I held my hands up. “I love your dad and I would never do anything to hurt him.”
Jaxon surged forward so quickly I didn’t have a chance to jump back, and his fist would have connected with my jaw if Greer hadn’t stepped between us. He grabbed his son’s fist and brought it down in one powerful move that made Jaxon grimace.
“Step back,” Greer growled.
Jaxon clenched his jaw and stared at me over his father’s shoulder.
“I said, step back!” Greer let go of Jaxon’s fist and shoved his son back.
My heart pounded and I felt faint. I leaned against the car and put a hand to my chest.
“You come for my fated mate again, and you’ll regret it,” Greer said in a low, threatening voice. Jaxon immediately lowered his eyes before he turned on his heel and skulked off in the direction of his house, growling and kicking rocks as he went.
Greer gathered me up in his arms and helped me inside.
“I’m so sorry,” he said, tension showing in every line of his body.
“You don’t need to apologize for him.” I slumped onto the couch and touched the seat next to me, encouraging him to sit with me.
“But I want to. He may be the pack alpha, but as I told him before, he’s not your alpha. He has no right to be angry with you.”
“He had every right to be concerned about you, and if he thought I’d caused you any anxiety, I can see his point. Anyway, when you claim me and I become part of the pack, he technically will be my alpha.” I touched Greer’s hand gently, uneasy with the way he clenched his jaw. “Hey, do you want to talk about the ceremony? It might take our minds off the dramas of today.”
Greer grunted and shook his head a little. I frowned and waited for a response. It didn’t come.
“Do you not want to talk about the ceremony?”
“I… I don’t want to claim you. Not yet.”
I don’t think I’d ever heard such crueler words. A pain shot through my chest, and my stomach felt like a rock had settled into the bottom of it. Not claim me? Why? What had I done wrong? Did he not want the baby after all? Was it too much stress for him?
A thousand thoughts raced through my mind, the only clear one was that Greer had changed his mind about me, about the baby, but I couldn’t jump to conclusions. I had to give Greer a chance to explain.
“Why don’t you want to claim me? Don’t you love me?” I hadn’t meant to ask him that second question, I knew Greer loved me, but every fear of rejection I’d ever had overrode common sense. I felt my bottom lip shaking and I bit down on it to hide how upset I was, but the pain of it just brought tears to my eyes. I could blame it on pregnancy hormones, but in truth, the sting of Greer’s statement hurt more than any physical pain.
“Of course I love you, it’s just… I don’t want to take any risks.”
“Risks? Since when is claiming me a risk?”
“It’s not, but…”
“But what? You promised me a place here, in the pack. You can’t take that from me.” I was overcome with so much hurt it quickly turned into anger and frustration. I was supposed to be celebrating a major milestone in my career, and here I was, begging for a place in this stupid pack. My whole life had practically revolved around them, even when I hadn’t known who, what, they were. Everyone I knew was a member, a wolf, and since I’d found out, since I’d had Stacia, I’d always wanted to be a part of them, to feel like I had a family, one who wouldn’t reject me just like my father had. And now, just when I had that chance… Greer was rejecting me, like I wasn’t good enough.
“If I claim you, we’ll bond, our souls becoming one. I didn’t claim Coral, and losing her, the babies, that was painful enough, but with you… My fated mate… If you were to lose the baby, if you died… The pain would be so much worse. I can’t go through something like that, not again. It would kill me. Can you try to understand that?”
I shook my head, dumbfounded. This was about Greer’s fear? “I do understand, and I’m sorry about what happened to Coral, but that doesn’t mean it’s going to happen to me. No one ever knows what their future will hold, but that doesn’t stop them from taking that risk.”
“It’s a risk I’m not prepared to take.” The stubbornness in Greer’s jaw only fueled my anger. That wasn’t good enough. He promised me!
“I need you to claim me, Greer. I need to feel like I belong with someone, but it sounds to me like you’re not as committed to this relationship as much as I am.”
