After the Rain

by De Jong, Lisa

  At least temporarily, I’ve been able to take some of her pain away.

  Later that Night – December 2012

  HEARING DREW HESTON’S VOICE made me feel like someone had punctured my lungs. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t move. It was something I wasn’t expecting, but I was better equipped to handle it because of all the things Asher taught me. He took everything that was fragile about me and laid a foundation for me to grow and gain strength. I continue to build on it every day with Beau there to help me.

  And this time, Beau was there to save me. I went in to get Cory in case Drew tried anything, but as Rachel and I waited in the kitchen, we could hear lots of shouting. We both ran outside to see Beau’s fist slamming into Drew’s face and the anger that was flowing out of him.

  A part of me was pissed that Beau would take the risk of getting injured just to get back at Drew. Another part of me felt vindicated. I kept the secret of what Drew did to me for years, and he didn’t have to shoulder any of the guilt or regret.

  But maybe Beau was able to beat some into him.

  I think we all have those moments in our lives that define who we are and who we will become. I’ve had a few of those. I grew up without a father, but I adjusted to having one parent who had to work all the time. I survived rape and the horrible emotional storm that followed. I met my soul mate and lost him soon after. Each moment of sorrow, pain, and regret led to new strength.

  I like to think I can make it through anything now.

  “We’re here,” Beau announces as he shuts off his old truck.

  I don’t know where I’d be without him. He’s been the one constant in my life. No matter what I do or say to him, he’s always there for me. “Let’s go then.”

  As I step out of the truck, the cold night air hits me. All I want to do is put on some warm clothes and crawl into a nice warm bed. It will be ten times better because Beau is here with me.

  He grabs my hand in his uninjured one and leads me to the front door of his apartment complex, careful to avoid the ice patches that have formed on the sidewalk. As he opens the door, he places his hand on my lower back to guide me through.

  It’s obvious that Cory and Rachel haven’t made it home yet because the apartment is pitch black, the only noise being the sound of the old refrigerator. For the first time, I feel a little nervous. I’ve known Beau for fifteen years, but this will be the first time I spend a whole night with him.

  “Do you want me to grab you something more comfortable to wear?” he asks, eyeing my tight jeans and black turtleneck.

  “That sounds like a good idea,” I reply, glancing toward the kitchen. “I’ll get some ice for your hand.”

  “Thank you,” he says, bending down to kiss my forehead again.

  As he disappears down the hall, I open drawers to find something to put the ice in. It’s a true bachelor pad with most cupboards and drawers being empty.

  “Look in the freezer,” I hear Beau say from behind me. By his voice, I can tell he’s only a few feet behind me.

  I pretend he’s not standing there and grab a towel that hangs from the refrigerator door and open the freezer. As I grab for the ice cube tray, I hear Beau clearing his throat. “You’re not going to wrap the ice in that towel are you?”

  I look down at the towel, confused. “Is there something special about this towel?”

  He laughs. “No, but I’d rather not have cold water everywhere.”

  I put my hand on my hip, letting him know I’m not in the mood to be tested. “Beau?”

  “Kate?” He wraps his good hand around my waist with a crooked grin on his face.

  “Do you have a Ziploc bag or something?”

  “All you had to do was ask,” he says, kissing the top of my head. “The drawer to the left of the fridge.”

  He lets go of me, and I busy myself getting some ice ready for him while he watches my every move. He’s trying to read me even while I’m doing the simplest of tasks. What he doesn’t know is that taking care of him is keeping all of my demons away.

  “I put some clothes on my bed for you,” he says before disappearing around the corner.

  Wrapping the ice-filled bag into the towel, I go in search of Beau. When I don’t see him in the living room, I walk to his bedroom, finding him seated on the edge of his bed with his head in his hands. I approach, thinking he’ll look up as I move closer, but he remains still.

  “Beau,” I whisper, placing my hand on his shoulder.

