Kiss Like a Fist_A Paranormal Harem Pulp Novel

by Jake Richter

  Alex nodded.

  “I knew you had,” The Man whispered. “And it ain’t been by human hands either, has it?”

  “Something’s coming for me, sir.”

  “Hell is what’s coming for you, boy.”

  “What do I do?”

  “Gird yourself for battle.”

  “I was told you might have weapons.”

  “I might have one or two that you could find useful.”

  They exchanged a look. The Man smiled. “Tell you what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna help you. You got a place you staying?”

  “Not yet, we’ll probably get a hotel or something.”

  “Ain’t too many of those here, so head north about two miles to the Hotel Hanover. Everyone there minds their business. I’ll feed you what I got tonight, then tomorrow, top you off with some real special numbers.”

  “Thanks, but I don’t have a lot of money.”

  “When the time comes, you’ll pay.”

  Alex nodded slowly. He couldn’t read The Man with his mirrored lens but his smile made Alex feel uneasy. But what could he do? They needed weapons.

  Spence opened the passenger window to let some fresh air into the Challenger. Minnie and Camille were half naked and spent from taking Spence through some sexual paces.

  “If this is foreplay, I don’t know if I’m going to survive.”

  Minnie wrapped her hands around Spence, licking his shoulder blades. “Your skin is like licorice. You taste so good.”

  Camille leaned back in the driver’s seat, her arms behind her head and her chest exposed, her glistening nipples still hard, her breath heavy. “You know, I often wondered what it would be like to be mated with a human. Have you thought about settling down?”

  Spence smiled. “Do I have to settle down with just one?”

  Minnie and Camille both giggled and covered Spence with kisses and licks. Minnie nibbled hard on Spence’s ear. “But if you had to choose. Who would you pick? Me or Camille?”

  “I don’t know. Which one wants me more?”

  Minnie and Camille looked at each other and then simultaneously pointed to each other. The three laughed together as Spence rolled the Challenger’s window back up. The car began to rock back and forth as Spence howled with delight.

  Minutes later, Alex exited the bar, past a cackling Silver Tongue Mo.

  Nearing the Challenger, Alex noticed that all the windows were fogged up and the car was jostling back and forth.

  He opened the door to find Spence with Camille and Minnie, a look of bliss on each of their satisfied faces.

  Spence laughed as he looked up at Alex. “I must have died and gone to heaven. We just started if you want to join in.”

  Camille responded with a sweet lilt in her voice. “Naw, sugah. They don’t have us in heaven, but we will put you on cloud nine!”

  She slipped her soft wet tongue inside Spence’s mouth.

  He whispered softly after she released her kiss, “I have a dream.”

  Spence cooed as Camille’s fingers slipped underneath his shirt. Her touch offered comfort and heat, and as she traced her forefinger down his chest over his torso and between his legs, Spence’s body flushed red.

  Minnie started at his feet. Spence was receiving the treatment of kings or maybe even Gods. Her warm red candy apple lips didn’t know the word “quit” as they searched and tasted his ankles, calves and then in between his thighs.

  “Enough!” Alex said. “We need to find the Hotel Hanover. The Man is going to hook us up with some weapons and bring us more tomorrow morning.

  Spence grumbled as he and the Belles gathered themselves together.

  Alex slid into the front seat of the car, put it in gear and drove off.

  16

  The Challenger motored off into the night, stopping a few miles down the road at the Hotel Hanover. It was truly a crappy pay-by-the-hour hotel in a wounded part of town.

  It was well after midnight, and it had been several hours since Alex had seen Ash. Everyone sat in the car, staring at the outside of the hotel.

  “How long’s it been?” Alex asked.

  Camille leaned forward from the back seat. “Relax, Alex. Another portal will open before sunrise. Ash’ll be here soon. We can handle things without her. If the Man comes through like you said, we can get some of the weapons ready. Plus, Ash wouldn’t have left you with us if she didn’t think you could handle it. I mean, you are the Chosen One after all.”

