by C. Michelle
Josh is focused on me intently. That’s one of the many reasons I love him so much. He knows how to listen. Some people are only quite because they’re busy thinking of what else they have to say, not him…he actually listens and comforts me. “Would you like my input?” He asks with warmth in his eyes, but in a serious tone.
“I’d love your feedback. You know I value your opinion, except when you side with Kade and talk all kinds of mumbo jumbo crap about eating healthy and being active.” I giggle to lighten the mood.
“I think there’s a lot you can do. Baby, you’re a millionaire. You live in a tiny three bedroom house with one bath by choice. You have millions invested on your behalf. If you ever choose to leave your job and start some type of nonprofit organization, you can do it. You have the means, the smarts, the motivation, and the passion. Of course, your money won’t last forever. You’ll have to hustle by getting government grants and donations from big wigs, but you can definitely do it. You have this amazing drive to help others. It’s astonishing. I’m not suggesting that you quit your job and try to start your own foundation tomorrow, but what I do suggest is that you start thinking about it. Do you want to work for someone else for the rest of your life where you feel more helpless than useful or do you truly want to make a change in our society? The choice is yours. I just hate knowing that you have the best intentions, but that your efforts aren’t always appreciated. Don’t get me wrong, in the line of work that you do, the rewards are few or rarely seen, but they’re there and they’re grand. You’ll have the power and opportunity to help more people. Just think about it. Brainstorm. It doesn’t mean you have to follow through. If you’re happy being a victim advocate for the city and county, that’s great. Do what you think will motivate you. Do what will give you peace of mind. But most important, do what will make you happy each day. If anyone’s got this, it’s you, baby. You’re amazing.”
I sigh heavily. “You make me melt, babe. I love that you help me see different avenues of my job. I’ll consider your suggestions. I truly appreciate them.” I give him a peck on the lips.
“Well, don’t forget that your man is kind of a ‘big deal’ and has important connections.” Josh laughs. “Oh, yeah…and don’t forget that he’s loaded too so I’m sure that if you were to rub him the right way, he would be more than happy to give you a lending hand with your entrepreneurial endeavors.” He winks.
“My man is soooo loaded…in more ways than one, honey! Now, I have to get up and start my day. With your talk alone, I feel refreshed. Love you, babe!”
After a long day of work consisting of two hours of overtime, a belly dance workout class I had to attend due to my evil coworkers forcing me to, then visiting Celeste at the hospital, I arrive to Josh’s house completely beat. We’ve been in contact throughout the day with quick texts since his return to work required all of his attention. He’ll be home late, but that’s fine by me, I’m too exhausted for anything tonight. After I shower, I immediately fall asleep in his extremely comfy Cal King bed.
In the middle of the night, I wake up to use the restroom. Josh’s body is draped all over me as I try to get up without waking him. Once I’m in the master bath, I notice Josh’s clothes on the floor, I pick them up and place them on the hamper. When I pick up his white shirt, I notice a lipstick stain by the collar. I know this motherfucker isn’t playing bitch ass games with me! What the fuck? I need to wake his ass up and see what the fuck he has to say about this shit!
Once I return to the bedroom to confront Josh, I find him in deep sleep with his perfect features at peace. Calm down, drama queen. Josh is so not cheating. There’s a logical explanation for this. Just because it looks like lipstick, doesn’t mean it is. Let the poor man sleep. Quit bugging and go to sleep also. You can bring up the lipstick issue first thing in the morning once you’ve calmed down.
Wow. The new me sure is a lot more mature. I decide to listen to the new me and not jump to conclusions. I’ll ask him about the lipstick and not make any assumptions. Once I return to bed, I immediately fall asleep again.
When I wake up in the morning, Josh has already gone to work. I receive a text five minutes after my alarm goes off telling me he has a busy day and wishing me to have a great one. I go downstairs to get some water and find a full breakfast feast waiting for me. The lipstick on his collar doesn’t matter much anymore. I just miss him now. My heart tells me he’s not cheating.
The weekend is finally here. Josh, Kade, and I head over to Market Street in the afternoon for the Chinese New Year Parade. Once we find a posting place, Kade tells us that Jacob is on his way to meet him. Apparently, he hasn’t stopped calling and apologizing for his behavior.
