Dear Diary

by Nikki Sapphire

  Dear Diary

  (A Taboo Novella)

  Nikki Sapphire

  Copyright © 2018 Nikki Sapphire

  All rights reserved.

  ISBN-13:

  Dedication

  This book is dedicated to the man who inspired the story. I don’t need to name you because you know who you are.

  You brought out something inside of me that I never knew existed. At times, I wanted to straggle you. Other times, I just wanted to act out what was being conspired. This novella is not only your story, but it is OUR STORY.

  Thank you for being my Jameson.

  Love, Nikki Sapphire

  CONTENTS

  Prologue

  separate entries for each day

  Epilogue

  From the author

  Acknowledgements

  About the author

  disclaimer

  No part of this eBook/book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without written permission from the author.

  This is a work of fiction. Any names or characters, businesses or places, events or incidents, are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

  Dear Diary’s Playlist

  1: Eyes on Fire – Blue Foundation

  2: Peacock – Katy Perry

  3: Love Falls – HELLYEAH

  4: Whore – In this Moment

  5: Let’s Fuck - Dope

  6: If Only – Dove Cameron

  7: Do I Wanna Know – Artic Monkeys

  8: My Little Secret - Xscape

  9: What’s Your Fantasy (Female Remix) - Ludacris

  10: I Can Tell – 504 Boys

  11: Skin – Rihanna

  12: Dilemma – Nelly, Kelly Rowland

  13: Adrenalize – In This Moment

  14: Goodbye in Her Eyes – Zac Brown Band

  Dear Diary

  October 3rd, 2016

  I truly love my husband and kids. However, this housewife sometimes needs to feel desirable. There’s nothing wrong with a little flirting. Everyone flirts. I have seen other housewives flirt with the deli clerk for that extra slice of meat. I’m thirty-eight years old and I feel like I am desirable to other men, but the one person I want to desire me is my husband, Patrick.

  Patrick and I met in college, fell in love, had a whirlwind romance and married six weeks after graduation. I supported Patrick when he started law school. We have two beautiful children, twins, Evan and Erica, who are my life. They are eight years old and my life revolves around them and their school schedules, baseball practices, and gymnastics.

  I know Patrick is stressed and tired by the time he gets home from work but damn it, just once, I would love for him to show some romantic gestures or appreciate me for everything I do for this family. On the outside, we look like the perfect family.

  Yesterday, I went to our mall and stopped by La Senza, a sexy lingerie shop. I purchased bras and panties, hoping to surprise Patrick. I took the children over to my mother’s for a much needed break. Patrick was due home around six, so I hurried up and changed into my beautiful black bra and thong.

  When Patrick finally came home, super late, though, he found me on the bed with a barely covered body. My breasts were pushed up so high, they were practically hitting my face. His eyes raked over slowly, and he immediately took his tie off and said, “Kendra, seriously? I have to respond to three complaints my office received today, and I need to file answers on behalf of each client.”

  Then he had the audacity to tell me to put some clothes on and that the twins may see me. I wanted to cry. He had no idea that the twins were with my mother. All I wanted was my husband to fuck my brains out.

  Our relationship has been bugging me for some time. There is absolutely no spark. I can’t tell my friends about the issues we are having in the bedroom because they would never believe me. Patrick and I were known to sneak off at any event and fuck. Yes, we were that couple. We were the last to have children. My friends and I are currently on different paths in life. Their kids are older than mine.

  After that embarrassing moment, three days ago, with Patrick, I found myself standing in front our bathroom mirror, naked, trying not to be self-conscious. I feel I look hot for a mom. I’ve always heard I was a MILF from younger guys around town, who were definitely not afraid to yell this in front of Patrick. For Christ’s sake, my breasts are still perky. I keep myself in shape with boot camp workouts and I “vagina scape.” Fucking for real, why doesn’t my husband notice me.

  I’d had enough. I was so fucking horny. So, I grabbed my old faithful silver bullet and turned it on the highest speed and headed into the bedroom. As old faithful was vibrating in my hand, I imagined Patrick’s fingers slowly moving up and down my folds. Mimicking his moves, oh God, was I wet. I brought the silver bullet to my clit and within seconds, I started to sweat. Sweat started to roll down my breast and I was getting really fucking close. With my free hand, I grabbed my left nipple, pinched and flicked it. Then my body started to spasm, legs shaking, and I came hard. I looked over at the clock on the night stand and thought that was pretty quick. Quite possibly record time.

  I got out of bed and headed back into our master bathroom and started to get ready for boot camp. This was my first time at this gym. My favorite boot camp instructor moved to this new gym. As I got dressed for my workout, I realized I should get there a little earlier than I normally would. I knew I needed to fill out new person paperwork. With that, I got into my van and made the trip to downtown Columbus.

  When I arrived, I walked into the gym and noticed that this place was filled with testosterone. As I approached the desk, Ryan, my boot camp instructor was standing there greeting me with a smile. We exchange pleasantries and he told the staff I was his faithful soldier.

  As I was finishing up the necessary paperwork, I had this weird sensation overwhelm me, causing me to turn around. When I did, I was met with the most amazing chocolate eyes I’ve ever seen on any man. He was built, wearing a sleeveless shirt with the most amazing ink on his toned arms.

