by Jerry Cole
He cracked a smile at his own unintended pun and fixed his hair. He was ready for his date.
His pretend date.
***
After he picked Trevor up, they made awkward conversation in the car where neither one of them dared look at the other one, and finally arrived at the beach. It was too early to go into a restaurant, but it was already getting dark and Basil asked Trevor if he wanted to walk along the beach instead of the boardwalk. The beach wasn’t a particularly nice beach, it was full of rocks, seaweed, and people tended to avoid going in it unless it was hot enough to actually go in the ocean. For some reason, Basil really wanted to spend some time with Trevor that didn’t feel like they were performing—or at least that didn’t feel like they were performing as much.
He went around the car to open the passenger door for Trevor. Trevor extended his hand and Basil helped him out of the car. He was sure he was supposed to be getting used to Trevor’s touch, but if anything, that had also become more difficult. It had only been one date and everything already felt so intense and overwhelming.
Trevor smiled at him as he climbed out of the car. When he closed the door behind him, he grabbed Basil’s hand again, their fingers interlocking. Basil glanced at it, feeling somewhat alarmed. He was about to open his mouth to ask Trevor what he was doing but before he could say anything, Trevor leaned into him and whispered into his ear.
“Relax,” he said. “You wanted this to look real, right?”
Basil blinked. He tried to breathe deeply as he tried to get his beating heart under control. He wasn’t used to having Trevor touch him like this, as though it was the most normal thing in the world. Trevor reminding him it was all a show somehow only managed to make things worse.
“Basil,” Trevor said, still so close to Basil’s ear that his breath tickled.
“Yeah,” Basil replied. “Sorry, you’re right.”
He held on to Trevor’s hand as they walked toward the beach and then down the steps. Basil loved the smell of the ocean. If it was up to him, he would have lived much closer to the beach, where it smelled like clean air and salt. He hated how close the Walker mansion was to the Walker Mills. It was far enough that the craft pulping smell wasn’t as overwhelming as it was when he was in town, but every now and then, when he was on the grounds, he would get a whiff of the sulphuric smell and his reaction would range from finding it a little disconcerting—though he had no idea why—to full on rage, depending on how bad his day had been. The odor reminded him that no matter what he did, he wasn’t able to get away from his parents. He couldn’t get away from his destiny, which had been decided for him way before he was born.
Then again, he supposed that was very much the definition of destiny.
“Are you okay?” Trevor asked him, interrupting his thoughts.
“I’m okay,” Basil replied and exhaled heavily through his nose, a noise that wasn’t quite a scoff but almost was. “Man, I don’t know. I’ve been thinking about this a lot and it’s like…maybe it’s too weird.”
Trevor’s eyes widened, panic clear on his face.
Basil hastened to shake his head. “No, I don’t mean I want the arrangement to stop,” he said. “You know no matter what I would pay you for the year. We’ve talked about that. Did you go speak to the lawyer?”
“Yeah, on Wednesday,” Trevor said, his expression softening. “I was a little bit surprised you weren’t there.”
“I’m sorry,” Basil replied. “I had a lot of work.”
It was a lie. He wondered if it was obvious just how much of a lie it was. Trevor didn’t know him that well, so he knew it shouldn’t have been easy to read him.
“That’s okay,” Trevor said. “She was very thorough. I appreciate knowing the terms of the contract; things were up in the air there for a bit.”
“Yeah,” Basil replied. He closed his eyes as he felt a cool gust of wind against his skin. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t totally honest with you. I couldn’t—work isn’t super hectic or anything, to be honest. I barely do anything. I just sit around learning people’s birthdays and planning events at the company.”
“I thought you were the executive VP,” Trevor said. “Aren’t you super well paid?”
“Yeah, but being the CEO’s son isn’t actually a job title,” Basil replied. They stopped near the water and Trevor let go of his hand. He sat down on the sand and Basil watched him, a smile on his face. Trevor wasn’t looking at him as if he was judging him, if anything, Trevor was obviously curious.
“Sounds like a good problem to have,” Trevor said.
