The Champion (Racing on the Edge)

by Stahl, Shey

  I had my reasoning.

  A few days after Arie, Casten and I flew out to Washington. I was ready to go home. I made use of my time there though and took care of any loose ends at the track. I also visited my parent’s grave, something I hadn’t done in years.

  Casten spent the morning at the track with some friends while Arie and I snuck off to their gravesites.

  We sat in comfortable silence before Arie glanced over at me. “Does it ever get easier for you, mama?”

  “No baby, but the pain fades eventually.”

  Arie looked over at me, her eyes worried. “How old were you?”

  “I was six when my mom died and twenty-three when Charlie died.”

  “I don’t know what I would do without you and daddy.”

  “I know...”

  The kids never really needed comfort when it came to how real the possibility was to them losing their father each week.

  They never complained though. When I think about my kids and the childhood they’ve had so far, I can’t think of any time when they’ve said they feel neglected or they miss us. Jameson may race a lot and sure, we don’t see him for weeks at a time but that’s always been our life. They don’t know any different just like Jameson didn’t growing up.

  All the things I loved about my childhood, my mom, Charlie, I found those things in my life now...with Jameson and our family.

  I knew I shouldn’t be mad at Jameson for lying to me. He was protecting me from the evil pit lizards. I understood that. But it hurt that he didn’t feel he could tell me. Jameson knew me well enough to know I wasn’t jealous of them. What made him think I couldn’t handle it?

  No one wants a marriage to fail, who would? And no, I didn’t think my marriage was a failure at all. All this just made me think about it in general. Even a good marriage can fail but I like to think that it began with a miracle. A miracle that should never be forgot.

  You fell in love.

  That is what you should always remember. Remember why you fell in love. Remember that feeling you got when you knew you loved them and remember the feeling you got when you knew they loved you back. That’s what keeps the marriage from failing.

  I remember the exact moment I fell in love with Jameson. It was in the pits at Knoxville. I also remember when I finally realized he loved me back that night in Savannah.

  Even though Jameson lied to me, I respected why he did. Just as my parents did, he was protecting me. Sure I wanted to be the judge of that but as my husband, I knew why he did it and it meant nothing other than to protect me.

  That’s what I remembered when I thought of naked women around Jameson. He was my husband. Anyone who knew us knew he only had eyes for me.

  Leaving probably wasn’t the best answer given the circumstance. Jameson was over-systematical in everything he did. When I saw the results from the Richmond race where he blew a motor after 40 laps, I realized he’d over-systemized himself into blowing his engine. He did this when he pushed himself too hard.

  After a week in Washington, we flew home to face reality.

  When I arrived back in Mooresville I stopped by the shop to make sure Katie, the payroll manager for JAR Racing, had gotten all the checks out to the boys on time. We paid the drivers, Justin, Tyler, and Cody on the first and sixteenth of each month and last month she’d forgotten.

  That never went over good so I decided to make sure she hadn’t forgotten this month.

  She wasn’t there but I found the paperwork that said she’d taken care of it and even managed to get the rest of the staff on JAR Racing’s payroll paid too.

  As I was leaving, Nadia Henley caught me. She was driving for Leddy Motorsports whose shop just so happened to be across the street from us.

  I wasn’t blind to the women around my husband. Obviously. When Nadia started in the cup series, I thought of her as just another driver.

  Jameson constantly had women drooling over him and last week was a perfect example of the extents they would go to achieve his attention. Any professional athlete, rock star or actor has women constantly thriving for them to act on temptation. Why?

  Because these were the people who lived a lifestyle most only dreamed of having.

  I saw the attention Nadia invested into Jameson and his thoughts. She’d start off by asking for his advice at the track to which he was willing to give. Then casually, she’d touch him. It could be as simple as brushing her arm against his but still, she was going out of her way to touch him. Something I didn’t appreciate it.

