It was the doorbell that finally pulled my mind from the words I’d torn from my heart and managed to put down on paper. I looked up, shocked to see it was almost five in the afternoon, then I noticed Jason’s car in the driveway.
I hurried to the front of the house and heard the thump of petite fists on the door as I got closer. As soon as I opened it, Stacia burst in and threw her arms around my legs.
“Daddy” she cried happily. “It’s snowing again!”
She grabbed my hand and urged me outside while Jason just smiled at me. We all stood on the porch and watched as a gentle shower of snow came down over the already white landscape. I liked how the frigid air kissed my cheeks.
“Can I make a snow angel?” Stacia asked.
“She spent the whole morning doing that,” Jason whispered, and I chuckled a little.
Stacia pouted, her hearing as acute as any six-year-old shifter’s could be.
“What if we go for a little walk instead?”
“In the snow?” she asked excitedly.
“Yeah, we’ll take a wander around the neighborhood.”
“Okay!” She raced inside. Jason and I shared a look and then broke out laughing as we followed her.
“Any chance you’ll be coming back onto the homestead soon?” Jason took a handful of nuts from a bowl on the table and popped a few in his mouth.
“Is bringing her here getting annoying?” I grimaced as I grabbed my jacket. I literally hadn’t set foot back on the homestead since I’d walked out on Greer, even to pick up and drop off Stacia, leaving Jason to be her chauffeur.
“No, no,” Jason insisted. “You’re good, I don’t mind at all. Just wondering if we should expect you back.”
Stacia hummed as she put on her snow boots.
“I’m not making a move until Greer does.”
“Well, heads up, he’s stubborn.”
“Thanks, I hadn’t noticed.” I searched through the pockets of my jacket for my keys, and then finding them empty, hurried to check the kitchen bench.
“No Christmas tree yet?” Jason asked, peering into the living room.
I let out a frustrated sigh. “No, not yet… Quite busy. Deadline and all.”
“Uh-uh.” He sounded unconvinced because he knew damn well I was depressed, not just busy. “How’s the book coming?”
“Painful,” I replied automatically. “But, no, actually, I had a breakthrough today. Managed to get quite a few words down, with Danette’s help.”
“Glad to hear it.”
I found my keys and held them up triumphantly. “Alright, Stacia, let’s go walking.” I pulled on my coat and joined Jason in the entryway where he was helping Stacia into her snow jacket.
“Hey, listen. I know you’re going to keep your distance, and I don’t blame you. Just keep in mind that Greer is an old school kind of guy.”
“What does that mean?” I asked as I buttoned up my coat.
“He’s not going to make the first move. He doesn’t want to cross a boundary, so he’s respecting your distance.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“Hey, I’m not saying I agree with him. I’m just telling you not to take it as a sign that he doesn’t care. If you can reach out in any way…” Jason shrugged.
“Well, I can’t. And I won’t. He was way too much like my dad during that fight. Bossy with no real consideration for what I wanted. If Greer loved me—” I took a quick breath and turned on my heel, opening the door. A gust of crisp air blew in and sent a shiver up my spine.
“Okay.” Jason held up his hands defensively. “Just keep it in mind. He thinks he’s doing the right thing by giving you the space you asked for. Don’t let your stubbornness ruin things for both of you. You deserve to be happy, and I know Greer made you happy. Stacia too.”
I nodded. “I’ll keep it in mind,” I said, and then I ushered Stacia out into the snow. As soon as we stepped outside, I turned back to Jason. “Sorry for being sharp. Thank you for the advice. For caring.”
“Of course. Call if you need anything, alright?” Jason smiled warmly and squeezed my arm. I locked the door as he smooched Stacia on the cheeks then hurried off to the warmth of his car.
Stacia and I walked hand-in-hand through the yard and out to the street. The footpath was fairly clear, save for a few icy patches, and the world was quiet. There was no traffic, no bird songs, no music… Just the sound of her feet and mine crunching over the frosty ground, taking one step at a time. The cold of the air stung my nose and cooled my anger. So did Stacia’s chatter about her little brother.