“It’s not too bad,” Basil replied. “I just…I’ve been there since I graduated and I’ve been trying hard to get them to take me seriously, you know? My dad gave me access to the books and I’ve been putting business proposals together.”
“That sounds like executive stuff,” Trevor said.
“It is,” Basil replied. He sat down next to Trevor, hugging his knees to his chest. “It’s cold out here.”
“It is a little,” Trevor said. “Why aren’t you wearing a jacket?”
“I felt a little overdressed last time,” Basil replied. “You looked so cool in your hoodie and jeans. I still don’t have this down.”
“It’s fine,” Trevor said. Basil was close to him, so close their arms were touching, and he could feel the warmth coming from Trevor’s covered skin. “Seriously. You’re over thinking this.”
“Maybe,” Basil said. “I kind of do that a lot.”
“Would you do it less if you actually had any work to do?” Trevor said, turning his head so he was staring at Basil. Because it was dark, Basil couldn’t focus on his light green eyes. Instead, he focused on his features, his angular face, and his thick lips.
“I don’t think so,” Basil said. “I mean, in theory, I should be extremely happy, right? I get paid a salary most people would kill for and I don’t even have to do much. It should give me the ability to pursue anything I want in life, right? But it just kind of…”
“What?”
Basil shrugged. “I don’t know.”
Trevor nodded. “Do you think about it, though?”
“Yeah,” Basil replied. “Sometimes. Probably a lot more than I should, to be honest. I think about what I could be doing instead of what I’m doing. I get so angry with myself because this is the perfect way to pursue what I’ve always wanted to do but I just…I don’t know. I feel like nothing crushes your spirit as much as being truly useless.”
“I don’t think you’re useless,” Trevor said. Then he smirked. “I mean, who else would remember peoples’ birthdays if it weren’t for you?”
Basil smiled back at him. “You know,” he said. “They have programs for that. Pretty sure your computer can just remember for you.”
Trevor didn’t say anything to that. He stopped smiling, leaned back, and looked up at the stars. His arms were by his sides.
“So, what would you like to be? If you were actively pursuing your dreams and stuff.”
“You’re going to laugh,” Basil said, licking his lips.
“I’m trying to be an actor,” Trevor replied. “I can hardly laugh.”
“I wanted to be a writer. I know, it’s kind of stupid,” he said. “When I was a kid and I thought I could just study whatever I wanted. I wanted to go to school for English. When I tried to have it be my minor, though, my parents freaked the fuck out.”
Trevor scoffed. “But English is such a good thing to graduate in if you want to work at a company.”
“I know!” Basil replied. “That’s what I tried to tell them. They weren’t having it. My parents are…I don’t know, strict.”
Trevor nodded, leaning forward and crossing his legs. “So, is that why you’re doing this? Talking to them wouldn’t be enough?”
“Yeah, something like that, I guess,” Basil replied.
They were quiet for a bit. When Trevor spoke again, his voice was barely above a whisper.
“For what i
t’s worth,” he said. “I really don’t think being a writer is stupid.”
“Maybe being a writer isn’t stupid,” Basil replied. “But it’s a stupid idea for me. Like, I could never do it.”
Trevor cocked his head, his eyes narrow. “Why not?”
“Because…because no one’s ever going to want to read it,” Basil replied, “even if I write something good.”
Trevor chuckled, shaking his head. “Yeah, but like, someone is paying you to do nothing at the same time,” he said. “So, you’re in the perfect place to do it.”
Basil shrugged. “If I can’t even do anything for the company that employs me, how do you expect me to write anything, y’know, good?”
Trevor shrugged too. “I don’t know. Putting in some hard work, like a normal person?”
Basil shook his head. “I feel like I should be offended at that.”
“You shouldn’t,” Trevor said. “If anything, I’m offended. I would love a cushy job that allowed me to pursue my art on the side.”
Basil laughed. “Isn’t that what this is?”
Trevor shook his head, laughing too. “I guess,” he said. “It’s still weird for me to think about that. I have so much free time now that I’m still like, going through a transition period right now. I can actually book auditions and stuff, it’s pretty crazy.”