  He doesn’t look up at me, but I feel his body trembling. I crouch down in front of him and try to get a glimpse of his face. “Beau.”

  “Are you sure you’re okay?” he asks suddenly. In his voice I can hear tears, and all I can think about is wiping them away.

  “I’m okay. I promise.”

  “I don’t know how you do it.” He pauses, glancing up at me for the first time, his cheeks stained with tears. “I’ve been struggling with it since you told me. I blame myself because I should have been there that night. I should have done more to help you after that night instead of trying to push you back to who you were before.”

  A thousand nails shoot through my heart. It’s not his fault that Drew’s an asshole. He shouldn’t carry any of this guilt. He needs to let it go so we can move on.

  “Beau, listen to me. There’s nothing we can do to change the past.” I stop, grabbing his face in my hands. “All we can do is move forward. Together.”

  His hands wrap around my wrists as he looks into my eyes with one of the most pained expressions I’ve ever seen. “Do you remember when I told you I thought you’d be my last love?”

  I nod, not blinking once.

  “Even when I walked away from the trampoline that night, I knew you always would be,” he says, running his hands down my forearms. “I thought I’d lost you forever. Sometimes it’s hard for me to believe you’re really here … that you’re mine.”

  “A part of me has always been yours,” I say honestly as his hands move up to my shoulders and run along the bottom of my neck. I wonder if he can feel how fast my heart beats as his fingers brush against my throat. When his hands cup my face, I close my eyes and wait to feel his warm breath against my lips. When it happens, my heart beats even faster, making it hard to hold back. I want him to kiss me. I want to kiss him.

  “You’re beautiful,” he breathes as his lips lightly brush against mine. “You’re the one who makes me a better person. I want to be the best for you.”

  He continues to place feather-like kisses on my lips, my chin between his thumb and forefinger. I’m waiting for more; my whole body wants to take this to the next level.

  I stand slowly, out of reach for his lips, and gently push against his shoulders until the top of his body rests on the bed. A shocked look appears on his face as I lie next to him and pull his shirt up to run my hand across his toned stomach.

  “Kate—”

  “Beau, I’m ready, and I want this. Please,” I beg, pressing my lips to the skin above his abs.

  He gasps. “You don’t know how badly I want this, but after what happened tonight, I’m not sure if it’s a good idea. I don’t want you to regret it.”

  I replace my lips with my fingertips and lie my head down next to his. “I could never regret you.”

  Our eyes connect as he turns his head and something passes between us. I hope he feels it, too.

  My hope shatters on the ground when he stands up from the bed and starts walking toward the door. I just offered myself to him, and he’s just going to walk away without saying a word? Closing my eyes tightly, I wait to hear the door open, but instead I hear the lock click. I slowly bring myself to open them again and see him standing over me.

  I don’t even know if I’m still breathing as I watch him watching me. I’m not nervous or anxious … just waiting.

  “Stand up,” he demands, using his index finger to summon me forward.

  I do exactly as he asks, standing so close that my chest brushes against his.
“Once we start this, I won’t want to stop.”

  “I don’t want you to,” I say.

  He grabs the bottom of my sweater and pulls it over my head. His fingers brush against my sides, causing little goose bumps to form all over my body. I follow his lead, pulling his shirt off so we’re skin to skin. When you love someone and take this step, it brings a whole new depth to the relationship.

  I can feel Beau reaching deeper and deeper into my heart with every caress. His hand wraps around the back of my neck, and he tips my head back to get better access.

  My fingers tangle in his hair, pulling it gently until he groans against my skin. His lips make their way up my throat, stopping when they finally reach my lips.

  “Kate,” he whispers against them before dipping his tongue into my mouth. His hands work on the button of my jeans while he continues to kiss me. I’m anxious, but years from now, I still want to remember these moments.

  I slip my fingers in the waistband of his jeans, trying to undo them as he pulls mine down my legs. I’m thankful that I wore matching sapphire blue underwear today because as soon as I have Beau’s jeans unfastened, he steps back to drink in my body.

