The Kevin Show

by Mary Pilon

  “Mostly to be liked or admired”   Stanford makes “‘Good Old Neon’ is available online for free here: http://sdavidmiller.com/octo/files/no_google2/GoodOldNeon.pdf.”

  Swedish businessman Torbjörn Törnqvist   Forbes profile: Torbjörn Törnqvist, forbes.com/profile/torbjorn-tornqvist/.

  new boats were called AC72s   Diane Swintal, R. Steven Tsuchiya, and Robert Kamins, Winging It: Oracle Team USA’s Incredible Comeback to Defend the America’s Cup (Camden, Maine: International Marine / McGraw-Hill Educational), 45.

  unlike that of any previous regatta   G. Bruce Knecht, The Comeback: How Larry Ellison’s Team Won the America’s Cup (Createspace Independent Publishing Platform), 10.

  1998 Sydney to Hobart race   Ibid., 14.

  “people who were stronger, faster”   Ibid., 10.

  chain-link fencing and barbed wire   Author visit to the Artemis site in Alameda, California, May 3, 2016.

  $400 million for the 2013 cycle   Diane Swintal, R. Steven Tsuchiya, and Robert Kamins, Winging It: Oracle Team USA’s Incredible Comeback to Defend the America’s Cup (Camden, Maine: International Marine / McGraw-Hill Educational), 19. Note that estimated costs of the Cup have varied wildly.

  some combination of all three   Knecht, The Comeback, 11.

  No one was aware of his experiences   Kevin Hall email to author, September 29, 2106.

  ‘They did write about me’   Dr. Joel Gold author interview, January 6, 2016.

  he wondered if he wasn’t alone after all   Kevin Hall author interview, August 22, 2014.

  likely to suffer from erotomania   Joel Gold and Ian Gold, Suspicious Minds: How Culture Shapes Madness (Free Press / Kindle Edition, July 8, 2014), 66.

  the influence of organized religion had diminished   For those interested in more, there’s a fascinating relic in the psychiatric Jesus canon, “The Three Christs of Ypsilanti,” a 1964 psychiatric case study by Milton Rokeach in which he takes three patients with paranoid schizophrenia who each think they’re Jesus and puts them in the same room.

  the Cotard delusion   Hat tip to Barry Newman.

  “through the wrong end of a telescope”   Jerome M. Schneck, “Micropsia,” American Journal of Psychiatry 118, no. 3 (September 1961): 232–234, ajp.psychiatryonline.org/doi/abs/10.1176/ajp.118.3.232.

  just about any psychotic illness   Gold and Gold, Suspicious Minds, 11.

  “it does lead to serious control issues”   Dave Reed, “AC72: Designed in the Matrix,” Sailing World, October 19, 2012, sailingworld.com/racing/ac72-designed-matrix.

  the technical edge of risk   Ibid.

  promote videos on YouTube   “Going, going, going … gone—AC45 capsize,” America’s Cup on YouTube, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ddZNDavV4Y4.

  to the tune of at least $8 million   Lisa Fernandez, “Capsized Oracle Catamaran Towed to Pier,” NBC Bay Area, October 17, 2012.

  the Artemis was arriving   “Artemis Racing Changes as Hutchinson Leaves Team,” CupInfo, November 30, 2012, cupinfo.com/en/artemis-terry-hutchinson-released-12106.php.

  it had been damaged in tow-testing   “Artemis Racing Launches AC72 for 2013 America’s Cup.” CupInfo, Noember 3, 2012, http://www.cupinfo.com/en/artemis-launches-ac72-catamaran-12102.php.

  adding foils under a tight deadline   Ibid.

  headline from the blog Sailing Anarchy   “Already Broken,” Sailing Anarchy, October 18, 2012, sailinganarchy.com/2012/10/18/already-broken/.

  driving down the road at sixty miles per hour   Alexa Lyons, “Can Sailing Be the Next F1?” Maxim, October 19, 2014, maxim.com/gear/can-sailing-be-next-f1.

  their cause for deciding to terminate him   Ibid. Thanks to Sailing Anarchy for pointing me to the Maxim interview (sailinganarchy.com/tag/terry-hutchinson/). It’s worth noting that Hutchinson later backpedaled from his comments. Hutchinson did not respond to a request for comment.

  a new fleet of sailors   “Artemis Racing Brings More Olympic Talent to Crew,” CupInfo, February 26, 2013, cupinfo.com/en/artemis-adds-olympic-crew-13011.php.

  known each other for a decade   Kevin Hall author interview, August 15, 2014.