  Goosebumps prickled my skin. I felt flush. I haven’t felt this in a long time. This man was assessing me with his eyes, stopping at my sports tank-top. I looked down and noticed my nipples were hard.

  Fuck it. If he is going to stare, I am going to do the same thing. I took the opportunity to check him out. This man was gorgeous. Dark brown hair, muscles that screamed to be rubbed down, facial stubble that would feel so good between my legs. I had to remind myself, “You’re married, Kendra; or Stop it, Kendra”.

  During my eye fucking session, Ryan interrupted me of my fantasy and vagina blocked me by telling me it was time to warm up for class.

  By the time we finished the workout, my mystery man was no longer here.

  October 17th, 2016

  It has been a hellacious few weeks. Patrick has been nonexistent due to work. The children have been acting up, well, Evan has. I feel like I am drowning in emptiness. My days are bleak and dull. My children can be nightmares and my husband doesn’t even notice me. How do other mothers survive this level of loneliness? I am about to lose my fucking mind. I just don’t want to feel like all I am good for is a working mother of the home. I want to feel more. I want to be wanted. I want to be desired.

  Which brings me to my next entry, I have been a hit and miss at the gym. I have been going at odd times, but today, I went to the evening boot camp class. And I am so glad I did. My eye candy was there with smiles that I would like to think are for me. Yet, we have not had a conversation. Just some eye examination on both our parts.
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  While I was stretching, I couldn’t help but notice he was stretching next to me. An overwhelming sensation creeped over my body. I looked at him eye fucking me. He grins, “Hey. I’m Jameson.”

  My face became warm with heat. All I could do was stare back at him.

  He started to laugh, “You have a name?”

  Fumbling my words like some love-stricken teenager, I answered, “I. uh. yeah. Kendra.”

  “I see.”

  “See what?”

  “How long you been going here?”

  “A few weeks. You?”

  “About the same. You like it?”

  “Yeah, the workouts are intense, but it is good.”

  His deep brown eyes focus in on me. “I have a question for you.”

  “Okay.”

  “Do you think you will be able to keep up with me?”

  Before I could answer, the class began. For the remainder of the class, Jameson found his way to be by me between all the obstacles. Numerous times, he would tell me to go faster with my burpees. Something about him was motivating me to push harder. I liked it. Okay, I fucking loved it. Before the last routine of 200 jump ropes, he comments, “Keep your pace with me. I want to see your stamina. Don’t let me get too far ahead of you.”

  Ugh! Is he kidding me? Jump rope, really? I like to do jump rope exercise but not at a ridiculously fast rate. Fuck, I have had two children. Bouncing brings on something very unattractive.

  My sassy ass responded, “Honey, I think you should be more concerned with keeping up with me.”

  He grins from cheek to cheek. “Oh darlin, I don’t think that will be a problem.”

  Yeah, I was in for it. Me and my diarrhea of the month syndrome. I couldn’t help myself with him. It was like he was drawing this flirtatious sex kitten out of me.

  Once our workout was completed, I laid my sweaty body down on the floor of the gym. I was spent. Keeping up with Jameson was hard. I thought I was in decent shape but not compared to him. I sat up from the floor to see him sitting directly across from me, staring. He smirked. Next thing I know, he removed his shirt, exposing his chiseled chest and six-pack abs. My mouth watered, hoping to drink that six-pack. I should note that this is a very common thing in my gym after an exercise, the men remove their shirts due to the heat in the gym. But none of them have affected me like he did. My internal temperature is blue like the hottest part of the flame with my body flaming red, orange, and yellow. Fuck me silly, please.

  Jameson got up from the floor, looked at me and said, “I’ll see you around.”

  “See you.”

  I watched him as he walked out the door, leaving me hoping and praying to see him more.

  November 2nd, 2016

  It has been a few weeks since I have seen Jameson at the gym. I was curious if he was attending a new time. I know I have been all over the place due to the children’s schedule. There is no reason why I can’t get him out of my head. The last person who occupied my head time like Jameson is now, was my husband. I can’t really explain why this magnetic force is pulling me toward him. Another thing, he is young. I am not sure how young he is, but he is young. Along with adulteress thoughts, I am at cougar status too. This is wrong on so many levels.

  I keep having to tell myself I love my husband and my family. These impure thoughts are fogging my best judgement. Patrick is a good man. He has done so many things for our family. When we had the children, he knew I wanted to stay home with the kids. There was no hesitation. He worked harder for us, for me. The most important thing in my life was raising our children and that meant being there for them at all times. Patrick has given me everything I have ever wanted. When I wanted a mom’s night out with my neighbor ladies, he encouraged me. When I wanted to spend a small fortune on a gym and trainer membership, he said, “If it makes you happy, then do it.” I shouldn’t be feeling like this. He has done everything for me.

  Well, except the one thing we are lacking. Intimacy. Oh my goodness, as the years have passed, he has become more and more distant. While I am getting more and more horny. I am thirty-eight years old and feel like I’m hitting my sexual prime. He has lost his sexual prime. He crushed me a few weeks ago. Laying there, waiting for him, wearing very expensive lingerie, to have him discard me like yesterday’s news.

