This Girl: A Novel

by Colleen Hoover

  Before I can even contemplate a more sane decision, my hands have hold of his shirt and I’m pulling him away from her. When he trips and falls onto his back, I drop my knee onto his chest and punch him. As soon as my fist meets his jaw, I realize it took all of three seconds to throw away every single thing I’ve worked for. There is no way I’m getting out of this predicament with a job.

  My split-second realization is enough distraction to allow Javi to regain his footing and deliver a punch right to my eye, sending me back to the ground before I can react. I press my hand against my eye and the feel warm blood seeping through my fingers. I hear Lake yelling for him to stop. Or she’s yelling for me to stop. Or maybe both of us. I stand up and open my eyes just as Lake jumps in front of Javi. She’s hurled forward when Javi hits her in the back with a blow that was obviously intended for me. She gasps and falls against me.

  “Lake!” I yell, rolling her onto her back. As soon as I confirm she’s conscious, I’m consumed by rage.

  Vengeance.

  Hatred.

  I want to kill this asshole. I grab the door handle of the car nearest me and pull myself up. Javi is making his way toward Lake, apologizing. I don’t give him time to make amends. I hit him with every ounce of force behind my fist and watch as he falls to the ground. I kneel and hit him again, this time for Lake. As soon as I pull my fist back to hit him again, Gavin jerks me off him, sending us both backward. Gavin has hold of both my arms from behind and is yelling for me to calm down. I yank my arms away from him and stand up, intent on getting Lake out of here, away from Javi. She’s probably beyond pissed at me right now, but the feeling is pretty damn mutual.

  She’s sitting up, clutching her chest, attempting to take a breath. As much as I want to yell at her, I’m immediately overcome by worry when I realize she’s hurting. I just want to get her away from everyone. I take her hand and pull her up, then wrap my arm around her waist to help her walk.

  “I’m taking you home.”

  When we reach my car, I help her inside and shut her door, then walk around to my side of the car. Before I get in, I take several deep breaths in an attempt to calm myself down. I can’t imagine what possessed her to allow him to kiss her after seeing me practically confess my love for her on stage. Does she not even give a shit anymore? I close my eyes and inhale through my nose, then open the door and climb in.

  I pull out of the parking lot, unable to form a thought, much less a coherent sentence. My hands are shaking, my heart is about to beat out of my chest, I probably need stitches, and my career is now in jeopardy . . . but the only thing I can think about is the fact that she kissed him.

  She kissed him.

  The thought consumes me the entire drive. She hasn’t said a single thing, so she has to be feeling pretty guilty right now. As soon as I feel the urge to turn to her and tell her exactly what I think of her actions tonight, I choose to get out of the car, instead. It’s better for both of us if I get a breather. I can’t keep this all in anymore. I pull the car over to the side of the road and punch the steering wheel. I can see her flinch out of the corner of my eye, but she says nothing. I swing the car door open and quickly get out before I say something I’ll regret. I start walking in an attempt to clear my head. It doesn’t help. When I’m at least fifty yards away from the car, I bend down and pick up a handful of gravel, then throw it at nothing.

  “Shit!” I yell. “Shit, shit, shit!” I’m not sure at this point what or why or who I’m even mad at. Lake is in no way tied to me. She can date whoever she wants. She can kiss whoever she wants. The fact that I overreacted isn’t her fault at all. I should never have performed that poem. I freaked her out. We were finally in a good spot and I went and screwed it all up.

  Again.

  I tilt my head up to the sky and close my eyes, allowing the cold flakes of snow to fall on my face. I can feel the tightness and pressure increasing near my eye. It hurts like hell. I hope Javi is hurting worse than I am.

  Asshole.

  I throw another rock, then walk back toward the car. We drive home with so much that needs to be said, but not a single word spoken.

  •••

  WHEN WE GET to my house, I help her onto the couch, then walk to my kitchen and grab an ice pack out of the freezer. The tension between us has never been thicker, but I can’t bring myself to talk to her about it. I don’t want to know why she ran after I performed. I don’t want to know why she ran to Javi of all people. I sure as hell don’t want to know why she kissed him.

