A Walk Along the Beach

by Debbie Macomber

  Annie leaned closer, her look warm and sympathetic. “Insomnia isn’t unusual in your circumstance, Willa. You’ve lost your sister and you’re grieving. Our bodies react differently to that kind of stress. There are several drugs I can prescribe that will help you sleep, but I’m not fond of prescribing them. The side effects are worrisome, and in the end I’m afraid you’ll become psychologically reliant upon them. And the more you use them, the less effective they become. I suggest we start with melatonin and go from there.”

  “Melatonin?” Shirley had suggested I give it a try. She said her husband used it and slept like a baby. The local pharmacy carried it, but I brushed off her suggestion, thinking I needed something stronger.

  “Can you tell me what it is and why it works?”

  “Melatonin is a hormone that regulates the sleep-wake cycle,” Annie explained. “It’s non–habit-forming and completely natural. Give that a try, and if after a week it doesn’t work, come see me and we can discuss other options.”

  “Okay.” I wasn’t happy. I was looking for a quick, easy solution, not something I could get over the counter. My problem was serious.

  Instead of heading home, I drove out to the cemetery. I hadn’t been to see Harper since before Christmas. I’d left a poinsettia at her grave site, weeping until I could barely see, missing my sister to the point I was physically ill.

  The marker had been in place a few days before and I wanted to check on it, although Dad and I had given the approval before it was permanently set.

  The wind whipped my coat around my legs as I climbed out of my car. I wrapped a knit scarf around my neck, shivering against the cold. January wasn’t my favorite month of the year. Since I lived near the ocean, the winter months were often stormy, characterized by strong winds and heavy rain. I missed my walks along the beach. If ever I needed them, it was now.

  As I approached Harper’s grave, I noticed a bench. It was made of wood and was placed in such a way that it faced Harper’s tombstone. I swept aside the leaves with my gloved hands and noticed a small plaque on the armrest. In loving memory of Harper Lakey.

  My immediate thought was that Dad had done this, creating this bench because he knew I would want to spend time with my sister. Working at the hardware store, he had access to everything he’d need. It was such a thoughtful thing to do; I was surprised he hadn’t mentioned it.

  Standing by Harper’s grave, I looked down at the marker. It had her favorite verse, 1 Corinthians 13:13: “Now of these that remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” Below were the dates of her birth and death. It said little about the vibrant sister who was so close to my heart. Tears leaked from my eyes. You’d think by now I’d shed all the tears I had inside me, and yet they came without bidding, without warning, leaving me defenseless in my grief.

  How long I stood and stared at Harper’s grave I didn’t know. After a while I sank down onto the bench, grateful it was there. I grabbed a tissue out of my purse to blow my nose. I’d give anything to have my sister back and didn’t know how I would ever fill the huge hole her death had brought into my life.

  That evening I made one of Dad’s favorite meals in appreciation for his thoughtfulness. He deserved something special, and I knew this chicken-and-rice casserole would please him. He came home from work, petted Snowball, washed up, and, seeing that dinner was ready, sat down at the table. His eyes widened when I set the ceramic casserole dish in the middle of the table. This was one I used only on special occasions, because it had belonged to Mom.

  “What did I do to deserve this?” he asked. Even before I had a chance to answer, he reached for the serving spoon, piling a large heap of the chicken dish onto his plate.

  “I was out to see Harper this afternoon and found the bench you built. It’s perfect, Dad. Just perfect.”

  His gaze shot up and he frowned. “I’d be happy to take the credit, but I didn’t build a bench. Wish I’d thought of it, though.”

  “You didn’t? Then John must have had it done.” Thoughtful as he was and as much as he loved Harper, his name was the first to pop into my head if Dad wasn’t responsible.

  Dad took a big bite and then set his fork aside. “Now that you mention it, Sean was in the hardware store a while back and purchased lumber. I wasn’t the one who helped him. He saw me and we exchanged pleasantries. I didn’t think to ask him what he intended to make. My guess is it was that bench.”

