista was making a complete spectacle of herself, hanging all over Ashton. I couldn't believe that she and Becca were best friends.They were complete opposites.

  "So, where's Becca?" Krista asked in a very condescending manner.

  "I guess she's home," I replied. She rolled her eyes. "And she's allowing you out without her?" Ashton gave her a high five and they both began to laugh. This girl was a total bitch. Clearly, she wasn't as loyal to Becca as Becca was to her.

  "Why wouldn't she?" I snapped back.

  "Well, it just seems like the two of you are inseparable. I mean, little Miss Studious is usually so caught up in her school work and her little goody good volunteer work that she doesn't have much time for anyone else. You must be really special or really good at something." She raised her eyebrow and sucked in her bottom lip. I was really hoping that she was acting this way
because she was drunk, but something told me that she had some deep seeded jealousy issues with Becca. "She’d better watch out, all this time that she's spending with you may cause her GPA to slip and Daddy won’t be very happy about that!" She and Ashton began to laugh once again.

  I couldn't stand there and listen to this jealous little bitch rip Becca apart anymore. "Wow! And you call yourself her friend?"

  She narrowed her eyes and took another sip of beer. "Oh I'm sorry, did I upset you?"

  "You know, jealously is a terrible thing, Krista."

  "Oh damn, guess he told you!" Ashton shouted.

  "Whatever! Sorry we can't all be perfect like your precious little Becca!" she shouted as I walked off, not wanting to listen to any more of what she had to say.

  I spent the rest of the afternoon listening to Ashton and Troy talk about when their next deal was going down and who it was with. When I was satisfied that I had enough information and could no longer take hanging out with these arrogant assholes, I decided to pack it up. As I made my way to my car, I heard Krista calling my name. I reluctantly turned around, not even wanting to acknowledge her. I remained silent as she approached me, looking all disheveled. "You know that wasn't cool; the way you dissed me in front of everyone earlier!"

  "Yeah and it wasn't cool the way that you were talking about your so called best friend."

  "I'm sorry if I offended you by the things I said. But Becca always had everything that I ever wanted. She's pretty, gets good grades, and now she's got a hot guy." She moved closer to me. "I for one happen to know one thing that I am better at than Becca. So, I won't tell if you don't.” In a matter of seconds her arms were wrapped around my neck and her lips were on mine.

  “What the fuck!?” I shouted as I pushed her away, but not before Ashton saw what was going on.

  “Damn, Drew, save some of these chicks for the rest of us, bro!” Ashton shouted.

  “You are trash that doesn’t even deserve a friend like Becca,” I whispered to Krista.

  “Oh fuck you! Go home and fuck your little goody two shoes then. She’s probably like having sex with a rock.”