  When I asked Jameson about her, I didn’t intend to accuse him of any wrong doing. I knew he’d never cheat on me. But in the heat of the moment, I asked anyway.

  Now that I thought about it, it wasn’t Jameson that I needed to talk to. If I had these feelings, I needed to go to the source and that was Nadia.

  “Hey Sway, have you seen Jameson?” was how Nadia greeted me that afternoon.

  I wanted to say, “Well no, we haven’t seen each other in almost three weeks because I caught a naked woman in his hotel room.”

  I didn’t say that.

  Instead, I settled on. “Yes, he’s at home right now.”

  “Oh, Justin said he was flying back with Jimi today.”

  Well fuck.

  “He is.”

  Nadia wasn’t exactly all brains but she picked up on my lie and smiled.

  “Nadia, I think we need to talk about some things.”

  She smiled again, her innocence showing and I wanted to punch her. I know it would be immature but any woman in their right mind, inside, wants to resort to childlike tendencies when their children or man is being threatened. With Jameson, don’t think I wanted to mark my territory a time or two because I did and now wasn’t any different. But, I’d like to think I was a little more mature than that. I hoped I was. So I took the mature route.

  “I know that you have been trying to tempt my husband.” She started to interject but I held up my hand. “Now before you start defending your actions or saying he’s attracted to you or whatever, I’ve heard them all before. The thing is,” I tipped my head slightly trying to find the best way to put it and then I just decided I didn’t give a shit. There was no lite way of putting it. She just needed to know. “You seem to have this version of Jameson you’ve created in your head as a guy who would leave his wife. You see the version of Jameson who battles each week with other racers and gets in the faces of reporters who question his fighting for the win. You don’t see the version he lets me see which is the part of him that is broken, bare and vulnerable to the words that could destroy him. I do. I see that because I’m his wife.”

  Nadia looked at me for a long moment before her eyes shifted to the sign that read “JAR Racing” outside the parking lot.

  Her gaze shifted back to me, wounded but seeing what I intended her to see.

  “Not many guys take a girl in racing seriously.” She spoke softly. “He did. He raced me the way any other driver would and for that, I respected him. I just thought, well I thought wrong. I’m sorry.”

  After a few more parting words, we went about our ways.

  I’d honestly thought that’d be the last time I saw Nadia come on to Jameson but it wasn’t. She tried numerous times to get to Jameson all with no success. For me personally, I had to keep in mind that this sort of thing happened with this lifestyle. We would never be immune to it just as there would always be rival drivers. We had to have a trust with each other though even if we were down a lap at times.

  Lapped Traffic – Jameson

  “What are you going to tell her?”

  I just grunted in reply at first and then realized who I was talking to as that answer wouldn’t fly.

  “I guess I would say...” I started to speak and then stopped.

  For the past week, I’d been holding on and hoping not to fall apart without her.

  When that didn’t work, I just went about my day praying she’d take me back. In my head I told myself I’d give her one m
ore day and I’m calling. Well that was three weeks ago and I still hadn’t called because I didn’t know what to say.

  That’s when my dad told me she was home. There I was, on the plane back to Mooresville Sunday evening, going over schedules for the next season and sponsorships, my dad knew before I did.

  I wasn’t surprised. Lately, I have been involved more with the business side of Riley-Simplex Racing as I was with JAR Racing and for that my time was limited. Usually I preferred to just drive the cars but I enjoyed my dad coming to me and asking what I thought of certain moves within the company. After all, our program had grown considerably in the last fifteen years.

  The more I thought about what I’d say to Sway, the more I didn’t know and just blurted out what I thought.

  “That I love her and I’m sorry.” I told him handing him my recommendations on the third driver he was adding next year.

  “Jesus, I thought you were smarter than that.”

  I wasn’t sure if he was referring to my idea with Sway or my thoughts on his driver picks.

  “And what would you say old wise one?”

  “For starters, I would try to understand why she’s bothered so much by the lying.”

