by E. L. Todd
I waited outside Axel’s office until he got off work. He walked out in a gray suit with a satchel over his shoulder. We hadn’t spoken since the awkward conversation at the courts a week ago.
“Hey, man.” I came to his side and acted like everything was normal.
Axel turned his look on me, and his eyes burned with threat. “What?”
“I just wanted to say hi. I saw you as I was passing.”
“Well, hi.” He turned on his heel and walked in the opposite direction. “And bye.”
I bowed my head in sadness before I caught up to him. “Hold on, talk to me.”
“What do you want to talk about?” He kept walking, determined to get away from me.
“I didn’t mean to piss you off the other day.”
“Well, you did.”
“I was just asking a simple question. There’s no need to get angry.”
He stopped walking and turned on me. “You went to Frankie’s shop and cornered her. You tried to get her back when you knew she was seeing someone else.”
I was afraid she’d told him that. “I just wanted to talk to her.”
“You only want her when someone else is interested. I know you’re my friend and everything but you’re really just an asshole. My sister and I aren’t that close, but she’s my family. It’s one thing to break up and go your separate ways, but to pick her up and drop her again like she’s not a human being is despicable. I’m sorry, but I don’t want to see you anymore.” He started walking again, determined to get away from me.
I felt like he slugged me in the stomach. “What?”
“You heard me. Stay away from both Frankie and I. We don’t want your bullshit anymore.”
Was my best friend of five years really walking away? I stopped in my tracks and watched him go, realizing I really did just hit rock bottom.
***
I waited outside her bakery until she arrived. She walked up to the doors and pulled her Beats off her head, giving me a venomous glare. “I’m getting really tired of this.”
“You said you would be there for me no matter what I needed. I need your help.” I wasn’t there for her. But I admit, it was nice to look at her beautiful face. Her complexion was clear as a porcelain doll. She made my body ache in longing, wishing we could lay together in bed and never leave again.
“Help with what?” She unlocked the door and walked inside.
I followed. “Axel.”
She gave me a sad look that said she already knew everything. “Hold on.” She disarmed the alarm and turned on all the lights. She returned then waved me to follow her back into the kitchen. “I’ve got stuff to do but I can talk at the same time.”
I hated the fact she was so unaffected by my presence, but I suspected it was all just an act. If she was still in sync with my emotions, then we were still connected, even if she tried to deny it.
“Did something else happen with Axel?”
“He told me to stay away from both of you.”
She tied her apron around her waist then released a deep sigh.
“I understand why he’s mad but…I don’t want to lose him too.”
“You shouldn’t.” She grabbed the supplies she needed from the cupboard and set them on the counter. “I’ll talk to him.”
“I don’t want you to talk to him. It’s not your problem.”
“Then what do you suggest I do?”
“Tell me how to fix this. You understand him better than anyone else.”
“Honestly…I don’t know.” She poured the ingredients into a metallic bowl then stirred them with a large whisk. “He was fine with it until…you brought me up.”
“How can I not bring you up? Was I supposed to never mention you again?”
“He’s protective of me. You know that.”
“I do.”
“I think you should give him some space and then try talking to him again.”
“I don’t know…” The longer I waited, the worse it might be.
“Maybe all three of us can talk together.”
“In the same room?” Anytime with her was time well spent.
“Yeah. We can have a calm conversation between the three of us. He’ll see that you and I are fine being in the same room together. When he realizes everything is okay, he’ll chill.”
The problem was bigger than that. “He knows I still want you. That’s the biggest problem.”
“Well, stop wanting me.” She said it like it was as simple as turning off a light switch.
“You know that’s not possible.”
She wiped her dirty hands on the front of her apron. “That’s how it’s gonna be. If you want to be friends with Axel again, you’re going to have to let me go. Axel never wants us to be together again. He made that clear.”
“Since when did you start caring about what he wants?” I already had to convince Francesca to give me another chance. How would I manage to accomplish that when her only family wasn’t on board?
“I care when he’s this upset about it.”
It was unrealistic for me to expect her to take me back so easily. I took her love for granted, and now, I realized my deadly mistake. The right thing would be to walk away and let her be happy. But I couldn’t do that. “When do you want to do this?”
“You guys can come over to my place. I won’t tell Axel you’re coming.”
“You think that’s a good idea?”
She shrugged. “It’s the only idea.”
Even though she wouldn’t take me back, she was giving me more than I deserved. “Why are you helping me?”
“You’ve been a good friend to Axel. Your friendship shouldn’t change because of what happened between us.”
“I did hurt you.”
“Yes, but I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself. Axel doesn’t need to get involved. You two need each other.”
Now I hated myself even more. If I hadn’t slipped away and lost myself, I’d still have her right now. We would be holding each other instead of talking about her brother. She would ask me to come over after work and keep her warm through the night.
But I pissed that all away.
