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by Mary Pilon


  feeling that he needed some stimulation   Kevin Hall email to author, September 29, 2016.

  “Air Jesuses” campaign   There was no Air Jesus campaign under way by Birkenstock or any other shoe manufacturer at the time. Kevin Hall interview, February 6, 2017; Kevin Hall, Black Sails White Rabbits (Createspace Independent Publishing Platform, 2015), 99. Note: this does foreshadow some of Toms shoe marketing by a few years, so the whole idea of shoes as a means to save the world is alive and well today.

  Kevin retrieved his white Toyota truck   Suffolk Community College Campus Security Report, June 28, 1993.

  have a picnic and talk things through   Kevin Hall interview, February 6, 2016.

  “disoriented,” according to the professor   Suffolk Community College Campus Security Report, June 28, 1993.

  a talk he never wanted to have   Kevin Hall author interview, June 6, 2016.

  transported him to a nearby psychiatric facility   Suffolk Community College Campus Security Report, June 28, 1993.

  one of the pillars of his life   Author email to Kevin Hall.

  “the way I handle the pressure.”   Kevin Hall journal entry, September 15, 1994.

  let the food in his refrigerator spoil   Kevin Hall journal entry, September 21, 1994.

  “and yet I hoped for something from it.”   Kay Redfield Jamison, Touched with Fire: Manic-Depressive Illness and the Artistic Temperament (New York: Free Press, 1993), 44.

  “But I don’t know where the start line is”   Kevin Hall journal entry, September 26, 1994.

  real life heroes live 24 hours   Full actual quote is: “Heroes in the real world live life twenty-four hours a day, not just two hours in a game.”

  loss of his fertility and future with Amanda   Kevin Hall journal entry, October 13, 1994.

  an ever reinvented, ever beautiful dance   Kevin Hall journal entry, October 16, 1994.

  sight of children and infants made him weep   Kevin Hall journal entry, October 20, 1994.

  they were meant to be together   Kevin Hall journal entry, October 22, 1994.

  Lawyers weren’t the stars   Kevin Hall journal entry, December 19, 1994; Kevin Hall author interview, June 6, 2016.

  “just be peaceful and steady about it”   Kevin Hall journal entry, September 28, 1994.

  not far from where she had grown up   Amanda Hall author interview, January 31, 2016.

  the quintessential California couple   A request to Anne for comment was not answered.

  remarkable comeback on the water   Brown Athletics, brownbears.com/exceptional_bears/hallfame/Bios/hall_kevin.

  Sailing is, by nature, an escapist sport   Richard Feeny author interview, October 27, 2015; John Rousmaniere author interview, April 20, 2016; Mary Pilon, “Sailing Tries to Solve Its One-Percenter Problem,” The New Yorker, May 9, 2016, newyorker.com/news/sporting-scene/sailing-tries-to-solve-its-one-per-center-problem; and Mary Pilon, “The America’s Cup in Manhattan, Once Again,” The New Yorker, May 6, 2016, newyorker.com/news/sporting-scene/the-americas-cup-in-manhattan-once-again.

  “waiver could not be granted”   Kenneth B. Noble, “After Cancer Struggle, Olympic Nightmare,” New York Times, February 15, 1996, nytimes.com/1996/02/15/us/after-cancer-struggle-olympic-nightmare.html.

  way up over his highest budget estimates   Christine Brennan, “An Olympic Struggle,” Washington Post, April 15, 1996.

  easily evading what little drug testing existed   At least seven athletes tested positive for banned substances at the 1996 Games, including the Americans Mary Slaney and Sandra Patrick-Farm, for testosterone.

  Kevin’s war with the IOC   Brennan, “An Olympic Struggle.”

  cameras and recorders in front of him   Noble, “After Cancer Struggle.”

  “be on the verge of collapse”   Ibid.

  gleaming addition to a Southern city   Savannah Sailing Center, savannahsailingcenter.org/index.php/about/.

  “I enjoy the gym. My wife is a personal trainer”   Angus Phillips, “Hall is on an Even Keel in Quest for Olympics.” Washington Post, May 7, 1996.

  four races that weekend “were not pretty,”   Ibid.

  “unable to keep his mind together”   Richard Feeny author interview, October 27, 2015.

  his days on the junior circuit   Kevin Hall author interview, June 6, 2016.

