by Stahl, Shey
It was exhausting and I could completely understand why some animals eat their young.
Arie was a handful. I could handle Axel because we thought the same way. I knew what I wanted, in turn, I understood him.
Arie was something else entirely.
One particular trip to the grocery store after we arrived home from the hospital assured me I’d never take her again. Hating grocery stores in general, this didn’t help matters.
There I was, picking out some fruit when a sale associate with the store tapped me on the shoulder.
“Um sir?”
I turned around to see a woman pointing at Arie, who was stark naked and looking up at us with curiosity. Emerald green eyes outlined by thick black lashes blinked as though she had no idea there was anything wrong with this situation.
Being only two this could have been worse but what made me laugh was the way her diaper had been tossed in the apple bin and her clothes were strategically and neatly hung on the bananas.
“Can you please keep your daughter clothed?” She asked and then fished the diaper out of the apples for me.
I just laughed. What else was I supposed to do?
She was only two and it’s not like she knew any better.
I laughed, mostly because I had no idea what else to do. Sway had left me lists. An actual fucking list on what it was that I was supposed to do but taking clothes off in a grocery store wasn’t on the list.
When I got home, Arie was clothed again and I asked Sway if she did this often.
Sway laughed as she burped Casten. “Yeah, all the time,” she told me as if this was no big thing. “I once had to duck-tape her diaper on.”
“Thanks for the warning.”
“No problem.” She giggled. “What’s with all the apples?”
“They made me buy them.”
Tommy, who frequently stayed at our house, came into the kitchen and grabbed an apple from the counter. The apples I intended on throwing away.
He took a seat at the kitchen island and ate the apple.
After a moment, he noticed us staring at him and trying like hell to contain our giggles.
Sway leaned into my shoulder. “Should we tell him?”
Tipping my head toward hers, I chuckled. “I don’t think it would even make a difference to him.”
“What is your problem?” Tommy asked finishing his apple.
“Nothing.” We both replied snickering.
“You guys are so strange.” He said walking into the family room to play a video game with Axel.
Sway got up and headed for the apples. She opened the door to the trash bin and I sprung up to stop her.
“Don’t do that. We have to at least make a pie for Spencer with them.”
“Oh, good point.” She grinned and put them into a large bowl away from the rest of the fruit on the counter.
Later that night, I decided to take my family out to eat since Sway was still recovering and most of my energy was spent on the kids that afternoon and neither of us felt like cooking.
So there we were at the local Outback and Arie tossed her juice cup on the floor. Naturally, Sway bent under the table to get it.
Axel was busy playing with his food and Arie thought she’d help Sway out by saying “There, look there!” at the top of her lungs every few seconds. As if Sway didn’t know it was under there.
I hated going to restaurants with the kids because it was like we spent more time making sure they weren’t being annoying to others; begging them to eat; picking up shit they threw and then telling them to stop staring at people; and then trying to actually eating our own meals.
Tonight wasn’t any different.
While Sway was down there I looked around the room when a group of frat boys started cheering at what they thought was my wife giving me a little micro polishing under the table.
I would have never allowed this with kids present but I decided against my better judgment, to pretend a little.
I nodded a little arrogantly provoking them.
“Oh, there it is.” Sway said reaching for the cup that was now by my foot.
Trying to keep this up a little longer, I threw my head forward as though I really was enjoying it and kicked the cup away.
“Don’t kick it asshole.”
I grinned again and the group of guys high-fived each other.
Sway eventually got the cup, got back in her chair and glared at me. “Jerk,”
Axel snorted and looked at me with a smile. “You made mama mad.”
“Nothin’ new little man,” I said taking a big bite of my steak and then chewing slowly before I winked at Sway.
She shook her head and then excused herself to feed Casten in the bathroom. She returned at the worst time when the group of frat boys came by.
“Man, you are our hero!”
I smiled and nodded but gestured toward Axel and Arie looking up at them curiously.
“Shh,” I gestured to my little spaz kids and their curious eyes. “My kids are here.”
Clearly what I did wasn’t appropriate but it was funny to me.
A few other guests had looked in direction too at the commotion the guys were making.
“What was that about?” Sway kicked me under the table when a women muttered something about what I did being completely inappropriate.
“I have no idea.” I said and finished eating my steak that Axel had spilled his milk on. I wouldn’t have eaten it at that point but I couldn’t let on to Sway what I had done.
My wife is not stupid by any means and picked up on it.
“Why you dirty man.” Her head cocked to the side with suspicion. “With our kids present!” she smiled despite her bitter tone.
I looked around, ashamed and amused and then leaned forward and motioned for her to come closer with my finger. She did and I winked.
“So many judging looks coming your way.”
Her mouth twitched into a smile, one she didn’t want to reveal.
She kicked me again but I did get some micro polishing that night after the kids went to bed. She loved me and couldn’t stay mad.
I was out on the balcony outside our master bedroom laying in a lounge chair when Sway came out after putting Casten down for the night.
Slipping outside, she stubbed her toe on the edge of the railing just as she always did when she came out here. “Son of a bitch!” she cursed. “We need to move this.”