  * * *

  —

  The following morning, just like clockwork, Sean came for his mocha. His eyes immediately sought me out. That, too, was part of his ritual. I pretended not to notice, but he knew. He always knew.

  “Morning, Willa,” he said when he stepped up to the counter.

  “Your usual?” I avoided eye contact.

  “Please.”

  My stomach twisted and I knew I had to say something. Looking up, I asked, “Would you mind if I joined you?”

  Surprise filled his eyes, and for a moment he looked speechless. “I’d enjoy that very much.”

  “Find a table and I’ll deliver your mocha.”

  He paid and then walked to the table in the farthest corner of my small shop, which suited me. I didn’t want anyone listening in on our conversation. Once I finished brewing his mocha and poured myself a cup of coffee, I carried our drinks over on a tray along with a slice of coconut cake.

  “Cake?” he said when I set the plate down, along with the fork.

  “Coconut. I baked it this morning.”

  “For me?” He reached for it and took a bite. Savoring it, he briefly closed his eyes. “It’s even better than I remember.”

  “You can take the rest of it home if you’d like.”

  “The entire cake?”

  I nodded and then nervously twisted my hands together in my lap. “I…I saw the bench.”

  He grinned a bit sheepishly. “It’s my Christmas gift to you and your family. I knew the holidays would be particularly hard. I wanted to do something to let you know I’m thinking of you. Of all of you. I haven’t stopped loving you, Willa, and I won’t.”

  I lowered my head, and the knot in my throat made it difficult to swallow.

  “I haven’t given up on us. I love you and that’s not going to change. I’m here for however long it takes to win you back.”

  I didn’t know what to say. He made it hard to resist. I could feel myself weakening and guessed it was all tied up in my lack of a good night’s rest.

  As though he sensed the protective shield around my heart cracking, he asked, “Would it be all right if we had coffee together once a week? That’s all I’m asking. Just once a week?”

  By all that was right I should’ve turned him down, but I found I couldn’t. “Only if I’m not busy.”

  His smile rivaled the summer sun. “Great. How about Wednesday? Didn’t you once tell me that was your least busy day of the week?”

  That he would remember that small detail told me that he had paid attention. “All right. Wednesday.”

  I was rewarded with another brilliant smile. My body automatically leaned toward him, as if drawn by a powerful magnetic pull. I fought against it and nearly spilled my coffee, looking to escape him.

  By the time Wednesday rolled around, I was agitated and nervous.

  “What’s gotten into you?” Shirley asked me that morning soon after we opened for business.

  “Nothing.” I hadn’t told her, hadn’t told anyone I was taking time out of my morning to sit and talk with Sean.

  Hands on her hips, Shirley glared at me. “Are you still not sleeping?”

  “No…It’s worse than ever.” The melatonin didn’t work any better than the other sleep medication I’d purchased over the counter. Nothing seemed to cure my insomnia. In desperation, I’d made a second appointment with Dr. Annie. I’d given the melato
nin a fair shot.

  Sean arrived at the same time as usual, collected his order, and returned to the same table where we’d last met. Without a customer in sight, I didn’t have an excuse not to join him. Taking my mug with me, I sat down across the table from him.

  “Do I look heavier than the last time you saw me?” he asked.

  I grinned. “The last time I saw you was only a few days ago,” I reminded him.

  “I ate the entire cake. It was delicious. I had it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Best cake in the universe.”

  Sean knew exactly what to say to make me smile. “I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

  “Knowing you baked it for me was the secret ingredient.”

  Unwilling to let him know how pleased I was at his appreciation, I lowered my head.

  “So, how’s it going with your dad living with you?” he asked, easing into the conversation.

  “Pretty well thus far, although I think we’re going to need to find another apartment soon. Snowball is bigger now, and we won’t be able to keep her hidden much longer.”