Basil smiled. “Do you like it?”
“Yes,” Trevor said. “I like it a lot. Or, well, I’m sure I will. Once I get used to it and it stops being so freaking surreal.”
“It is really surreal,” Basil said. “I’m kind of sorry I dragged you into this situation.”
“I’m not,” Trevor said. “This is going to be a great story to tell in talk shows when I’m famous.”
Basil chuckled. “You won’t mention me by name, will you?”
“No,” Trevor replied, “of course not. I’ll just talk about you as the troubled rich heir who had to hire a gay guy to become your fake partner. You know. Standard.”
“When you say it like that, it sounds so ridiculous.”
“Just when I say it like that, huh?” Trevor said.
Basil laughed, smacking him playfully on the arm. They sat in silence until Trevor started to take his jacket off.
“What are you doing?”
“You said you were cold,” Trevor said. He leaned over and put the jacket around Basil’s shoulder. It smelled like Trevor. For a brief moment, Basil wondered what kind of cologne Trevor wore, what he used as his aftershave. Then he shook his head, ever-so-slightly, hopefully slightly enough Trevor wasn’t able to see him. Except when Trevor was done putting his jacket around Basil’s shoulders, he didn’t even remove his arm. He just left it there as if it was the most natural thing in the world, draped around him. Basil tried to take deep breaths but it was hard. Trevor was there, right there, so close to him.
“Aren’t you cold?” Basil said.
“I’ll live,” Trevor replied.
Basil smiled. “You know,” he said. “You’re a great fake boyfriend.”
“Thank you,” Trevor said. “I try.”
“Can I ask you something personal?”
“Sure,” Trevor replied. “We have to make this look real, right?”
“Yeah,” Basil said. “I guess. Why don’t you have…why don’t you have a real boyfriend?”
Trevor rolled his eyes. “Because I’m busy with the fake one?”
Basil shook his head. “No,” he said. “Before we started going out. Or pretend going out or whatever. You didn’t have a boyfriend then and like, if you don’t mind me saying, you’re, I don’t know, kind of a catch.”
Trevor laughed. “I’m really not.”
“You’re so good-looking, though,” Basil said.
Trevor shook his head. “Yeah, thanks,” he said. “It doesn’t matter how good-looking I am, though. Guys want you to be able to spend time with them if you’re dating them. I know, the bastards.”
“So, it wasn’t that you didn’t want to? It was that you didn’t have enough time?”
“Honestly, Basil, I don’t know,” Trevor said. “It isn’t that people didn’t want to go out with me. It’s that no one wanted to put up with my crazy work schedule, and hooking up has always been easier. I don’t have to become emotionally invested in a hookup, right?”
“Yeah,” Basil said. “I get that.”
“Is that why you don’t have a girlfriend?”
Basil nodded. “Yeah, pretty much,” he said. “I also don’t like getting emotionally invested in people.”
Trevor regarded him for what felt like a long time. Then he turned away again and watched the water. Since it had gotten darker, the horizon looked completely dark except for a few stars, and the water merging into the night sky.
“Thank you for bringing me out here,” Trevor said.
Basil nodded. He wasn’t sure what Trevor was actually thanking him for, but it made him feel warm inside. He didn’t want to shut it down.
“It’s nothing,” Basil said. “You’re welcome.”
When he turned his face slightly to keep talking to Trevor, his pretend boyfriend leaned in and kissed him square on the lips. It took Basil completely off-guard and though he thought about jerking away for a second, he reconsidered it instantly. Basil suddenly remembered how he felt when he had kissed Trevor just the weekend before. He had never felt that way before when he had kissed anyone else. His heart was going so fast in his chest and the feeling of Trevor’s lips against his own was already sending tingles down his spine. He was surprised when Trevor grabbed Basil’s face with both of his hands, and he held onto Basil firmly as their kisses got more passionate. Basil opened his mouth to allow Trevor’s tongue in. They kissed for a few minutes, Trevor moving away to catch his breath for a second. He kissed Basil again, this time his kisses more desperate and hungry and soon Basil had leaned back onto the soft ground and Trevor was almost on top of him.