  sent the Artemis to the shed for modifications   “The Boats of America’s Cup 2013: AC72,” CupInfo, cupinfo.com/en/americas-cup-2013-ac72-catamarans.php#Artemis.

  series of snaps that curdled the blood   Sam Rigney, “Olympic medallists safe after fatal capsize,” Border Mail, May 11, 2013, bordermail.com.au/story/1494463/olympic-medallists-safe-after-fatal-capsize/?cs=2452. Outteridge mentions the crack in this interview.

  entire balance of the boat careen   D. R. Ibarra, San Francisco Police Department Report #130 381 063, May 9, 2013. Facts from the police report are confirmed by my interviews with people familiar with the crash as well.

  marine unit responded to the call   Ibid.

  a mess of tangled metal   Jean Elle, “New Theory Emerges for Artemis Capsize,” NBC Bay Area, May 12, 2013, nbcbayarea.com/news/local/New-Theory-Emerges-For-Artemis-Capsize-207026431.html.

  handed him an oxygen bottle   Ibid.

  the boat had simply buckled   Adam Fisher, “What Went Wrong in the Deadly America’s Cup Crash,” Wired, May 9, 2013, wired.com/2013/05/americas-cup-crash/.

  on the phone again   Gordon Hall author interview, April 19, 2016.

  can be flexible and malleable   Invisibilia, Season 2, “The Personality Myth,” npr.org/programs/invisibilia/482836315/the-personality-myth. If you aren’t listening to this podcast, Hidden Brain, on NPR or Radiolab, get on it. The work of Walter Mischel in particular may be of interest.

  “to not be victims of their biographies.”   Ibid.

  eyes glaze with tears   Kristina Hall author interview, January 31, 2016.

  the sound of the boat snapping in his ears   Kevin Hall author interview, January 23, 2015.

  stopped taking them on his own   Kevin Hall email to author, July 25, 2017.

  lows were as unpredictable as his highs   Kevin Hall author interview, December 1, 2015.

  Was it ever going to be enough?   Kevin Hall author interview, November 6, 2014.

  It seemed utterly insignificant.   Kevin Hall author interview, December 1, 2015.

  a failure of self-esteem   William Styron, Darkness Visible: A Memoir of Madness, (New York: Vintage, 1992), 7.

  “the safety of this sport very seriously”   Jean Elle, “New Theory Emerges for Artemis Capsize,” NBC Bay Area, May 12, 2013, http://www.nbcbayarea.com/news/local/New-Theory-Emerges-For-Artemis-Capsize-207026431.html.

  their prayers are with Andrew Simpson’s family   It’s one of many Artemis-related pages from the America’s Cup website that is now no longer available. It’s unclear to me when it was removed.

  out into the bay   “Artemis Racing AC72 Takes First Sale,” CupInfo, July 24, 2013, cupinfo.com/en/artemis-second-ac72-first-sail-americas-cup-13066.php and “Artemis Racing AC72 Launched, Nearly Ready to Race,” CupInfo, July 22, 2013, cupinfo.com/en/artemis-launches-second-ac72-catamaran-americas-cup-13065.php.

  financially supporting his family   To be fair to Kevin, the life of a writer is, often, financially wildly unstable. His notion here is not far-fetched.

  something as horrific as Simpson’s death   Kevin Hall author interview, January 23, 2015.

  Kevin was still drinking too much   Kevin Hall author interview, July 18, 2016.

  she couldn’t answer for him   Ibid.

  they weren’t going to matter   Ibid. For what it’s worth, years later, Kevin said he didn’t think there was any major evidence that his teammates or other sailing executives frowned on his decision to leave the team, but given how insular sailing’s culture is, his line of thinking on this makes sense.

  public remarks about Andre
w’s death   Kevin Hall, “Legend,” Sailing Anarchy, July 14, 2013, sailinganarchy.com/2013/07/14/legend/.

  “one of the greatest comebacks”   Stu Woo, “Against the Wind,” Wall Street Journal, February 28, 2014, wsj.com/articles/SB10001424052702303393804579312803907849782.

  changes to the race going forward   Josh Levin, “The Miracle on San Fransisco Bay,” Slate, September 25, 2013.

  whatever he was in the mood for   Kevin Hall author interview, July 29, 2014.

  2001 film A Beautiful Mind   Kevin Hall author interview, confirmed in author interview with Stephanie Gisonde-Little, January 5, 2015.

  “So I took them seriously”   Sylvia Nasar, A Beautiful Mind: The Life of Mathematical Genius and Nobel Laureate John Nash (New York: Simon & Schuster, 2001).

  as untethered as Nash’s   At the risk of stating the obvious, these thoughts are clearly coming to Kevin in a manic upswing and in no way is he, or am I, alleging that there was some mass conspiracy cover-up surrounding the 2013 America’s Cup race.

