After the Rain

by De Jong, Lisa

  “You two spend way too much time together. Don’t you ever just want to do your own thing? When do you have time to study?” she asks as she chips the finger nail polish from her nails. It’s a habit I noticed the first day we were here.

  I shrug. “We’re making up for lost time. It’s hard to explain, but right now I need all the time with him I can get. And don’t worry about my study time. I get plenty of that done when I’m with Beau.”

  She looks up from her nails and smiles. “Whatever. I guess if Beau was my boyfriend, I would want to spend every minute I could with him, too.”

  “Have you ever had a serious boyfriend, Emery?”

  I’ve never seen a smile fall from someone’s face as fast as it fell from hers. “Let’s talk about something else.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pry,” I say softly, trying to push away the dark cloud that has suddenly formed over the room. There’s a lot that Emery doesn’t know about me—a lot she’ll probably never know about me. I’m not going to be a hypocrite and force her tell me her secrets.

  “It’s okay. Maybe someday we can talk about it, but not today.”

  “Are you ready to go?” I ask in an effort to move us away from the subject of our pasts.

  “Yeah, let’s get out of here.” She stands up from the bed and tosses her long hair over her shoulders. I wonder if she realizes how pretty she is with her brown eyes, dark hair, and olive-colored skin.

  As we make our way across campus, she talks about what she’s doing for her Biology paper that’s due next week. She doesn’t do much outside of class, the library, and various study groups. I almost feel sorry for her, because while she seems content, she doesn’t look all that happy. She reminds me a lot of myself from a year or two ago.

  I even invited Emery out for pizza with Rachel and me yesterday; she looked at me like I had idiot written on my forehead. I’ve made it my goal this year to help bring her out of her shell … like Asher did for me. I can tell it’s going to be a struggle, but I’m up for the challenge.

  When we get to our classroom, we take our seats right next to each other in the front of the room. This isn’t the most exciting class I have so sitting in the front is necessary for staying awake.

  “Are you ladies going to the game tomorrow?” It’s Drake, the quarterback of the football team. Every time we have this class, he sits right behind us. If he wasn’t such a jerk, we might not mind it so much.

  “We have better things to do. Like memorizing all the past presidents in order of their presidency,” Emery says, not even bothering to turn around and look at him.

  “What about you? Are you memorizing the presidents with the brown-eyed devil over here?” he asks, nodding toward Emery.

  “She’s hanging out with her super nice and very sexy boyfriend,” Emery interjects, turning toward me just enough that I can see her eyes roll.

  Drake narrows his gaze, focusing them in on the back of her head. “I think she can answer for herself.”

  “Stop,” I interrupt. “I don’t know why you two even bother talking to each other.”

  “If Professor Monroe hadn’t assigned us to work on a project together, we wouldn’t,” Emery answers, glaring over at me.

  Sitting quietly, I watch Drake lean forward in his chair so his mouth is only a couple inches from the back of Emery’s neck. “Speaking of that stupid fucking project, are we still getting together tonight?”

  Emery’s eyes close like she’s affected by his proximity. “I can’t. I have study group.”

  He moves just a little closer. “When don’t you have study group?”

  “Tomorrow,” she replies, her eyes shooting open again. She spins around in her chair and comes face-to-face with the school’s golden boy.

  “I have a game.” He doesn’t move back one bit.

  “Well, then it’s going to have to be Sunday.”

  “Have it your way, but I won’t be up until noon because there’s a party tomorrow night,” he says.

  “Yeah, I’d hate for you to miss the party. Nothing like wasting a night getting drunk.”

  “Seriously you guys. Lecture is about to start.”

  “I can’t stand him,” Emery says, turning around in her chair.

  “I see that. Can you finish this later?”

  Drake sits back in his seat. “I’ll give you a call on Sunday when I get up.”

  “You gave him your phone number?” I ask Emery, surprised she would give him any of her personal information.

  “Of course she did,” Drake smirks, twirling his pencil between his fingers.

  “God, I hate him,” Emery states.

  “Sometimes people mistake hate for like,” I say, sensing some of the tension between them.

  She scoffs. “Did you ever hate Beau?”

  “No,” I say, without even giving it a second thought.

  “Exactly.”

  As soon as Beau opens his apartment door, the guilt I feel over skipping study group is gone. I almost caved when I saw the disappointed look on Emery’s face when I told her I wasn’t going. The sexy smirk on Beau’s face, though, melts away any doubt I have about where I should be tonight.

  “How’s my girl?” he asks, pulling me into him.

  He smells so good when I bury my face in his t-shirt. “Good, you?”

  “I’m better now,” he says, cupping my chin in his hand to bring my lips to his. “Much better now.”

  I wrap my arms tightly around his firm waist. “Did you have a bad day?”

  “It was horrible. I didn’t see my girlfriend until just a couple minutes ago.” A smile spreads across my face; that’s the first time he’s called me that out loud, and I really like the sound of it. “I like seeing that smile on your face,” he says, lightly running his fingertips along my jawline.

  “I like when you call me your girlfriend.”

  “I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that since you got here last week,” he says before quickly brushing his lips across mine.

  “Talk about what?”

