All I Want

by J. Daniels

  “Hey, man. I said seven o’clock, right? How long you been here?”

  I look behind him, letting my eyes sweep across the crowd. “Are you by yourself?”

  “Yeah.” He motions for the bartender. “Why?” He lifts his head and smiles. “Oh, right. Tessa. You know she’s bringing some Aussie, right?”

  I wait ’til he orders his beer before I answer. “She’s leaving with me.”

  He breathes a laugh before taking a swig of his beer. “Yeah, all right. Chicks love accents, and you don’t have one. You’d be better off grabbing yourself another pussy and making her jealous.”

  “How’s he supposed to do that when you’ve already claimed every snatch in here?”

  I look up from my beer as Ben slides two stools over, putting one closer to the corner of the bar that Reed is sitting at and helping Mia up on the other one.

  She smiles at him before her lips pull down in disgust. “I hate that word.”

  “What word?” Reed asks as Ben takes his seat.

  “Snatch,” she replies, making a distasteful face. “I’d prefer pussy over snatch, and I really don’t like that word either.”

  “You liked that word last night.” Ben drops his head and buries his face in her hair.

  The blush spreads across her cheeks as she slides a card across the bar, her other hand pushing against Ben’s chest, although she doesn’t really seem to want him to back off. “Here. Happy Birthday, Reed.”

  Reed swipes the card off the bar with enthusiasm. “Aw, babe. You shouldn’t have.” Ben straightens up, snapping his head in the direction of Reed who shifts on his stool. “Kidding. Jesus.” He tears open the card and pulls out a folded up piece of construction paper, covered in crayon drawings. One of the stick figures has the words Uncle Weed underneath. “Ben, you can’t draw for shit, man.”

  Mia laughs, covering her mouth with her hand. “It’s from Nolan, ass.”

  “Nah, really? I couldn’t tell.”

  Ben nearly shoves Reed off his stool before Reed tucks the card back into the envelope. “Tell him I said thanks. His pictures get me laid all the time.”

  “What?” I ask, looking between the envelope on the bar and Ben, who seems as confused as I am.

  Reed nods through a swallow, setting his beer down. “Yeah, women love thinking I have a kid. They eat that shit up.”

  “Give me that.” Ben slams his hand down on the card and slides it in front of himself. “My kid isn’t getting you laid tonight.”

  “No matter. I got a picture of him in my wallet I can always use.”

  I shake my head as a loud laugh grabs my attention across the room. Three girls walk through the door, announcing their arrival with the different octaves of cackles emanating from each of them. The door nearly closes before it’s pulled open again, and everything around me fades as red hair fills my line of sight.

  I swallow hard as she nervously chews on her bottom lip, sweeping her eyes across the crowd until they finally land on me. Her feet become glued to the floor as she stops in the middle of the bar, but she stumbles forward when someone pushes into her back. I look behind her as a guy drops his head closer to her ear, way too fucking close, and she nods once, her eyes meeting his briefly before moving with him toward Mia’s side of the bar.

  The blood in my veins feels like jet fuel that’s just been lit, burning me up from the inside out. Sweat pools at the base of my neck as I wrap my hand around the chilled beer bottle—I need something to counter the heat surging through me.

  I only see Tessa.

  There has to be at least fifty people in this bar, including the asshole she’s arrived with, but it’s just her and me in this room. The dress she has on shows off the flawless skin of her chest, plunging low enough for me to see the top of her cleavage. I know what that spot tastes like, the feel of her hands holding my head as I slide my tongue over her skin, consuming and claiming, which is exactly what I want to be doing right now. Her green eyes appear bigger, the color more pronounced as she moves closer, meeting my gaze every other step. I know she’s nervous by the way her bottom lip is being tortured, that and the fact that her hand keeps tucking the same strand of hair behind her ear, even though it hasn’t moved. She’s putting as much distance between her and me as possible while still joining the group, but it wouldn’t matter if she were on the other side of the fucking planet right now. Every part of me is reacting to her, some more than others as I drop a hand to my lap.