“I can’t stand people who feel entitled and expect things from everyone. Bitch, please…I don’t owe anyone shit except my family.” Kade states as he pours rum into his Big Gulp Coke. “I’m going to have to drink a lot to put up with his ass today.”
What? This guy is crazy. “If you don’t want to be around him, why did you agree to hang out with him today?” I ask.
“Hello? Isn’t it obvious? I’m horny. I’m not going to fuck him or anything, but a good dick suck won’t hurt. Shit, it’s the only thing he has going for him right now. I told him how I felt, but he insisted on making things up to me. Another one who doesn’t listen and thinks he’ll change my mind. Umm…nope. But, I’ll just go with the flow for today.”
Jacob joins our group right as the elaborately decorated floats start passing by with school marching bands following behind. The parade is known to be the largest Chinese New Year celebration in the nation with its beautiful costumes, stilt walkers, Chinese acrobatics, exploding firecrackers, and the extremely long Golden Dragon that is always featured at the end of the parade. One thing I love about my vivacious city is its diversity in cultures; it always has an event or something to celebrate.
Once the parade ends, I decide to get to know Jacob. “So, Kade tells us you’re a surgical intern, that’s pretty awesome. Do you have a specialty?”
“Actually, I do. I plan on getting into plastics.” He says smugly, but with a hint of a sexy Jamaican or English accent, it’s so faint, it’s hard to tell.
“A plastic surgeon? Wow. That’s very impressive. Go, you! I’m sure you’ll do well.” I smile genuinely at him.
“Kade tells me you’re a district attorney or something of that nature, I don’t quite recall.”
“Oh, no. I work for the district attorney’s office, but as a victim advocate, not an attorney. They get paid the big bucks, I don’t.” I giggle.
Jacob’s demeanor changes towards me as he analyzes me from head to toe with a condescending look. “Oh. So, you’re just some type of secretary or something with a refined title?”
Oh, no this motherfucker didn’t. I have a Master’s degree from Berkeley, a job I’m very proud of, and he just wants to look down on me because he thinks he’s superior to me…someone…hold me back. I’m about to go ham on his bitch ass.
Josh and I simultaneously stand to give this asshole a piece of our mind. Kade stops us and tells us to have a seat.
Kade first laughs then addresses Jacob. “You arrogant, narcissistic bitch. Who the fuck do you think you are to speak to my sister that way? She’s an educated woman, with a career, and most important, has a heart of gold. You look down on her because you think you’re better? Motherfucker, you’ve never had to struggle. You’ve been spoon fed your entire life. A bad day for you is when your maid messes up your laundry. Don’t get me wrong, that’s great that you’ve had such a wonderful fuckin’ life, but when you look down on others because of their societal status or because of their position within an organization, that’s when you become inferior to them. I’ve known people who were dirt poor who had more dignity and respect than you. You may have money, but you can’t buy class. Now, be on your merry way before I make you my bitch. You’re lucky I’m in a good mood and I’m letting you off easy.”
“Bye, Jacob!” I
wave as he walks away. “I hope you’re able to surgically shut your mouth closed.” I laugh.
Without wasting another thought on Jacob, we continue enjoying the festivities of the evening.
The weekend comes and goes. Throughout most of the week, I don’t see any glimpses of Josh. With the development of his new projects, his free time has been scarce. He texts from time to time, but even the consistency of them has decreased. By Thursday, I find myself in a serious slump. I decide to leave work a few minutes early to bring Josh lunch and see how things have been with him lately.
Out of all days, today’s rain is violent with forceful winds and hail. I decide to catch a cab to Josh’s office instead of driving there. When I arrive to the sky rise building, I pay and tip the driver generously to wait for me. He reluctantly agrees.
Once I reach the fortieth floor soaking wet where his business, E-Con Solutions (ECS) is located, I immediately get struck by a bad case of anxiety. Why am I anxious? What’s with this bad feeling I have? Why am I so afraid of seeing him? We haven’t argued, he’s just been too busy at work to hang out. I’m being absurd. Fuckin’ stop being such a “Paranoid Patty,” Nina!
