“What I mean to say is, well just that, I’m broken, Nick.” A bolt of courage struck her and she opened her eyes and met his. “Frigid, I can’t have orgasms. Ever, not once, not at all, never…ever.”
She felt ridiculous when the tears bubbled to the surface and spilled over her lids falling silently down her cheeks. She sunk defeated onto the sofa. At least now he knew. Now he wouldn’t desire her the way he had. The past month had been a fantastic escape from her reality, but now it was finished. He would probably not ask her to leave immediately, but she would imagine his demeanor would change, become more distant.
She was deeply involved in her own self pity and embarrassing memories when he came and sat beside her. She couldn’t look up at him, she just couldn’t. She held her own hands primly in her lap and began tugging down the hemline of her skirt, wishing it covered more than it did because all of a sudden she felt terribly foolish and vulnerable.
His thumb grazed her cheek again, for only a moment before his hand held it, lovingly directing her gaze to his. “I don’t believe that, Keely. Not for one second.”
“Why would I lie to you about something like that?”
“I never said I thought you were lying, or that I didn’t believe you. I said I didn’t believe what you said, the words, the meaning. I don't believe you are incapable of passion in the bedroom when so much looms beneath the surface of you all the time.”
She pulled her face from his touch and looked back down into her lap. At first she was going to give him a set down with as much indignation as she could muster, but then realized she couldn’t muster any. Instead her words came out soft, defeated. “Well, unlike you, I have the experience to back up my claims.”
He kissed her temple. “Don't be petty.”
She guessed she’d mustered something then, if not indignation exactly, pettiness. Oh goody.
I may not have much sexual experience, but I have a lot of life experience and I know people. My father taught me young to watch and people would show you exactly who they were. So I have been, all my life, and you, Keely Thornhill, are passion personified.”
She made the mistake of looking up at him. His eyes held her captive again, she couldn’t look away.
“Just because you’re with some guy who doesn’t know how to bring that passion to the surface, doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you.”
“I have no passion, and I’ve been with this guy for ten years, and he’s tried everything to get me to... ah—” she blew out a breath with a strangled cry of distress. “I can’t talk about this with you.” She pulled herself away from him, returning her eyes to the hem line of her skirt.
“Keely, I’ve been watching you for months.” He didn’t touch her this time, but she could tell he was watching her. “That day in Nature Company, I could sense the passion in you the way a...a...” he snapped his fingers. “A vampire senses blood. It was all through you, bubbling to the surface and oozing from your every pore.”
He was silent for a few moments, then, “Do you have any idea what first attracted me to you?”
She shrugged her shoulders. “My blond hair? My breasts? That’s what usually does it.”
He took her chin between thumb and index finger and swiveled her head back towards him.
“No. It was your laugh. It was uninhibited, full of life and passion. If that jackass doesn’t know how to bring it to life in you then why the hell are you wasting your time on him?”
“It’s complicated and I don't really have a choice.”
She stared at him, wanting so desperately to believe him but after all the times Derik tried, she’d never come close to feeling anything but a mild state of arousal, and he always blamed her for it. ‘Frigid Bitch’ seemed to be his pet name for her most days. She cringed even now as she thought of it. But he wasn’t all bad; he’d been kind and patient with her and generous beyond all reason. She rubbed her head. She felt remarkably confused.
“Do you trust me, Keely? I mean really, really trust me?”
He looked at her sharply and up until that moment she thought she had, but something about the look in his eye made her not so sure it was smart.
“I want to break one of our agreements, but just for a few minutes, then we’ll put it right back in place.”
She couldn’t play dumb, like she couldn’t remember the agreements—there were only two. No kissing on the mouth and no touching anything a bathing suit would cover. So what did he want to do to her?
When his hand laid on her knee, then slowly started moving up her bare thigh, she couldn’t play dumb about that either. She knew what he had in mind. As much as she craved the feel of his skin against hers, his touch anywhere, she couldn’t do this.
“Don’t play the macho stud with me.” She shoved his hand from her knee. “I can’t. It isn’t possible, so what happens when you find out that you’re wrong and I’m right?”
He put his hand back on her knee. Only this time his fingers reached around underneath and were softly stroking the skin behind it. Her skin tingled, her body wanted to shiver. She couldn’t think when he did that and wondered if he knew it and maybe if that was his whole point.
“Then I’ll never bring it up again and we’ll go on our merry way of enjoying our three weeks together, platonically.” His voice whispered in her ear, his fingers were slowly making their way back up her thigh, stopping just inches away from where they agreed not to touch. Where she knew he wanted to touch her—she let out a breath—where she wanted for him to touch her with fierce desperation.
His fingers weren’t still by any means, she began to wonder if they even knew how to be, and the little shock waves he was sending across her skin were shooting throughout her body and seemingly collecting right back where they started—between her thighs. She wasn’t sure if it was conscious or not, but her legs opened for him and his hand met silk.
She sensed more than saw him take a deep breath. She heard him let it out on a quiet groan. His mouth came down on her neck, his other hand playing with her hair and shoulder. She felt her body rise up to meet his and all he was doing was oh-so-gently running his fingers over the outside of her underwear. At times she thought she must have been imagining his touch, it was so soft and yet made her feel so much. How was that possible?