  Alex looked back. “Chosen One?”

  Camille grinned. “Haven’t you ever heard that there are no coincidences? Everything that’s happened is by design. Face it, the fates have chosen you to get the sickle back and save the universe. You’re the right person at the right time.”

  “I don’t feel like it.”

  Minnie placed a hand on Alex’s shoulder. “Nobody ever does. But when the moment calls for it, you’ll come into your own.”

  Alex looked at a smiling Spence. “She’s telling the truth, Chosen One. You’ve got this.”

  Alex nodded, full of worry, hearing a familiar voice from deep inside his conscious. It was his grandfather whispering, “Worry isn’t an action. Doubt is a dubious luxury. And remember, whenever one door opens…”

  Minutes later, headlights from an all-black Mercedes-Benz Sprinter van landed on the Challenger. The van parked and The Man exited. Alex greeted him.

  “Why don’t you check in,” the Man said. “The lady who runs the joint is a friend of mine so we won’t be interrupted. I’ll give you just a taste of the weapons tonight, and in the morning I’ll bring the good stuff.”

  Alex nodded as The Man’s ladies began moving some of the weapons into the trunk of the Challenger which Minnie had just popped open. The Man slapped a hand on Alex’s shoulder. “You need to meet us at the Lone Oak tomorrow morning, an hour after sunrise.”

  “I don’t know where that is.”

  “You can’t miss it. Nine miles north of here, a two-hundred year old tree shaped like a middle finger. It’s on a hill behind the Church of the One Faith, One Way, One Baptism. I’ll have the rest of what you’ll need to defend yourself.”

  Alex and The Man shook hands.

  Fifteen minutes later, The Man was gone and Alex and the others had checked into the hotel and lugged their remaining gear up to a pair of rooms. Spence, Minnie, and Camille were going to share one room, while Alex would have the other.

  Alex slipped into the other room and saw Spence and the Belles poring over the weapons they’d acquired from The Man along with items removed from Camille’s bag, the stuff they’d managed to salvage from the back of the Radio Shack. It was a good start.

  Alex gazed at Minnie and Camille, who were meticulously taking the weapons apart, cleaning them, and sorting the ammunition.

  There were a few of the crystal orbs they’d used to evade Grimwood, the metal bird, and two small pistols shaped like human hands.

  “What are those?” Alex asked.

  “Pulse pistols,” Minnie said.

  Spence grabbed the pistol and pulled the slide back. “Reminds me of that nickel-plated forty-five my old man used to love, huh, Alex?”

  Alex nodded, remembering the vast gun collection Spence’s father possessed and the many trips they’d taken to the gun range where Spence had taught him how to use all manner of handguns and rifles.

  Spence whistled, angling the gun around. “This thing is sweet.”

  “It’s synched to the emotions of the person firing it. It was hand-crafted in the grand forge of the Underworld.”

  Camille hefted a short-barreled shotgun and pinched a gigantic shell between her thumb and forefinger.

  Alex pointed at the gun and shell. “What’s that? Some kind of magical weapon that can bring down a demon?”

  Camille smiled. “Nope. It’s just a big-ass bullet.”

  Camille tossed the gun to Alex who inspected it. “But I thought the bullets don’t work on the things from your world.”

&nbs
p; “They didn’t before, but Ash saved you so some of the protections we had don’t work and with the Unraveling, all the same rules just don’t apply.” Camille said.

  “So what does that mean?”

  Minnie looked over. “It used to be that this world was neutral territory. People from the Underworld could operate in the shadows. They weren’t seen and they couldn’t be affected by physical things like bullets. But now, most of the old rules have fallen away and besides, we need to be prepared if we ever get into the Otherworld.”

  Alex favored Minnie with a look. “Why do you even need weapons? You’re a shifter, right?”

  She smiled. “What? Since I transmorph?”

  “Is that what it’s called?”

  “Ain’t no other way to call it. I was kinda fluid when it came to gender when I was alive, and when I crossed over, that enabled me to transform into other creatures.”