  Her eyes are closed when I reach the couch again. She looks so peaceful just lying there. I watch her for a moment, wishing I knew what the hell was going through her head, but I refuse to ask. I can carve pumpkins just as well as she can.

  I kneel beside her and her eyes flick open. She looks at me with horror and reaches up to my eye. “Will! Your eye!”

  “It’s fine. I’ll be fine,” I say, shaking it off. She pulls her hand back and I lean forward and grasp the bottom edge of her shirt. “Do you mind?” I say, asking permission to lift her shirt. She shakes her head, so I pull the shirt up over her back. She’s already got a bruise from where that asswipe punched her. I lay the icepack over her injury, then pull her shirt back down on top of it.

  I walk to the front door and leave her on the couch as I make my way across the street to inform Julia. When I knock on the door, it takes her a while to finally answer. When she sees me standing there with blood on my face, she immediately gasps Lake’s name.

  “She’s okay,” I quickly say. “There was a fight at the club and she was hit in the back. She’s on my couch.” Before I can say anything else, Julia shoves past me and runs across the street. When I finally make my way back into my living room, she’s holding Lake in her arms. Julia takes her hand and helps her up. I hold the door open as they both walk out. Lake doesn’t even make eye contact with me when she leaves. I shut the door behind them, then head to the bathroom and begin cleaning my injury. When I’ve got it bandaged up, I grab my phone and text Gavin.

  If I come pick you up first thing in the morning, can you go with me to get Lake’s Jeep and drive it back to Ypsi?

  I hit send and sit down on the couch. I can’t even wrap my mind around everything that’s happened tonight. I feel like I’m living someone else’s dream. Someone else’s nightmare.

  How early?

  Early. I have to be at the school by 7:30. Is 6:00 okay?

  I’ll do it under one condition. If you don’t get fired tomorrow, I’m exempt from every single assignment for the rest of the year.

  See you at six.

  •••

  HE OPENS THE passenger door and climbs inside. Before I’ve even backed out of his driveway, he lays into me.

  “You realize you screwed up, right? Do you know who Javier’s father is? If you even have a job to go back to today, you won’t have it by this afternoon.”

  I nod, but don’t respond.

  “What the hell prompted you to kick a student’s ass, Will?”

  I sigh and pull onto the main road, keeping my eyes focused in front of me.

  “I know whatever happened had to do with Layken. But what the hell did Javi do? You were pummeling him like he was your punching bag. Please tell me it was self-defense so you at least have a chance at keeping your job. Was it self-defense?” he asks, looking straight at me for an answer.

  I shake my head no. He sighs, then leans forcefully back against his seat.

  “And then you take her home! Why the hell would you let her in your car alone in front of him? That’s enough to get you fired without even kicking his ass. Why the hell did you kick his ass?”

  I look over at him. “Gavin, I screwed up. I realize this. You can shut the hell up now.”

  He nods and props his leg on the dash and doesn’t say another word.

  •••

  IT’S THE FIRST time I’ve ever made it into the office before Mrs. Alex. It’s eerily quiet, and for a moment, I actually
wish she were here. I walk around her desk toward Mr. Murphy’s office. I glance inside and he’s casually seated at his desk with the phone to his ear and his feet propped up. His face lights up when he sees me, but the illumination quickly fades when he sees the damage to my eye. He holds up a finger, so I take a few steps away from his door to give him some privacy.

  I’ve thought about this moment so many times before. The moment I would walk into Mr. Murphy’s office and resign. Of course, I always imagined the end result would be my walking out of his office and into Lake’s life.

  My fantasy is nothing like my current reality. Lake hates me right now and her feelings are warranted. I push her away every time she gets close to me, then every time she finally gets used to being without me, I do something to screw with her head even more. Why did I think performing that poem last night was a good idea? We were finally in a good spot. She was finally learning to balance all the negativity in her life, and I go and make it worse.