“And Silas can sit up now, and he says baba, and he’s eating banana but sometimes he doesn’t like it, and sometimes he eats pumpkin. Hm, do you think he’s a veggie-ta-ran, like me?”
“Vegetarian?”
“Vege-tar-i-an,” she said, sounding out the word.
“I don’t know, but I bet you could convince him to be.”
“Hope so! Do you have a boy or a girl?”
I frowned. “What do you mean, sweetie?”
“In your tummy. Is the new baby a sister or a brother?”
“Oh. I don’t know yet, but we find out tomorrow, actually. You want me to bring you a picture so you can see your new brother or sister?”
“Yes!” I loved how excited she was, but I felt miserable. I was facing the next sonogram appointment on my own. Without Greer.
She fell quiet and walked solemnly beside me. I pulled up my collar against a stiff breeze and waited for her to speak again. I always knew it wasn’t far away.
“Where’s Greer?” Stacia asked softly.
“He’s at the homestead, sweetie. Do you ever see him up there?”
“Uh-huh. But he doesn’t play with me anymore. Can he come over for dinner?”
I’d always been brutally honest with Stacia, but I suddenly had no idea what to say. “He… Well, we’re having some problems.”
“Problems with dinner?”
I smiled and explained as simply as I could, “We had a fight.”
“So make up,” she said like it was the simplest thing in the world. “You say sorry, and then you shake hands, and then you hug, and then you’re friends again.”
“That’s right,” I said, only ever wanting to encourage her. “Maybe that’s what I’ll do.”
“Good idea, Daddy.”
Good idea, indeed. That night, after I’d tucked Stacia in and read her a goodnight story, I lay in my bed and stared at my phone. The last time I’d sent a text to Greer, it had been the night before everything had gone to hell. I’d been so happy then, so full of the love I thought Greer had for me. I’d been looking forward to him claiming me, to discussing the ceremony and the baby shower… Now I’d be lucky if he came to the birth.
The voices of reason I’d heard today echoed through my mind.
You say sorry, and then you shake hands…
I let out a frustrated sigh. I sure wasn’t going to say sorry. I had nothing to be sorry for. Or did I?
He’s stubborn…
He’s respecting your distance…
Greer made you happy…
Maybe I had been a little uncompromising. Maybe I’d pulled my past into the present, and reacted like I was arguing with my dad, not my mate… Or maybe I’d been totally justified in walking away. Either way, the idea of facing the sonogram appointment alone made me sick to my stomach.
If you can reach out in any way…
I picked up the phone and sent a text: Hey. Sonogram appointment tomorrow at eleven if you want to join.
I hit send and let out a long, pained groan. Now I had to wait for him to reply. If he replied. We’d both been angry that day, and I’d basically called him a coward. Not many alphas would come back from that.
I let my phone rest on my baby bump and I ran my hands over the sides of my belly. At sixteen weeks along, it had popped, and my belly was even bigger than I’d been at that stage with Stacia. I remembered how much I loved having a big bell
y, how my body had expanded to carry a child, how my bump would move as the baby shifted from side to side. As I was fantasizing about being perpetually pregnant, my phone rang. I just about jumped, and the phone slid off my belly and onto the bed. I grabbed for it, getting nothing but blankets as it kept ringing.
“Fuck.” I sat up, scrabbling around like a mad man, fretting I wasn’t going to get to it in time… And then I found it and brought it to my ear.
“Hey…” I said cautiously. I was almost out of breath and hadn’t had a chance to think about what I might say.
“Oh, hi. I didn’t think you were going to answer.”
My heart dropped. I forced myself to take a breath. It wasn’t Greer.
“Yeah, I uh…couldn’t get to my phone. What’s up, Jaxon?”
“Can you meet me tomorrow? I want to talk about some things.”
“Um, is it safe for me to meet you tomorrow?”