  Everyone seems to notice her presence at the same time, while I noticed it the second she walked in the room. Mia turns on her stool as the guy behind Tessa steps to the side, standing between her and the bar.

  “Hey! There you two are.”

  Tessa smiles at Mia before moving her gaze down the line of people, stopping at Reed. “Guys, this is Mason.” She looks up at him before pointing to each of us. “You know Mia, and that’s her husband, Ben, my brother. That’s Reed, and that’s Luke.”

  My name drops from her lips so fast, it’s as if she can barely form the word. Mason shakes Ben’s hand and leans across the bar, offering his hand to Reed, then myself.

  “Nice to meet ya, mate,” he directs at me.

  I look over at Tessa briefly before dropping my head into a nod and accepting his handshake. “Yeah, you too.”

  The two of them claim the stools on the other side of Mia as I work out what my next move should be. Conversation around me picks up, all background noise I can’t focus on as I stare at the hand flattening against Tessa’s back.

  My hand quickly finds the phone in my pocket and I keep it concealed in my lap as I open up a new text message. I don’t know if this is going to work, but it used to. This always used to get her attention, no matter if she were pissed at me for something or not.

  It’s all I have right now, so I go with it.

  Me: You are so fucking beautiful when you come.

  The small purse she put on the bar in front of her vibrates, and I watch her hand slip inside.

  And the reaction I get is exactly what I was hoping for.

  “You want something to drink?”

  I hear Mason’s question seconds before his hand presses against my lower back. This should feel natural. We are technically on a date, so a little PDA is expected, but the fact that Luke is sitting no more than ten feet away from me has my body slowly arching away from the gesture. I force myself to relax back, to want his hand there, as I lift my eyes to meet his.

  “That would be great, thanks. Whatever you’re having.”

  Just as he calls over the bartender, my clutch vibrates against the wood. I snatch my phone out to quickly silence it and swipe my thumb across the screen.

  Luke: You are so fucking beautiful when you come.

  Shit!

  I tilt my phone down, knocking the screen against the bar as my thighs pinch together. Luke is looking right at me, gauging my reaction with that sexy-as-hell smirk lifting the corner of his mouth. He’s clearly satisfied by what he’s just earned, and I hate myself for giving it to him, for needing to look anywhere near his general direction. I break the contact with a heavy blink before it all becomes too much.

  It already is too much. Who the hell are you kidding, Tessa?

  My free hand flattens on the wood, and slides along the grain as my palm begins to sweat. A buzzing sound rattles against the bar as the phone begins vibrating again. I slide it into my lap, forcing my eyes to look anywhere but the screen, which doesn’t come without a struggle. That annoys me. I’m on a damn date, and I’m more interested in the texts the asshole at the end of the bar has no business sending me than the guy I’m supposed to be paying attention to.

  “Lime?”

  I wonder what the text says. Is it just as dirty? Is he going to get into specifics about what exactly it is about me that’s beautiful when I come? Like, are we talking noises, or actual facial expressions?

  Damn it. Now I’m really curious.

  “Tessa?”

 
A voice close to my ear startles me, bringing my attention off my lap. “Huh?” I lock eyes with Mason as he holds a lime wedge between his thumb and finger, his eyebrows set into a curious pinch.

  “Oh, yes please.”

  While he stuffs the lime wedge down the neck of my bottle, I give in to the temptation in my lap. Keeping the phone concealed as best as I can, I tilt the screen up and let my eyes focus on the message.

  Luke: I’ve been obsessed with it since the first time I slid my fingers inside you.

  Oh, God.

  “Everything all right?”

  I look directly at Mason and watch as his eyes shift from one side of my face to the other.

  Damn my reaction to Luke. I know exactly what I look like right now. He thinks I’m beautiful when I come, and he’s getting me to the point of allowing everyone in this bar to see exactly what that looks like.

  Mason reaches out and runs the back of his fingers across my cheek. It’s a tender move, one I’m not expecting, and it soothes some of the ache building between my hips. “You look like you’ve just run a marathon. Do you feel okay?” His eyes drop to the phone in my lap. “Is something wrong?”