  “How did I get so lucky?” he asks, gripping my hips tightly.

  “I’m the lucky one,” I reply, sliding his jeans down his muscled thighs.

  “You’re so beautiful,” he whispers before kissing one shoulder while slipping my bra strap off the other. He switches sides, working the other strap before pulling down the cup on one side to expose my breast. When he brushes his palm against my sensitive nipple, I close my eyes, using the touch to connect with him. It makes everything feel even more amazing.

  As his hand exposes my other breast, his lips find mine again. He rolls my nipples between his fingers, and I react by slipping my hand into the front of his boxers. When I grip his warm, smooth skin, I start to move slowly, but Beau stops me after only two strokes.

  “You need to stop, or we’re not going to get to the best part,” he says against my lips.

  I press my mouth to his, saying, “What are you waiting for then?”

  “We’re taking all our firsts slowly, remember?” He splays his hand between my breasts and trails it down my stomach, sliding two fingers into my panties. When he touches me there, I feel like I’m melting in his hand. From my head to my toes, I feel warmth coursing through my veins. Desire is allowing me the freedom to let go.

  The tension starts to build in my core until my muscles clench around his fingers. I swear it’s one of the best feelings a person can experience, and when I finally turn to look up at Beau’s smiling face, I know how much he’s enjoying it, too.

  After I come down from the high, he lifts me up and moves us both onto the bed. He’s lying on top of me, and I can feel him pressed against my center. His lips and tongue make their way down my body—my neck, breasts, stomach, then legs. If he’s not inside me soon, I’m going to consider this a form of torture.

  When his lips run out of room to explore, he stands up and slides my panties down my legs, leaving me completely naked. I watch silently as he frees himself from his boxers and grabs a condom off his nightstand. He straddles my hips, giving me time to take in his body. Every single inch of that body is beautiful and defined; I could never get bored with him.

  “Are you sure?” he asks, leaning over my body.

  I sit up on my elbows and kiss the cleft of his chin. “More than sure,” I say before pulling his lower lip between my teeth.

  He groans, kissing me with such force that my head falls back down onto the pillow. Lowering his body onto mine, he slowly enters me while never taking his eyes off mine.

  Closing my eyes, I focus on how it feels to have him inside of me, filling me completely. If there was any question on whether or not we were meant to be together, it’s been answered now. There’s nothing about this moment that doesn’t feel right.

  I needed this.

  “Open your eyes,” Beau says. I do as he asks, and even though the room is dark, I see the slight glimmer in his eyes. Having sex while looking into the other person’s eyes is the most honest thing you will ever do. It speaks of love and faithfulness—everything I know I’ll always have with Beau.

  I cup his face in my hands, bringing his lips down to mine. He continues to slowly thrust in and out of me. The friction it’s creating is gradually driving my body over the edge, but I wrap my legs tightly around him to feel more.

  “God, baby. You feel so good wrapped around me,” he growls, burying his face in my neck.

  While he sucks on the sensitive flesh at the base of my neck, my body continues to climb, and when I’m close, I dig my fingernails into his back and tighten my legs.

  “Let go with me,” Beau says, looking into my eyes again. As soon as the words leave his mouth, my muscles tighten around him. I try to keep my eyes on him, but the euphoria of the moment makes it impossible. Just as my body starts to come back down, Beau speeds up his thrusts, finding his own release, before resting his head on my chest.

  We lie silently as his heart beats against my stomach; to me, it’s the most beautiful thing in the world. Sometimes you don’t realize what you have until it’s gone. I know exactly what I have and how quickly it could all be taken from me. I’ll never take this feeling, or this time, with Beau for granted.

  After rolling onto his back, Beau pulls me into his arms so my head rests on his shoulder. “That was amazing,” I say softly, tracing small circles on his chest.

  “That was better than amazing. Are you ready for more?”

