Born To Die

by Lisa Jackson

  “Can I see Sarge?” Eli repeated.

  “Maybe tomorrow. We’ll see.”

  Eli wanted to argue; Trace saw it in his boy’s eyes, so he tried to derail the endless questions. “What do you say we get dinner?”

  “She said I could have ice cream!” Eli swung his casted arm toward Kacey.

  “That’s right,” she answered smartly. “And I think you wanted Christmas Cookie Swirl, right?”

  “Yeah!”

  “Sounds . . . interesting,” Trace said.

  “Delicious,” Kacey proclaimed. “You just can’t go wrong with Oreo cookies, peppermint flakes, and mint ice cream. Yumm-o!” Her green eyes glinted with humor. “I think I’ll get a double scoop!”

  “Me, too!” Eli shimmied from Trace’s arms and raced back to the barrels of ice cream.

  “Thirty-nine,” a girl with a deep voice intoned. “Rosenberg party. Thirty-nine.” An athletic-looking teenager pushed away from a table of friends and headed for the pickup area, her long blond ponytail bouncing behind her.

  “How about you?” Kacey asked, looking up at him. “Double scoop? Triple?”

  “Uh . . . maybe I’ll settle for a beer.”

  Her smile widened as they reached the counter near the ice cream barrels. “With your cone, right?”

  “How ’bout with a Meat Lovers’ Special?” He hitched his chin toward the overhead menu, beneath which a skinny kid with bad skin, a shaved head, and thick glasses waited, ice cream scoop in hand, for them to order as the two girls in skinny jeans drifted off toward a round table.

  Trace said, “I’ll buy.”

  She was reading the menu. “Or we could order half a Meat Lovers’ Special and half a Veggie Delite and split the bill.”

  “Only if you can eat half a pie yourself.”

  “Half a pie and a double scoop,” she assured him.

  He felt one corner of his mouth twitch. “Tell ya what. I’ll arm wrestle ya for the bill.”

  “Don’t,” Eli warned her. “My dad’s the strongest ever.”

  “Is he now?” She was smiling more broadly now. “Well, I guess we’ll see about that.” To Eli she confided, “I’m pretty strong, too.”

  “Nah!” Eli shook his head. “Not like my dad!”

  “Uh-huh.” She winked. “Only tougher.”

  The kid behind the counter was getting antsy. “Can I get you something?”

  “We’ll have two double scoops of Christmas Cookie Swirl in . . . waffle cones.” She looked at Eli, who was nodding rapidly.

  “And sprinkles!”

  Kacey chuckled. “And sprinkles.” She cast a glance at Trace. “And?” Her dark eyebrows arched, and he noticed how thick her eyelashes were, how the green of her eyes shifted in the light. “For you?”

  “I’ll stick with pizza.”

  He placed their order for pizza, along with two beers and a soda, then, for the better part of the next hour, as the pizzeria became busier still, he sat in an uncomfortable booth, getting to know this woman, a damned doctor, who talked to Eli so easily. She had lied, though, about her appetite, and managed to eat only two slices of the vegetarian side of the pizza, while he and Eli polished off all the meat-covered wedges. Actually, as he thought about it, he’d eaten most of the cheese-and pepperoni-slathered slices himself, as his boy was pretty full after the ice cream. Just what the doctor ordered after the week they’d all had.

  “I never asked. What were you doing at the vet’s clinic?” He hitched his chin toward the window and the building on the far side of the snowy street.

  “I’m looking for a dog,” she admitted.

  “Any kind?”

  “The one I hope to adopt is a mutt. Big dog. Boxer and pit bull probably. At least according to the vet.”

  “Guard dog?” he asked, remembering the way she glanced over her shoulder as she crossed the street with Eli an hour earlier.

  “That’s one criterion.” Her eyes shifted away, toward the area where Eli and a group of kids were crowding around the arcade-type machines. “I, um, live alone.” She picked up her glass. “Could use the company. You know.”

  “Yeah.” He nodded, thinking of Sarge and silently praying the dog would pull through.

  “So, you grew up around here?” she asked, changing the subject and pushing a bit of uneaten pizza crust to one side of her plate.

