by Jerry Cole
There had maybe been a thing with one of the guys who he had done a play with when he was doing his undergrad, but they talked that out. Well, more like fucked that out. Trevor was pretty sure nothing like that was going to happen with Basil. No, not just pretty sure, he reprimanded himself. He was absolutely positive nothing like that was going to happen with Basil because Basil was straight. That was the reason Basil hired him instead of actually getting a boyfriend, because Basil wasn’t even slightly interested in men. It didn’t matter what he did when he was drunk. Trevor didn’t want to be with someone who only wanted to make out with him because of Instagram pictures or whatever. Still, he was paying him double what his old job was. Trevor only had to get through a year of this. He just had to be careful not to fall in love with the guy.
He was being stupid. He knew he was being stupid.
“Hello,” the barista said once Trevor was finally being served. “What can I get you?”
Trevor stared at him. The barista was a beautiful man, with long curled eyelashes, thick lips, and an adorable button nose. His clothes were obviously too tight on him, but somehow they still seemed to fit him perfectly. If Trevor hadn’t been thinking so intently about Basil, he would have considered this guy as a prospect. Part of the terms of his contract said he couldn’t date anyone, though. Not even the cute barista in front of him.
He realized he had no idea how Basil took his lattes when the barista stared at him.
“Sorry, man,” Trevor said. “I was kind of spacing out a bit there.”
“It’s okay,” the barista replied. “What can I do for you?”
“Can I have two skim milk lattes and one full fat one?” Trevor said.
“Sure, what’s the name?”
“Trevor,” he replied, smiling at him.
The barista smiled back. “That’s a pretty name.”
Trevor cocked his head and bit his lower lip. “No one has ever said that about my name before.”
“Have they said it about your face?” the barista said.
Trevor felt heat rush to his cheeks. He felt a little dizzy. “Not for a long time.”
“Are you free tonight?” the barista asked.
Trevor swallowed. “Not really,” he said. When the barista kept staring at him, he had to look away. When he spoke again, he was muttering. “Because, y’know, it’s Sunday.”
“Oh,” the barista said. “But you’re free otherwise.”
Trevor tried to look away from the barista. While he did find him attractive, he reminded himself there was a lot more at stake here than just his potential erection.
“Maybe,” Trevor replied. “I’ll have to think about this more after I’ve had my daily dose of caffeine.”
“Three lattes,” the barista said. Trevor read his name tag. It was Guy. Of course the barista’s name was fucking Guy. “You must really need caffeine to get through the day.”
Trevor smiled then cast his gaze toward the floor. “You have no idea.”
Someone cleared their throat behind Trevor. He was suddenly grateful there was someone behind him because he really didn’t want to keep talking to this guy. He wasn’t sure why—there was nothing wrong with Guy, he seemed like a perfectly nice person—but Trevor really needed to step away from him. He needed to step away from everything.
His head was spinning as he went to sit down at one of the shaded tables outside. He reached into the pocket of his sweats to get his phone.
It was still early, before nine, but he expected his parents would be up. He tried not to call his dad too much because he knew he worried about Trevor. But when he left home, his father had sat him down and told him if he ever felt lost, he could always call him.
For whatever reason.
Trevor hadn’t taken him up on it ever before. Again, because he didn’t want his dad to worry. There was also the fact he could always talk to Sage. No matter what, he had always been able to talk to her, regardless of what was bothering him. Now that he had gone and gotten himself entangled with her own freakin’ brother, there was no way he was going to be able to talk to her the same way he had before.
He sighed as he looked at his dad’s contact card. He definitely took after his mother more but there were traces of his dad on his face—his nose, his eyebrows, his lips. His father was still handsome, would probably remain handsome for a while. He was still a hit with the ladies and relentlessly faithful to his mother. He wondered if his father would consider contemplating taking up the barista on his offer as cheating. Then again, he couldn’t exactly discuss the intricacies of his current career with his father.
His father would definitely not approve.
He looked down at the face on his phone and back up at the man behind the till. Guy was smiling at him, and the moment he caught Trevor’s gaze, he winked. It made Trevor’s heart drop to his stomach.
That was all the encouragement he needed. He pressed the call icon on his phone and brought it to his ear as he waited for his father to pick up.
“Hello,” his dad said after the fourth ring.
“Hey, Dad,” Trevor replied, smiling.
His father was quiet for a few seconds. Trevor rarely called him. If anything, he called his mother, who would then put his father on the phone. It wasn’t because they didn’t get along or anything, it was because their preferred bonding method was sitting in front of the TV and shouting at reality TV contestants, which was not possible when Trevor wasn’t physically home. When they spoke on the phone, it was mostly because Trevor needed something to be fixed after his piece of shit car decided one of its parts would randomly stop working.
“Hey, son,” his dad finally replied, his voice coated with worry. Trevor felt a stab of guilt in his heart. His father shouldn’t have to worry when he heard his voice. “Is everything okay?”
Trevor licked his lips. “I guess.”
“Are you hurt? In trouble?”