  “Are you sure you can’t talk the landlord into agreeing to let you keep the cat? You’re a good tenant and I doubt they want to lose you.”

  “It will probably be best if we did move,” I said, although I hated the idea. “Dad prefers a house. Now that he’s working at the hardware store, he’s wanting a garage for a work area. That will be good for him. He used to do a bit of woodworking and always enjoyed it.”

  “If I hear of a house for rent, I’ll let you know.”

  I hadn’t made the effort to look, preferring to put it off until necessary. “That would be great.”

  His gaze held mine. “How are you, Willa?”

  “Good,” I answered quickly, probably too quickly.

  Reaching across the table, he captured my hand. “No, you’re not. You’re pale and there are shadows under your eyes.”

  He was smart enough not to mention the weight I’d lost. I heard enough about that from Shirley, who had made it her life goal to fatten me up. So far her efforts hadn’t worked. I shrugged, answering without answering.

  He continued to look at me, silently demanding an answer.

  “I’m having a bit of trouble sleeping,” I reluctantly admitted. “I’ve been in to see Dr. Annie and have made another appointment. She’s not eager to give me a prescription drug, for fear it will become habit-forming.” I understood her concerns, but I was at the point that I no longer cared. All I needed, all I wanted, was one night of decent sleep. One good night would change everything.

  His hand tightened around mine. “Insomnia is only natural after everything you’ve been through.”

  I’d heard that from Annie. That didn’t make it any more bearable. “I’m sure it will pass in time.”

  “If there’s anything I can do…”

  “At this point, I doubt there’s much that anyone can.” I hated to sound depressed and sad. Lack of sleep left me bone-weary and feeling hopeless.

  “I’m serious. If you want to talk in the middle of the night, call. I’ll sing you back to sleep.”

  “Funny.”

  “I’m serious.”

  * * *

  —

  At two in the morning, I stared up at the ceiling, wide awake, fighting back tears of frustration. Was it too much to ask for a good night’s sleep? Just one night. I’d prayed, I’d begged God to let me rest, but no matter what I did, my mind refused to stop. Every time I closed my eyes, it was a signal for my mind to start mulling over a dozen senseless thoughts. I’d tried counting sheep, counting backwards from one hundred. My mind would zoom off in a dozen different directions, none of which led to a peaceful night.

  Then something Dr. Annie had said came to me. She’d asked, When was the last time I’d slept, really slept? It was the night I’d been with Sean, the night I’d slept in the same bed with him.

  Could I go to him? The idea popped unbidden into my head and I immediately shook it off. Still, it persisted. The hope that being in his arms would help me refused to go away. Even if I did go, would he even answer the door?

  Then I remembered him saying that if there was anything he could do…Well, there was. He probably wouldn’t like it; then again, maybe he would. Desperate times called for desperate measures. I was beyond desperate.

  While still in my pajamas, I put on my slippers, grabbed my coat and my purse, and snuck out of the house.

  All the way to Sean’s, I berated myself. This was ludicrous. I would be giving him the wrong impression. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t.

  Despite all my self-talk, I pulled in to his driveway and sat for all of two minutes before walking up his front steps. I rang his doorbell. I could hear Bandit barking before a sleepy Sean opened the front door.

  His concern was immediate. “Willa? What’s happened?”

  “I can’t sleep,” I said, fighting back tears. “You said if you could help, you would.”

  “Of course. Anything.”

  “Do you mean it?” I pleaded, fighting back exhaustion.

  “With all my heart. What do you need me to do?”

  “Can I…Would you let me sleep with you? Just for tonight. Please.”

  CHAPTER 34

  Willa

  I slowly stirred awake and rolled onto my back. My first thought was that I’d gone the entire night without waking. Then I remembered what I’d done, and where I was. I immediately bolted upright.