“We can’t. It’s a railing.”
She knelt beside me and then lowered herself on my lap, her legs falling to the sides leaving her crankcase directly in line with my camshaft that was very eager to have some attention.
Removing my shirt, her hands lingered over the ridge of each muscle as though she wanted to remember the feeling and texture. Looking down at me, her left hand rose to cup my face bringing my lips to hers. With a need I couldn’t explain, I gasped at the feeling being covered in her skin.
Taking in a deep breath, I folded my arms behind my head.
“That was not a very nice thing you did at the restaurant...” she whispered moving down my body as she removed my jeans enough to get to what she needed.
I couldn’t speak when she drew me into her mouth. So warm. So soft and I missed it so much.
“Jesus Sway, I want to fuck you so bad.” I breathed into the night air.
The subtle waves of the lake created a light slapping at the dock. The clouds from the day had rolled apart highlighting the lake with glistening silver streaks.
My focus wasn’t on the lake. They couldn’t be with this beauty sliding down my body giving me pleasure in ways I’d never imagined feeling for the rest of my life. Thoroughly determined, her hands reached around my hips to draw me further into her mouth, her movements speeding as though she couldn’t get enough of me. It was just the opposite. I couldn’t get enough of her.
My hands shot to her hair trying to tug her up when I felt the familiar stir in the pit of my stomach.
“H
oney, you should move if—”
Just as she always did, she pushed my hands away but she did slow her motions. She wasn’t done with me and that just excited me even more.
“It’s like you know exactly what to do.” I stroked the side of her face tenderly.
She looked up but kept me inside her mouth, her eyes soft and I watched carefully as I slid in and out of her full lips hypnotized by her unreserved love for me.
My breathing turned erratic as I tried to fight the feeling. Regardless that she slowed her moves, the way she was looking at me, and the way I was sliding in and out of her mouth, I was giving into the hold she had on me. Flashes of our past, passionate lovemaking, on this very deck, fluttered behind my closed eyelids when my head fell back, my body clenched and I knew I couldn’t hold off.
Sway crawled back up my body and her lips found mine as my head lulled to the side.
“I hope it was good as you pretended it to be in the restaurant.”
Rolling my eyes, I laughed. “I know it was wrong but I couldn’t help myself. It was funny.”
She removed herself from the lounge chair, grabbing her midsection as she did so in pain.
“You okay?”
Sway winced and righted herself into a standing position. “Yeah, just sore.”
I stood beside her buttoning my jeans when she poked at my chest.
“You shouldn’t do that with the kids present. What if someone would have made a big deal out of it? You wouldn’t want your sponsor finding out your wife was micro polishing with kids present, would you?”
Now that she put that spin on it, no, I wouldn’t. It was in good fun and just a joke to rouse a few teenagers but in turn, I didn’t think of how that looked to the outside. Here I was a NASCAR driver and I’d pretended my wife was on her knees under the table with my three kids present. Not smart.
I kissed her forehead. “You always know what to do.”
Sway laughed slipping into our bed. She patted my side. “I should know what to do. I write the pit board.”
I laughed. “You write the pit board eh?”
“Yep. I know when you need your next pit stop.” I laid down next to her after removing my clothes. “I know what adjustments you need on your next stop. I know how much fuel to give you and the right air pressure adjustments. I know you.” Her index finger touched my nose.
Smiling that she was right, my eyes closed. “That you do honey.”
Pit Board – Sway
Glancing around at the overflowing shopping cart, I knew who was to blame for this. Having only come for coals for the barbeque, I had a feeling I wouldn’t be leaving with just coals.
“Axel Riley, get your ass over here right now.”
The mother next to me gasped at my crudeness.
“Sorry.”
I was thankful all the kids weren’t with me at the moment. It never failed. When I had them all together the little shits liked to scurry in different directions as I would try to get them in line or try to keep from dropping everything in my hands. It’s like they knew I wasn’t an octopus and could sense the fear any time I picked something up and had no free hands.
Axel came tearing around the corner with an arm full of chips and marshmallows. Somehow, though I’m not sure how, he found room in the cart. “I got what I need. We can go now.”
“Smartass,” he snorted and smiled. “Why do you need all this?”
He held out his hand with the same smirk Jameson gives. Without thinking, I pulled out a dollar and gave it to him. This no cursing thing was making my kids millionaires.
“Thanks mama.” His eyes focused on the marshmallows. “Lane and me...we gonna have a s’more.”
Anything Lane wanted to do; Axel wanted to do. Anything Lane and Axel did, Noah, Charlie and Cole copied. It was an endless cycle and soon, Casten would be involved.
“S’mores, eh?”
“Yes, that’s what I said.”
A few hours later, we were heading back to the campground with our s’mores, chips and whatever else Axel stuck in that damn cart.
Jameson laughed when he walked up to the Expedition as Axel and I tried to carry the bags. “I thought you were getting coals?”
“I did.” I slapped the bag with my free hand trying to conceal my own smile. He’d taken Axel to the store before and knew the drill very well.
He grinned and leaned against the back of the car, his arms crossed over his chest.