  “Us.” Grabbing my hand in his, he leads me to his bedroom, not saying another word until his door is closed. “I think we’ve already established that there is an us, Kate, but I need to clear up a few more things.”

  I nod, taking a seat on the edge of his bed.

  “Are you sure you’re ready to move on? I don’t want to be your rebound guy,” he says, sitting down next to me.

  I know the answer to this, but I need to find the right way to say it. “Beau, I’m not going to lie to you. I was in love with Asher. I’ll always love him in some way.” He closes his eyes and runs his fingers through his hair. “But you need to know that I’ve loved you for years. Before everything came crashing down on me, you were the one I wanted. I think a part of me still wanted you after, but I thought you deserved better.”

  Beau grabs my hand in his and stares me right in the eyes. “You deserve anything you want.”

  “I know that now. I just couldn’t see through the fog back then, but everything is clearer now.”

  “I’m never letting you go, and we’re going to do this right. I’m not going to speed through my last and best set of firsts. I’ve waited too fucking long for all of this to screw it up now.” He lies back on the bed and pulls me down with him so we’re face to face. “Like this. This is the last time you’re going to lie in bed with a guy for the first time.”

  “I’m not running, Beau. I’ll play by your rules because you’ve played by mine for so long, but I’m ready. I want to have all my last firsts with you,” I admit, brushing the hair from his forehead.

  He smiles for the first time since we walked into his bedroom. “Just for the record, I would have been your rebound guy, too. I just wouldn’t have let you go because you’re my forever girl.”

  Moving closer, I press my forehead against his. “Is that why we didn’t have this conversation the first night I was here?”

  “No, we didn’t have it then beca
use I was doing this,” he says before pulling my bottom lip between his teeth. He does it hard enough to give me pleasure but no pain. It makes me wonder what else he can do. “And I haven’t wanted to stop since,” he says, pulling back.

  He kisses me again and again and again. When he’s done, I run my tongue along my lips, tasting the mint from his toothpaste. “I have an idea. Why don’t we ask each other one question each day until we feel like all the skeletons are out of the closet? I did something similar with Asher, and it really helped.”

  He looks away from me for the first time since we lay down. “Kate—”

  “He’s always going to be a part of me, Beau. There are going to be times when I say his name.”

  “You think I don’t know that?”

  “What is it then?”

  “Knowing it doesn’t make it any easier. I know he probably got a lot of your firsts, and it eats me up inside,” he says, looking into my eyes again. “Did you have sex with him?”

  “Seriously?”

  He nods, keeping his focus on me.

  “This is your one question for the day,” I say, turning my bracelet in my hand. “Yes.”

  He runs his hand over his face and takes a deep breath.

  “Beau?”

  “What?”

  “You’ve had sex with other girls, haven’t you? What’s the difference?” I ask, feeling annoyed with the territorial male routine.

  He only stares at me, but I don’t need his confirmation, because I already know the answer.

  “Exactly,” I say, sitting up.

  As I move to stand, he grabs my hand and pulls me back down next to him. “The only reason I did was because I couldn’t have you.”

  “There’s nothing I can do to change that now. What’s done is done, and honestly, I don’t regret it. I can’t regret it. We both need to accept that our pasts are our pasts, and the only way we’re going into the future is together.”

  Beau’s eyes look to the ceiling and then back at me. “I don’t think I’ll ever like it.”

  “You don’t have to,” I whisper. “You just have to accept it.”

  “I’ll work on it,” he says, combing his fingers through my hair.

  “So we’re good?”

  “We’re good,” he replies, using his hand at the back of my neck to pull me closer. “I’m going to be the last guy to do this. Ever.” He kisses slowly along my jawline until he reaches my lips.

  When he gives me enough room to catch my breath, I say, “God, I hope so.”

  The Next Morning – September 2012

  EVERY MORNING WHEN I WAKE UP, I have to convince myself I’m not living in a dream. Kate’s sleeping in the same town, and she’s mine—truly mine—in the way I’ve wanted her to be for years.

  This is our chance to start fresh and have something that we’ve both wanted. I want to be the guy she runs to when she feels like giving up. I want to be the last thing she thinks about before she goes to bed, and the first thing she thinks about when she wakes up. I want to be everything she needs.

  Today I’m going to surprise her by bringing her breakfast. I’ve never done anything like this for anyone, but Kate inspires me. This is my way of showing her how much she means to me, while letting her know I’m thinking about her.

  I knock on her door once, waiting for it to open. When it finally does, a dark-haired fireball greets me. “Oh, it’s you.”

  “Hi, Emery,” I say, leaning against the doorjamb.

  “What are you doing here so early?” she asks, crossing her arms over her chest.

  Smiling, I hold up the bakery bag. “I brought Kate breakfast.”

  “Of course you did,” Emery says, stepping out of my way. I don’t think Emery and I ever got off on the right foot, but I’m trying to make it work because she’s Kate’s roommate.

  “I brought something for you, too, if you’re hungry.”

  “I need to go to the library but I’ll see you guys later,” she says, throwing her bag over her shoulder. The girl doesn’t do anything besides study, go to class, and then study some more … it’s probably why we don’t mesh well. I like to have a side of fun with my college education.