  Again.

  That’s all I do is make things worse for her. That’s probably the reason she turned to Javi. I’d like to think she was just kissing him to make me jealous, but my biggest fear is that she was kissing him because she’s completely moved on from me. It’s my biggest fear, yet it’s exactly what I know she needs.

  “Mr. Cooper,” Mr. Murphy says, walking past me. “Is this something that can wait until I get back? I’ve got an eight o’clock meeting.”

  “Uh,” I stammer. “Well, actually it’s pretty important.”

  He stops next to the wall of mailboxes and pulls the contents of his box out. “How important? So important it can’t wait until ten?”

  I shrug. “It can’t wait,” I say reluctantly. “I, um . . . sort of got in a fight last night. With a student.”

  Mr. Murphy stops sorting his mail and darts his head toward me. “Sort of? You did or you didn’t, Mr. Cooper. Which is it?”

  “Did,” I reply. “Definitely did.”

  He turns to face me full on and leans his back against the row of mailboxes behind him. “Who?”

  “Javier Cruz.”

  He shakes his head, then rubs the back of his neck while he thinks. “I’ll have Mrs. Alex set up an appointment with his father at ten. In the meantime, I suggest you find someone to fill in for you,” he says. “Be back here at ten.” He walks over to Mrs. Alex’s desk and writes something down. I nod, not at all surprised by his guarded reaction. I pick my satchel up and walk toward the office exit.

  “Mr. Cooper?” he calls out.

  “Yes, sir?”

  “Were there any other students involved? Anyone who can give an accurate account of what happened?”

  I sigh. I really don’t want to get her involved, but it doesn’t seem like I’m going to have a choice. “Yes. Layken Cohen,” I say.

  “Is this Javier’s girlfriend?” he asks, writing down Layken’s name.

  The question causes me to wince, but from the looks of them last night I’d say it’s a very legitimate question. “Yeah, I guess so.” I exit the office, hoping they don’t bring Lake and Javi in at ten. I don’t know if I can keep it together in the same room with both of them.

  •••

  I’M SEATED AT the table, waiting for the conference to begin. Luckily, Mr. Murphy met with Javier privately, not wanting us to have to interact. I’m supposed to meet with Mr. Murphy as soon as the conference with Javier’s father is over. I’m not really that eager to share my version of events, since I’m obviously the one in the wrong here. The fact that Mr. Murphy brought in a member of campus police doesn’t do anything to ease my apprehension. I’m not sure what the legal ramifications are of what occurred last night and if Javier is planning on pressing charges, but I guess I deserve whatever result my actions bring about.

  The door opens and Lake walks into the room. I literally have to force myself not to look at her. I can’t help the emotional reaction I have to her, and I’m afraid everyone in the room will see it. I keep my gaze focused on the table in front of me.

  “Ms. Cohen, please take a seat,” Mr. Murphy says. Lake takes a step forward and slides into the seat next to me. I clench my fists, fighting the tension between us that seems to have only increased since last night.

  “This is Mr. Cruz, Javier’s father,” says Mr. Murphy. “This is Officer Venturelli,” he says, motioning to both men. “I’m sure you know why you’re here. It is our understanding that there was an incident involving Mr. Cooper that occurred off of school grounds,” he says. “We would appreciate it if you could tell us your version of events.”

  I glance toward Lake just as she turns her head toward me. Her eyes search mine for guidance, so I nod, silently encouraging her to tell the truth. I could never let her lie for me. She turns back to Mr. Murphy. The exchange we just shared was no more than three seconds, but the look of concern for me in her eyes was undeniable.

  She doesn’t hate me. She’s worried for me.

  She clears her throat and adjusts herself in her seat. She places her hands on the table in front of her and begins picking at her nail polish when she speaks. “There was a misunderstanding between me and Javier,” she says. “Mr. Cooper showed up and pulled him off me.”

  I can feel the heat in my face when the lies start coming out of her mouth. Why is she lying for me? Did I not make it clear that I wanted her to tell the truth about last night? I tap my knee against hers when she pauses. She glances up at me, but before I can tell her to tell the truth, Mr. Murphy interrupts.