  “Been here most of my life, except for college and a few years in the army. Inherited the place and decided ranching was a good life. What about you?”

  “I was born and raised in Helena, but my grandparents lived here, so I spent my summers at their farm.” She smiled thoughtfully, caught up in the nostalgia of the moment, seeming to study her near-empty glass, though he suspected her mind was miles and years away, conjuring images of her youth. Vaguely, he wondered if she’d known Leanna, who had spent the first years of her vagabond life in Montana’s state capital as well.

  “So you decided to settle down here?”

  “Eventually.” Her eyes shifted, and she looked up at him again. “I went to college in Missoula, medical school in Seattle, and stayed for a while. I got married, then divorced and, since I’d inherited the farm, decided to move back.”

  “No kids?”

  She shook her head, her nose wrinkling in distaste. “He . . . wasn’t ‘ready.’ ” She made air quotes, then, as if she’d thought better of it, shook her head. “It’s over, has been for three years, and I told myself I’d try never to be catty about it, even if he is an easy target.” She lifted one slim shoulder, dismissing the man to whom she was once married. “So, how about you? What happened to Eli’s mother?” She took a sip from her glass.

  “She took a hike. Never hear from her.”

  She thought about that long and hard.

  “We do fine,” he stated firmly.

  Her expression was neutral, but he bet she didn’t believe him for a second. And the thing of it was, she was right. He remembered Eli’s most recent crying jag, when he’d begged to find out where Leanna was. God, it tore his heart out, and he couldn’t help wondering how scarred his boy was.

  Before the conversation went any further, they were interrupted. “Hey! Doctor Lambert!”

  Trace turned to see the receptionist for the clinic wending her way through the tables. She was balancing a glass of wine in one hand. The fingers of her other hand were laced with those of a twentysomething guy who sported a scruffy beard and wore a frayed stocking cap drawn down over his ears.

  “Hi, Heather,” Kacey said.

  “This is Jimmy,” she said quickly; then her gaze landed on Trace. “And you’re Eli’s dad, right?” She was nodding, agreeing with herself. “How’s he doing ... oh!”

  At that moment Eli came barreling back to the table. “I need more money!”

  “Hey, dude, don’t we all?” Jimmy said.

  Eli cast him a who-the-heck-are-you glance. “To play the games,” he said to his father.

  “I think maybe it’s time to go.” Trace scraped his chair back.

  “Wow.” Jimmy took a look at Kacey as she stood. “You kinda remind me of someone.”

  “Miss Wallis!” Eli said; then his expression clouded as he remembered that she was gone.

  “Shelly Bonaventure,” Heather said.

  Jimmy snapped his fingers. “That’s it. Man, you’re like a dead ringer or something.”

  “Or something,” Kacey said, and she, seeming to suddenly want to leave as quickly as Trace did, reached for the coat she’d tossed onto an empty chair.

  But the kid was right. Trace was only vaguely aware of Shelly Bonaventure as an actress, but in the last week her picture had been splashed across the front of every magazine near the checkout stand of the store where he bought groceries. He’d also caught the end of an “in-depth” story on the woman when he’d been channel surfing the news for an update on the weather.

  “She was from around here, wasn’t she?” Jimmy asked.

  “Helena, I think,” Heather said.r />
  “Helena,” Trace repeated, his gaze meeting the doctor’s. Like Leanna. And Kacey.

  “I think I’d better get moving,” Kacey said. “Thanks.”

  Heather’s gaze swept from her boss to Trace and Eli, and she had trouble smothering a smile.

  “Can we see Sarge?” Eli asked again as Trace helped him with his jacket.

  “Tomorrow, bud.”

  “But I want to see him now.” Eli’s gaze traveled through the window and across the street to the veterinary clinic.

  “We have to let Dr. Eagle work with him.”

  Eli’s lower lip protruded, but he didn’t offer up any further arguments. Kacey told Heather she’d “see her back at the office next week,” before they all eventually worked their way out of the crowded restaurant and into the icy night, where a few tiny flakes of snow were falling and the temperature was hovering just below freezing.