“I see that,” he gestured toward the bags. “I was referring to all that.”
“Um...”
He pulled me firmly against his chest. “Admit it honey, they own you.”
“If I avoid it...it doesn’t exist.” Untangling myself from him, I glared.
Still leaning against the side of the car, his head tilted to the side as his hand ran down his jaw.
He winked. “So...you wearing a bikini under that dress?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know,” I snarked as I strode past. “Don’t forget the bags.”
“Tease!” he yelled after me.
Walking toward the lake, I heard the laughter of the kids playing in the water, the crackle of camp fires nearby and the crisp pop of beer opening. It was the sounds of camping.
Why does it always feel like life is passing you by in a blur?
Before you know it you’re a mother of three, your husband is worshiped by women, and maybe even men, all of the world and you don’t know where all the time went.
All I really knew was that when we had the opportunity to be a family, we were.
After the July, 2008 race in Chicago, Jameson had a bi-week before the race in Indy. Against our better judgment, we took all the kids camping, tent camping to be exact.
Aiden convinced all of us to go camping at Lake Guntersville State Park where he spent most of his time growing up. We had so many people with us that we had to rent out most of the park.
Let me give you an idea of how many people we had. So starting with us was me, Jameson, Axel, Arie, and Casten.
Six-mouth old Casten wasn’t exactly running around. He was constantly attached to the foodbags or eyeing his older brother and laughing.
Spencer and Alley were here with Lane, who had just turned eight. Lexi and Cole were also here but instead of running around after the motorized vehicles like the older boys were, they were playing in the shallow parts of the water.
Then we had the terrible toddlers, Aiden and Emma’s hellions, Charlie and Noah. Not as bad as the Lucifer Twins but were definitely giving them a run for the title of the worst children ever. It must be something with twin boys. I could only assume that with age, they’d be even worse.
Being only three and a half, they still had time.
Speaking of Lucifer twins, they were here too but seemingly well behaved for the most part. They’d just turned eleven and it appeared Van kept them in line.
Justin, Ami their daughter Lily and their new little one-year old boy, Kale, were with us as well.
Then we had the adults without kids; Tommy and his girlfriend Melissa (and yes, the Melissa who represents Simplex), Tyler and Cody. Ryder showed up with a new girl on his arm and Tate, his wife Eva and their son Jake came out. Bobby, Paul, Andy and even Colin Shuman came out for a night.
It seemed as though we had everyone here including Jimi and Nancy.
With this many people, it made for some interesting times.
I don’t know why we went camping. It’s not like we have ever had a good time doing it. Most of our time camping was spent running around after the kids and remembering all the past bad times we’d had camping.
To understand how strongly we felt about camping, you have to understand our brush with death the last time we camped. We made sure we were in an area with no cougar sightings. If you don’t remember exactly what happened, all I can say was we almost died, a few times.
There were no cougars in the area but there were seven little boys under ten years old and two who had just turned elev
en to annoy us.
I can’t count the number of times we told those boys, “Stop throwing rocks and put that goddamn stick down!” or “Get the goddamn stick out of the fire!” and “Give me the goddamn stick!”
Then there were the moments after cooking the s’mores that we had to say, “The marshmallow is on fire, get it out of the fire, don’t throw the marshmallow at your sister, and give me the goddamn marshmallows!”
It was hell. I couldn’t understand why parents would willingly put themselves through this regularly. I sure as hell wasn’t going to. I love my kids dearly regardless even if they throw rocks at me, spit on me, or punch me in the throat when they’re throwing a fit but when we were outdoors, it was worse. You wouldn’t believe the shit kids could get into at a race track with thousands of people around but when we went camping, my dear god, it was worse.
Axel, my beautiful little four-year old son, was being a little shit. He was upset that we didn’t bring his go-kart or his quarter midget so he insisted on being on his worst behavior.
Jameson had to tell him on more than one occasion that he’d never race again if he didn’t straighten up but he insisted on being a complete turd. We’d only been there five minutes when Jameson had to discipline him for throwing rocks at Logan. Not that I blamed him but still, Logan and Axel needed to learn that they couldn’t just do whatever they wanted.
With Axel and his behavior this weekend, Jameson and I wanted him to have some balance and time away from racing from time-to-time but just like Jameson, he wasn’t having it.
Instead, he was buzzing around on Lane’s dirt bike.
Lane headed in the opposite direction of the Riley boys and racing preferring two wheels to four.
Jameson may have had something to do with this as he was constantly riding his dirt bikes around our property in Mooresville. Lane soon picked up on it. Right after he turned six, Spencer bought him one for his birthday and he’s been riding ever since.
So the kids stuck sticks in the fire, rode dirt bikes, swam in the lake and were just kids.
The adults, we drank. It was the only way to remain stable.
Even though there didn’t appear to be any cougars or bears, the bugs were another story. They were obnoxious. There were small ones, big ones, colorful ones, some the size of fucking birds, noisy ones...I feared for my skin and soon for my sanity when the itching began. I felt sorry for addicts who went through withdrawals and wondered how in the world they didn’t take a grinder to their skin.