Greer dropped his gaze, his silence all the confirmation I needed.
I jumped up off the couch, and then grabbed Stacia’s bag and my keys, intending to leave. I needed to get out, to get some space to think.
“Keifer—”
I shook my head, rushing toward the front door. As I passed the kitchen, I absently noticed how clean and organized it was, a stark contrast from that morning’s chaos. I knew Greer must have insisted Stacia helped clean up, and I bet they even ate some delicious pancakes together. The thought of it—such a silly little thought—sent me over the edge and I burst out crying as I headed outside.
“Keifer, wait!”
I ignored him the same way I tried to ignore the pain ripping through my heart. Unsuccessfully.
15
Greer
I wasn’t about to let him walk out on me—on us—like that.
“Keifer, please!” I hurried down the steps just as he opened his car door. He turned to look at me with fierce, tear-filled eyes. His chest vibrated with soft sobs that made my heart ache.
“Please,” I said softly, wanting badly to touch him, soothe him.
“Please what?”
“Please don’t leave like this. The claiming bite is just one step in our lives together. It can wait, and that doesn’t mean I don’t love you—”
“It does. That’s exactly what it means. You don’t love me enough to move past your fear or take that risk.”
Fuck. I hadn’t meant the loss of Coral and my babies to affect how I treated Keifer, but the panic attack at the hospital just proved I wasn’t able to control my emotions when it came to the people I loved.
“I do love you, and it’s because I love you, I can’t move past it.”
“No. You just want me to take a step back and put aside what I want so you can breeze through life without committing yourself to it. Everyone lives in fear of getting hurt, Greer. You’re not the only one with a tragic past.”
That stung. It hurt so badly it felt like a rattlesnake had just bitten me, but the venom of Keifer’s words moved through me much faster. I clenched my jaw as my wolf retreated, burrowing deep into the place it hadn’t been since I’d lost Coral. A place of pure pain. Seems like I was destined to feel that particular emotion no matter what I did.
“Maybe not, but that doesn’t stop me from worrying. In fact, I want you to move to the homestead. You need to be close so I can keep an eye on you and the baby. I don’t want you living on your own anymore.”
“What? You want me to live with you, but you don’t want to claim me. So, I’m good enough for sex but not commitment?”
Shit, I was doing this all wrong, but I’d already explained the terror, the nightmare I’d gone through with Coral. He said he understood, but did he really? Could someone who had never suffered such a tragedy ever understand?
“That’s not what I meant. I—”
“No. If you’re not prepared to claim me, then you have no right to tell me what to do. You need to change your attitude. If you want to be my mate, then act like it, not like my father!”
I reeled backward. My wolf dug deeper, becoming buried in the darkest place of my soul.
“Keifer, don’t—”
“Don’t what? Stand up for what I want? That’s not how relationships work. I’m going home. Don’t try and stop me. I’m done. Don’t try to contact me until you can get over your past and move toward a future with me. One without hang-ups.”
Keifer pushed me aside then climbed into
his car. I stood as still as a statue, completely in shock as he drove away. As his car passed through the gates of the homestead, my wolf let out a desperate howl.
My mate was gone.
A single, gravelly sob escaped my throat, and in an effort to reduce the pain, I shifted into my wolf, but his agony was as fierce as mine. I howled, a long, lonely sound that echoed the loss I was suffering yet again. And then I took off into the woods, trying not to think, trying not to feel, letting my wolf dictate where I went. I burst through a heavily overgrown patch of brambles, almost relishing the sting when the thorns cut through my fur and pierced my skin, drawing blood. For just the briefest of moments, my mind was diverted from the pain in my heart to the pain in my shoulder from one particularly deep cut.
I slowed my pace, trotting along the edge of the brambles, wandering aimlessly, until I heard the thunder of paws behind me and smelled Jaxon on the breeze. He was leading a group of alphas to check on me, but I wanted nothing to do with them. I changed direction and ran through a stream to wash off the blood and shake the pack off my scent before I ran toward the deepest parts of the woods.
