Restart Again: Volume 3

by Adam Ladner Scott

  The onslaught of memories continued, increasing in speed with each stolen moment. The first cup of tea Alda made for me the night Jaren rescued me from the snow. The first time I was able to knock the old knight Brusch into the dirt after so many years of practice behind Ashedown’s forge. My first kiss with Lia, lying in the southern fields of Kaldan the night before we reached Attetsia’s walls. Jarut’s stifled laugh as Kel teased me about my relentless stories of my life with Amaya. Stop it. As each memory burned away to mist, an indignant flame grew stronger in my stomach. Those aren’t yours to take.

  Another flash of pain struck me more powerfully than before, and two memories played side by side before me. To my left, Amaya stood at the base of our shady tree, dressed in a simple white wedding dress. To my right, Lia was bound hand-in-hand with me in the Mayaan chapel, her brilliant rainbow dress glowing beneath the stained glass window above us. “NO!” I roared, pulling back on the memories with all my might. “NOT THOSE!”

  A chill ran down my spine and spread out through my limbs, interrupting my pain and halting the playback of the memories. Hello, Elden. It’s been a while, hasn’t it? I felt a mix of relief and fear as Amaya’s voice whispered in my ear. Looks like you’re in a bit of a...delicate situation.

  I’m dying; is that delicate enough for you? The mimicking of Amaya’s voice still turned my stomach in disgust, and the casual nature of the greeting set me off balance.

  Oh, you’re always so dramatic, her voice said with an audible eye roll. You’re just a bit lost, is all. Stayed a bit too long in the dark, and now you can’t get out. What did you expect? You went a bit overboard with your little rampage, don’t you think?

  That wasn’t me. That was—

  We both know that isn’t true, Elden. As much as I wanted to believe I had been an unwilling passenger in the brutal slaughter in the throne room, the memory was clear without the obscuring filter of the dark presence in my head: I had asked for its power, and I had enjoyed every second of killing Virram and his men.

  It doesn’t matter. I gave up control to...whatever it is that lives in my head, and this time, nobody is here to bring me back. I conjured up an image of Lia’s face and cherished the memory while it still belonged to me.

  That’s not true either, love, Amaya’s voice cooed. You have me.

  Don’t pretend that you aren’t the reason I’m here. I might not understand any of this death energy shit, but I’m smart enough to know that it all leads back to whatever you are.

  Her voice turned to a malicious, icy laugh in my ears, a noise the true Amaya would never have made. Elden, my absence is the reason you’re here. I warned you the last time we spoke that you’d regret refusing my help, and here we are. Without me to guide you along and temper your worst instincts, well...why don’t we ask Virram Yorrell how that turned out?

  A momentary flash of Virram’s glassy, eyeless face appeared before me, and I recoiled from the image. No. You killed Lia; there’s no way I’ll ever trust anything you say.

  The voice huffed indignantly. Oh, are you still hung up on that? She’s fine now. I knew you’d figure something out.

  Fuck you.

  Amaya’s voice giggled. Did you forget where you are? The cooling force within my body vanished, and I was immediately consumed by the full wrath of the void once again. I convulsed as the agony took hold, and the twin visions of my weddings immediately reappeared before me. Amaya’s face faded into the darkness, and the rest of the memory followed after it, dissipating in a fine mist. The edges of my memory of Lia began to waver as I looked on in horror.

  BECOME WHAT YOU WERE MEANT—

  “WAIT!” I screamed, grasping uselessly at the fading memory.

  The foggy edges of the vision of Lia solidified as soon as the word escaped my lips. Interested in talking again, are we?

  Give it back.

  It’s awfully rude to make demands of someone trying to help you.

  Give. It. Back. Although the burning pain of the void had once again been soothed, my chest still ached where the missing memory of my wedding to Amaya had lived. The sucking feeling left in its wake made me feel like a hollowed-out shell, devoid of all motivation other than becoming whole again.

  I heard a long sigh as the voice moved from one ear to the other; it seemed so close that I could feel its breath on the back of my neck, but there was nothing around me beyond the neverending darkness. What makes you think I can bring it back? I’m not the one who took it from you.