  To be honest, I can’t even remember the last time we got down and dirty between the sheets. I’m tired of using battery-operated boyfriends to get me off. I just want to have my brains fucked out of me. I want to scream in ecstasy so loud the neighbors would call the police. I want to be desired. I want to feel I am wanted. I want to feel I am beautiful. I want my body to feel worshiped. Yes, I might sound like a spoiled brat, but this is all I ever want from my husband. Besides the children, everything else means nothing to me. I would give it all up just to have him love me like he did when we were in our honeymoon phase. I just don’t know what to do.

  November 3rd, 2016

  So, I did something. I, Kendra, am not only a cougar but add the title of stalker to my name. I found Jameson on Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, and Instagram. Oy vey! Of course, Jameson accepted all my requests immediately. I can just see him smirking at me behind the screen.

  It is what he did next that had me floored. When he messaged me back, he had the balls to say he has been waiting for me. I swear I don’t remember Patrick ever being that up-front or blunt. As I was thinking of my reply, my phone started ringing. I looked down and dropped my phone. He was fucking calling me through Facebook messenger. I started to panic.

  I picked up my phone and there was his beautiful face staring right at me.

  Grinning from cheek to cheek, he said, “Hello, gorgeous,”

  My face warm and flushed, I smirked, “Hi, Jameson.”

  “Kendra, why are you hiding from me?”

  Completely curious as to why he is asking me this, I comment, “I have no clue what you mean.”

  “Where have you been? I haven’t seen you at the gym. I had to find out from Claire that you’ve been going to the night class.”

  My excuse was, “I’ve been a little busy.”

  “Hmmm, sure.” Yeah, he wasn’t buying it. To be honest, I wouldn’t have either. It is like he knows I have been avoiding him. What he does to me, it isn’t right. It is so wrong on so many levels of fucked up.

  But when he spoke to me, I couldn’t help but feel my skin tingle. Those brown eyes of his, staring directly at mine. For fuck’s sake, those deep, dark, gorgeous brown eyes.

  I still cannot believe he Facetime’d me through Facebook. It is just weird. Our conversation was natural, like we have been talking for years. We joke. We give each other shit. But here is the thing, this conversation not only started to creep toward that line, but it leaped over it by a hundred feet.

  Totally caught off guard by something he said. I asked, “I’m sorry, what did you say?”

  He took a deep breath and stared directly at the screen and said “Kendra, you look like you’re hungry or you were just eye fucking me.”

  As I blushed, I commented, “I might be hungry, or I may be eye fucking you. And I can’t believe I just said that.”

  “Why?” Jameson laughed, “I’m glad you did, Kendra.”

  But he wasn’t done yet. What he said next left me breathless.

  He continued, “Kendra, I’m calling you because I haven’t been able to get you out of mind since I’ve met you at the gym.” He reaches to touch the screen as if he were touching my face. “I’m glad you found me because I didn’t even have your last name to find you. My God, you’re gorgeous.”

  By now, I am soaked. His voice is dripping with sex. My nipples pebbled. I croaked, “Um, thank you?” My internal temperature was rising in degrees. I had to get out of my house and onto the deck. I was going to melt away. I headed outside with my laptop in hand. I sat down on my plush, padded whicker outdoor furniture.

  Smirking, he asked, “So, Kendra, how did
you find me?”

  I knew this question was going to arise. He wasn’t dumb.

  I inhaled, “Well, I went to our gym’s Facebook page and got curious to see who was on the friend’s list and well, there you were. You were quite simple to find.”

  “And, here we are,” he paused, “Kendra, what are you going to do about it?”

  “There is nothing I can do about it.”

  “I beg to differ. Clearly, you find me attractive, otherwise you wouldn’t have sought me out.”

  “Yes, I do find you attractive, but nothing is ever going to come of this.”

  “Hmm.”

  “What hmmm?”

  “So, what are you looking for? Harmless flirting or something else?”

  “This is all harmless.”

  “Oh, that is too bad.”

  “Excuse me.”

  “You gave the vanilla answer. So many fantasies just ripe for the picking.”

  “Okay, mister. I take a bite. What are these fantasies you are talking about?”

  “Like I said, you gave the vanilla answer.”

  “Ugh, you’re an ass.”

  “But yet, you want something from this ass.”

  Before I could say anything back, the back door opens, and Patrick pokes his head out. Without saying goodbye, I hung up the Facetime with Jameson.

  Being perky just like I just had a shot of espresso, I acknowledge my husband, “Hi, honey.”

  I’m so fucked!

  November 8th, 2016

  The banter between Jameson and I has been going on for weeks. It is all very harmless, for the most part. Yes, I find him extremely attractive. But it isn’t his looks that attract me the most, it is his confidence and ambition to be the best. My husband once had that. Watching Jameson post his videos about being a pharmaceutical sales representative are not only hilarious, but he is determined to be number one. The magnetic force between us is bringing us closer and closer. But here is the thing, the vivid dreams I have about him are just unreal. Nothing I have ever done before. I feel like his whore.