***
I headed to her new apartment and realized it was near my own. She was just a block away, so close but so far away. Instead of moving to this new place, she should have brought her stuff to mine.
What a dream.
Why did I have to sabotage everything we worked so hard for? The second tragedy struck, I snapped. A haze blurred my vision and I didn’t wake up until five months later, the wreckage of my stupidity lingering behind. Francesca was no longer in my life, and to make things worse, I was the one who sent her away. I coped with my emotions and licked my wounds, but it took me too long to recover.
Now she was gone.
I knocked on the door and waited for her to answer it. Anytime I saw her, a thrill moved through my body. My heart felt a distant jolt that made me feel alive. Even though she was no longer mine, I couldn’t fight the feeling that she was.
She opened the door and her eyes didn’t light up like they used to. She was never happy to see me. Now it looked like she greeted a friend, one that she didn’t like very much. I’d fall for her act if there wasn’t one obvious contradiction staring me right in the face.
The locket.
She still wore it. I couldn’t see the pendant under her shirt but I knew it was there. She hadn’t taken it off since I gave it to her so long ago. She still carried it directly next to her heart, believing in us even if she wouldn’t admit it.
“Right on time. Come in.” She invited me inside and shut the door behind me.
Axel stood up when he saw me, his hand almost shattering the beer he was holding. “What the hell, Frankie?”
“Sit down and chill.” She grabbed a beer from the fridge and handed it to me.
I took it but had no intention of drinking it. I wasn’t in the mood.
Francesca sat on the sofa and crossed her legs. S
he wore a pink sundress that showed her gorgeous legs. They were tan, like she’d been in the sun a lot lately. Nude wedges were on her feet, highlighting her nice calf muscles. Her hair was done in loose curls, like she had plans after our meeting was over. “We’re gathered here just to have a conversation. No fighting.”
Axel set his beer down. “You better not be giving this asshole another chance.” He pointed at me like I was an object, not a person.
“It’s really none of your business if I do or not,” she said calmly. “It’s my life, and I’ll do whatever I want. Stop picking my side over a battle that’s not being fought. Despite what happened with Hawke and I, we’ve learned to carry on. There’s absolutely no reason why the two of you can’t still be friends. Our break up has nothing to do with your relationship.”
Axel massaged his knuckles and shook his head in disappointment.
“Hawke and I are never getting back together.” Francesca continued on like those words didn’t hurt me. “We loved each other very much in the past, and we’ll always love each other in the future. But it’s clear he and I can never make it work.”
I was drowning in sorrow.
“You mean that?” Axel asked in hope.
“Yes,” Francesca said. “We’re all adults here, not high school drama queens. Instead of making it into a bigger deal than necessary, let’s carry on. Your friendship is too important to throw away.”
Since Axel was coming around, I didn’t object to anything she said. There was no way I was going to roll over and just give up. What we had was too important to let it slip away. But now wasn’t the time for that.
Axel sighed then grabbed his beer. “Okay. I can let it go.”
Francesca turned to me, her beautiful green eyes vibrant.
I knew she was telling me to say something to Axel. “I’m sorry I screwed things up with Francesca. I was out of my mind at the time, in a dark place that no one will ever truly understand. I said and did things I wish I could take back. Hurting Francesca is my biggest regret. But I understand the consequences of my actions and take responsibility for them.”
Axel watched me in silence.
“Your friendship means a lot to me. Whether I’m with Francesca or not, I need you in my life. I hope you’ll forgive me and move on.”
Francesca turned to Axel and stared him down.
Axel released another sigh. “Yeah, we can be friends again.”
It was a success, but I still felt like I lost something more important. “Thanks.”
Francesca snapped her fingers. “Now hug. No arguments.”
“Dudes don’t hug,” Axel said.
“But you guys do.” She crossed her arms and waited for it to happen.
Axel stood up first then came to my place near the couch.
I rose to my feet then gave him a quick embrace. “We’re cool again?”
He clapped me on the back. “Yeah, we’re cool again.”
It was still a little awkward but I suspected that would go away in time. The tension still hung in the air like a heavy cloud.
“Well, I’ve got to run. Marie wants me to pick up some stuff for her at the store.”
“Awe,” Francesca said. “You’re going to buy her tampons. That’s adorable.”
“Who said anything about tampons?” he demanded.
“Why else would you be going to the store for her?” Francesca asked. “Besides, I knew she’s on her period. She snapped at me earlier today.”
Axel ground his teeth together in embarrassment. “Well, I’ll talk to you later.” He walked out quickly so neither one of us could say another word.
Francesca left the couch then slowly sauntered to the door, intending to let me out. “Well, I guess I’ll see you around.”
Even though I didn’t want to leave, I walked with her. A white cardigan clung to the steep curve of her back and the swell of her breasts. It was impossible for me not to check her out, not when she was the definition of perfection. “Thanks for helping me out.”
“Of course. You know I’m always here.” She opened the door and dismissed me with her eyes. I didn’t want to walk across the threshold but I didn’t have any other choice.