  “Give me a few minutes,” I reply, looking up to see the smile on his face. He brushes some hair off my cheek before kissing the top of my head.

  “There’s so much more I want to show you and do to you.”

  “We have lots of time.”

  “I like the sound of that,” he says, wrapping both of his arms tightly around me.

  One Month Later – January 2013

  WAKING UP WITH KATE in my arms almost every morning for the last month has been unreal. Sometimes I wonder if it’s all a dream. I think the fact that we’ve been through so much, and we’re still able to be together like this, says a lot.

  “Beau,” she whispers, wiggling in my arms.

  “Hmm.”

  “You’re squeezing me to death.”

  I move back, allowing her to lie down next to me, but as soon as she’s comfortable, I roll on top of her, my chest, hips, and legs touching hers. “How is this for squeezing you?” I ask, clasping my hands at the top of her head.

  By the look on her face, I can tell she’s a little annoyed by my early morning playfulness. Being with her like this feels fucking amazing. Plus, even though she tries to stay mad at me, she never does.

  “I have class this morning,” she says, running her fingers through my hair.

  I glance at the clock. “Not for another hour and forty-two minutes.”

  She bites her lower lip while studying my face. “So you have my schedule memorized now, too?”

  “I know your schedule better than I know my own.”

  She laughs. “That’s kind of freaky.”

  “I’ll show you freaky,” I say, as I press my lips to her neck while my hand slips up under the t-shirt she wore to bed. We’ve been doing a lot of making up for lost time, and it’s been fun doing it.

  “Your skin always tastes so sweet,” I say as my tongue brushes against the sensitive skin below her ear. She moans, and it only makes me want her more.

  “Beau,” she sighs. Her fingers trail a path on my back as I continue to tease her nipples with my fingers and her neck with my mouth. I could completely lose myself in her body forever.

  Shifting my body to straddle her legs, I grab her hands in mine and pull her up. “Let’s get this shirt off you.” Her underwear and my shorts follow, leaving nothing between us. I cup the back of her neck in my hand and kiss her as I lay her back down on the bed.

  My lips don’t leave a singl
e inch of her body untouched before I entwine my fingers with hers and enter her beautiful body in one fluid motion. I remain still for several seconds, allowing us both to adjust to the feel of our connected bodies. When I finally move, it’s slow and deliberate, creating an emotional and physical bond.

  I rest our hands on each side of her pillow, framing her face. I know by the sated look in her eyes and the sound of her breathing that she’s close.

  “This is the best thing to wake up to,” I whisper, nuzzling my nose against her cheek. She moans louder this time, and her body squeezes mine, leading to my own release.

  After we’ve both had time to come back down, I kiss her. “Did you still need to go to class?”

  “You know I do,” she replies, smiling up at me.

  “Just once I wish you would be a bad little girl.”

  She laughs. “Classes just started. It’s too soon to show them my inner bad girl.”

  “Yeah, whatever,” I reply, winking at her. My fingertips trace the line of her arm as we lay still.

  “What’s the date today?” she asks, cutting through the silence. She wiggles herself free from me and says, “I need to go.”

  “Are you okay?” I reach for her hand, but she pulls away.

  “I just need to get to class. I’ll see you later, okay?”

  I nod, watching as she quickly pulls her clothes on and kisses my cheek.

  “I’ll see you later,” she says as she quickly leaves the room.

  Something doesn’t feel right, but I can’t wrap my head around it. She’ll tell me later if it’s important.

  I haven’t been able to get ahold of Kate all afternoon, and it’s worrying the shit out of me. Even if she’s in the library, she always texts me back to let me know she’s all right. This time I got nothing. I even went to the library myself to see if I could find her. I checked the lecture halls she was in today and even called Emery and Rachel.

  I head back to my apartment, opening the door to find Cory and Rachel fighting in the kitchen. I still don’t really understand their relationship; they tend to fight more than not.