  PART IV: FINALE

  what they had seen while living in New Zealand   Amanda Hall and Kevin Hall author interviews, February 13, 2016. Author drive to Legoland, March 25, 2016. If you’re reading this, you’re in the depths of my endnotes. Bless you. Email to marypilon@gmail.com a reference to your favorite piece of pop culture that appears in this book and receive a digital hug. Keep being awesome.

  Alice book online for $9,000   Kevin Hall author interview, February 23, 2017.

  worse than she could ever remember seeing him   Kristina Hall and Kevin Hall author interviews, February 3, 2016.

  fantasyland built of brick and plastic   Author visit to Legoland, Friday, March 25, 2016. A map of Legoland can be found here: legoland.com/globalassets/california/downloads/resort/legoland-california-resort-park-map.pdf. Everything at Legoland is, indeed, awesome.

  center of its round 128-acre grounds   The 128-acre estimate comes from Google Maps, yet one could argue it’s never big enough.

  The Lego models were beautiful   The Lego models really are impressive, even when one is not in a manic state.

  The uniforms of the Legoland staff were beautiful   Kevin Hall, Black Sails White Rabbits, (Createspace Independent Publishing Platform, 2015).

  as if they, too, were going crazy   Kristina Hall and Amanda Hall author interviews, February 3, 2016.

  Every Love Story Is a Ghost Story Kevin Hall author interview, February 1, 2016.

  the stakes for this episode   Kevin Hall author interview, July 29, 2014.

  “a different kind of bottom”   D. T. Max, Every Love Story Is a Ghost Story (New York: Penguin, 2012), 135.

  Skin Horse tells the Velveteen Rabbit   Ibid., 233.

  It was not a cheap set   Amazon Prime has it for $479, four years after the fact, so $500 is likely a generous estimate, without sales tax. https://www.amazon.com/LEGO-Creator-Expert-10234-Sydney/dp/B00EQ7LZSY/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1493726679&sr=8-1&keywords=lego+sydney+opera+house.

  They compromised and settled on a book   To be fair, the Beautiful Lego book is really cool.

  obsessed with rearranging the silverware   Kristina Hall author interview, February 1, 2016.

  wreckage that his mania left in its wake   Gordon Hall author interview, April 18, 2016.

  whether he liked it or not   Ibid.

  environments growing up can vary widely   Frank J. Sulloway, Born to Rebel: Birth Order, Family Dynamics, and Creative Lives (New York: Pantheon, 1996), 150, 352.

  Darwinian fights of human development   Ibid., 354.

  digging deeper into the status quo   Ibid., 356.

  There was no easy cure   MadnessRadio.net, “Bipolar Medication Myths,” Augist 26, 2010, madnessradio.net/madness-radio-bipolar-medication-myths-joanna-moncrieff/. Hat tip to Kevin for sending this one along.

  He had been faking it for years   Kevin Hall, Amanda Hall, and Kristina Hall author interviews, January 31, 2016.

  a collective fib they could all agree on   Kristina Hall author interview, February 1, 2016.

  the most tranquil approach might make him flee   Ibid.

  where the gray had started and the black begun   Kevin Hall author interview, June 15, 2016.

  thought about his battle with medication   Kevin Hall author interview, December 1, 2015.

  as openly and honestly as he could   Kevin Hall author interview, July 29, 2014.

  devoid of a soul or sensorial experience   Kevin Hall author interview, January 31, 2016.

  as if he wasn’t his real self   Kevin Hall author interview, August 15, 2014.

  still had to wake up and be a dad every day   Kevin and Kristina Hall author interview, January 31, 2016.

  “job, friends, or even sanity”   Kevin Hall, Black Sails White Rabbits (Createspace Independent Publishing Platform, 2015).

  just as a problem   For more on the lack of information about SSRIs, see Robert Whitaker’s Anatomy of an Epidemic, p. 331 (New York, 2010). Whitaker writes of a 2003 hunger strike by “psychiatric survivors” who confronted the APA about the lack of information. (The APA did not respond to my requests for comment.) Also see “Head Case” by Louis Menand (The New Yorker, March 1, 2010), “When it Comes to Depression, Serotonin Isn’t the Whole Story” by Alix Speigel (Morning Edition, NPR, January 23, 2012, http://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2012/01/23/145525853/when-it-comes-to-depression-serotonin-isnt-the-whole-story).

  blogs chronicling their battles in detail   Colby Itkowitz, “Unwell and Unashamed,” Washington Post, June 1, 2016, http://www.washingtonpost.com/sf/local/2016/06/01/unwell-and-unashamed/?utm_term=.542ad6f6c32b

  “You are the author and the sentence is your life.”   Project Semicolon, http://www.projectsemicolon.org/.