He pulled her part way into his lap and wrapped one of her legs behind him, sandwiching it between his body and the sofa as his fingers began toying with the lace edge of the only barrier she had between him and knowing with all certainty, she was broken.
She had second thoughts and pushed at his hand. He whispered in her ear, “Trust me.” and went back to her neck. True to his word he didn’t touch her anywhere else they’d agreed not to. As much as she wanted to scream, “Kiss me!” she didn’t and when his fingers finally breached the barrier and found the soft skin beneath, she surrendered to all she was feeling and went limp in his arms.
“There you go, baby. Just relax into it.”
His words were soft as if they came from a million miles away, all she could feel was his fingers, touching her, so delicately, so sensually. Circles again, what was with him and the circles?
On the one hand, she wanted him to be right, but if he were, what would that mean for her? Four more years of being ‘Frigid Bitch’ all the while knowing it was Derik? How could she live with that? Yet she wouldn’t have a choice.
Again she had second thoughts and stiffened. “I can’t. Nick, stop...” he silenced her with his mouth on hers and it felt glorious. It was everything she’d imagined and more. His tongue quickly found hers and she lavished him with it. For a time she forgot everything, especially where his other hand was. His kiss was all encompassing, the entire world seemed brought down to just two people, just one kiss.
She pushed her fingers into his thick dark hair and sucked on his tongue in her mouth and before she knew what to think, she felt tension coiling inside her again. Only this time it wasn’t the tension she was used to, this seemed as if it might go som
ewhere. She broke the kiss solely because she could no longer breath. She heard herself making embarrassing little panting sounds but couldn’t stop herself. “Nick?”
“It’s all right, you’re safe.” He pulled her head against him and whispered once, “Come for me, baby.”
He pushed his fingers deep inside her, she moaned it felt so good, so right. She arched up begging for more and the next thing she knew, Nick had torn her panties right off her and had wedged himself between her thighs. Her legs now rested on his shoulders and at the first brush of his tongue against her, she about leapt from her skin.
“Ohhhh that’s soooo good, Nick. More, please, more.”
She pushed herself against his face like the hussy her mother was always telling her she wasn’t, but in this moment, she thought hussy was a damned good thing. Nick’s mouth was amazing as he moved his fingers still inside her and licked and sucked on her clit, she actually thought she might come.
She began to pant, not sure if she was afraid more of coming or not. Nick, seemingly reading his mind, placed his hand on her belly and briefly looked up into her eyes.
“Fall into in, honey. Fall into me. I’ll catch you, I promise I will.”
The sight of his dark head between her legs was the most erotic thing she’d seen in all her life, and for whatever reason, she went with it. She dropped her head back and when Nick’s mouth went back to urging her towards the peak, she went for the trip, no second thoughts, no worries, just her and Nick.
At sixteen, she’d had some pretty dreamy fantasies about Nick. At twenty, they’d become a lot more x-rated, but never in a million years had she thought she’d be fulfilling any of them.
Then in an instant, her mind went blank as she felt herself spiraling out into shards of brilliant light and color. She’d never even been able to imagine this good. It was the single most indescribable experience of her life and when she felt the crest wane, Nick licked her clit one last time, pushing his fingers inside her in perfect rhythm, and she came a second time!
She was breathless and dizzy and…
“Oh. My. God.”
He maneuvered her so she was lying against him, her head cradled against his chest as little ripples of what she’d felt still traveled the length of her body. Tears were pooling in her eyes, but she was so happy she didn’t care.
Nick’s lips pressed against the top of her head. “I told you, baby.”
She didn’t care about anything right then, only wanted to disappear into his warmth forever. She snuggled against him and did the most remarkable thing...she fell asleep.
• • •
Nick wasn’t sure he’d ever truly hated anyone before. Maybe Sasha’s relatives, but that was out of a sense of justice. The hatred he felt pumping through his veins right now had nothing to do with justice and everything to do with vengeance. How anyone could take a warm, loving, passionate woman like Keely and make her feel...broken—he shudder even thinking the word—was beyond him.
He ran his fingers along the bare skin exposed by where her sweater kept falling off her shoulder. She slept peacefully in his arms while he was cataloging all the things he’d never felt before. The one that concerned him most was the rampant desire he felt for her. Never had he wanted someone as much as he wanted her. When she came apart in his arms just then, it was all he could do to keep from taking her there on the sofa like a horny teenager. His cock was so damn hard he thought he might never recover and dear sweet lord, the taste of her had been the most potent punch he’d ever felt in his life.
This was going to be a problem. He believed everything he’d told her earlier about waiting, but he’d never had much of a problem with it before now. His conviction had never truly been challenged. After Angie had left him at the altar, he decided he would never give so much of himself again to anyone who wasn’t truly in it for the long haul. He was only interested in intimacy with a woman who wanted forever and that was that, until now.
And it wasn’t that he wasn’t already thinking forever, but Keely had too many secrets, he couldn’t be sure yet if she could give him forever, and call him skeptical, but he’d never give another woman so much blind trust as he’d given Angie, again.