A short time later, I reached an area that was so overgrown and thick only the faintest glow of light broke through the canopy. The solitude of the place sank into my bones, and I relaxed slightly, but still trying to keep my mind blank, free from memories of losing Coral, the twins, Keifer… But I heard the soft rustle of leaves and looked up to see a figure, resting on a large stone.
Maurice.
My wolf growled before I shifted into my human form. Maurice chuckled as I stood over him and glared.
“You struck a chord of fear in me when you took me into the forest last night. I’ve been haunted by the dread of losing Keifer and my child.”
“I led you to what you needed to see.”
“You led me to ruin my relationship with my fated mate!”
“It was destined to reach this point,” he said offhandedly as he looked up at the thick canopy overhead.
“Who are you to say what is destined?” I balled my hands into fists and clenched my jaw, furious, but certainly not about to physically take it out on the old man. Verbally, however…
“Who am I? Just a friend, but I’ve seen this before, Greer. You need to face your fears head-on. If you suppress them, ignore them, they’ll eventually mutate into something else; resentment, anger, a deeper unrecognizable emotion you may never come back from. Now, your fear is distinct, perceptible. You know what’s causing it, and you have a chance to do something about it.”
“I know what my damn fear is, Maurice. I’ve been carrying it around with me for decades. It was why I never tried to find love after Coral and the twins died. I never wanted to worry about losing someone again.”
“But love has been thrust upon you. It found you, fate found it for you, and now you have to deal with it. Can you do that?” Maurice stared at me, and the kindness from his soul wrapped around me like a warm blanket. Anger melted and in its place was just sorrow.
“I don’t know.” I sighed and looked down at my hands. I felt the weight of my past on my shoulders. I wanted someone to take it from me. But no one could. It was mine to carry.
“Ask her for help,” Maurice said, motioning toward the edge of the dark clearing. “She’s always with you, and I’m sure she’ll guide your way.”
An unexpected breeze blew through the clearing and tickled the skin on my neck, just like the touch of Coral’s fingers when she woke me in the mornings. I took a deep breath, and then shifted back to my wolf.
I made my way to the ocean, walking slowly, one paw in front of the other. As the forest receded and I stepped out onto the sand, I inhaled the salty air deep into my lungs. Coral’s favorite smell…
I shifted to my human form and sat between the ocean and the woods, as though I were on the cusp of two worlds. After a long moment, I closed my eyes and spoke from my heart.
“Coral.” My voice wavered, and I cleared my throat. “Coral, I have been a fool. I don’t know what to do. I’m full of pain, full of fear, and I might have just ruined my one shot at a new happiness. Please help me. You always knew what to do when I got caught up in fear or worry. You always talked me out of it. Please, my love… I need your guidance now. I need your company. I miss you. My god, Coral. I miss you.”
16
Keifer
Walking out might have been a mistake, but at the time I felt I had no other choice. Greer had been unreasonable, and I’d become emotional; the two were definitely not a good mixture. So, I’d come home to calm down, to allow both of us a little distance to put things into perspective. That was eleven weeks ago.
And during that time… Not a word from Greer, not even to check up on me, so I had no choice but to maintain my distance and my silence.
As a result, I was a miserable wreck.
The feeling of rejection constantly throbbed through my veins. All day, every day. The weather didn’t help. Sleet came in on violent winds that shook our house and gave Stacia nightmares. Once the gales had settled down, they left behind a blanket of snow that was so thick, it seemed to absorb all sound. In my more dire moments, I wondered if Greer had tried to contact me but the snow had somehow trapped him and buried him. Maybe his body would show up in my garden when it melted.
But I knew that wasn’t true. He just hadn’t bothered. He was alive and well according to Jason.