  “No,” I reply with enough conviction to hopefully persuade myself. The hand in my lap clutches the phone, while the other grabs the beer that’s been placed in front of me. I take several generous swigs as Mason watches me closely.

  “So, how long have you known these guys? Aside from your brother.”

  I turn my body until my leg touches his, forcing my attention away from everyone else in the bar. His eyes take notice of the contact and he smiles as his fingers drum the bar-top.

  I lick the beer off my lips, swallowing hard, as Mia laughs loudly next to me.

  My best friend. I can talk about her.

  I smile. “I’ve known Mia since we were kids. She used to live here until she had to move to Georgia. Then last summer, she came to visit and fell in love with my brother, so now she’s here permanently. Reed and I have been friends since high school.”

  “And the other bloke?” He looks down the length of the bar, dropping his head into a nod. “He’s been staring at you since we walked in here.”

  My smile fades. “He’s an asshole.”

  His eyes shift to mine. “Ex-asshole?”

  I start to shake my head, to deny him that information, but what’s the point?

  “Yeah,” I confirm, running my hand over the condensation that has built up on the bar.

  “I’m guessing he doesn’t want to be an ex-anything.”

  “I don’t care what he wants,” I reply, just as the phone in my lap vibrates. I somehow manage to ignore it as movement at my back draws my attention over my shoulder.

  “Birthday shots!” Mia yells, her face lit up with excitement. “Here, you have to drink mine. I’m shooting water.”

  “Party animal,” I tease, sliding a shot to Mason and putting my two in front of me.

  “Shut up. I need to stay hydrated.” Mia winks at me as she holds up her shot glass of H2O, her other hand resting protectively over her belly.

  Reed clears his throat, gaining everyone’s attention with his glass raised in the air. He looks around, seemingly waiting for something, and then sets his shot back down when he doesn’t get it. An irritated frown gets directed at all of us. “Well, what the fuck? Somebody better make a toast.”

  “You just announced that you like to use my kid to help you get your dick wet. Fuck you and your birthday,” Ben says, shooting his drink.

  Everyone but Reed lets out a laugh as I pick up one of my shot glasses and bring it to my lips.

  “I’ll toast to something.”

  The sound of Luke’s voice sends my body completely rigid. I slowly lower my glass and turn my head, waiting.

  He looks directly at me. “To Tessa,” he states, raising his glass in my direction.

  “What?” My word seems to echo off every surface in the bar, amplifying around us.

  “That’s it?” Reed asks, a frown pinching his forehead. “Nothing about me?”

  “That’s it,” Luke affirms, keeping his eyes on me while he tilts his head to swallow his shot.

  Mia makes an emotional sound next to me, which she quickly covers up with a cough when I shoot daggers at her.

  Anger boils in my blood, but it’s the kind of anger that can so easily blend into another emotion. The kind of anger that makes your whole body shake as you fight back your tears.

  I raise my shot, leaning closer to the bar so everyone can see me. “Well, since we’re all toasting to bullshit, not anything that really matters—” I stress that last word before I continue, praying for a steady voice, “—to Luke.” His eyes study my face with an apprehension I don’t see often from him. He’s not the kind of guy who gets easily unraveled, but I see it as he waits with parted lips.

  I smile directly at him. “Fuck you. You broke my heart.”

  “And happy birthday to Reed!” Mia yells as I tip one, then the other shot back, shutting my eyes through my swallow.

  I steal a quick glance at Luke, checking that I still have all his attention, but I break the contact almost immediately after I get it.

  Mia spins on her stool to face in my direction, hopping down with help from Ben. “We’re going to go play some pool. You two want in?” She directs the question at Mason and me.

  “Who’s we?” I ask, letting my eyes meet the blazing intensity of Luke’s as he watches me from over top the beer he’s drinking. The sleeve of his shirt rides up his forearm, and I swallow as his ink is revealed.

  Damn it.

  “Everyone but you two,” she replies. Her belly nudges against my elbow, forcing her to take a step back. She looks down. “I have no idea how I’m going to physically pull this off. Maybe I’ll just keep score.”