  If you can’t bring it back, leave me alone. Just let me die.

  Oh, Elden. I’ve told you before; self-pity doesn’t look good on you. There was a long pause as the voice hummed, apparently deep in thought. You’re no fun like this, though, so...I suppose I can help you out.

  While I knew it was just as dangerous to put my faith in the false Amaya as it was to embrace the dark presence inside of me, it was the only chance I had at regaining what had been stolen. I clenched my jaw and closed my eyes as I made the decision I knew I would one day regret. Thank you.

  Don’t mention it, love, the voice giggled. Though, before we get started, I have one condition.

  The immediate fulfillment of my worries made me wince. Name it.

  I need you to apologize.

  I furrowed my brow as I processed the unexpected request. Excuse me?

  Perhaps you don’t remember, but you were quite rude during our last conversation. Such foul language. I heard her tongue click in disapproval. You owe me an apology, and a promise that when we talk again in the future, you’ll maintain an appropriate level of civility.

  I’m...sorry, I managed, swallowing my pride along with the bile I tasted at the back of my throat. I’ll be...nicer in the future.

  A light, melodic laugh filled my head. That was a terrible apology, but I guess it’ll have to do for now. A sudden rush of energy crackled down my spine like ice, and my stolen memories returned one by one. I saw Val’s smile as we watched Lia try her first beer, felt Alda’s silver hair between my fingers, and tasted the mint on Lia’s lips as her face hovered inches above mine, flushed and smiling. Each memory slotted into its appropriate place with a jolt of electricity when the neurons flared back to life.

  As the final, precious memory of my wedding to Amaya returned to me, a second memory played out alongside it: blood dripped down onto the rusted shortsword from the Shadebinder’s collection, obscuring the familiar pair of blacksmith’s stamps engraved at the hilt. They found a way to bring this here, from Alderea. Our worlds are linked. I felt my heart flutter in my chest at the thought. I can find a way back to you.

  Now then, I imagine you’ll also be wanting my help getting out of here. Unless you’ve suddenly decided you’d rather spend eternity in darkness, Amaya’s voice laughed, amused by her own joke.

  No, wait. My throat tightened as a wave of panic washed over me. I can’t go back. If I do, that...thing will take over again. I won’t put Lia and Val in danger like that. Even with the immediate threat of torture removed, hopelessness continued to fill me. I can’t go back anywhere, anymore.

  Oh, you don’t have to worry about that, love, the voice said dismissively. That thing is back where it belongs, locked up nice and tight in the back of your head. It’ll stay there until you go searching for it again.

  I won’t.

  You will, she countered. You’ll always go back to it, eventually.

  I processed the information quietly for a long time, until my curiosity got the better of me. What is it?

  We don’t have the time for that kind of explanation, love. Let’s just say...you know more about the void than you think you do, but you only know it with certain parts of your mind. I waited expectantly for the explanation to continue, but the voice remained silent for a brief moment, then laughed. Satisfied?

  No.

  Good. My stomach lurched as I was flung through the darkness, tumbling end over end in a directionless freefall. Now, it’s about time you went back, don’t you thin
k? You shouldn’t keep your wife waiting. I heard a sudden, distressed inhale of breath as her voice paused. Oh, sorry. Your second wife. Your first wife...well, she’s used to waiting by now, isn’t she?

  While I was just barely able to hold back the torrent of obscenities on the tip of my tongue, I couldn’t stop the enraged growl that thrummed in my chest. Oh, this is going to be SO fun, Elden. A sudden whirlwind raged in my ears, and the darkness around me turned to a swirling mess of blinding, colorful lights. Amaya’s voice continued on in my head, perfectly audible above the din. Go back and have your promised adventures with Lia. You still have lots of work to do before you’re finished there.

  A familiar shift in the storm told me the trip would be over soon, and I braced my body for the transition between realities. Don’t forget what you promised me: the next time I check in on you, I expect you to be on your best behavior. I covered my eyes and ears with my arms as the storm grew too powerful to withstand, and I felt my consciousness momentarily slip away. When you’re finally done, we can talk about what comes next. I have all the time in the world to wait for you. If I have to...I’ll wait forever.