It was a week before Christmas, and I sat in my office listening to that silence, that void he’d left behind. A car drove past and I looked up, still half-expecting to see his silver hair behind the wheel and a big grin on his face. My chest ached, loss and loneliness a painful weight to carry. I put a hand on my tummy and closed my eyes as I felt another surge of emotion.
Why hadn’t he reached out to me? Why abandon me?
So much for his alpha attitude. So much for being fated mates.
I jumped when my phone rang. Still in the habit, I looked to see if it was him… It wasn’t. It was Danette.
“Update time, honey,” she said. I could hear the bustle of public transport behind her.
“Are you on a train?” I asked, trying to buy myself some time before I had to answer.
“Bus. On my way to the office, hon. Just checking in with you.”
“It’s still early, huh?” I looked up at the clock and saw it was a little past nine in the morning. I’d been up since five, unable to go back to sleep after Stacia woke up with a nightmare. I suspected it had less to do with the howling wind, and more to do with the loss of Greer. She had really grown fond of him and probably didn’t understand why he was no longer around.
“You in your office? Working away? How far along are you on the latest draft?”
“It’s… Well, it’s quite hard to work on right now.” I cleared my throat at my admission.
I heard a pause that was as pregnant as I was. That painful silence enveloped me again before Danette’s piercing voice broke through it with insistence.
“But you have been working on it, haven’t you?”
I managed to squeak out a soft affirmation. “Mm-hm.”
“Keifer! You can’t blow this! Your hard deadline is fast approaching. You understand that, right? This isn’t one of my flexible deadlines.”
“I didn’t know you ever had those.”
“If you don’t get this draft finalized, they can pull the offer. They will pull the offer.”
I groaned and ran a hand through my hair. “I know. I know.”
“So what the hell is going on? Is this a pregnancy thing?” she asked, her voice softening a little.
“No, it’s a breakup thing. I can’t focus. My mind keeps wandering off to think about him. Doesn’t help that the story is based on him, either.”
“Hmph.” Danette sounded stumped for a moment, but I could easily visualize her brilliant agent mind turning. “So take notes for the sequel.”
“Huh? What sequel?”
“The one you’re g
oing to write about the breakup and—we pray—the reconciliation. I need you to write notes on what you’re going through now. It’s fodder for the future. You know they’re going to want a sequel, so it’s great that you’re working on it already.”
I leaned back in my chair and frowned, a little shocked. “It’s great that I’ve been procrastinating?”
Danette tutted. “You know I don’t believe in that word, Keifer. ‘Procrastination’ is just your creative mind wanting you to do something else. So indulge it for a hot minute, get those notes down, and then you’ll be able to focus on the drudgery of this final draft.”
I fell silent and considered her idea. It sounded insane. What I needed was to focus on the work in front of me, not indulge in a creative whim. And the whole idea of a sequel about the breakup… Ugh. I hated it. But…
“You trust me?” she asked, pushy as always.
“You’ve never let me down before,” I admitted.
“That’s right. And I never will. Get those notes down, get to work, and get back to me tomorrow with an update alright?”
“Alright.”
“Great, hon. Talk soon, kiss, kiss!”
She hung up, and in her wake was a tiny flicker of…something.
I pulled a blank notebook from my desk and jotted down an outline of how I was feeling and thinking, and how it might relate to my fictional characters. Before I knew it, time was rolling by and a story was already taking shape. When I put my pen down, I looked up and found snow falling outside the window, soft and gracefully laying on the branches of trees and coating the ground. It was like I was looking at it for the first time. I felt…refreshed.
I reread the draft with cautious trepidation, but quickly relaxed and found a workflow, only taking a few short breaks to stretch, and a longer one for lunch. The draft wasn’t as bad as I’d thought. I worked through it with methodical determination. Every time my mind surged back to Greer, which it did, and often, I easily pulled it back to the story at hand. I got so engrossed in the work I almost became lost in it.
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