Another Man's Child

by Another Man's Child (retail) (epub)

  They entered Lottie’s bedroom where lengths of striped oriental satin in green and heliotrope were draped over a chaise-longue. Lottie picked up a length of material and held it against herself. ‘What do you think? Could you make something up for me?’

  ‘Easy,’ said Molly, thinking it was one way to make up for having committed adultery with her husband.

  When she returned home it was to find the house full of women: Jimmy’s mother, Mrs McNally – and, heavens, Ma Payne with Lucy on her knee! Instantly she realised what must have happened as Jimmy’s mother smiled through her tears. ‘It’s a boy. Dead quick, she was. And she’s calling him after his dad.’

  Molly took the stairs two at a time and found Cath resting against the pillows, her son cradled in her arms. ‘Hiya! You’ve missed all the excitement.’ She gazed lovingly down at her child. ‘What d’you think? Just like his dad?’

  Molly’s eyes filled with tears and she could not speak as she sat on the bed and touched the baby’s soft cheek. At last she managed to find her voice. ‘I see Ma’s downstairs?’

  ‘Yes, I thought I should make things up in case anything went wrong. She’s quiet for her, though. I expected her to rave at me for sticking by you but she hasn’t and neither has she mentioned our Frank. I haven’t asked but maybe something’s happened to him.’

  ‘She’d have told you. It’s probably his carrying on with Bernie. She’s realising he’s not the altar boy she’s always thought. Although I’ll probably get the blame for that too,’ said Molly cheerfully. ‘Want a cup of tea?’

  ‘So where’ve yer bin?’ said Ma Payne belligerently after the other women left. ‘I thought yer’d be looking after me daughter?’

  ‘We look after each other.’ Molly sat down, George resting against her knee, staring at Ma.

  She stuck out her tongue at him and he smiled. The old woman sighed. ‘He’s growing up and our Frank doesn’t know him. Not that he isn’t more like yous than my boy.’ It was as if she’d forgotten the possibility of Nathan’s being George’s father. ‘How’s Frank? Does he write?’

  Ma grunted and pushed herself out of the chair. ‘As if you cared! I’d best be going. Our Josie’ll be wondering where I am.’

  ‘Shall we be seeing you again?’

  ‘Yeah, well, yer just might. Can’t let Jimmy’s ma be taking that new grandson of mine over.’

  Within weeks the call for skilled men to work in munitions went out. People were going to have to work harder, the newspapers said. A new law was brought in cutting drinking hours on Merseyside. Molly smiled to herself as she unpacked rolls of black bombazine. There were plenty in Liverpool who weren’t going to be pleased about that!

  Lord Derby, director of recruiting, began a new drive for men to replace those who had fallen at the front. At the same time there were articles in the Sunday Herald about THE WAR AND THE SOUL. The Church preached about Christ’s sacrificial death on the cross in his fight against the Devil, but the last thing Molly wanted was Nathan making the ultimate sacrifice.

  He returned home for six days’ draft leave, looking healthy and fit. Molly met him at the factory but with Lottie there could do no more than ask how he was and where he was heading.

  ‘Gallipoli. I’ve no wish to return to Flanders,’ he said, smiling faintly. ‘No rain and mud there. It’ll be nice and warm.’

  She was silent, remembering that the 1st Lancashires had suffered heavily there in the early months of the year.

  They showed him round the factory and he seemed satisfied with what they were doing. There were plenty of orders for mourning clothes coming in and they were keeping up the candle production.

  That evening Nathan came to call on Molly. Cath made herself scarce, taking the children with her. Molly smiled at him and took both his hands in hers, placing them round her waist. ‘Thoughtful, isn’t she? I don’t know what she thinks we’re going to get up to.’

  ‘I’m sure she knows.’ He crushed her against him and kissed her hard before lifting her off her feet and carrying her upstairs.

  Molly felt a stirring in the pit of her stomach as he put her down. That old attraction that had drawn them together in the beginning was still very strong. They kissed almost as if they wanted to devour each other. He nibbled right down her arm to her fingertips. It tickled and made her laugh. ‘That’s what I like to hear,’ he murmured, ‘you laughing.’