  More nuanced depictions of people   Nic Sheff, “Why Can’t Hollywood Get Bipolar Disorder Right?” Salon, February 5, 2013, https://www.salon.com/2013/02/05/misdiagnosing_bipolar_disorder_in_tv_and_movies_partner/

  Joyce played with the idea of fours   James Joyce, Finnegans Wake (New York: Viking, 1939). A very handy guide to the chapter can be found here: finwake.com/1024chapter24/1024finn24.htm. The four birds appear in chapter 4. A metanumerical coincidence? That is for the reader to decide.

  that moderation was the goal   Kevin Hall author interview, November 6, 2014.

  focused, literally, on the right channel   Kevin Hall author email, August 4, 2014.

  vast majority of people can only imagine   For more, see Stephen Fry’s 2006 two-part documentary, The Secret Life of the Manic Depressive.

  entered a hospital shortly thereafter   Kevin Hall author interview, September 9, 2015.

  not a competition or preparation for one   Kevin Hall author interview, January 23, 2015.

  being a stay-at-home dad is more difficult   Kevin Hall, “Five Reasons Being a Stay At Home Dad Is Harder Than Being an Olympian,” The Good Men Project, August 10, 2016, goodmenproject.com/featured-content/five-reasons-sahd-olympian-mkdn/.

  “whether you ever wore the pants at all”   Nor is it that simple if you win a gold medal, or dozens of them. See Tim Layden’s coverage of Michael Phelps: “After rehabilitation the best of Michael Phelps may lie ahead,” Sports Illustrated, November 9, 2015, https://www.si.com/olympics/2015/11/09/michael-phelps-rehabilitation-rio-2016.

  “I just want to be supportive”   Kevin Hall author interview, October 28, 2014.

  who many scholars today believe may have had   For more on Melville and mental illness, see J. J. Ross, “The many ailments of Herman Melville (1819–91),” Journal of Medical Biography 16, no 1 (February 2008): 21–9, ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18463061 and Clare Dolman and Sarah Turvey, “The impact of Melville’s manic-depression on the writing of Moby Dick,” Mendtal Heal
th Review Journal 16, no. 3 (2011): 107–112, emeraldinsight.com/doi/abs/10.1108/13619321111178050.

  “There are no mysteries out of ourselves”   Herman Melville, White Jacket, Project Gutenberg, 2015, chapter 93. (Originally published in New York in 1850.)

  AFTERWORD

  misogynistic, bigoted, and xenophobic views   Marisa Lancione, “We Need to Stop Calling Donald Trump Mentally Ill,” Mad Girl’s Lament, August 8, 2016, madgirlslament.com/2016/08/08/we-need-to-stop-calling-donald-trump-mentally-ill/.

  medication-free on his own   There is likely a separate book to be done on medication and bipolar disorder, and yet another to be done on how varied individual experiences with bipolar disorder can be. This was something I found in my interviews with folks who had been diagnosed with bipolar I, II, or had experienced Truman Show–like symptoms. One particularly powerful account was Linda Logan’s in the New York Times Magazine in 2013, which also elicited some strong comments from readers that can be read in the online version of the story: Linda Logan, “The Problem With How We Treat Bipolar Disorder,” New York Times Magazine, April 26, 2013, http://www.nytimes.com/2013/04/28/magazine/the-problem-with-how-we-treat-bipolar-disorder.html.

  “We’ll do it together,” she said. “I love you.”   Kevin Hall email to author, Amanda Hall, July 25, 2017. Kevin’s decision to go drug-free was over a year ago, and it has been a year of big changes and some trials: the Halls moved around the world from a place where they knew everybody to a town of strangers in a frigid locale, and family dynamics have been tested as the Halls learn more about their eldest son’s gifts and challenges.

  John Nash stopped taking his psychiatric medication   Clare Allen, “Don’t Use John Nash to Promote the Use of Anti-Psychotic Drugs.” The Guardian, June 2, 2015, https://www.theguardian.com/society/2015/jun/02/dont-use-john-nash-schizophrenia-a-beautiful-mind-promote-anti-psychotics.

  to create that perfect Instagram   There is a place in hell for those who quote their own work, but if you want to know more of my thoughts about how Instagram is ruining vacations, you can find them here: “Instagram is Ruining Vacation,” Wired, April 13, 2016, https://www.wired.com/2016/04/instagram-is-ruining-vacation/.