Trevor closed his eyes and stared at his lap. Maybe this hadn’t been such a good idea after all. What could his dad do for him anyway? Tell him he was stupid? He had already puzzled that one out himself. He puzzled it out last night when he had been on the floor next to Basil, dying a little bit.
“Trevor?”
“I’m fine,” Trevor finally replied. “I mean, I’m not…I’m not in trouble, Dad. I’m not hurt.”
“Did something happen?”
Trevor sighed. “No. Not really.”
His father was quiet for a second. “What happened?”
“I don’t know,” Trevor said. “I think I made a mistake.”
“What kind of mistake?”
“A big one,” Trevor replied. “One that could affect me for the rest of my life. Fu—Dad, I don’t know what to do. I could back out but that could make it worse. Or I could see it through, because maybe it’s not a mistake. Maybe this is the right thing to do and I just can’t see it yet because I’m right in the middle of it and I’m not being rational about it. I have all these feelings about him, about this, and it’s like…of course I want to finish the assignment because it’s a big deal. If I don’t do it, then I don’t know what I’m going to do. At the same time, it feels like if it goes wrong, it could go so very wrong.”
His father chuckled, his voice deep. “Do you want to get a little more specific than that?”
“Not really,” Trevor said. “It’s kind of complicated, Dad. I don’t…I don’t even know if I can wrap my own head around it. I don’t know how I would feel if I had to start explaining it to you.”
“But it’s about a guy?”
“Yeah,” Trevor said, licking his lips. “Yeah, I guess so.”
“Is he treating you badly?”
“No,” Trevor replied. “This isn’t about him, Dad. This is about me. We’re not even—ugh, I don’t know. It’s really complicated. For a start, he’s my roommate’s brother.”
His father chuckled again. “That does sound complicated.”
“That doesn’t even begin t
o cover it,” Trevor said. He swallowed and looked at his nails, which needed to be filed. “You told me to call you when I was confused. I’m so confused right now.”
“I don’t know how to start helping you with other men,” he replied. Trevor smiled. There was no animosity in his voice, only a statement of fact. It had taken them a few years to get there and Trevor was very pleased they had. His father had never rejected him for being gay. He struggled a little because he had always seen Trevor as the person who would continue the family. They’d had so many things in common when Trevor was a little boy and they had spent time together playing catch or going to baseball games together. His father wanted to impart knowledge about girls on him because his father was good at girls. Trevor thought it had been more of a blow to his pride that his only son wasn’t interested in women. He’d gotten over it, though.
“I know,” Trevor finally replied. “I don’t really know why I called. I’m just…”
“Confused?”
“Yeah,” Trevor said, smiling. “Things are weird right now. I don’t know how to carry on without making them weirder or, y’know, without ruining things.”
“Without ruining your living situation?”
“Among other things,” Trevor replied. “I think I’m just way in over my head, and now it’s too late to pull out.”
“So, you’re committed,” his dad said.
Trevor smiled. “Something like that.”
“And you’re scared?”
“Yes,” Trevor replied, leaning back into the seat and tilting his head up to look at the dangling light on the ceiling.
“But you have to see this through.”
“I don’t see myself as having many other options,” Trevor replied.
His father was quiet for a second.
“I don’t know what to do, Dad,” Trevor said.
“Well, I expect you’ll have to see it through,” his father replied.
Trevor sighed, rubbing his temple. “It’s pretty likely it won’t work.”
“Isn’t everything?”
Trevor shook his head, laughing quietly. “So, I just need to see it through?”
“If you’ve already started, I don’t see why not,” his dad replied. “You’re already in this situation. There’s nothing you can do to back out now, right? Not without consequences.”
Trevor bit his lower lip. “Right. Okay, Dad. Thank you.”
“You’ll figure it out,” his dad said. “You always do.”
“You give me too much credit.”
“I give you just enough credit,” he replied, laughing. “You know you can always come home, right? If you need to sort things out or think for a little while. Your mother says you work too hard.”
Trevor chuckled too. “Thanks, Dad. This has been helpful. Oh, I gotta go. My coffee is ready.”
“Sure. Will you let me know how it goes?”
“Yes,” Trevor replied. “Of course I will. Bye, Dad.”
“Bye, son,” his father said. The line went dead and Trevor stared at his phone for a bit until someone said his name again and he had to go get his coffee.
***
After they were done eating breakfast on the balcony of his sister’s—and his pretend boyfriend’s—apartment, Sage announced she had a bunch of stuff to do and she would be back later. Basil needed to get home. Part of him didn’t even want to be around Trevor when they were by themselves. Trevor had been quiet but grateful for breakfast. He even smiled at Basil a couple of times; chuckling quietly every time Basil told a joke. Basil was starting to feel human again after food and coffee, but he needed some time alone to think about everything that had happened. Things had gotten so intense so quickly that Basil was having a hard time coming to terms with them.
Maybe that was a good thing, though. The more authentic things seemed, the more likely it would be that his parents were convinced. That was what mattered, he told himself. That was the reason he was doing this in the first place.