He let out a short laugh. “Yes. It is. I’m sorry I was mad back then. I was just worried about my dad, you know? And I should have apologized before now.”
“Okay. What do you want to talk about?”
“Can we meet face to face? Tomorrow morning? Breakfast at Kay’s?”
I took a deep breath and held it as I closed my eyes, wondering why the hell I would do that. I was outraged he was playing the nostalgia card on me now, and that it was working.
“Please,” Jaxon added. “I really need to talk to you.”
I grumbled at how much of a pushover I was in the face of any confident alpha. My dad, Greer, Jaxon, Jason… I didn’t want to agree, but maybe he had news on Greer, and for that, I crumbled. “Sure. I have to be out of there by ten-thirty, though.”
“Alright. Let’s meet at nine.”
Jaxon was waiting for me in the back booth of the diner, in the same spot we always sat in when we were teenagers. I waddled in through the door and couldn’t help but notice how shocked he seemed at seeing my belly.
“I’m really showing, huh?” I asked as I squeezed into the booth.
“You look good,” he said with a warm smile. I picked up the menu and pretended to read it as if I hadn’t memorized it over the years, word for word.
“I already ordered us the usual donuts and coffee.”
I looked up and found him smiling proudly, like he deserved some kind of medal for remembering our usual order.
“I can’t drink caffeine—”
But he was one step ahead of me. “I subbed the coffee for that weird chicory stuff you used to drink when you were on your health kick in senior year.”
I sighed in defeat and relaxed into the seat as I put down the menus. “Alright. I get it. We’re close, you know me, we have a bond. So what do you want to talk about?”
“What do you think?” There was a sparkle of something in his eyes, and I could have sworn it was humor.
“Your dad,” I said.
“Your mate,” he responded.
I let out a grunt and crossed my arms.
He cleared his throat. “Listen. I’m sorry I was acting like a fool about it. In all my life, I’ve never seen Dad happier than when he was with you.”
I shrugged. “I’m sure he’s doing just fine without me too.”
“He’s not.” Jaxon’s tone dropped an octave. He looked distraught, but I wasn’t about to allow him to push me around using emotional manipulation. I wasn’t going to allow anyone to push me around. Not anymore.
“I’m not responsible for that, Jaxon. If you came here to blame me for Greer’s emotional problems, you came to the wrong place. I’m not taking responsibility for a grown man’s—”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. That’s not it at all.”
I frowned and was about to ask him what the hell he was here for when two plates of donuts, a mug of coffee, and a pot of chicory landed in front of us.
Jaxon thanked the waiter while I immediately dove in and took a big bite out of a chocolate cream donut, and then washed it down with the bitter chicory brew. I moaned. It tasted like high school, of all-night study sessions, of sitting by the outfield waiting for Jaxon to finish baseball practice. It tasted like friendship; it tasted like our past.
Well played.
I wiped my mouth on a napkin and looked up at Jaxon. He was beaming at me like he knew he’d just softened my heart.
“My dad overthinks everything. He’s lost his mate, his kids, and that instilled a lot of fear. More than he’ll ever show, and more than he’d ever admit—even to himself.”
I nodded, knowing that already, and let him continue.
“I’m not asking you to take him back… But if the only reason you’re not with him now is because you’re worried he’s not committed to you… Well, that’s no reason at all. He loves you, and he is committed to you. He just let fear of losing you get in the way, which meant he lost you, which is an irony he’s well aware of. I also know he’s cursed himself a hundred times over because of it. The claiming ceremony means a lot to you, I get that. And he gets that now.”
There was a lump in my throat, and I took another sip of chicory to dislodge it.
“That’s it. That’s all I wanted to say.” Jaxon shrugged and took another bite of his donut.
I suspected he wanted me to admit how much I was missing Greer, but I had no intention of giving him that satisfaction. He’d no doubt report to his dad, and if this was Greer’s way of fishing for information, he was going about it the wrong way. All Greer needed to do was talk to me himself.