  Right, he was talking about Sway.

  I didn’t like that my dad was right, but he had a point. He always did.

  That week after she left I called every day but it went straight to voicemail. Van assured me she was fine and I didn’t press as to what she was doing. I said I’d give her time and that I did. That’s a lie, I didn’t agree to any of this but what choice did I have? I fucked up, again.

  There was only one way to fix this and I needed her forgiveness and trust—which weren’t things that she just gave up.

  When I arrived home in Mooresville that night, I was surprised and relieved to see Sway’s car there. What surprised me even more was her crying in our bed.

  Part of me, the paranoid part, envisioned her with a suitcase, waiting on the front porch.

  That wasn’t my wife though. She was in this to the end. Just because we’d fallen off pace didn’t mean she took the car to the garage and gave up home. She would be the one making pit stops to fix everything she could with BearBond.

  Sway had been ignoring my phone calls all week and now, worst of all; I had to listen to her cry. I had to listen to the woman that owned my heart cry, because I, once again, had broken hers. She trusted me with everything and I had let her down. I knew that is wasn’t about the women; it was the lying, something we sore we’d never do to each other.

  Everyone she had ever loved lied because they thought it was what was best for her. They had never let her be the judge of that and I had done it as well. I had done something I promised I never would.

  I wouldn’t be able to sleep until we spoke so I watched through the curtains in our room as the sky turned to a hazy pink until eventually her crying stopped.

  Finally, she let me hold her, while she cried a little more. Her tears fell down her face, soaking my shirt she was pressed against. I told her over and over again how sorry I was.

  Although my phone had been vibrating for the past two hours I couldn’t think of anything I’d rather be doing than holding and comforting my wife.

  Sway groaned when she heard my phone vibrating and her body shifted under the sheets revealing patches of skin I hadn’t seen in weeks.

  She yawned. “We should get up soon.”

  “No, I want to stay here with you.” Our bodies brushed against each other under the sheets.

  Sway grumbled into the pillow. “I need coffee.”

  I knew I wouldn’t be forgiven right away but it wouldn’t stop me from apologizing.

  “I’m so sorry honey. I never meant to hurt you.”

  “Do you understand why it hurts?” she finally asked.

  “Yes, I do.” I turned her around in my arms to face her. She blinked a few times clearing the tears from her eyes. “I lied to you. Worst of all, I kept something from you because I thought it was best for you.” Moving my hand from her waist, I cupped the apple of her cheek leaning in to kiss her lips. She didn’t hesitate to return the kiss. “That’s exactly what Charlie and Rachel did to you.” My eyes focused intently on her trying to make her grasp the meaning. “I will never lie to you again.”

  “I know you won’t.” she said leaning in to kiss me again. Our lips moved softly for a moment before she pulled away. “Please don’t. I want to know. I can’t take it when someone thinks they will know how I will react.”

  We had held each other all night and I swore I’d never hurt her again. And I meant it. The last thing I wanted was to hurt her in all this; it’s why I lied. But to lie to a woman like Sway, that was worse than actually cheating on her, if you understood why. I did after that.

  That next morning, after showering, I walked downstairs Sway was making blueberry pancakes, the sweet smell of syrup and my favorite fruit carried throughout our home.

  All smiles when I stepped into the kitchen, my smile grew wider when I saw she was dressed in one of my very first Simplex t-shirt that had holes from where I got caught it on fire and a pair of sweatpants. I’ve seen Sway in some of the most amazing dresses ever designed but I preferred her just like this.

  “I could get used to this.” Leaning against the island in the middle of the kitchen, I let my bare foot slide up her leg.

  “Morning,” She smiled licking syrup from her fingers. She pushed a plate of pancakes toward me motioning for me to eat.

  “Breakfast is ready!” she yelled up the stairs for the kids. When Sway turned around, I had my arms wrapped around her waist pulling her against me.

