Tangled Secrets

by Anne-Marie Conway

  “Of course I did, or why would I say it? I used to be on the rounders team at my primary school so I know what I’m talking about.”

  “You were in the rounders team?”

  “Don’t look so surprised. They used to call me The Bullet because the ball flew across the field like a bullet whenever I hit it.”

  I smiled. It was a nice image. “You should come to rounders club some time,” I said. “Show everyone how good you are.”

  “You are joking, aren’t you?”

  “No, I’m dead serious. I didn’t want to go either when Gemma first suggested it.”

  “I don’t do clubs at school,” he said. “No one would want me there anyway.”

  “Scared I might be better than you?” I teased.

  He stood up to face me. “Is that a challenge, Maddie Wilkins?”

  “Yes that is a challenge, Kieran The Bullet Black. So do you accept or are you too chicken?”

  He didn’t answer but he smiled. A proper smile. It changed his face completely – as if someone had switched the lights back on after a very long time.

  I had no idea what would happen when I got back, or whether Dad would be there waiting to talk to me. I tried to sneak in as quietly as I could, but Mum called me into the kitchen and asked me to lay the table as if nothing had happened. She’d made my favourite dinner – lasagne with garlic bread – and as soon as I smelled it in the oven, I realized how hungry I was.

  She didn’t mention Dad while we were eating, except to tell me he’d be home late. I guess she didn’t want to say anything in front of Charlie. He had his football trial coming up and was attempting to discuss tactics with us.

  “Rory’s great up front,” he was saying, “everyone knows that, but someone has to be there to feed the ball in otherwise what’s the point?”

  Mum and I both shrugged. Neither of us had a clue about football.

  “The others don’t realize that feeding the ball in is just as important as scoring, isn’t it, Mum?”

  “Course,” Mum murmured, glancing at me across the table.

  There was so much to say. So much we needed to say and none of it had anything to do with Charlie and his football trials. If only I had the courage to face up to it. She waited until tea was finished and he was outside practising. As soon as she heard the familiar thud of the ball against the wall she said, “What happened after rounders, Maddie? Dad said you ran off and that you were very upset but he wasn’t sure why.”

  I started to stack the dirty plates up, stalling. “It was nothing really,” I said after a bit. “He was about to tell me something and then his phone rang and apparently it was so important he had to take it…” It was difficult to keep the bitterness out of my voice. I was so sick of all the lies, all the pretending. Mum came up behind me and turned me round to face her.

  “I know this is hard for you, Mads, but the phone call was important; it’s all tied up with what he was going to tell you. I can see you’re upset and anxious but he couldn’t help it, he had to go…”

  “So where was Dad on Saturday then?” I interrupted. My heart started to thump. I’d said it now; it was too late to change my mind.

  “What do you mean?” said Mum without missing a beat. “He took Charlie to the park for a big training session, remember? They were there for hours…”

  “I know, but in the morning, before that?”

  Mum frowned. Her eyes were fixed on my face. “He went into town,” she said. “He had a meeting with someone. We went together, just after you left to meet up with Gemma.”

  I couldn’t believe it. She was lying. Covering for him. Why would she do that? Why would she say she was with him? It didn’t make sense.

  “I don’t understand…” I said, more confused than ever. “I just want to know what’s going on with Dad and Sharon, Mum. I feel…I feel like I’m losing him…”

  “You are not losing him, Mads. This isn’t even about Dad and Sharon, not really. Look, I want you to come home straight after school tomorrow, no hanging around with Gemma or at the cemetery. Dad will be here and we’ll have a proper talk, the three of us together. I can see you’re upset, and this has gone on far too long, but I really don’t want you to worry. Everything is going to be okay, I promise.”

  I sneaked out early the next morning. I wanted to speak to Vivian before the others got there. I still felt a bit funny about seeing her with that Year Seven boy straight after I’d confided in her, but I’d hardly slept all night worrying about what Dad was going to say, trying to piece it all together: Sharon, the woman in the cemetery, the note, the girl with the ponytail.