At a silent impasse, we ate the donuts, and then made some small talk about baseball, and how Liam and Lori were doing. Now they were someone I could admit to missing. I’d gotten used to seeing Lori playing with Stacia when they were on the homestead together. Most of the families had playdates set up for the kids, and it wouldn’t be unusual to find out Stacia had stayed over someone else’s house instead of Jason’s. But that was fine, she needed to interact with other shifter children, just like my new baby son or daughter would need to.
Jaxon glanced at his watch. “It’s just on ten thirty, Keifer.”
“Shit,” I mumbled as I wiped my mouth and fingers before reaching for my wallet.
“Hey, I’ve got the check,” Jaxon insisted.
“No, it’s fine. I got a big advance and—”
“And I’ve got it. I asked you here. It’s only right that I pay.”
I gave him an appreciative grin and pulled myself up out of the booth with some effort. Once I was upright, I almost relented and told Jaxon to tell Greer I missed him, but nothing came out. Jaxon gave me an understanding nod then turned his attention to his phone. There was just nothing left to say.
I wrapped my jacket around my bump and hurried to the car while sleet pricked at my exposed skin. The sky was dark with clouds and the town was lit up with fairy lights that sparkled off the white, crisp snow covering the ground. I drove carefully to the hospital, taking it slow around bends while the conversation with Jaxon sank in.
He loves you. He’s committed to you.
Sure… But we’ll see if he shows.
17
Greer
I used to wake up with the dawn, crack my old bones out of bed, and hurry to the woods for a morning hike or a swift run, maybe a dip in a stream or even a swim in the ocean. Morning, when the sun was just rising over the mountain peaks to the east, was an ideal time to connect with nature.
But for the last two, almost three, months, I hadn’t been able to get myself out of bed before nine. By that time of day, the light seemed bright and harsh, even under the pillow of clouds that clung to the winter sky. I kept the shades drawn as I went about my new morning routine of coffee, stretching, more coffee, sitting on the couch and pondering what to do next, and then more coffee.
By ten, I’d be feeling mostly like myself and able to go about my errands. I carried on and put on the face everyone expected to see; happy Greer, capable Greer, alpha Greer. But inside the house, and inside my heart, I was miserable. I
missed Keifer so much. It was impossible not to go through every second not thinking of him.
That morning wasn’t much different. I woke up at nine from the impossibly annoying drilling of a woodpecker that was making its winter home in an oak outside my apartment.
“You’re too late,” I grumbled at the bird as I covered my face with a pillow. “It’s already winter. If you haven’t picked a home yet, there’s no time to start now!”
The drilling continued. I had to admire its determination, and I wondered where mine had gone. I’d let Keifer walk away from me, and I hadn’t done anything to get him back. Afraid I’d only push him further away.
I hauled myself up and out of bed then headed straight for the coffee machine. I was halfway through my second cup when I sat down on the couch and felt something hard digging into my butt. I growled and reached under the flesh of my ass to pull out my phone.
One new text message.
I clicked on the button to open the message. It was probably just Jaxon checking in with me, yet again, as if I was some kind of invalid and not just broken-hearted.
Speaking of hearts… Mine almost stuttered to a stop the moment I read the message.
Hey. Sonogram appointment tomorrow at eleven if you want to join.
I let out a low whistle and ran a hand over my face. He’d reached out to me. After all this time. It was the chance I’d been waiting for, a chance to make this right and win him back. But even if he wouldn’t take me back, this might be my opportunity to at least be there for our baby.
“Hell yes, I want to join,” I said to no one, and then I glanced at the clock. After a wild dash to the shower, I got ready in record time then jumped in the car.
I glanced at my watch again and again as I ran down corridors until I pushed through the doors of Maddie’s office. I was nearly as panicked as I’d been the last time I was here, but as Keifer’s amazing scent hit me, my nerves instantly calmed. He was on the table, with gel smeared across his huge belly, and he slowly turned his head to look at me.
Silver Daddy Page 17