Despite Basil wearing both his hoodie and Trevor’s jacket, lying down on soft, wet sand wasn’t particularly comfortable and it was distracting him from Trevor’s incredible kisses. Trevor looked at him when he moved back to catch his breath.
“Are you okay?”
“Yes,” Basil replied. “I’m…I’m better than okay.”
Trevor swallowed. “Do you want to do this?”
“Yes,” Basil said. “I really want to do this.”
Trevor smiled. Despite how dark it was, Basil could tell Trevor’s eyes were glimmering in the night. He leaned back down to kiss Basil on the mouth, made his way down, kissing Basil’s jaw, and Basil’s neck; all while his hand went down the front of Basil’s shirt, stroking him over the fabric.
Basil closed his eyes and moaned. He wasn’t sure how to start processing what was happening. Right then, all he felt was pleasure, too much pleasure to really contemplate anything else. He heaved a heavy sigh when Trevor moved away from him.
“Are you sure about this?”
Basil sighed. “Yes.”
“We’re not even supposed to kiss,” Trevor said.
“I don’t care,” he said. “I need you to.”
Basil heard Trevor sigh. He moved his face away from Basil’s skin and slowly got to his feet. He offered Basil his hand. “I’m sorry, Basil,” he said as he helped him get to his feet. “I shouldn’t have done that.”
Basil swallowed. “It’s okay,” he said. “You didn’t…you didn’t do anything.”
Trevor laughed. “Cute.”
“I wasn’t trying to be.”
“Let’s just pretend it never happened, okay? That’ll make things easier,” Trevor said. Basil wasn’t sure but he thought he heard some bitterness in his voice.
Basil swallowed. “Yeah,” he said. “That sounds good. Are you hungry?”
Trevor was quiet for a little while. Then he sighed. “Yeah, sure,” he said. “Whatever. I guess.”
Chapter Fourteen
“This is a bad idea,” Sage said. Basil was si
tting in a restaurant with her, eating dinner in the middle of the week at a highway diner halfway between their hometown and the city Sage attended university in. They agreed to meet after Basil had called her, confused and about to confess, but had chosen to say nothing instead. He didn’t want to complicate the relationship Sage had with Trevor and he wasn’t sure what Trevor had told her. It did occur to him that maybe he shouldn’t have hired someone who was quite that close to his sister, but he liked Trevor. The unexpected developments after that had been…interesting, to say the least. Basil spent hours pondering them, arriving at a different conclusion every single time.
He couldn’t hold off any longer. There was no way he was going to be able to keep this up. He needed to tell his parents. He hadn’t minded planning but now that he and Trevor were right in the middle of it, he knew for a fact things were only going to keep getting more and more complicated.
He didn’t think he could deal with any more of that. He was already struggling enough as it was. It was so difficult to become untangled from the situation when all he could think about when he closed his eyes was the way Trevor’s lips felt on him. Something happened the moment they had kissed, something had changed in Basil’s mind, and in Basil’s heart. He didn’t want to be cheesy about it but it already felt weird. He needed to get what he wanted out of this as quickly as possible.
“Hey,” Sage said. She extended her arm and squeezed Basil’s wrist lightly. “Are you sure that’s all? You seem like, really upset.”
“I’m fine,” Basil said. “I just…I guess I’m too invested in this.”
“In Trevor?”
“Yeah,” Basil replied. “You didn’t tell me he was so fucking charming.”
Sage laughed and released her grip on Basil. “I thought you wanted me to hook you up with someone who you would actually like,” she said. “Incidentally, you asked for him in the first place. You didn’t want me to just talk to anyone, remember? You specifically wanted me to talk to Trevor.”
“I know,” Basil replied. “In general, I’m really happy with it. I just think, I don’t know, we’re spending some time together and I can feel we’re getting closer. It’s been a long time since I’ve had…”