  He and Eli walked the doctor to her car. As she fumbled for her keys before unlocking the Ford, she smiled up at him. “Thanks for the pizza.”

  “No problem. Eli . . .” He nudged his boy. “Don’t you have something to say to Dr. Lambert?” His kid looked up at him and blinked. “About the ice cream?” Trace reminded him.

  “Oh. Yeah. Thanks,” Eli said, remembering his manners.

  “Anytime. Take care of that arm, okay?” With one last glance up at Trace, she said, “Dr. Lambert sounds a little too formal anymore, doesn’t it? It’s Kacey.”

  “Kacey,” Trace repeated.

  Then she opened the door of her Edge and slid behind the wheel.

  Still holding Eli’s hand, Trace watched as she nosed the Ford out of its space and drove away. He bustled his son to his own truck, parked nearby, and as he headed out of town, he thought about her and Leanna and Jocelyn Wallis and Shelly friggin’ Bonaventure.

  Two were dead.

  One was missing.

  And the fourth, Kacey, had glanced guardedly over her shoulder as she’d shepherded Eli across the street earlier.

  Three of them had ties to Helena.

  And they all resembled each other.

  As he slowed for the stoplight near Shorty’s Diner, he wondered what the hell, if anything, their connection was.

  She was home!

  He heard the key in her lock, the creak of the kitchen door, and the sound of her footsteps as she crossed the kitchen floor.

  It was amazing how crisp the quality of the sound was, and he settled deeper into his chair to listen remotely as she snapped on the radio and ripped something that sounded like paper. Oh, of course. Her mail!

  Though he had no camera equipment—he hadn’t risked that yet—he could imagine Acacia walking through her house, kicking off her shoes ... running the bathwater. . . .

  That a girl ...

  In his mind’s eye he watched as she pinned up her hair, then stripped off her clothes, tossing them into a corner in the bathroom. Then, naked, her nipples tight and hard with the cold air, she would settle herself into the steaming tub.

  Would she add a stream of bubble bath and let the foam surround her? Perhaps light a candle or two and watch the flames flicker and gleam against the cold panes of the frosted window? Would she sink down low enough in the tub that the tendrils of hair on her nape would become damp? Would the water drops glisten on her long legs as she hooked her ankles over the rim of her old claw-footed tub?

  He licked his lips and traced the tip of his finger along that narrow little scar at his temple, the spot where she, with his knife, had sliced his skin so neatly.

  His heart was beating loudly in his ears as he heard a soft little splash over the headphones. He didn’t really have time for this; there was so much to do and yet ... He leaned back and closed his eyes. His heart was beating fast now; his breathing a little shallow; his cock coming to life.

  Imagining the slim column of her throat, he envisioned the very knife with which she had forever scarred him, a shining blade that sliced neatly across her white skin. As her eyes widened in her surprise, drops of blood formed, glittering gemlike upon her skin before running in dark rivulets down her sternum and over her breasts to slide into the water and bloom a deep scarlet. White bubbles floated, dissipating, becoming stained, as she sank into the warm pool.

  He let out a soft moan at the image, a ripple of pleasure moving through him.

  Now!

  “No.” His own voice startled him, but he told himself to hold on to his patience, that he couldn’t give in to primal urges. There were others who had to be dealt with first! “Wait,” he told himself, but deep within him, in the darkest corners of his heart, he knew that he wouldn’t be able to hold out much longer. With Acacia Collins Lambert, it was personal.

  As he listened via the tiny hidden microphone to the gentle lap of water surrounding her, he imagined her lying in her own cooling blood. Soon, she would breathe her last.

  Again he traced his scar, running his finger along the thin white slice, the cleaved hairline at his temple. Barely visible, but a reminder. His eyes narrowed, and he stood to look into a round mirror he’d placed on the wall over his desk.

  For a moment, he thought he saw her behind him.

  Acacia!

  Staring into the mirror and laughing at him! As if she expected him!

  Startled, he whipped around.

  But no one was there. Of course not. What he’d seen was the coatrack and a sweatshirt with a hood dangling from one hook.

  His breathing slightly erratic, he returned his gaze to the mirror again, and the scar that she had left.