  “I think that’s sexy as hell,” Spence said.

  “I figured you’d say that,” Minnie said, miming clawing him like a cat.

  Spence grinned and yawned. “I’m getting tired.”

  Minnie nodded. “Me too.”

  Alex got the hint and exited, moving out onto the balcony outside the room.

  “Your boy back in there never gets tired of it, does he?” Camille said, following Alex outside.”

  “What about you?”

  Camille closed the door and shook her head. “Just haven’t found the right guy yet to do that. Although there have been a few women over the years that definitely raised my game.”

  Camille held one of the hand-shaped pistols out. “You want to see what it feels like?”

  Alex nodded, and Camille slipped the pistol into his hand. It felt warm and fleshy and seemed to change shape, reordering itself to fit the outline of his hand. Camille stood behind him, breathing over his ear.

  “Just let it go, Alex,” she cooed. “Just let it work its magic.” Her hand moved across his chest, lingering, caressing, and he felt the pressure against his pants as his imagination went wild about where that hand might end up next.

  “Do you want the gun?” she whispered.

  Alex nodded.

  “Do you want me?”

  Alex nearly nodded, but then he thought about Ash. It was weird, but he thought he’d somehow be cheating on her if he did anything with Camille.

  Licking his lips, he turned to Camille who looked radiant under the moonlight. She was breathtakingly beautiful, and her eyes glimmered like little bits of blown glass.

  Without saying a word, Alex handed the pistol back to her and she nodded. He could see it in her eyes.

  “Maybe another time,” Alex said.

  “Yeah. Maybe,” she replied, kissing Alex on the forehead.

  It was in the wee of hours of the morning when Alex left his room to go back outside, peering down over the balcony. The Challenger was among a few cars in the parking lot down below but stood out with its bright yellow and muscled presence. Fincher’s baby was a bad bitch indeed.

  Alex looked over at the room next to his. Spence was with Camille and Minnie. Lights out this early in the morning and, at first, he thought he heard the sounds of passionate lovemaking but it turned out to be Camille snoring.

  In the short time Alex had been with the Belles, he’d realized they were passionate about everything, and it didn’t matter if they were fighting, fucking or falling asleep–they were going to do it long, hard and loud. But Alex had to question himself.

  Sure, I feel stronger. I mean, I’ve survived the first day or so, but I don’t know. Am I good enough to handle all of this?

  “Of course you’re good enough.” Alex didn’t have to turn around. He knew it was Ash. She leaned in close. He could feel her breath against his neck. As she wrapped her arms around his waist, her body heat radiated confidence and reassurance.

  “How’d you know what I was thinking?” Alex asked.

  “Because I’ve been where you are. I’ve been asked to do things that I didn’t think I’d be able to.” She smiled. “I remember the first time the Grand Reaper gave me an assignment. I went outside and looked at the heavens and wondered, ‘can I do this’? You see, every morning brings the question, and every night comes the answer.”

  “What’s the answer?”

  “Yes, is the answer. Yes, you can do this.”

  Alex let that hang in the air for a moment. He turned to Ash and they were face to face.

  “Camille said that me being here is no accident. She said the cosmic forces of the friggin’ universe picked me as some kind of savior. Is that true?”

  “Do you believe in fate?”

  “I don’t know what to believe.”

  “Then believe that I believe in you.”

  They kissed. It lasted for a second, but Alex felt his heart stagger. Kissed by a fist. Ash’s lips were powerful erotic punches of tantalizing excitement.

  “You taste like a beginning.”

  Ash laughed. “Which is unusual, because I’m generally more like an ending.”

  They kissed again and Alex leaned his forehead against Ash’s. “He attacked us. Grimwood ambushed us back on the road.”

  “I heard,” Ash replied. “Word spreads quickly in the Underworld.”

  “We barely escaped.”

  “But you made it and learned some valuable lessons.”

  “Next time we might not be so lucky. What happens if he beats me? What would he do to me and Spence?”

  “Most likely kill, burn and devour you. In that order if you’re lucky.”