  “Can you start at the beginning, please, Ms. Cohen? We need to be clear on the entire sequence of events. Where were you and what were all of you doing there?”

  “We were in Detroit at a poetry slam. It’s part of a required assignment for Mr. Cooper’s class. I arrived early before the other students. Something happened and I felt uncomfortable and had to leave, so I left just a few minutes after I arrived, which is when I ran into Javier outside.”

  “What happened that made you uncomfortable?” Officer Venturelli asks her. She flicks her gaze in my direction, but only for a moment. She looks back at Officer Venturelli and shrugs. “Maybe uncomfortable isn’t the right word,” she says quietly. “One of the performers . . .” She pauses and takes a deep breath. Before she continues, she touches her knee to mine and doesn’t retract it, causing me to swallow a lump in my throat. The move is deliberate, and it confuses the hell out of me. “I was just really moved by one of the pieces performed last night. It meant a lot to me,” she whispers. “So much that I just wanted to leave, before I got too emotional.”

  I lean forward and put my elbows on the table, then rest my face in the palms of my hands. I can’t believe she just said those words, and she said them just for my benefit. Knowing that she’s trying to tell me how my poem made her feel is making this too much to bear. I have the overwhelming urge to pull her up out of her chair and kiss her in front of everyone, then scream my resignation at the top of my lungs.

  “My Jeep was parked behind the venue and on my way outside, I ran into Javier. He offered to walk me to my car. I needed to use his phone, so we were standing by his truck while it was charging. We were talking about the weather and . . .” her voice grows quiet and she shifts uncomfortably in her seat.

  “Ms. Cohen, is this something you would rather tell me in private?” Mr. Murphy asks.

  She shakes her head. “No, it’s fine,” she says. “I was . . . I was asking him about the weather and he just started kissing me. I told him no and tried to push him away, but he wouldn’t stop kissing me. I didn’t know what to do. He had me pinned against his truck, and I guess that’s when Mr. Cooper saw what was happening and he pulled him off me.”

  I have a grip on the edge of the table that is so tight, I don’t even notice until Lake taps my leg and glances down at my hands. I release the table from my grasp and close my eyes, breathing slow and steady. Her confession should give me nothing but relief, knowing that my bout of jealousy will now be played o
ff as if I were protecting her. However, I’m anything but relieved. I’m furious. Javier is lucky his ass isn’t in here, because there would have been an extremely detailed reenactment of last night right in this office.

  Lake continues sharing her version of the story, but I don’t hear another word of it. I do my best to hold it together until everyone’s dismissed, but it’s the hardest five minutes I’ve ever had to contain myself. As soon as they dismiss her, Mr. Cruz and Officer Venturelli follow her out the door. I stand up in my seat and let out a breath. I pace back and forth under the intense gaze of Mr. Murphy. I’m not able to speak yet due to the rage coursing through me, so I continue to pace and he continues to silently watch me.

  “Mr. Cooper,” he says calmly, “do you have anything else to add or is her version accurate?”

  I pause and look at him. “I wish it wasn’t accurate,” I say, “but unfortunately it is.”

  “Will,” Mr. Murphy says. “You did the right thing. Quit being so hard on yourself. Javier was completely out of line and if you weren’t there to stop him, there’s no telling what would have happened to that girl.”

  “Is he being expelled?” I ask, stopping to grip the back of the chair.

  Mr. Murphy stands and walks to the door where Officer Venturelli is outside speaking with Mr. Cruz. He closes the door and turns toward me. “We can’t expel him. He’s claiming it was a misunderstanding and he thought she wanted him to kiss her. We’ll suspend him for a few days for the fight, but that’s the extent of his punishment.”

  I nod, very aware that what I’m about to do is the only answer at this point. There’s no way I can ever be in the same room with Javier again and not have it end badly.

  “Then I’d like to resign,” I say evenly.

  16.

  the honeymoon