“See you later.”
“Bye.” She shut the door and locked it. Then her footsteps echoed as she walked away.
I listened to them until silence replaced the sound. Then I left, returning to my miserable existence without her.
Bluegrass
Francesca
“Since when did you get into bluegrass?” I walked beside Kyle with my hand in his. He usually listened to rock or alternative music, and to know he was interested in a completely different sound was a surprise.
“When I heard this band, I really liked them. They’re local.”
“When did this happen?”
“A few months ago. I was on a date and they came on the stage.”
When he talked about the women before me, it didn’t bother me at all. Not once did I feel jealous. I wasn’t sure why. Whenever Hawke’s old lovers were mentioned, it made me uncomfortable. “Cool.”
We walked inside to the loud sounds of a banjo and a washboard. They reminded me of Mumford and Sons with their own twist. We got our drinks from the bar then took a seat at a table.
I nodded my head along with the music. “They’re pretty good.”
“I told you.” He rested his arm around my shoulders and leaned in close to me. “I thought you would like them.”
I sipped my drink and moved my hand to his thigh.
“I like it when you touch me.”
“I always touch you.”
“Yeah…but things like that are different.”
“How?”
“It’s not sexual. It’s affectionate.”
I didn’t understand the difference.
He pressed a kiss to my hairline before he drank his beer. “Axel and I had a good time at the game the other night.”
“Yeah?” I forgot about that. “Good game?”
“It was.”
“Axel didn’t drive you crazy?”
“No, he’s a pretty cool dude. I see the similarities between you.”
I stuck out my tongue. “Don’t insult me.”
He took a long drink of his beer before he set it on the table. “So…you’ve been talking to Hawke?”
Why did Axel have to throw me under the bus? “I’m sure Axel made it sound worse than it really was.”
“He’s been showing up to your shop to talk about getting back together.” Now he wasn’t as affectionate. The warmth was absent from his voice. Despite the calmness of his tone, his irritation shined through. “More than once.”
I kept my mouth shut because I was in dangerous territory. The fact I didn’t tell him this myself made it seem like I had something to hide—even though I didn’t. “The only reason I didn’t mention it was because it wasn’t worth mentioning. I told him there was never any possibility of us getting back together. Whether he believed me or not isn’t my problem.”
Kyle stared at my profile, watching every expression that formed on my face. “It doesn’t sound like he’s given up.”
“Again, not my problem.”
“Well, it’s my problem,” he snapped. “I don’t want some guy wooing my girlfriend every day.”
“It’s not wooing. It’s him trying to justify his behavior. There’s not a single excuse that can redeem his behavior. We all fall on hard times. That doesn’t mean we can treat people however we want.”
Kyle drank from his beer again, downing nearly half of it. “I don’t want you to deal with this anymore.”
“He doesn’t bother me.”
“Well, he bothers me.”
“Eventually, he’ll get the hint and throw in the towel. You have nothing to be worried about, Kyle. I’m not the cheating type.”
“I never said you were.” His voice turned gentle, like he realized how aggressive he was being. “I’m not worried about that.”
“Then what are you worried about? I said I wouldn’t get back together with him so you have nothing to stress about.”
He dropped his hand from my shoulders then rested it on the table. His fingers played with the coaster on the table, spinning it across the surface. “With all due respect, you said that last time too.”
Now I was eating my own words.
“If you want to be with him again, it’s okay. But don’t waste my time.”
“I’m not wasting your time, Kyle.”
He searched for assurance in my gaze before he looked away. “Then why did you arrange for Axel and Hawke to work it out? Why did you care?”
“Because Hawke has been a good friend to my brother. Axel needs that in his life. I don’t care about what happened between Hawke and I. Axel should have everything he needs regardless of how it affects me.”
His eyes drifted to my chest. “Then why do you still wear that, Francesca?” He knew exactly what it was without ever asking me about it. He just knew—somehow.
My hand automatically flew to my locket, the one Hawke gave to me for Christmas. Since that day, I’d never taken it off. The one time I tried to, I chickened out and stopped. It was such a beautiful gift and it was too difficult for me to part with, even after all this time. “Because I like it.”
“What do you like about it?” he asked coldly. “That it has the engraving ‘we are forever’ on the outside? Or because it has a picture of the two of you on the inside?”
My fingers felt the warm metal as humiliation washed over me. It truly was pathetic that I still wore it, still carried a piece of him with me everywhere I went. But then I realized something. “How did you know that?”
“I have eyes.”
“No. How did you know what was inside of it?” Axel wouldn’t have told him that.
He looked away and rested both elbows on the table. “Lucky guess.”
Lucky guess, my ass. “You looked at it when I was sleeping, didn’t you?”
He didn’t meet my gaze, the guilt written everywhere.
“I can’t believe you would go through my stuff like that. Do you look at my phone too?”
