Every Last Breath

by Jennifer L. Armentrout

  Roth looked down at Bambi, and he tried to smile, but he failed. “Go.”

  But the familiar hesitated, and Roth had to tell her to go again. A very real pain ripped through me as I reached up, brushing the back of my hand across the wetness gathering on my cheek. Finally, after what felt like my heart being cut out of my chest and tossed on the floor, Bambi slithered away from us, her head down.

  Roth stepped forward, as if he was going to go after her, but stopped himself. Walking up behind him, I wrapped my arms around his waist. His hands settled on my arms, but instead of pulling them away, he held on to them.

  Pushing up the sleeve of her thick sweater, exposing her arm, Serifina waited with trepidation clearly oozing out of her. About a foot in front of her, Bambi came apart, forming a thick shadow that settled onto her arm.

  Serifina jolted as Bambi melded onto her skin, clenching her jaw as Bambi disappeared under the sweater. The girl jerked and then twisted, doubling over at the waist. A second later she straightened, her back bowing as Bambi appeared, circling around her neck.

  Paul cursed, gripping Serifina by the arms. Bambi let up, though, and I figured it was her little warning that she wasn’t very cool with this. The snake disappeared back under the sweater, and by the sudden way her face flushed, I doubted Bambi was currently making herself at home in a very comfortable place.

  It was done.

  Neither of us could have predicted this. I got why Cayman hadn’t said anything up to this point, because I believed knowing that this was coming would’ve been a harsher blow. Or maybe not. Loss was bitter whether it was expected or unanticipated.

  And this was a loss.

  “Get. Out. Of. Here,” Roth growled, eyes flashing an intense crimson.

  There was a moment of hesitation. Paul and Serifina moved more quickly than they probably ever had. They pivoted around, and I watched them go, wanting to grab her brown hair and pull her to the floor, demanding that they give Bambi back to us.

  But I couldn’t.

  A demon did not go back on his promises.

  Serifina halted at the doors and turned back to where we stood. Paul dipped his head, speaking too low for us to hear. Serifina drew a breath and looked at each of us in turn. “We understand how serious the issue with the Lilin is. Please do not think that we don’t. It’s why we need the familiar.”

  “Because Bambi will help you survive the apocalypse?” I laughed hoarsely. “She’s amazing, but even she can’t do that.”

  Pain pinched her face. “That’s not what we think, but she will make us stronger. You know that. And she will protect us from all sides, including his.” Her gaze darted to Roth briefly. “He will make sure no harm comes to us, not when we have her.”

  Dammit. She was so right and yet it felt so wrong. “So, she’s a hostage instead of a queen?” I fired back.

  “Let’s go,” Paul urged. “There’s no use in reasoning with them.”

  “Yes, go.” Roth stepped forward, chin tipped down. “Go before I regret my actions.”

  Serifina appeared torn, but she held her ground. I had to admire her for that, because Roth looked murderous, and I was sure I didn’t look that different. “The Lilin has not gone far,” she said, stepping away from Paul when he whirled toward her. “There is a darkness gathering in the city, one that we’ve never seen before, but we can feel it.”

  A chill skated down my spine as she continued. “We do not know what it is, but what else could be the cause? Something unnatural is occurring there.”

  “The city is a pretty big place,” I said. “That doesn’t really narrow it down for us.”

  She looked at Paul pointedly. “Tell them.” When he hesitated, she raised her voice. “If they don’t stop the Lilin, there will be very few places any of us can hide. Tell them.”

  Disgruntled and red-faced, Paul drew his shoulders up. “We’ve been keeping a close eye on the Church of God’s Children for a while now.”

  Oh man, I’d all but forgotten about them, which was insane, but a lot had been going on. The Church didn’t belong to any mainstream sects and they were some of the worst kind of human beings I’d ever had the displeasure of meeting. Not only did they hate demons, they loathed Wardens.

  And they really disliked me.

  I tried not to think of the day two of them had followed us into the parking garage, or how I’d lost my cool, doing something really horrible that involved a bible and a man’s face. My actions had led to one of their deaths, and although they were really terrible, knowing I’d caused the death of a human was hard to swallow.

  “Their fanatical beliefs make them just as dangerous as any demon,” Paul continued. “They’ve been active up until this past Wednesday. Not a single member has been seen or heard from since then.” He paused, lips thinning. “We infiltrated them long ago, but our brother has also not been in contact with us.”

  “We are not foolish enough to check it out,” Serifina said. “We are too vulnerable to put ourselves in harm’s way, but assuming our suspicions are true, if you find the Church, you may find the darkness—and the Lilin.”

  twenty-one

  THE WHEREABOUTS OF the Church of God’s Children was no secret. Its address was plastered all over the many flyers I’d ripped down from storefronts and telephone poles. It was near Adams Morgan, which I’d always thought was a strange location for the church since that neighborhood was pretty lively and known for its nightlife. It was becoming more and more of an entertainment district, so the building used as a church truly did stick out like a sore thumb.