It had nothing to do with Trevor. It had nothing to do with his own feelings. It had everything to do with how annoying and pushy his parents were, and how much he despised spending time with Jennifer Burton. The fact he loved spending time with Trevor—no, he didn’t know Trevor well enough to say that. The fact he didn’t mind spending time with Trevor had no bearing on his plans and it meant nothing in the grand scheme of things.
The moment Sage opened the glass doors and went back inside, Basil turned to Trevor.
“Are you doing okay?”
Trevor smiled at him. “I feel like I should be the one asking you that. You weren’t doing very well last night.”
“I know,” Basil replied, twisting his lips. “That’s what the pancakes were about. I owe you an apology.”
Trevor rolled his eyes as he hugged himself. The morning air was cool and the jacket Trevor was wearing was flimsy. “It’s fine,” he said. “So, you got a little drunk. Whatever, it happens to the best of us.”
Basil swallowed. His heart was beating so fast. Part of him didn’t want to address this at all. Maybe if he left it unspoken, Trevor would never bring it up. He worried about the kind of person that would make him. Even if it hurt his pride, he had to own up to what he had done.
He stood up and walked over to the railing. He held on to it with both hands as he looked down at the city. He didn’t understand why there was a railing in a first floor apartment, but he didn’t mind it. It probably had more to do with preventing crime than with being able to see the sights.
“I need to apologize to you,” Basil said, trying his best to keep his voice steady. “I behaved poorly.”
He heard Trevor do something, but he wasn’t sure what it was. He didn’t want to turn around to find out, either. “I don’t see why you should apologize,” Trevor said. “You were drunk.”
“I kissed you,” Basil replied as he stared at his hands. The railing was cold and squeezing it wasn’t helping. He couldn’t help himself. “I shouldn’t have done that.”
“I thought it was part of the whole fake boyfriend thing,” Trevor said.
Basil didn’t think he sounded particularly convinced. “Well, yeah,” he said. “That was how I was seeing it last night. I don’t know, though, like I should have considered your feelings before I did anything like that.”
Trevor walked up to him. He stood next to Basil on the railing, his hand so close to Basil’s own that he could almost feel his warmth. He didn’t look at Basil, he looked straight ahead. He was grateful for it. “You think you hurt my feelings?”
Basil shrugged, his heart beating hard in his chest. “I wasn’t trying to presume your feelings were actually hurt,” he said. “Just, y’know, if they were, I’m sorry for it. I should have been more careful.”
Trevor chuckled, shaking his head. “It’s okay,” he said. “I’m your employee. You hardly have to be on the lookout for my feelings.”
Basil shook his head and licked his lower lip. “I don’t want you to just be my employee,” he said. “I mean, I was hoping we could at least be friends.”
Trevor shrugged. This time, he turned to look at Basil. “We just need to have better boundaries. You know, more defined ones.”
Basil turned too. He took his time to watch Trevor, look at the bags under his eyes, and the way his green eyes looked lighter in the morning light. “Yeah,” he said. “That seems like a good idea. So, maybe I shouldn’t get so drunk around you next time?”
“That might be a good start,” Trevor said.
“Also, maybe we shouldn’t kiss,” Basil said.
Trevor exhaled. “Yeah,” he said. “Maybe we shouldn’t.”
“So, friends?” Basil said, extending his hand.
Trevor looked down at it and nodded slowly. Then they caught each other’s gazes and Trevor smiled. It didn’t quite reach his eyes, but it was enough to put Basil’s mind at ease.
“I should head home,” Basil said when Trevor let go of his hand. “I’ll text you a
bout next weekend.”
“Another date?”
“If you wouldn’t mind,” Basil said. “Free food and you get paid for it. This time, you don’t even have to take care of me.”
“Sounds good,” Trevor replied. “I’ll see you next week.”
“Bye, Trevor,” Basil said.
Chapter Thirteen
Once again, Basil knew there was no need for him to be as nervous as he was. He spent all week worrying about where he would take Trevor for a date that was public enough but not too public. He needed it to be somewhere that was visible enough that people would still talk about them, but not exposed enough he would feel the need to get as drunk as he had last time. He needed to be chill about this entire thing. It was hard because he was nervous. He texted Trevor on and off through the week, mostly trying to psych himself up, but Trevor had been so nice, sweet, and polite that it had turned out to do the exact opposite.
Trevor hadn’t made it easy on him. It wasn’t that he was trying not to make it easy on him. Basil knew Trevor was just being himself. All he was doing was being polite. Not just polite, but himself. Basil wasn’t sure how to take that. They had eventually settled on a date by the beach.
They were going to go eat and then walk along the boardwalk. Since it was still too cold to go for a swim, they would probably have to call it an early night. Basil would have to be happy with that and he guessed Trevor would too.
As he looked at his face in the mirror and checked his teeth, he thought about his parents. They hadn’t made any comments yet but it was likely they had heard something about it. Since he expected to hear comments about Jennifer Burton at least, he was moderately positive they had to have known something. Even if it wasn’t much.
He kind of wanted them to bring it up. He had been dreading it also. He couldn’t really make up his mind on what was supposed to be better, if his parents were the ones to confront him about it or if he was the one who was going to come out and say something.