  “You two playing?” Ben asks, dropping his chin on Mia’s shoulder as his arms wrap around her.

  I watch as Luke and Reed walk across the bar to the back corner where the pool tables are lined up.

  “No,” I answer, just as Mason stands from his stool with a “Yeah, sure.”

  “You don’t want to?” he asks me, lowering himself back down. His eyes glance behind me, and reasoning washes over his face. He looks at Ben. “No thanks, mate. We’re going to pass on this one.”

  Mia and Ben walk away to join the others.

  “I’m sorry,” I say quietly, turning my body once more so that it faces him. “If you really want to play, we can play.”

  A small crease sets in between his eyebrows as he grabs his beer. “I’m good sitting here with you.” He brings the bottle to his lips as the annoying vibration in my lap starts up again. This time, he notices, dropping his eyes to the source.

  “Fucking jerk-off,” I mumble through gritted teeth as my hand flattens against the phone.

  “You can answer that.”

  “No, it’s fine. It’s not important.”

  He sets his beer down, his other hand coming up and scratching the stubble on his cheek. “So, are you going to be coming to any more of my classes?”

  I try and bite back the automatic wince at the thought of enduring more yoga, but it breaks through, tearing a loud laugh out of Mason.

  “Not really your thing, huh?” he asks with a raised eyebrow.

  I shake my head animatedly, sending my hair flailing about, brushing across my shoulders and the sides of my face.

  His blue eyes grow bigger as he leans in to rub a strand of my hair between his fingers. “I really like your hair.”

  “Thanks. I really like yours.” My hand is inches away from the blond strand darting out from behind his ear when my lap vibrates. I curse, cranking my neck around and glaring over my shoulder.

  Luke is leaning against the wall, cue stick in one hand, his other dropped beside him to no doubt hide the phone he’s holding. His eyes slowly meet mine, and he tilts his head expectantly. Answer it. Stop fighting me.

  I fumble with the phone in my lap as I t
urn back around.

  I have to look. It’s killing me not to.

  “I’m sorry. Just give me one second,” I say hopefully to Mason, if he’s still next to me. To be honest, I wouldn’t have any idea. I’m too focused on my thumb as it slides eagerly across the screen.

  “No worries. Want another beer?”

  I shake my head as I scroll back to the first message I ignored.

  Luke: He’ll never see that part of you, Tessa.

  I’m immediately confused, until I read his previous texts about how beautiful I am when I come. I guess now he’s deciding what guys I’ll sleep with. How sweet. I go to scroll to the next message, but my unwanted impatience nearly causes me to drop my phone.

  “Shit.”

  “Sorry?” Mason asks.

  “Nothing, be right with you.” My eyes narrow in on the block letters.

  Luke: He’ll never see that you’re just as desperate for him as he is for you.

  I try to swallow, but I can’t. Instead, I let my mouth hang open as I read the first real confession Luke’s ever given me that pertains to his feelings. I read it again, then once more, as the words become almost illegible through the tears filling my eyes. I have one more message to read, and I can’t get to it fast enough.

  Luke: Read this next line slowly, so it sinks in. It was never just about sex. Go back and read it again. Again, Tessa. Do it.

  A laugh bubbles up in my throat as I re-read that line three times before I continue with the rest of the text.

  Just in case you’re being stubborn, because you are stubborn, I’ll type it out again. It was never just about sex. Not even the other night when you kept me out. I wanted to be with you because it’s the only time I see how much you need me. And I don’t feel completely alone anymore.

  My breath hitches as my hand covers my mouth, holding in the sob that’s begging to escape.

  “Tessa?”

  I hop off my stool, practically falling into Mason as I slam my phone on the bar next to my clutch. “I’m sorry. I need a minute.” The words come out like a desperate plea before I turn and push through the crowd of people in the direction of the bathrooms. I know the layout of McGill’s well; I know the long hallway that leads to the restrooms and the privacy it holds. I also know that I don’t need to look in Luke’s direction to signal him to follow me. I know he’ll follow me, and it’s confirmed when a hand grabs my elbow, halting me halfway to my destination.