  “gentrification of emotions”   Olivia Laing, Lonely City (New York: Picador, 2016), via BrainPickings: brainpickings.org/2016/07/11/the-lonely-city-olivia-laing/.

  he had to hold it all together   Credit for this thought goes to Alain de Botton: “My view of human nature is that all of us are just holding it together in various ways—and that’s okay, and we just need to go easy with one another, knowing that we’re all these incredibly fragile beings.”

  having shed the old skin   Alain de Botton, The Art of Travel (New York: Pantheon, 2002).

  ’89 my mind fails me   Kevin Hall journal entry, November 1997.

  ‘94/5 fail to get accepted to law school   It’s worth noting that Kevin had applied to the intensely competitive JD/MBA program at Stanford, which rejects a glut of very talented people regularly.

  “My world was about ‘Accomplishment,’ about ‘goals,’ ”   Kevin Hall journal entry, January 12, 1998.

  something other than his mania bringing them together   Kristina Hall author interview, February 2, 2016.

  The 49er had quickly captured the imagination   “The Men’s 49er—A History Lesson …,” World Sailing, August 4, 2016, http://www.sailing.org/news/40415.php#.V-uwyqIrK2w; Barbara Lloyd, “The 49er Brings a Rush of Sailors to Try It Out,” New York Times, April 20, 1997, nytimes.com/1997/04/20/sports/the-49er-brings-a-rush-of-sailors-to-try-it-out.html.

  “a wild machine”   Lloyd, “The 49er.”

  financial setup for striving Olympians   “1998 World Championship Results,” 49er, 49er.org/event/1998-world-championships/?event_id=2727 and “McKee Brothers, Brown and Railey are Winners,” World Sailing, January 17, 2002, http://www.sailing.org/news/19280.php#.VwzkSTYrK2w.

  During the 1998 Sydney to Hobart race   BBC News, “1998: Six die as huge waves smash into yachts,” On This Day 1950–2005, news.bbc.co.uk/onthisday/hi/dates/stories/december/29/newsid_4034000/4034603.stm and Bryan Burrough, “Storm Warning,” Vanity Fair, May 1, 2000, vanityfair.com/culture/1999/05/yacht-race-tragedy-200005.

  the 80-foot Sayonara   Steve Hamm, “Larry Ellison’s Brush With Death Aboard Sayonara,” Bloomberg, May 8, 2000; Burrough, “Storm Warning.”

  He would “not do another Hobart”   Amanda Lulham, “Larry Ellison says ‘never again’ to Hobart race,” News Corp Australia Network, October 12, 2009, http://www.news.com.au/news/ellison-says-never-again/news-story/373623ae9aabb0eccd412026bd2cdc43.

  Michael Jordan, America Online, satellites   Kevin Hall journal entry, July 15, 1998.

  1995 made-for-cable movie called Harrison Bergeron   Kevin Hall author interview, July 18, 2016. The film was released on VHS in 1998.

  but part of him felt freaked out   Kevin Hall author interview, July 18, 2016.

  he, too, could see himself on a reality TV show   Kevin Hall author interview, September 10, 2014.

  Kevin watched the film on his VHS   Kevin Hall author email, September 29, 2016.

  He felt that finally, finally, someone understood   Ibid.

  hard not to imagine being on the boat with Truman   Kevin Hall author interview, September 10, 2014.

  such a strong backlash   Kristina Hall author interview, January 31, 2016.

  “They are circling around.”   Malidoma Patrice Somé, The Healing Wisdom of Africa: Finding Life Purpose Through Nature, Ritual, and Community (New York: Jeremy P. Tarcher / Putnam, 1998).

&nbs
p; “its energetic correspondent”   Somé, Healing Wisdom of Africa, 23.

  He looked over the edge of the building   Kevin Hall author interview, September 10, 2014; Author visit to site of old Oracle building in Auckland, February 11, 2016; Kevin Hall author interview, July 29, 2014.

  The bird, quite unintentionally, had saved his life   Kevin Hall author interview, September 10, 2014; Author visit to site of old Oracle building in Auckland, February 11, 2016. Two weeks later, curious and confused, Kevin went back to the Oracle building. He thought the elevator from the street and his time on the roof with the bird had to have been hallucinations. He was on his meds, on Planet Earth, and felt that going back to the scene of The Show wasn’t going to be a trigger. He walked up the block, one of Auckland’s downtown avenues that slopes up. The building was, for sure, still there, with its large Oracle sign staring back at him. And much to his astonishment, there was an elevator from the street. Even in moments of clarity, it was hard to tell what was real and what had been imagined.