  I’d gone to Sean, woken him in the middle of the night, and crawled into bed with him. The instant he’d pulled me into his arms, I was out. And I’d slept for…I paused to roll my head and look at the clock.

  Nine o’clock. I should have been awake hours ago. I should have opened Bean There. With my pulse shooting toward the sky, I tossed aside the blankets and leaped out of bed. I raced around the bedroom, looking for my clothes before I remembered I’d come in my pajamas and didn’t bring anything more than my coat and purse with me.

  “Willa?” Sean knocked before opening the bedroom door.

  “Sean,” I cried in a panic. “I need to get to work, I—”

  “I phoned Shirley,” he said, cutting me off. “She’s filling in for you, and so is Joelle. You have the day off.”

  Because I’d been away from the shop for weeks on end, tending to Harper, I hadn’t taken a day off other than Sunday since my return. “But—”

  He held up his hand. “It was Shirley’s idea.”

  Sinking down at the end of the mattress, I brushed the sleep-mussed hair from my face as I slowly exhaled the tension from between my shoulder blades. “I slept so well.”

  Sean sat down next to me and reached for my hand. “I know. Your snoring kept me awake most of the night.”

  I was horrified and jerked my hand free of his grasp to cover my face. “Please tell me you’re joking.”

  He laughed, letting me know he was teasing.

  I playfully elbowed him in the ribs. “That was cruel.”

  “I’m not kidding when I tell you that you cuddled me all night. I loved having you with me. I had to pinch myself to be sure I wasn’t dreaming.”

  That embarrassed me nearly as much as the earlier taunt. “Did I really?”

  “It helped you sleep.”

  It wasn’t like I could deny it. “Thank you,” I whispered, unable to find any other words to express my gratitude.

  “I’m at your service, Willa.”

  “I was desperate.” He needed to know I would never have come to him if I didn’t feel this was my last option.

  “I know you had to be to come to me. Never thought I’d be grateful for someone suffering with insomnia.”

  He was so cute and clever that I found it impossible to hold back a smile. I loved it when he returned mine with one of his own. Sean had a dimple
on one side of his face that I found fascinating. Unable to stop myself, I raised my hand and cupped his cheek.

  Sean captured my wrist and brought my hand to his lips, kissing the inside of my palm. “I called your dad and explained that you were with me. He dropped off a set of clothes for you on his way in to work.”

  “Oh my goodness,” I said, and moaned. I could only imagine what my dad must be thinking. “I hope you explained—”

  “I told him everything. How you were after my body and—”

  “You didn’t!”

  He arched his brows.

  “Sean!”

  The way he quirked his mouth told me he was teasing me yet again. “I’ll get your clothes and you can dress while I make breakfast.”

  I noticed he didn’t leave me the option, he assumed I’d be joining him. The truth was I doubted I could have turned him down. For weeks I had done my best to push Sean out of my life. He wouldn’t let me. He’d been persistent and caring. I was beginning to think that I’d made a hasty decision in ending our relationship. It was time to rethink what I’d done.

  After I’d dressed and combed my hair, I joined Sean. He had dished up bacon, fried eggs, and toast. The table was set and waiting for me.

  “Orange juice?” he asked as I sat down.

  “Please.”

  He poured us each a glass before sitting down across from me. Because I’d slept, my mind was clear; I felt like a new woman. It was astonishing what a good night’s rest could do for a person. The weariness I’d carried on my shoulders slipped away. The day seemed brighter.

  “So,” he said, once we’d finished eating. He leaned toward me, pressing his stomach against the table. “Willa, I need to know what your being here means for the future.”

  “The future?” I frowned. I hadn’t thought beyond breakfast. “Do you mean you and me? Or my sleeping habits?”

  He grinned. “Both. You’re welcome in my bed anytime, Willa. I mean that.”

  I automatically shook my head. “Not a good idea. You’ll become like one of those drugs Annie warned me about. I’ll become psychologically dependent on you, and that isn’t something either one of us wants or needs.”