As the elevator doors open, I recognize the pretty receptionist from the last time I went hunting for my man. She greets me with a warm smile. “Hi, I’m here to see Josh. I mean…Mr. Ryan.” I stumble with my words.
From the right corner behind the receptionist, a tall brunette appears. “Mr. Ryan is unavailable at the moment, but I would be more than glad to relay a message to him.”
I’m a bit awestruck when I see this girl. She’s extremely thin with exotic features and full lips. She hardly has tits or an ass, but her poise is elegant, her confidence alluring, and her sensuality…evident. The worst part? The bitch looks like a freaking super model! She’s absolutely breathtaking! Right away, I can’t stand her. There’s something about her that rubs me the wrong way. Whoa…wait a minute. Take it easy, hater. Why the fuck do you have an issue with this broad? She hasn’t done anything to you! You just met her! Are you thinking she’s the reason Josh has been avoiding you lately? Stop it, Drama! He. Loves. You!
I continue to scrutinize her in my mind. “I’m sorry and you are?” Who the fuck are you, bitch? Answer me NOW!
“I’m his new assistant.” She smiles smugly. “Jelly.”
“Jelly?” Something your body lacks? Your name should be Sticks. But okay, if you say so. “Well, it’s a pleasure to meet you, I’m Valentina Moretti.” I have a nice name not a stripper name like you. “His girlfriend. Well, I just stopped by to drop off some lunch. It’s nothing much just some chicken parmigiana and penne alla vodka with a Mediterranean salad I made.” I smile sweetly at her but my eyes have sliced her anorexic pretty ass in a hundred million ways already.
She triumphantly smirks. “Oh, your goodies won’t be necessary. I already fed him.”
Holy titty balls, batman! Does this bitch want a piece of Nina? Robin, my boy…I believe this skank whore sure does. Someone…hold me back. I’m ready to stomp on her boney ass! Don’t do it, Nina! Don’t cause a scene at your man’s office. It’s not cool. Walk away and talk to him later. Fuck you, conscience, or Batman, or Robin, or whoever the fuck is in my mind! No, fuck you, Nina Moretti! Take your jealous ass back to work and deal with your man later!
I laugh lightly without the slightest hint of humor. “MY Josh ALWAYS has an appetite for my goodies…just so you know.” Emphasis on MY…emphasis on ALWAYS, bitch!
The receptionist must have felt the tension in the air because she interrupts the conversation between Jam, Jelly, whatever her fuckin’ name is and me. Where did this tension come from? I have no clue. No…scratch that…his new “no-ass- istant” wants him. “Miss Moretti, I’d be more than happy to take it to his office and place the food in his mini fridge. I recently cleaned it out so I’m pretty sure there’s plenty of space for the lunch you prepared him.”
I’m too pissed to say anything. So I just force a smile, it’s probably distorted and looks creepy as hell, but it’s all I’ve got. I hand her the lunch bag, take a deep breath, and through clenched teeth say, “Thank you.”
“Well, we don’t want to keep you any longer than necessary, I’m sure you’re a very busy person. I’ll let Joshua know you stopped by.” She gives me an exaggerated fake smile then walks away.
Bitch. Wait a minute…did she just refer to my man/her boss as “Joshua?” What the fuck? It’s “Mr. Ryan” to you, Sticks!
I enter the elevator with my blood boiling. As it descends to ground level, I text Kade.
On my way home. PISSED!
Getting shit faced. Join me?
Kade immediately responds.
WTF? It’s 11:56am! It’s still
MORNING! I have
Standards. So, fuck no!
UR drinking solo, my friend.
I reply to his absurd text.
U SUCK! Fine. No Gossip
for you then! Don’t bother
begging either. Had ur chance!
He answers.
I’m a busy man. No time for gossip.
Womp, womp, womp.
A few minutes later as I’m getting in the cab, I receive another text from Kade.
It’s noon! I can drink!
Those were the toughest minutes
of my life! Hurry ur ass up!
I’m thirsty for gossip & booze!
For several minutes, we’re at a standstill. It appears there’s a fender bender up ahead and spectators make it a point to drive by at a snail’s pace to observe the scene in detail risking an accident of their own just to be nosey. Either get out and help or keep it moving, people!