  He felt amazing    Kevin Hall author interview, August 12, 2014.

  described his bipolar disorder in detail   Kevin Hall author interview, April 16, 2015.

  The Show and was perhaps untrustworthy   Kevin Hall author interview, June 6, 2016.

  or if they lived merely in his head   Oliver Sacks, Hallucinations (London: Picador, 2013).

  fair amount of alcohol and missing sleep   Kevin Hall, Black Sails White Rabbits (Createspace Independent Publishing Platform, 2015), 153.

  something was amiss   Morgan Larson author interview, June 1, 2016. Confirmed in Kevin Hall author interview, June 6, 2016.

  He had done some kind of power slide   Kevin Hall author interview, June 6, 2016; Gordon Hall author interview April 18, 2016.

  physically pushed him down   Kevin Hall author interview, June 6, 2016.

  Gordon wasn’t one to nag Kevin   Gordon Hall author interview, April 18, 2016.

  This aroused little sympathy from Gordon   Ibid.

  experience working with several Olympians   Zachary Leonard author interview, September 15, 2014. Today, Zach coaches the Yale sailing program.

  invitation to join the AmericaOne team   Amazingly, the 2000 AmericaOne website is still up, and it is a treasure of early Web design: americaone.org/index.html.

  the modern workplace water cooler   Online Etymology Dictionary, etymonline.com/index.php?allowed_in_frame=0&search=scuttlebutt.

  The team had a logistics operator   Sarah O’Kane author interview, April 5, 2016.

  knew nothing of his mental health history   Ibid.

  Kevin, by outward appearances, had moved on   Morgan Larson author interview, June 1, 2016.

  earn a living by being on a boat   Zachary Leonard author interview, September 15, 2014.

  “didn’t mind restarting Windows twice”   Kevin Hall author interview, August 15, 2014.

  Kevin was not himself   Sarah O’Kane author interview, April 5, 2016.

  he might reconsider   Morgan Larson author interview, June 1, 2016.

  considered their engagement official   Kevin Hall, Black Sails White Rabbits (Createspace Independent Publishing Platform, 2015), 161.

  making sure that Kevin remained stable   Gordon Hall author interview, April 18, 2016.

  “Now Kevin is off my desk and on Amanda’s.”   Confirmed in three separate author interviews with Kevin Hall, Amanda Hall, and Gordon Hall, April 18, 2016.

  the 2004 Athens Games   Carol Migdalovitz, “Threat of Terrorism and Security at the Olympics,” CRS Report for Congress, April 30, 2004, fas.org/irp/crs/RS21833.pdf.

  New Zealand-to-U.S.-dollar exchange rate   Kevin Hall author interview, June 6, 2016.

  PART III: THE LOWS

  one of the more grueling places to spend time   Paul McMullen and Candus Thomson, “State of Olympics,” Baltimore Sun, August 13, 2004, articles.baltimoresun.com/2004-08-13/sports/0408130587_1_sailing-filter-kevin-hall.

  One of the top programs in the world   Ron Cassie, “Inside Shock Trauma,” Baltimore magazine, November 2010, baltimoremagazine.net/2010/10/31/a-look-inside-the-worlds-most-advanced-emergency-room.

  initially known as the “death lab”   Ibid.

  There were new tactics to learn   School of Sailing, http://www.schoolofsailing.net/tacking-and-jibing.html.

  the bold maneuvering lay with the Finn   Kevin Hall, Black Sails White Rabbits (Createspace Independent Publishing Platform, 2015), 243.

  finishes anemic compared to his forceful starts   Ibid., 244.

  a sideways mouse in the first place   Ibid., 246.

  a show of the love of the sport   Gordon Hall author interview, April 19, 2016.

  couldn’t help but chuckle   Kevin Hall, Black Sails White Rabbits (Createspace Independent Publishing Platform, 2015), 182.

  “Yes, ducks.”   Ibid.

  wanted to be a fair partner   Ibid.

  Some common cases that had come up   World Anti-Doping Agency, “What We Do,” wada-ama.org/en/what-we-do/science-medical/therapeutic-use-exemptions.

  She wrote a letter and blasted it out   Rich Roberts, “Olympic Hopeful’s Wife Blisters Sailing Bureaucracy,” YachtRacing.com, http://www.sail-world.com/Australia/Olympic-hopefuls-wife-blisters-sailing-bureaucracy/-13966?source=sail-world.

  the weight of their expectations   Kristina Hall and Kevin Hall author interviews, February 2, 2016.

  unexpected hit of sadness and grief   Kevin Hall, Black Sails White Rabbits (Createspace Independent Publishing Platform, 2015).

  the fact that I wasn’t a man   Kevin Hall author interview, November 6, 2014.