  But we didn’t rush off to Adams Morgan.

  The three of us remained in the empty club after the witches left, taking Bambi with them. Roth was the embodiment of barely leashed anger as he stood in the center of the dance floor, his hand opening and closing repeatedly at his side.

  He was the first one to speak. “I think we need to be smart about this instead of bum rushing the Church. If the Lilin really is there, I doubt it’s sitting and singing hymns with those people.”

  I glanced at Cayman, who still looked stricken by what had just happened, and then I refocused. Why in the world would the Lilin be with them? And vice versa?

  “As much as I hate to suggest this, we need to call the Wardens,” Roth continued as he walked to where the witches had sat, picked up one of the chairs and carefully, meticulously, placed it under the table. “Yeah, their perfect pearly souls would be at risk, but they could act as backup.”

  “Roth...” I stepped forward.

  He ignored me, fixing the other chair. “We have the necessary weapons to take out the Lilin. So do the Wardens. Let’s do this.”

  “Roth,” I repeated, this time stronger and louder. His dilated eyes locked onto mine. The glint in them was downright murderous. “Let’s stop for a second.”

  “How about we not?” he replied calmly—too calmly.

  The ache in my chest tripled. “What just happened...we have to acknowledge that.”

  His lips were pressed into a thin, formidable line. “Do we? Because dwelling on it seems pretty pointless. What does it change?”

  “It doesn’t change anything,” I said, as Cayman turned sideways, thrusting his hand through his fair hair. “But we can’t pretend it didn’t happen. Bambi—”

  “I think it’s best that I pretend exactly that.” Shadows had begun to form under his skin as his features sharpened, forming harsh angles. “Because I am this close to ripping that coven apart, and if I do that, it’s going back on the deal Cayman made.”

  Cayman hung his head as he placed his hands on his lean hips. “I had hoped that they would not come to collect.”

  Roth didn’t respond to that, and I didn’t know what to say to make this better. He had lost a loved one. It didn’t matter that the loved one was a familiar who mostly took the form of a giant snake. Those two were bonded on a level that even I couldn’t fully comprehend, and I had bonded with Bambi. I placed my hand over my side, where
Robin rested. I was already bonding with the fox.

  “I’m sorry,” I said.

  His shoulders tensed. “Why are you apologizing? You didn’t take her.”

  “If anyone should apologize, it is me. I brokered the deal,” Cayman interjected morosely. “I knew—”

  “You were doing your job,” Roth snapped, his anger surfacing. “I told you I’d give anything, therefore you made the deal. There is nothing you should be sorry for.”

  I closed my eyes, forcing myself not to say what I wanted to. Guilt beat at me, but I knew he didn’t need to hear that from me right now. As much as I wanted to rage about losing Bambi, this wasn’t about me, and whatever I felt was nothing compared to what Roth had to be feeling.

  Tucking my hair back behind my ears, I pulled my tattered emotions together, shoved them down and focused. “Okay. I can reach out to Zayne.”

  Roth nodded and we headed back to his loft so I could grab my phone. Cayman didn’t follow, and I felt just as bad for him as I did for Roth. Walking into his room and knowing I would never see Bambi slither her way over to the piano again kicked the breath out of my chest as I walked to my bag, by his desk.

  “She’ll be okay,” Roth said quietly as I drew my phone out. I turned around and found him staring at the piano. “I know she will be. Bambi won’t allow herself to be mistreated.”

  I bit down on my lip. The back of my throat burned.

  Sighing, he looked up at me and the anger was still there, brimming just below the surface, but so was the shattered disappointment. “I really hope those witches were right, because I have a lot of pent-up aggression I need to get out of my system.”

  “I...” I trailed off helplessly, clutching the phone.

  His thick lashes lowered. “It’ll be okay.”

  Walking over to him, I placed my free hand on his shoulder, and then stretched up, kissing his cheek. He stiffened for a moment, and then he folded his arms around me, burying his face in the crook of my neck for only the briefest of moments before he pulled away, rubbing his palm along his chest. “Text Zayne.”

  And that’s what I did.

  * * *

  Roth and I waited for the Wardens on the rooftop of a bank near the Adams Morgan area after the sun had set.

  Nervous energy made it hard to stand still, and Robin was picking up on it, racing across my stomach like it was his own personal drag strip. Luckily, only about ten minutes passed before movement in the sky drew our attention.

  From a distance, they looked like birds of prey at first, as if they’d swoop down and snatch people from the group. But as they drew closer, there was no mistaking what they were. Even those down on the streets below would be able to pick out the differences.

  I could also tell that a whole crap ton of Wardens were coming.

  “Damn,” I muttered, stiffening.