Once the cars clear the road, my cab begins to move. Just as we’re driving away, I see Josh coming out of the sky rise building with his arm wrapped around a woman in a protective manner. Her head is buried in his chest as he walks her to a cab in the rain. He gets in the cab also. I’m left speechless. Immediately, I call him. No response. I decide to text him. No reply. Despite the scene I just witnessed, I choose to trust him. But my heart chooses to shatter into a million pieces.
The cab driver drops me off at work. With a lump in my throat, I inform my supervisor I’m not feeling well. Since I rarely play hooky from work, she doesn’t question me and allows me to go home early. I head over to the parking lot and catch a ride with Betty, my ‘66 sky blue Mustang GT convertible.
Poor baby, she’s going to get man handled in this brute weather.
On my way home, I play “Don’t Speak” by No Doubt on repeat and sing like a mad woman from the top of my lungs. It’s a bit on the dramatic side, but I’m entitled to a meltdown.
“What. Are. You. Doing?” I ask as soon as I enter my house and see Kade completely spread out on the couch like a big lug.
“I’m in Barbados, bitch! Drinking a Long Island. Don’t hate.”
With a mixture of irritation and sadness, I dump my things by the front door, kick off my shoes, and throw myself on the couch next to Kade. “Watching House Hunters International doesn’t constitute an actual vacation like the one you’ve conjured up in our living room.”
Kade scrunches his face with an exaggerated pout. “Hey, ‘Debbie Downer’ how about you have a drink and tell me what’s going on? Your aura is totally killing my buzz.”
“Fine.” I slowly get up and head to the kitchen. I return with a container filled with ice, a shaker, a bottle of Rose’s Sour Apple drink mix, a large bottle of Grey Goose vodka, and a martini glass. I decide today’s drunk fest will be sponsored by appletinis. Yes!
I station myself on the floor and place all my items on the coffee table in the center of the living room. While I begin my reenactment of today’s crappy incidents, I have a sip of my appletini. Sweet Jesus! This is delish! It tastes exactly like an apple flavored Jolly Rancher! Just what the doctor ordered.
Kade interrupts my lust filled thoughts about my new favorite drink. “So what you’re saying is that this skinny s
kank had the audacity to make sure Josh had eaten and didn’t allow you to see him per your man/her boss’s orders? The nerve of that bitch doing her job! And fuck her for calling him ‘Joshua’ like that’s his name.”
I finish my first drink in record time then give Kade the evil eye. “I don’t need your fuckin’ sarcasm! You weren’t there! It’s not what she said, it’s HOW she said it that crawled under my skin! And then I saw Josh holding some girl and getting in a cab with her. I called him and sent him a text. He still hasn’t called me back or responded! WHAT THE FUCK?”
“Don’t start getting your panties in a bunch. Don’t let your mind play tricks on you. You’re confused as to Josh’s distance lately and you’re allowing your mind to conjure up the worst case scenarios. I’m sure things will get resolved once you speak with him. So chill, ‘Desperate Debbie.’”
“Did I tell you that broad’s name is ‘Jelly?’”
“Hmmm…Is she a stripper or a porn star? That is the question.” Kade states in deep thought. “What type of nickname is that? Why couldn’t she have chosen a much more mature name like ‘Cheesecake?’ Come on! It’s not like there’s a story or meaning behind the name or anything. I’m embarrassed for her.”
“You asshole! Stop with the sarcasm! You’re making me feel stupid.” I grumble.
He laughs uncontrollably. “Cheesecake, Cheesecake, Cheesecake, that’s not my intention, but you need to see how you’re coming across…like a total whiney brat. Don’t start worrying about your relationship until you have something to worry about. Josh loves your ass. Jealousy and insecurity aren’t very flattering on you. So stop. Talk to him tomorrow and enjoy your drinks in the meantime.”
“Fine.” I sigh. “I don’t know how you made me go from drowning in a glass of water to feeling more at ease. I love you. You’re the bestest bestie EVER! You wanna taste my appletini? It tastes like a fuckin’ apple Jolly Rancher!”