  “You get that I’m sorry, right?”

  “I do...and I know you understand why.” Though she spoke the words, her eyes showed the fear. Fear I was determined to make disappear and that would take time. Anyone who knew me knew I was incapable of waiting. But for her I would. I made a vow when we married and for her, I’d keep it through whatever life threw at us or me I guess in this case.

  Casten was the first downstairs jumping up onto one of the stools.

  “Thank god she forgave you.” His eyes widened at the sight of pancakes as he pushed his hair from his face. Sway hated it but he refused to let her cut it these days. “I thought we’d never eat again.”

  Sways slapped the back of his head. “I cooked for you in Washington.”

  Buttering two blueberry pancakes and pouring an ungodly amount of syrup on them, Casten raised an eyebrow at Sway. “I don’t think—”

  “You shut up.” Sway laughed smacking his shoulder. “At least you had food.”

  “I don’t consider, McDonalds, food.” Arie added sitting next to Casten who looked over at her pajamas, shaking his head.

  “You look ridiculous.” Casten told her.

  Sway and I just sat back and watched after that when Axel came stumbling down the steps sporting a black eye and a fat lip.

  “And where have you—” Casten asked but was cut off rather quickly by Axel pushing him off the stool onto the tile floor.

  “Oh my god, Axel,” Sway balked. “Don’t do that to him.”

  Casten, pleased that he’d gotten the attention from his mom, added fuel to the fire and pretended to be hurt.

  Turns out, while racing in the Silver Crown series, Axel got into a fight with some kid who thought Axel needed a reality check. I guess my little five-foot three son showed him a thing or two because he broke the kids nose and dislocated his jaw.

  “Wow,” was my response to Tommy that morning when he showed up and told us.

  Axel, a tad sheepish, didn’t have much to say. Just like me, his aggression frequently got the best of him and then the consequences came crashing down. For the altercation, USAC suspended him from all three divisions for two races.

  “Should you talk to him?” Sway asked when Axel left with Lily later that morning.

  I had to leave for Charlotte later that morning but I did plan to talk to him
about it.

  “I will. Just let him calm down. Right now, it wouldn’t do any good.”

  “All right, just...don’t want this to turn into anything.”

  Kissing the top of her forehead as she reached for the plates on the island, I whispered into her ear. “Wait up for me tonight, please.”

  Her eyes sparkled with a sense of needing, the same need I wanted.

  “Don’t be late.” She tried to hide the smirk but couldn’t very well. “You have some making up to do.”

  “I know.”

  “And take out the garbage.”

  “On it,”

  “And feed Rev.” she added. “The last time I fed that damn dog he knocked me into the pool.”

  “I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to you.”

  I was more implying more about the way last weekend played out but I was sorry about Rev. The dog outweighed Sway and thought she was his own personal play/chew toy.

  Sway, well she had other ideas about that.

  “That’s a long list there champ.”

  “Well then you’d better get a pen and start writing anything else you want me to do. I don’t have all day.”

  Instead, she grabbed a sharpie from inside a drawer in the kitchen and wrote on the inside of my hand. “Be home by nine or else.”

  “Nine it is.”

  I did one better and was home by seven that night making sure the kids had something to keep them busy. Axel was with Lily before he left to Terra Haute. Casten was with Cole at Spencer’s house for the night building ramps for their dirt bike track. And Arie was with my mom shopping in New York. I was not thrilled with my daughter shopping in New York either. It was to yuppie for me but whatever pleased my little girl pleased me.

  “Sway?” I called out when Casten finally left with Cole.

  “In the bathroom,” She answered.

  We only had six in the house so it took a few to find her.

  And then there she was, in our large sunken whirlpool tub in our master bathroom covered with bubbles. Her long dark mahogany hair swept over the side, her legs were bent only revealing her knees. She was stunning and just as beautiful as the day I had met her. Only now, she was a woman, a woman who owned me entirely.