He looked at the layers of gold and sunlight splayed against his chest, she challenged him. He thought she probably always would, but this was important to him. He only wanted to get married once, and at thirty-six, he felt it was high past time, but he would wait forever for the right girl. The thing that bothered him was that he thought the right girl might be right now lying in his arms and instead of feeling joy and relief, he felt apprehension and couldn’t figure out why.
She moved slightly. He maneuvered them both so they were laying down and covered them with a throw he had over the back of the sofa. He kissed her head again and allowed sleep to take him as well while the cast from La Traviata sang on in the background.
Chapter Six
By the time Nick woke the next day, Keely was gone, but the smell of pancakes wafted through the living room to greet him. His mind still half asleep, he worked on pure instinct towards the kitchen.
“Morning!”
She seemed a little too cheerful as she smiled up at him, spatula in hand.
“You didn’t have any mix, so I wasn’t sure if you liked pancakes or not, but I made some from scratch anyway and I—” she flipped the last cake, moved to the oven bringing out a large glass baking dish and held it before his nose. His mouth began to water. “—made bacon and eggs as well.”
She put the dish down and turned to another dish that was covered loosely with a towel. “And cinnamon rolls in case you had a sweet tooth. I couldn’t find coffee but since you had oranges and a juicer I squeezed...”
He placed his hand on her wrist and sleepily kissed her nose. “Sweetheart, you’re babbling.”
She broke free and put down the things she was holding. He felt the tension drain from her shoulders. “I know.” She spread her arms out to encompass the whole kitchen. “I also cook when I’m nervous.”
Nick snatched a piece of bacon and a hunk of one of her cinnamon rolls. “You make these from scratch, too?”
She was removing hot cakes from the griddle and starting a new batch. “Uh huh. I like to cook, but don't get to do it much.” She gave him an apologetic expression. “Sorry I went a little nuts on your kitchen, but it’s so well stocked!”
He pulled her into his arms. “Honey, I hope I make you nervous all the time and you go as nuts as you want.” He rested his cheek on the top of her head, without shoes, she was the perfect height to cuddle. “Do you have any idea how long its been since anyone cooked for me?”
He felt her head move in a negative answer and smiled. “Well, its been a real long time.” Pulling away he stole another piece of bacon and she moved to flip the flapjacks.
“Do I have time for a quick shower?”
“Yeah, I can keep everything warm until you’re ready.”
He looked at her for a long moment, wanting so much to kiss her full on the lips and forget about breakfast for at least another hour, but he restrained himself. Heading for his bedroom he called back over his shoulder, “Maybe over breakfast we can discuss what you want to do with our three weeks.”
• • •
“Uh-huh.”
She pulled her hand back and waved it in the air. His comment caused her to forget herself and her middle finger got a little too close to the edge of the griddle. She ran it under cold water.
What had she been thinking? From the moment Derik announced his trip, well at least as soon as she realized she wouldn’t be going with him and wouldn’t have to meet up with him until France in three weeks, all she could think of was getting to Nick. She put her hand to her forehead…then last night.
She couldn’t hold back the little smile as it unfurled. Last night had been one of the most amazing nights of her life. Not just the sex, but sleeping beside him all night too. Even waking this morning in his arms, it was all so
unbelievably wonderful.
She’d woken once during the night and realized what had happened. For a minute she thought about getting up and sneaking out, but to leave the warmth of his arms would have taken far more strength than she had, so she simply snuggled deeper into him and went back to sleep.
But the morning brought regret.
Well, not regret exactly, but embarrassment maybe. Guilt, certainly. She’d come apart in his arms, crying out with, she didn’t know what, but she couldn’t have stopped herself if her life had depended on it. And Nick, he just held her close while she trembled and cried over how wonderful it all was, how wonderful he was.
Still, what was she thinking? She couldn’t possibly be free of Derrick for four more years. There was no way she could sneak around behind his back, so what did she think she was doing carrying on with Nick?
She had to put a stop to it, had to make it clear that she couldn’t be anything more than a pleasant fling. She turned to look out the window biting down hard on her lower lip as she remembered, he doesn’t do flings, pleasant or otherwise. So then what were they doing? Courting? Dating? They certainly weren’t fucking.
She began biting her thumbnail, a habit that had been forcefully broken at the age of ten by a mother who wouldn’t stand for it. She smelled burning pancakes and rushed to tend them. She was still lost in thought when Nick returned smelling fresh and showered and looking sensually disheveled. She couldn’t help but smile.
“Are we ready?”
His voice snapped her out of the daydream his presence had snapped her into.
“Yeah. Let me just turn this off and I’ll start putting everything out.”
He came around the counter into the kitchen. “Let me help.” Grabbing two dishes of food he winked at her before heading for the round glass table that sat a mere few feet from the kitchen where they’d shared their meal last night.
Keely found his apartment charming. It was small, from what she could tell only one bedroom. You walked through the door and you had your living room to the right and the dining area to the left, the kitchen off that. There was a small hallway beyond the living room, that’s where she’d found the bathroom this morning and the other door she figured to be his bedroom.
Anything She Wants Page 6