  ---

  I appeared in what looked like an inverted version of the Shadebinder’s study, with the bookshelves firmly anchored to the white marble ceiling. My head connected with the floor before I had a chance to fully understand my situation, and I fell into a jumbled heap on top of myself.

  Oops, Amaya’s voice whispered in my ear before finally disappearing with a soft giggle. For what felt like the first time in years, I found myself entirely alone within my own head: all traces of the dark presence had vanished, as promised, and the chilling grip that accompanied the shifting voice faded from the base of my skull. I let out a contented sigh of relief and gingerly rubbed the top of my head.

  Two pairs of footsteps rapidly approached from the adjacent room in response to my ungraceful return. Before I had a chance to right myself, Val and Lia appeared in the doorway. Lia let out a wordless cry of relief and dove forward, pinning me to the ground. Her fingers dug through my hair as she pulled me into a passionate kiss. Golden mana washed over me as I returned the kiss and embraced her, and I felt her powerful emotions pressing at the edge of my mind: fading despair and overwhelming joy.

  “Lux,” Val said breathlessly. “You are back.”

  I smiled against Lia’s lips, breaking the kiss. “I’m back,” I affirmed, nuzzling my nose against hers. She helped pull me up to a sitting position, and I was dismayed at the effort it took me to maintain the position; my body ached from head to toe, and my remaining mana was in dangerously short supply.

  “What happened?” Lia asked, caressing my cheek. “Where did you go? I thought that, maybe, you were...gone. For good.”

  My smile faded as I shook my head. “No.” I knew there was no point in lying, but the thought of telling the truth made me feel sick to my stomach. “I went to the throne room in Yoria,” I said, looking away. “I went to find Virram. He was there, holding some sort of banquet with a bunch of nobles.”

  Lia waited patiently as I fell silent in my retelling, rubbing my knee with small, reassuring circles. Val knelt down beside her and dipped her head to meet my eyes. “What happened, Lux?”

  I closed my eyes and shuddered as I saw the king’s fate repeated over and over in my mind. “I tortured him. I burned him alive, right on his throne.” My voice fell to a quavering whisper. “He’s dead. Him, and his councilor, Gullen.”

  The room fell silent under the weight of my confession. I fought with all of my remaining strength to stop myself from being sick as the memory continued to torment me. A heavy, gauntleted hand grasped my shoulder, and I looked up to find Val staring at me intently. “Good,” she stated, forcing me to hold her gaze. “As long as Virram Yorrell lived, the country of Kaldan was in danger.”

  “No,” I muttered, shaking my head. “If you had seen what I did, you wouldn’t say—”

  “I would,” she interrupted. “I will not speak to your methods, for I do not understand them, nor do I know the full extent of your intentions. I do not know the exact fate that befell Virram tonight, but it does not matter; what you have done has benefitted every citizen that suffered beneath him. Without your intervention, Serathids would have overrun Kaldan, and Virram would have ruled over the remains. No matter what you believe, that is the truth.”

  “Val’s right, Lux: it’s done.” Lia added. She pulled me into another tight hug. “All I care about is you. You’re back, and you’re safe. That’s all that matters right now.” I felt a gentle probe of golden mana at the back of my mind. If you want to talk about what happened, I’ll be here for you whenever you’re ready. You’re not alone. Please, don’t forget that.

  I nodded into her shoulder, too overwhelmed by the night’s events to process their assurances. My sole focus fell onto the amber aura that enveloped me and the comfort it provided. I felt my body begin to slowly relax as I accepted her comfort, and the visions that tormented me faded away until my mind was completely blank. “Thank you,” I said quietly. I looked past her to Val and gave her a small nod. “Both of you.”

  With my self-torment quelled, the only feeling left within me was exhaustion, and I slumped back with a long yawn. “So,” I started, looking around the room, “how long was I gone?”

  “Less than an hour, I believe,” Val answered. “Lia was insistent that, if we waited here, you would return to us. We have thoroughly investigated the Shadebinder’s chambers in your absence.”