  ‘Haven’t had much to laugh at for a long time.’

  ‘No. I’ll have to make it up to you one day.’ He undressed her with impatient fingers before carrying her over to the bed. She watched him strip, the evening light playing over his supple body, hardened with training for battle. There was no thought in her mind of anything but pleasing him. When he lay beside her she turned, fitting the contours of her body against his in an act of remembrance. They touched each other all over as if to make sure nothing had changed since last they were together. Then he rolled her over on to her back and their lovemaking was frenzied.

  Afterwards they lay quietly holding hands. ‘I wish I didn’t feel so guilty about Lottie,’ murmured Molly. ‘We’re friends now. Did she ask where you were going?’

  ‘No. She wasn’t interested. So stop worrying and just think of us.’

  She was to see him twice more before he left and their parting was awful.

  * * *

  By the end of November women tram conductors had made an appearance on Merseyside and Molly and Lottie had taken on more female workers. Christmas came and Molly was ready for a couple of days off. The Rotunda theatre had been closed for a while but it promised to be open on Boxing Day, showing Cinderella.

  ‘That’s just what we need,’ she said to George.

  ‘Us too,’ said Cath. ‘I’ll get Ma and Jimmy’s mam to meet us there.’

  But even at the pantomime they couldn’t forget the war. Ma told Molly that Frank’s ship had been torpedoed but he was safe. ‘They’ve given him another ship. One of them troop carriers. I don’t think he’s too happy about that. Prime targets they are.’ Molly agreed but thought wryly that Frank seemed to have more lives than the proverbial cat.

  She received a letter from Nathan, in which he sounded almost happy, writing about children diving for money in their birthday suits. She thought of George who swam in the canal in next to nothing. Nathan had seen dolphins in the Aegean and wrote about Aussies with plenty of money to spend and of the gambling that went on into the wee small hours. I tell you, Moll, we could have made a fortune supplying them with candles.

  In spring she received another letter saying he was heading north for more vin blanc. Her spirits drooped. That could only mean Flanders. But she pulled back her shoulders and told herself she must not think the worse. Instead she thought of the war ending and his getting a divorce and one day marrying her. She must ask Ma for the name of Frank’s ship and write to him soon. Surely he would want to marry Bernie?

  * * *

  In August Frank turned up at the factory, taking Molly utterly unawares. She did not know what to expect and found herself gripping her fountain pen like a dagger as she stared across the desk at him. He was still as handsome as ever but he looked older, new lines of strain about his mouth and eyes.

  ‘Ma told me you were working here. I thought we needed to talk.’ He swayed as if he had been drinking.

  ‘Why don’t you sit down before you fall down?’

  He did not answer and there was an expression in his eyes that vanquished her fear. Getting up, she pushed him into a chair at the other side of the desk, realising as she bent over him that it was rum he’d been imbibing. ‘What’s up? War getting to you?’ He did not answer. ‘You wouldn’t be the only one, Frank. There are many others finding it all too much.’

  He dropped his head in his hands and his shoulders shook. She fought against feeling pity for him but after a moment placed a hand on his shoulder. ‘It’ll be all right, Frank. You’ll cope.’

  He shook his head. ‘You’ve no idea, have you, M
oll? Ma didn’t tell you,’ he said brokenly.

  ‘Tell me what?’

  ‘Bernie’s dead. Died having my child.’

  Molly was truly shocked. ‘Oh, my God,’ she whispered. ‘Poor Bernie.’

  ‘A boy.’ His hands dangled at his sides. ‘Her ma’s looking after it. She won’t let me see him, though. Won’t even look me in the face.’ His eyes were bloodshot and damp. ‘The worst thing about it, Moll, is that I never loved her. I only went with her because I was so bloody furious with you.’

  That annoyed her. ‘So you’re blaming me?’

  ‘Bloody hell, yeah! If you hadn’t carried on with snotty-nosed Mr Collins, I’d have kept meself to meself.’

  Her eyes flashed. ‘I didn’t carry on with him as you put it while I was with you, Frank. It was just the once, when you were supposed to be dead. I was too scared to tell you about it. I thought you’d beat me. Kill me even.’