  It was over four weeks since Sharon first called, nearly a month since Dad met up with her that night. I’d been so certain he’d started having a relationship with her, that he was lying to us, that him and Mum were splitting up, but suddenly I wasn’t so sure. Maybe I’d got it all wrong. Maybe she’d got in touch with Dad for some completely different reason. Nan used to say I was brilliant at getting the wrong end of the stick – adding two and two together and getting five.

  The door to the Blue Room was open slightly as I came up the corridor. I could hear voices. It was Mrs Palmer talking to Vivian. “You won’t be having Kieran today, I’m afraid,” she was saying.

  My stomach clenched up. I got as close to the door as I could, straining to hear. Something was wrong. I could feel it in my gut.

  “I thought I’d better come and tell you myself,” Mrs Palmer went on. “Kieran was taken to hospital by ambulance late last night.”

  Chapter 21

  I just about got out of the way as the door swung open and Mrs Palmer came out.

  “Oh goodness, Maddie, you gave me a fright! I hope I didn’t hurt you.”

  “No, I’m fine,” I said. She began to walk past, her heels clicking down the corridor. “Mrs Palmer!” I called out, before I could lose my nerve. She turned back towards me, smiling. “Um…I heard what you said about Kieran just now. I wasn’t eavesdropping or anything I was just standing right outside. Is he okay?”

  “I understand he’s your friend, Maddie, and that it’s worrying,” she said gently. “But apart from the fact that he was taken to Hadley General last night, I’m afraid I don’t know much else about it at the moment.”

  It sounded weird, hearing her say Kieran was my friend. Kieran Black, who used to go out of his way to torment me – but she was right, he was my friend, and I honestly couldn’t bear it if anything had happened to him. I turned around slowly and trailed into the Blue Room, a plan already forming in my head. I had to get up to the hospital – to show him that someone cared.

  “Morning, Maddie,” said Vivian. She held the pad out to me but I shook my head; I didn’t have time to draw today or waste my time doodling.

  “I’m really worried about Kieran,” I blurted out. “I overheard what Mrs Palmer said and I need to find out if he’s okay. And that’s not all. I saw my dad in a cafe with this woman; I’d seen her before in the cemetery, by my nan’s grave, and once more, here at school, and there was a girl with them, about my age, a bit older. Then a few days later I saw the girl again. She was hanging round my locker, waiting for me…”

  “Waiting for you?” said Vivian frowning. “What do you mean? Did you speak to her?”

  I shook my head, sinking down into the nearest chair. “As soon as she saw me she took off, as if she was scared, or she’d done something wrong.”

  Vivian was quiet for a moment. “Look, I’m worried about Kieran as well,” she said slowly. “Maybe I could try to ring the hospital in a bit. As far as your family goes, and this girl, I really think you should talk to your dad. Does he know you saw him in the cafe?”

  I shook my head. “I’ve only told Kieran and my best friend Gemma. I’m finding it really difficult to talk to my dad at the moment. He’s being so secretive. Apparently we’re going to have this big family talk later this afternoon but I’m dreading it. It’s like I want to know, but I’m scared of knowing a
t the same time…”

  “Listen to me, Maddie, you need to talk to your dad, or if you can’t manage that, then talk to your mum. Of course it’s scary, there’s obviously something going on, but you’ll feel so much better once it’s all out in the open…”

  “I know you’re right and I don’t want to run away any more. I just find it so difficult…”

  Vivian reached out to touch my arm. “Look, if it makes it any easier, I could talk to Mrs Palmer after the session and set up a meeting with your parents here, maybe for tomorrow? I’d be happy to do that if you think it would help.”

  I nodded, relieved. Maybe I’d been wrong about Vivian not caring after all. Just at that moment Sally-Ann came rushing in. “Sorry I’m a bit late,” she said. “What have I missed?”