  “Bye, Kate!” she yells over her shoulder as she makes her way out of the room.

  Kate groans in response, lifting her head up off her pillow. Her hair is a tangled mess, and I swear it only makes her even sexier than when she’s all put together.

  She smiles at me briefly before laying back down. “Good morning.”

  “Good morning, beautiful. Did you sleep well?”

  “Well, when I dream about my boyfriend, I sleep like a baby,” she says, scooting over in her bed and patting the empty space beside her.

  I set the bakery bag down, and climb in next to her warm body, throwing the blanket over both of us. I mold my body to hers, holding her as close as I possibly can.

  “Why did you bring me breakfast so early?” Kate asks, resting her bare leg on top of mine. I could stay like this forever and be content.

  Taking a deep breath, I try my hardest to focus on her eyes and not what she’s doing to the rest of my body. “I’m sorry for being a dick last night.”

  “Are you apologizing to me, Beau Bennett?” she asks, tracing the lines of my face with her fingertips.

  “I guess I am,” I reply, pressing a kiss to her lips. “Plus, I’ve heard that make up kisses are fucking amazing.”

  “Can I ask you a question?”

  “I think you’re allowed one today.” I wink, letting her know I’m okay with playing the little game she proposed last night. It wasn’t so much the game that bothered me; it was the fact that she had done something similar with Asher. But I can’t think about that because I wouldn’t be here in this bed right now with her leg wrapped around mine if she didn’t want me. I wouldn’t be touching her smooth skin and staring at her pink lips.

  “When did you realize you were falling in love with me?” she asks. It’s the way she stares at me, biting down on her lower lip that makes me hold back from answering. It’s a view I could stare at forever.

  “Do you remember when my cousin, Garrett, came to stay with me while his parents were in Europe? I think it was the summer between seventh and eighth grade.”

  She nods and rests her cheek on my chest, allowing me to comb my fingers through her wild hair.

  “You decided to cut a pair of your old jeans into shorts. Do you remember that?”

  She laughs. “You mean the ones I cut a little too short and maybe a little uneven?”

  “Those were the ones,” I reply, laughing right along with her. “Anyway, you came out of your house in them while Garrett and I were throwing the football in my backyard, and he couldn’t take his eyes off you. I didn’t realize why I was so pissed at that moment, but after, I had time to process it, and I decided it was jealousy.”

  “You were jealous because Garrett was looking at me? Beau, he’s the most arrogant idiot I’ve ever met.”

  “I’m hurt. I thought that title belonged to me,” I tease. I know exactly what she’s talking about. Garrett thinks that because he’s from Chicago, he’s superior to everyone else. No one informed him that there’s a certain type of arrogance that women like and a certain kind that doesn’t go over well. He picked the wrong fucking one.

  She looks up at me, resting her chin on top of the hand she has pressed to my chest. “So you fell in love with me because Garrett was checking out my legs?”

  Staring at her, I brush my thumb over her lower lip. “No, I fell in love with you long before that, but it didn’t click until that moment. I always thought I loved you because you were my friend but, somewhere along the way, things changed. I didn’t want him or anyone else to look at you like that.”

  “That’s the beautiful thing about love … it’s unintentional, and it can happen when we least expect it,” she says, kissing my thumb.

  “I definitely didn’t expect it at thirteen,” I reply, sliding my hand from h
er hair to her back. “Anyway, it became my mission to talk every guy out of asking you out.”

  “I don’t get why you didn’t just ask me out.”

  Shaking my head, I say, “Love is so fucking scary when you’re a teenager. I was afraid that I would permanently ruin us before we even made it out of high school. Then, senior year, I knew you were slipping away so I asked you to prom … I was finally ready, but it turned out I waited too long.”

  “We’re here now,” she whispers as she lays her cheek back down on my chest.

  “Can I ask you a question?”

  “Of course,” she replies, tracing small circles on my stomach.

  “What made you decide to give us a chance?”

  “After Asher died, I needed some time to heal. I started seeing a therapist, and I did a lot of thinking. As the pieces of my heart came back together, I started thinking about you more and more. At first, I felt guilty because I thought I should still be mourning.” Her finger stops and she inhales a deep breath. “I was still fighting the emotional battle inside when you left for school, but I spent the next few weeks soul searching. I wanted to make sure I loved you for the right reasons, because neither of us can afford another broken heart. With clarity, I saw how strong our love is, and every day I wanted you more and more.”

  “I’m glad you’re here.”

  “Me too.” She smiles as she kisses my chest.

  “What do you want to do today? Do you want to go to the football game?”

  “No, I want to stay just like this.” Her voice is tired, and her eyes drift closed.

  “Whatever you want, beautiful.”

  The last few weeks have been going so freaking smooth for Kate and me. There hasn’t been one day where we haven’t spent the evening together—eating dinner and studying. We spend our entire weekends watching movies, listening to music, and just talking. I’ve seen her beautiful face every single day. It’s the us we used to be before everything came between us … but yet so much better. It’s in these regular couple moments where I think it’s better that it took us this long to be together like this; we appreciate each other so much more.