  ‘You should have waited longer. I loved you.’

  ‘I was in love with you once but it’s over now.’

  He glanced about him and muttered, ‘You only love him because he’s got all this. But if you’re thinking you can shack up with him once this war’s over, you can forget it. You’re still married to me.’

  ‘Don’t threaten me, Frank.’ Her eyes flashed. ‘I’m not scared of you anymore. I can get a divorce on the grounds of your adultery. Now go! I don’t want to see you here again.’

  He dragged himself out of the chair and for a moment she thought he would go for her and stepped back, brandishing the fountain pen. But he stumbled towards the door.

  She hurried after him and closed it, resting her back against it. Something inside her wanted to cry even though she was angry with him. He looked so terrible and she did feel to blame. But there was no going back. She would write to Nathan and tell him of Frank’s visit and that it looked like her divorce could turn out to be nasty.

  Not long afterwards Molly received a postcard postmarked Birmingham saying that Sergeant Nathan Collins had been wounded and was being transported to Manchester. It was signed by a clergyman. It did not say where the hospital was and she worried about how to find him but the following morning she received a brief letter from Nathan himself saying he was at Lower Broughton School. She arranged for Miss Lightfoot to take over and took a train to Manchester, worrying herself silly in case Nathan might have lost a leg or worse.

  She found him with all his limbs intact, although one leg was in a cast and heavily bandaged.

  ‘Hello, luv.’ She bent and kissed him but his lips were cold and unresponsive and Molly’s heart sank. What could be wrong?

  ‘I’m glad you’ve come.’ His voice sounded odd.

  ‘A whole string of horses wouldn’t have kept me away.’ She covered the hand that lay on the coverlet with her own.

  He gazed down at their hands before lifting his head and the pain in his eyes frightened her. ‘What’s wrong? Your leg? You’re not going to lose it, are you?’ Her voice rose.

  ‘No. Although it’ll put me out of the war. A sniper’s bullet’s shattered the thigh bone. Reach into that drawer. There’s an envelope there. Take it out and open it.’ His voice was colourless and somehow that scared her even more. She wished he would tell her what was wrong.

  Two photographs fell out of the envelope. The one of herself and George, and another of Jessica. ‘Photographs,’ she murmured.

  ‘Aye. I didn’t see the likeness straightaway.’ His voice was like ice. ‘The photo of Jessica’s new. I thought how alike the three of you were but I still didn’t twig.’ Molly felt as if she’d turned to stone. She’d never thought her worst nightmare would come true in such a mundane way. ‘I showed them to one of the blokes on the way here. He thought you were my wife and Jessica our daughter. Then I looked at her photo closely and realised there was nothing of me or my first wife in her. What have you to say to that, Moll?’

  She could not look at him as she searched for the right words. There weren’t any. She could only whisper, ‘You must have guessed why I did it?’

  ‘No! You’re not getting out of it like that!’ he yelled. Several heads turned. ‘You tell me why you swopped my daughter for your own?’

  She looked at him then, trembling, holding her hands against her chest where she was hurting inside. ‘I was scared! I had nothing! I thought I’d end up in prison – be accused of killing your daughter because she died in my care.’ Her mouth quivered. ‘She-she just didn’t want to live. I tried so hard.’ Tears started in her eyes as she remembered. Heads were turning and people were whispering.

  ‘You should have told me!’ said Nathan through clenched teeth.

  ‘How? Wh-When your uncle acc-accepted and loved her an-and you were growing to love her too? I thought y-you could give her so much more than I could.’

  ‘Thought how much you could get out of us as well!’ His eyes were dark with fury and hatred.

  ‘No!’ She stumbled to her feet and rested her hands on the back of the chair. ‘If you r- remember I’d already left b-before your uncle died b-because Frank came back.’

  ‘Aye, and you left Jess for him! A fine mother you are!’ She winced and jerked back her head as if he had slapped her. ‘And you weren’t even honest with him. Or were you? Perhaps the pair of you thought this up together to get your hands on my factory!’ Her eyes widened in horror.