  I tuned out as they chatted. A meeting with Mum and Dad and Vivian. I was still frightened, but Vivian was right; knowing had to be better than not knowing, however awful the truth turned out to be. And it would be so much easier if Vivian was actually there when Mum and Dad told me…

  “Did you hear what I was saying, Maddie?” Sally-Ann waved her hand in front of my face. “I told my mum how I was feeling about her new boyfriend – how I was worried she didn’t want me around any more, and she was really shocked. She said she had no idea; that I always acted like I couldn’t care less when he came over…”

  “So was your mum nice about it?” I asked, thinking of Dad.

  Sally-Ann nodded. “Really nice. She said I had nothing to worry about, that I’d always come first, no matter what.”

  I hung back at the end of the session to talk to Vivian about the meeting. She said she’d speak to Mrs Palmer as soon as she could and that one of them would let me know what was going on later. She said she appreciated me confiding in her, that it was extremely brave. I shook my head, confused. It’s not as if I’d confronted Dad, or talked to Mum, or done anything really.

  Gemma was waiting for me by my locker.

  “Is everything okay?” she said. “Where were you this morning? What happened with your dad?”

  “I’m sorry; I had to come in early to talk to Vivian. She’s going to set up a meeting with my parents.” I hesitated. “Um, to be honest, Gemma, I’m more worried about Kieran at the moment.”

  “Kieran Black?”

  “Yes, Kieran Black, and before you freak out or anything, just listen, please!”

  I told her what I’d overheard before the session, and about Kieran’s mum dying and what happened with his dad in the cemetery. She might not like Kieran but I knew I could trust her. Her eyes were so huge behind her glasses they practically filled her entire face.

  “I can’t believe it. ‘No more secrets’, you said! All this stuff has been going on and you haven’t said a word!”

  “I know, I’m sorry, I should’ve told you, but I wasn’t sure if Kieran would want people to know about his mum and you have to swear not to say anything to anyone. Anyway, listen, I need to go to the hospital straight after school, just to make sure he’s okay, and I really want you to come with me.” I kept my eyes fixed on her face, praying she’d say yes, but she stared back at me as if I’d asked her to fly to the moon.

  “You’re joking, aren’t you? That’s totally bonkers, Maddie. We won’t know what ward he’s on and even if we find him, they won’t let us actually see him, not unless we’re relatives, and—”

  “We’ll make something up,” I cut in, before she could come up with any other reasons. “We’ll work it out on the way. Please, Gemma, I’m begging you.”

  She rolled her eyes, groaning. “Okay, okay, I’ll come, but I still think you’re mad.”

  It doesn’t take long to get to Hadley General; it’s about twenty minutes out of town by bus – the same hospital Nan was in when she had her stroke. I’ll never forget the day I went to visit. She’d already been in hospital for nearly a week, but I’d been too scared to visit. By the time I plucked up the courage to go she’d caught the infection and taken a turn for the worse.

  Mum tried to warn me in the lift before we got up to the ward, but it was even worse than I was expecting. She looked too small for a start, as if they’d put her in the washing machine and shrunk her. Her face was saggy, drooping down on one side, and there was a line of dribble coming out of her mouth.

  I edged towards the bed and told her it was me, that I’d come to visit, that I was sorry it had taken so long. I begged and pleaded with her to wake up. I kept saying, it’s me, Nan, it’s me, Maddie, over and over, but it was too late. She didn’t move. She couldn’t even hear me. She’d slipped into a coma that morning and she never woke up again. Mum had to drag me away in the end, out of the ward and back down in the lift.

  I couldn’t help wishing Mum was with us now; she’d know what to do for the best. I texted her to say I was going back to Gemma’s and that I’d be home before dinner. I knew she’d be cross, she was expecting me straight home for the Big Talk, but I couldn’t let myself worry about that until I’d seen Kieran and made sure he was okay.

  We sat at the top of the bus, chatting. Gemma wanted to know all about Kieran and his mum and dad. She said she felt bad not knowing his mum had died – that if people knew they’d understand why he was in trouble all the time. I tried to stay as calm as I could as the bus trundled along, but I had no idea what we were going to find when we got to the hospital – or if they’d even agree to let us see him.