  Roth was beside me in under a second. I shouldn’t have been surprised. Obviously what was about to go down was a big deal, and I’d known that eventually I was going to have to face more than just Zayne, Dez and Nicolai.

  But a part of me wasn’t ready.

  Nope.

  “This is going to be awkward,” I said, brushing my hair back out of my face.

  “No.” Roth placed his hand on my lower back. “But it may be bloody.”

  I shot him a look. “Behave.”

  “I cannot promise that whatsoever.”

  “These are not the ones you need to take out your aggression on.”

  He smirked. “Let me be the judge of that.”

  This was so not going to go well, but it was too late to change our plans. The pearly white glows faded and Zayne landed first. In his true form, he was massive. His skin a dark gray, his horns curved back, parting his blond hair. Not ugly or frightening, to me at least, but his gaze was an arctic blast as it drifted over us, a painful reminder of how much had changed.

  I wanted to hide from that gaze and everything it dredged up, but I found my lady balls and held them close. I’d put myself in this situation with him and I had to deal with the consequences.

  Dez and Nicolai were next, followed by two more clan members, but it was the final arrival that caused dread to explode like buckshot in my stomach and punched a harsh curse out of Roth.

  Abbot was here.

  The roof shook when he landed behind the clansmen and straightened, a good half a foot taller than the rest. With his hair as golden as his son’s, brushing broad shoulders, he’d always reminded me of a great lion.

  In a way, Abbot was king.

  For years, I’d trembled at the mere sight of him in his human and Warden forms, as he had been the greatest authority I’d known. And for years, I’d struggled to obtain the smallest sliver of pride from him. I’d basically operated on the theory that any attention was good attention, like a puppy. Now? Unfettered rage was what shook me and I sure as Hell didn’t care if he was proud of that or not.

  Abbot had believed the worst of me with little or no evidence backing it up. It was no wonder why I’d had such loser self-esteem and had also thought the worst. While he hadn’t been the one who shoved a freaking dagger into my stomach, he had me caged like an animal, and then chained like one.

  That was kind of hard to let go of.

  “What is he doing here?” Roth queried, and although the question sounded like he was asking about the weather, I knew he wasn’t nearly that calm.

  Abbot walked to the front, his clan—even his son—sticking close to his side. His gaze drifted over Roth, and he barely managed to keep the contempt off his face, but then he was looking at me, and all the hard lines of his granite face softened. “Layla, I—”

  “Don’t.” The one word that burst out surprised me. “Don’t apologize. A handful of words don’t make up for what you did.”

  He drew himself up to his full height. “I know nothing I say will ever erase any of what happened, but I... I regret the role I played in it all.”

  The role he played? To me, he’d been the freaking captain leading the Kill Layla parade down Main Street.

  Abbot wasn’t done. “You were mine to raise and protect. I failed you.”

  “Yes, you did,” Roth replied. “I won’t, but here’s the thing, and this message goes out to everyone. She doesn’t need protection. Not anymore.”

  I got all warm and fuzzy upon hearing that, but the smug feeling quickly evaporated when my gaze caught Zayne’s and he looked away without so much as a glimmer of any emotion.

  “I’ve heard from my son that you are...something else.” Abbot spoke directly to me. “That you do not look like us anymore.”

  “I’m not like you.” My hands curled into fists and Robin started to get antsy. “Turns out, I was never a demon.” That got Zayne’s attention and an emotion out of him. Surprise. “Yeah, I have some demonic abilities, but... Well, does any of that matter?”

  “No,” Zayne answered, shocking me. “It never mattered before. Not to any of us. It doesn’t matter now.”

  There was a tugging sensation in the general vicinity of my heart.

  “You said that you have a lead on the Lilin.” Nicolai spoke up, always the peacekeeper of the bunch. “That it may be holed up with the Church of God’s Children?”

  Roth was eyeing Abbot like he wanted to rip the Warden’s head off, and he would’ve, back on the night I had been captured, if I hadn’t stopped him. “Yes. Layla and I are going to check it out and if the Lilin is there, we’re going to need backup.”

  “That’s why we’re here,” Dez responded. “You tell us what you want us to do. This is your show.”

  Abbot’s shoulders hunched, and it was obvious that he wasn’t happy with that decision. Roth looked smug as he said, “We need you all to stay close by. If things get hairy, you’ll know.”

  “How is that?” Nicolai asked.

  One side of Roth’s lips curved up. “Nitro. Off.”

  My gaze shot to him as the tiny black cloud appeared before him. It dropped to the
rooftop, and then rapidly pieced together, forming a tiny kitten.

  Zayne shook his head. “What is it with you and runts of the litter?”

  “Patience, Stony, patience.”

  Before Roth finished those words, the little ankle biter increased before our eyes. Frail shoulders expanding into powerful hunches. The back lengthened into thick muscles covered by sleek white fur. What started off as a soft growl turned into a menacing, reverberating snarl that raised the hair along the back of my neck.