  Few people noticed the thin white line.

  Fewer had asked about it.

  But he knew.

  And every day he remembered.

  CHAPTER 18

  “ I’ll be damned.”

  Leaning back in his desk chair, Trace stared at the computer monitor, where, after sifting through public records, he’d found that Jocelyn Wallis, too, had been born in Helena, Montana.

  Four for four. What were the chances of that, especially considering the small size of the town?

  And you’ve known three personally. Coincidence?

  What the hell did it mean?

  Nothing?

  Of course not. As the pages stacked in the tray, he lifted off the first set and read through them again, trying to figure out a connection. Coming up with nothing, he lifted a hand high overhead, stretching out his shoulder muscles, then rotated his head. Yawning, he snapped off the computer and checked the clock. Midnight had come and gone, and Eli had fallen asleep on the couch in front of the television. Trace had tried to get him to bed earlier, but his son had protested that he couldn’t be alone in his own room because he missed Sarge. Was worried about the mutt.

  Trace left the small parlor that he used as a den and found his son sprawled over the crushed pillows of the couch. In sleep, his hair at odd angles, dark lashes lying against his cheeks, Eli looked nearly angelic. Except he’d traded his wings for a bright blue cast.

  The boy had been a game changer for Trace.

  Before becoming a father, Trace O’Halleran had been known for too much drinking and an interest in the wrong kind of women. He had sown more than his share of wild oats but had stopped the minute Eli had come into his world and rocked it. He’d always heard kids changed everything, but he’d never really thought about it. Until he became a father.

  Now he leaned down to pick up his boy from the couch. Eli didn’t so much as crack one eyelid as Trace carried him up the old staircase to his bedroom on the second floor.

  The room was a mess. Toys and books scattered everywhere, clothes near, but not in the hamper, his twin bed unmade. Light from the window, that eerie gray/white of a snow-crusted night, spilled over the rumpled quilt.

  Gently, Trace lowered him onto the bed, then tucked the quilt around him. Sighing in his sleep, Eli rolled onto one side.

  His son.

  Trace’s jaw tightened at the secrets he’d kept from Eli. Someday he’d
have to come clean, he supposed. It was Eli’s right to know that Trace wasn’t his biological father. But when Eli learned that unforeseen bit of information, the questions would start, and they would be as difficult as the ones fielded the other night, when Eli had been upset and demanded to find his mother.

  And Trace wouldn’t have answers.

  The truth of the matter was that Leanna had never revealed Eli’s biological father’s identity. Trace had surmised she might not know, and even if she had, she certainly hadn’t cared. Theirs had been a white-hot romance that had started in a bar with one too many drinks and ended with a brandnew pregnancy. Trace had done the right thing: he’d married Leanna and adopted Eli. He’d then eventually come to grips with the fact that she’d either miscarried or lied, because the baby she’d claimed to be carrying, Trace’s child, never came to fruition.

  Not that it had ever mattered.

  The fights had begun, the accusations flung, and one night she’d just up and left. He’d woken up to an empty bed. Her car was gone; her clothes had been cleaned out of the closet; her phone, laptop, and makeup were missing.

  All she’d left was her boy.

  Which was just as well.

  As he stared into the room where Eli lay sleeping, he couldn’t imagine that he could love any child more. He didn’t understand why she’d left, but when the divorce papers came, and she gave up all custodial rights to her son, Trace had signed quick and fast.

  There had been a few phone calls and a handful of visits, but they had petered out over the years. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d talked to Leanna. When Eli had called her six months ago, the phone had been disconnected.

  You should have tracked her down.

  He deserves to know his mother, no matter what kind of a heartless bitch she is.

  For all you know, she could be dead.

  Like Shelly Bonaventure.

  Like Jocelyn Wallis.

  He decided he would make a few calls about Leanna in the morning. He had a couple of ancient numbers he’d found on a scrap of paper in the desk drawer just last month, when he was searching for a new book of checks. One was a number in Phoenix—hadn’t she had a girlfriend who’d relocated down there?—and the other number was for somewhere in Washington, which he didn’t understand.