  “Oh. Good,” I said, awkwardly pushing myself to my feet with Lia’s assistance. “Did you find anything else that might be helpful?” Val and Lia shared a furtive glance, each waiting for the other to answer first. “What is it?”

  “I continued to read the journal once we had finished our sweep of the surrounding rooms,” Val explained hesitantly. “It is...not good news. We can wait until you are—”

  “Val, I’m fine,” I cut her off, only partially lying. “Tell me what you found out.”

  “The artifact you destroyed here in Shadowmine was only one in a set of four. If the journal entries are to be believed, the current Shadebinder, Horace Odwell, has already delivered a second artifact to an undisclosed location in Doram as of six weeks ago.”

  I rubbed my eyes and let out a tired sigh. “So the Serathid invasion isn’t over, after all.”

  “Perhaps, perhaps not,” she replied. “According to his notes, the artifact was activated with ‘minimal complications.’ The only consequence of the activation was the appearance of a small bit of blood—no Serathids or other unknown creatures.”

  “Maybe each of the artifacts does a different thing,” Lia suggested. “Or, maybe it being in a different place makes it do something different?” She shrugged her shoulders and motioned to the large tome on the desk behind us. “I don’t think they know any more about it than we do, based on the notes.”

  “So it either does the same thing as the one here, or something different. At this point, I’m not sure which is worse.” I chuckled and shook my head. “Does the journal say anything about where Horace is now?”

  “Only where he will be,” Val answered. “He has left in search of additional information on the sect of Shadebinders that existed at the founding of Kaldan. When he has found what he is looking for, he intends to enter the eastern forest to activate a third artifact there. The last is intended for Lybesa, though Odwell has delayed its activation until the Mountain Gate is more easily traversable.”

  I walked to the rack of journals beside me as Val explained her findings. Scanning the ordered spines, I found the matching designation from the nameplate of the shattered display case in the adjacent room and plucked it from the shelf. I slipped the small journal into a pouch on my belt as I turned back to my companions. “Sounds like we have some traveling to do.” I rejoined the group and put my arm around Lia’s shoulders, resting my weight heavily on her back. “For now, I’d settle for getting out of this place
and seeing the sky again.”

  “Where will you go now?” Val asked. The question was innocuous enough, but I could feel a second, more pivotal question in the trepidation of her voice and the slight raise of her eyebrows: What about me?

  “To bed,” I answered with a laugh. “I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but a lot happened tonight. I’m not making any more decisions until after I’ve had some sleep.”

  “Of course,” she answered quickly. She collected the white leather journal and followed after us as we entered the trophy room, making our way towards the elevator on the far wall. I steered us through the rows of pedestals towards the shattered case where I had left the rusted shortsword. It remained exactly where I had dropped it, nestled in a bed of bloodstained glass shards.

  “What is that, Lux?” Lia asked as I plucked the weapon from the broken display. “Is it another artifact?”

  “No,” I murmured, turning the blade over in my hands. I rubbed the drying blood away from the metal near the crossguard and held it out to her, tapping my finger over the pair of engraved symbols.

  Her eyes widened as she recognized the mark I had drawn for her in the dirt back in Lybesa. “Is that…?”

  I nodded. “It’s from Alderea. A piece of my past.”

  “How is it here?” She looked up into my eyes, her face shifting as she put together the final bits of information explaining my sudden rage and disappearance from before. “Lux, are you okay?”

  “I’m fine,” I smiled back at her, nudging her back into motion towards the elevator. “I don’t know how it got here, but I’m going to find out.” She gave me a wary smile in return as we continued on our way, her shoulder still supporting the majority of my weight.

  We reached the opposite wall and stepped cautiously into the hanging metal cage. The seamless marble floor stopped abruptly at the entrance to the elevator shaft, replaced with raw-cut stone that continued up and away into darkness. Val stepped into the elevator after us, causing the cage to sag beneath her imposing frame. She placed her hand on the lever that controlled the counterweight and looked between Lia and me. “Are you ready to leave?”