  ‘How c-could you th-think like that? I’ve had nothing to do with Frank for years!’

  ‘Liar! Have you forgotten you wrote and told me he’d been to the factory?’

  She laughed hysterically. ‘Would I have told you that if I had something to hide?’

  ‘I don’t know. I don’t know you anymore.’ He slumped against the pillows.

  ‘You could take my word for it!’ she whispered.

  ‘How can I take your word for anything when you’ve been deceiving me for years?’

  ‘I was scared you’d stop loving me.’

  ‘You trust where you love. Perhaps I’ve deceived myself and you never loved me at all? You were only after what I could give you all the time.’

  That was ridiculously unfair! The pain of it was suddenly too much for Molly and now she was angry. ‘Maybe you’re right. Your war’s over. You can look after your own bloody factory from now on!’ She left him, blinking back the scalding tears as a nurse hurried past her towards Nathan.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Molly was still trembling as she sat on the train. She had started to believe that things could work out for them. A divorce wouldn’t be easy and would take years but it was something to get through like an illness. She had dreamed of herself and Nathan living with the children under one roof. How dare he insinuate she was a lousy mother! She’d show him! Tomorrow she would go to Leeds and bring her daughter home.

  Her anger got her safely back to Liverpool without breaking down. She wanted to smash things, to rant and rave, to weep. But what good would that do? She had to face up to the truth. She had disowned her daughter and deceived Nathan.

  What was she to do? How could she make matters right? It couldn’t be in Jessica’s best interests to take her away. How would she feel? But perhaps Nathan would disown her and Molly would have no option but to take her back. She tried to imagine her daughter’s feelings when Nathan told her he wasn’t her daddy. Molly went hot and cold, picturing her disbelief and bewilderment, her sense of loss. Surely it was too much for a child to cope with? And if Nathan could not accept her explanation, how could Jessica? Would she think Molly didn’t want her and was only thinking of herself?

  And what about George? Perhaps Nathan would come and take him? Maybe she should leave Liverpool and this time go where he’d never find them.

  Molly sighed heavily. No. She must not do anything in haste. It was acting in haste that had got her into this mess. She must leave it to Nathan to make the first move. The same with the business. Despite what she had said to him, she could not leave things at the factory to fall apart.
She cared too much. She must give him time to sort things out. But she would write to Lottie in Leeds, requesting that she ask Nathan to find someone else to take over the Liverpool end of the business.

  Work was to be Molly’s solace during the painful days that followed. Although she wondered each morning whether this would be her last in the factory there was no word from Nathan, Lottie or Mr Taylor. What was happening? Had Nathan told Jessica the truth? What should she do? Try and see him again? No. Molly could not bear the thought of his looking at her with such loathing and pain in his eyes. What about the shares he had given to George? Should she send them back? No! she thought stubbornly. He was Nathan’s son. The income from them she would save for his future. He must not suffer for her mistakes.

  Weeks of worry and uncertainty passed before Molly received a letter from Mr Taylor, saying that his client would appreciate it if she closed the factory down. Now the end had come she was stunned and without a second thought left the building and made her way to the solicitor’s office in North John Street. The cleaner was just leaving and Mr Taylor about to seat himself behind his desk when Molly stormed into his office and threw the letter on his desk. ‘I consider that ungrateful and rude,’ she panted.

  ‘Mrs Payne, really! What is the matter?’

  ‘If you don’t know then I don’t know who should. I’ve worked my guts out, keeping that place going.’ Molly sat down abruptly. There was a silence in which tears rolled down her cheeks.

  A large, white handkerchief appeared within her line of vision. Without looking up she took it and wiped her damp face and blew her nose. ‘I’ll launder it and bring it,’ she said in a muffled voice.

  ‘There’s no hurry. I assure you my client does not intend any ingratitude or rudeness. You wrote saying you did not wish to continue to run the factory and as Mr Collins will not be coming back to Liverpool just yet, he thought it best to do what you suggested. The powers that be consider that once he is fully recovered he will be able to drill and train the new volunteers for the front. At the moment he is convalescing in Yorkshire with his wife and daughter.’