  She was never great with faces.   Kristina Hall and Bud Culbertson author interviews, January 31, 2016.

  more than thirteen miles of Athens traffic   Kevin Hall author interview, November 6, 2014.

  a hangar-like complex   Official Report of the XXVII Olympics, Athens 2004 Organizing Committee.

  mix of light, medium, and heavy sailing   Kevin Hall email to author, October 5, 2016.

  navy blue with USA at the top   Image of Kevin at the Olympics via Getty Images, gettyimages.com/detail/news-photo/american-sailor-kevin-hall-sails-during-the-mens-single-news-photo/51177461.

  exhausted during her rotations   Amanda Hall author interview, May 8, 2017.

  Kevin finished eleventh overall.   Athens Olympic Results, olympic.org/athens-2004/sailing/finn-one-person-dinghy-heavyweight-men.

  reluctant to talk to the press   Candus Thomson, “Hall attempts positive tack as seven-month ordeal ends,” Baltimore Sun, August 22, 2004, articles.baltimoresun.com/2004-08-22/sports/0408220081_1_kevin-hall-sailing-clearance.

  comparison with Armstrong was considered a compliment   Lance Armstrong has clearly had a stunning fall from grace since 2004. Among the most notable Lance Armstrong–Kevin Hall references is from the Baltimore Sun: Thomson, “Hall attempts positive.”

  $20,000 debt to show for it   Kevin Hall author interview, June 6, 2016.

  They needed her.   Kristina Hall and Amanda Hall author interviews, January 31, 2016.

  It was an unorthodox lifestyle   Kevin Hall author interview, October 28, 2014.

  Kevin visiting the psych ward   Kevin Hall and Amanda Hall author interviews, February 5, 2016. Kevin says that ever since then, he has tried his best to avoid red wine. For more on alcohol and manic depression, seek out the Teri Cheney and Kay Redfield Jamison memoirs cited in the Note on Sources.

  workouts for the Finn class   Kevin Hall email to author, October 5, 2016.

  the success of starting a family   “US Sailing Trails Coverage,” Sailingworld.com, sailingworld.com/racing/2007-us-olympic-sailing-trials-coverage.

  nothing s
hort of taxing   Kevin Hall author interview, June 16, 2015.

  sliced like a loaf of bread   Sarah O’Kane author interview, April 5, 2016.

  prestigious circuit standings   Quantum Racing win in Sarginia, Yachting World, July 6, 2008, yachtingworld.com/news/quantum-racing-win-in-sardinia-14773.

  Cokes instead of his usual beer   Kevin Hall author interview, July 29, 2014.

  taken off his Olympic watch   Ray Davies author interview, February 6, 2016.

  to be closer to the earth   Kevin Hall author interview, September 10, 2014.

  “I am a cactus/Trying to be a canoe”   “The Ascent of Man,” Around the Sun, 2004.

  stowed in Kevin’s luggage   Tommy Dodson author interview, July 21, 2017.

  Pink Floyd’s “Comfortably Numb”   Ray Davies author interview, February 6, 2016; Sarah O’Kane author interview, April 5, 2016.

  anyone’s guess how long it would take   Author interview with Tommy Dodson, July 21, 2017.

  from partying on the boat to being on The Show   Tommy Dodson author interview, July 20, 2017; Kevin Hall author interview, July 29, 2014.

  his mission, and their role in it   Ibid.

  he had made a few bad calls   Ibid.

  Auckland, Planet Earth, The Universe   Ray Davies author interview, February 6, 2016; Tommy Dodson author interview, July 20, 2017.

  version of him that he no longer recognized   Kevin Hall author interview, September 10, 2014.

  port of significance   Tommy Dodson author interview, July 20, 2017. Kevin has told me he is “pretty sure” that during this flight he vomited into his shoe shortly after takeoff. Considering that this is virtually impossible to fact-check and his own memory is hazy, readers can draw their own conclusion.

  wasn’t sure how he had done it   Kevin Hall author interview, July 29, 2014.

  actually liked the Gucci bag   Ibid.

  Russian was also their best shot   In 2012, Americans would be banned from adopting Russian children.

  23 miles per hour   52 Super Series, “TP Class,” 52superseries.com/the-52-super-series/tp52-class/.

 

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