  She smiled. Alex didn’t.

  “I’m worried, Ash.”

  “That’s perfectly understandable. Doubt is what makes you human. But we’ll get it done, ‘cause the clock still ticking. I heard you met The Man. Once we acquire our weapons, we can stick to the plan: go to your grandmother’s and track down the sickle.”

  “We need to hurry.”

  Ash nodded. “But the fact that Grimwood attacked you means he probably doesn’t know about her yet.”

  Alex looked at the rising sun with Ash. The light was different than Alex had seen before. Ash pointed. “The Unwinding is already spreading. First the sky will start changing colors and then the days will shorten, and soon everything built will be laid bare…and then on the last day…we will be no more. If you want to stop this you’ll have to fight and win ‘cause we’ve only got four days left.”

  Alex looked at his watch. “It’s time to meet The Man.”

  17

  Alex and the others found the Lone Oak at dawn. It was an immense tree with a huge crown of branches perched on a sloped hill. The tree did indeed look like an extended middle finger, giving a one-finger salute to the forgotten church and the one-lane strip of blacktop that lay below it.

  Alex and Ash headed toward the tree. Alex peered carefully in every direction, but there was nobody in sight. The entire area was deserted. Ash fired up a smoke as Spence and the ladies mingled by the Challenger.

  “Those things are gonna kill you,” Alex said.

  Ash smiled. “We’ve already been through that.”

  “I never did ask what you get out of this.”

  Ash blew a ring of smoke. “What? You mean the smokes? I like their taste.”

  Alex shook his head. “I meant…what do you get out of reaping people?”

  “It’s just a gig, Alex,” Ash replied with a shrug.

  “It must be more than that.”

  Ash blew a series of widening smoke circles that floated above Alex’s head then flicked the butt in the air.

  Ash considered for a moment. “Well, there are perks. I mean we’ve got a stellar health plan, 401k, and every now and again they give us a set of steak knives around Christmas time.”

  She smiled, but there was no levity in her face. “I was destined to do this, Alex. It’s seared in my DNA.”

  “You were like me once, weren’t you?”

  Ash slowly nodded. “I was mortal once upon a
time, yeah.”

  “How long ago?”

  “What does it matter, Alex?”

  “I just…I just need to know.”

  “Know what? Whether I had a family and kids and the whole schmear?”

  “Did you?”

  Ash’s gaze narrowed. “Change the subject.”

  “How can you change the subject when there’s only one subject?”

  Ash didn’t reply and Alex knew he’d overstepped his bounds.

  “Okay, fine…so what happens if we get the sickle back?”

  “When, not if,” Ash corrected him.

  “What then?”

  “Then I thank you for a job well done and ride off into the sunset.”

  “That’s how it’s gonna be?”

  “Can’t be any other way.”

  “What if I wanted to come with you?”

  “Oh, Alex, look. it’s been real, and me and the gals—”

  “As an equal I mean. As a member of your team.”

  “But you…you’re a guy.”

  “That’s what they tell me,” Alex smiled. “Besides, your crew needs a little diversity.”

  She smirked. “You couldn’t handle it.”

  “I can handle anything that comes my way, Ash.”

  Ash moved in close to him. She leaned within an inch of Alex who felt her heat and suddenly flushed, aroused.

  “You couldn’t handle me, Alex.”

  “Try me,” he whispered back.

  He reached for Ash and—

  HONK!

  A horn sounded in the distance, killing the moment.

  Alex swiveled and looked past the Challenger.

  Down at the bottom of the road was a black Mercedes Sprinter van. The doors on the van opened and out stepped The Man. He was flanked by the two ladies from the bar, who were garbed in red and white leather outfits.

  The Man tipped his hat in response to Alex’s wave of recognition. Alex then turned his attention to the Challenger and let out a short whistle.

  They headed down toward The Man, who peered at them through his mirrored lenses. Alex couldn’t read his expression but the two ladies were grinning broadly before they pulled out sawed-off shotguns and aimed them at everyone.