  There was a crowd of people just outside the main entrance, most of them smoking or on their phones. We weaved our way through and went over to the main reception desk.

  “We’ve come to visit Kieran Black,” I said, trying to sound more confident than I was feeling. “He was brought in last night…”

  The receptionist tapped something into her computer and then looked up, her face bored, as if she’d already dealt with a million people that day. “You’ll find him in Meadow Ward on the third floor. The lifts are straight ahead on the right-hand side.”

  We hurried down the corridor before she could say anything else.

  “I honestly didn’t think it would be as easy as that,” I said, relieved but panicking at the same time. “What are we going to do when we get up there? What if they’re suspicious? It might not even be visiting time.”

  I’d been so desperate to come, but now we were here I wasn’t so sure. Gemma was right, I wasn’t related to Kieran. I had no idea why he was here or how ill he was. It suddenly felt as if I was poking my nose into something far too private. I didn’t say a word in the lift but as the doors slid opened I reached for Gemma’s hand and she squeezed it tight.

  “I hate hospitals,” I said, wishing we could go. “I’ve always hated them ever since Charlie was a baby – and then coming here when my nan was ill…I don’t think I can do it…”

  “I don’t feel brilliant either,” she whispered. “The last time I was at hospital was when my mum had her scan. But we’re here now, Mads.”

  The first thing that hit me was the smell. It was a mixture of sick and disinfectant. Exactly the same smell as when I came to visit Nan. I had to breathe through my mouth to stop myself from retching. All the memories came crowding back. I had an overwhelming urge to run, to get as far away as I could.

  We made our way over to another desk in the middle of the ward. There was a massive whiteboard behind it listing all the patients. I scanned it for Kieran’s name but it was difficult to read the scribbled writing. I cleared my throat and one of the nurses looked up from her computer.

  “Yes, can I help you, girls?”

  “We’ve come to see Kieran Black,” I said. “He was…um…he was brought in last night.”

  The nurse stared at me for what seemed like the longest time and then turned to the nurse next to her. They got up and moved to the side talking in hushed voices.

  “Something’s happened to him,” I said to Gemma. “I’m sure of it.”

  She reached for my hand, squeezing it even tighter. The first nurse came back ov
er, sitting down again before she spoke.

  “Are you related to Kieran?” she asked. “Are you here with anyone else? Mum or Dad?”

  I shook my head. “We’re friends from school. We just wanted to make sure he was okay.”

  “Well the thing is, girls, he’s not actually here any more,” she said. “He was discharged this morning…” She trailed off.

  “So he’s okay then?” said Gemma.

  “Yes, he’s fine,” she said firmly. “I’m sure he’ll back at school in no time at all.”

  She looked at her computer screen, tapping a few keys. The conversation was over as far as she was concerned, but I still had a million questions.

  “Come on,” said Gemma. “At least you know he’s okay.” She pulled me away from the desk and we trailed out of the ward.

  “I still think something’s wrong,” I said, as we waited for the lift. “I wish I knew why they brought him here in the first place.”

  “I know, but they were never going to tell us. That sort of stuff is confidential, even if it’s something as simple as a throat infection or chickenpox.”

  “Yeah, but you don’t get taken to hospital in an ambulance in the middle of the night for a throat infection. What if his dad did something to him? Hurt him in some way? Do you think I should go back and ask?”

  Gemma shook her head. “Seriously, Maddie, there’s no point. They won’t tell you, and anyway, look, the lift’s here now.”

  The light at the side of the lift flashed yellow as the doors began to slide open. There was a girl inside. She was wearing a Church Vale uniform, her brown hair tied up in a ponytail. She looked up, took a step towards us and then froze.

  It was her.

  The girl from school.

  The girl I’d seen in the cafe with Dad.

  Chapter 22

  “What are you doing here?” she said, as if she knew me. “What’s happened?”

  I stared at her, trying to understand.

  “Don’t mess around, Maddie!” Her voice rose in panic. “Come on, I’m not joking! Just tell me!”