She liked the way his place wasn’t cluttered, but he’d put some thought into the photographs in frames and art work she noticed displayed on the walls. He’d made it home and it was all the things you could say about home. Warm, inviting, cozy. Her favorite details were the fireplace and the balcony off the living room. She also liked the colors. As she sat down she waved her hand at the walls.
“Did you paint?”
“Yeah. The manager said I could so long as I left the walls white when I left. I hate white.”
He’d painted three of the walls surrounding the living and dining rooms in a rich deep chocolate. The fourth wall, the one that housed the fireplace, was an exotic turquoise.
“I’ve never known a man to have such good taste.”
She thought for a second he might have blushed. In the end he gave her a sheepish smile. “I like to feel comfortable in my space. Make it feel like mine, I guess.”
He passed her the cinnamon buns and she took two. One thing she knew for certain, for at least two of the next three weeks, she was going to eat anything she wanted.
Once the food was all passed around, Nick got terribly serious.
“I was thinking. I slept soundly last night, but this morning while I was showering I came up with a plan.”
She looked up at him, brow furrowed, lip firmly ensconced between her teeth.
“What kind of a plan?”
Good lord, with the way things had been going, running off to some foreign country didn’t seem too off beat.
“It’s not bad.” He gave her his best mischievous smile when he added, “Trust me.” The very words that had gotten her in so much trouble last night.
She gasped and choked on her eggs and he had the nerve to laugh!
It was good heartedly though, not with a mean spirit like she was used to. He rubbed her back until she regained control over the coughing sat back down. While he heaped eggs, pancakes and bacon—enough to feed a king—on his plate, he began to explain.
“Not like last night, Keely. This is different. Well, sort of.” He reached across the table and placed his hand over hers. “I want you to teach me about passion, and in return, I hoped you let me teach you.”
She stared at him, not changing her expression. It was as if he hadn’t said a word. She finished chewing, swallowed. Took a sip of juice.
“Are you all right?”
“Mm-hmmm.”
He smiled, moved his chair closer and put his arm around her. “Sweetheart, are you uncomfortable with what happened last night?”
She took a long time to answer, her breathing slow and even.
“I shouldn’t have let you.” She turned in her chair until she was looking directly at him. “There is no future for us. Not that I mean to be presumptuous or anything, but after what you told me last night I can’t imagine you go around with your fingers in just anybody’s underwear.”
He snickered and she shot him the woman’s look of death which seem to sober him immediately.
“No, certainly I stick to the female half of the population, at least.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
She wanted to laugh, he was damned irritating with how cute he could be, but she knew her place, she knew her manners and she would get her point across.
“So what did you mean, hon?”
“That, for instance.” She pointed her finger at him and her face became animated once more. “Since last night you’ve called me sweetheart, hon, honey, baby...”
“Darlin’.”
She looked at him through narrow eyes. “You did?”
“No, I thought if you were keeping a list I’d add that one now so you wouldn’t have to fret over it when I undoubtedly slip and call you it later.”
She pushed at his shoulder, but a hint of a smile played about her lips. “Be serious for a minute.”
She felt sad when she thought of her life, her reality, but it was what it was and there was no use fighting it. When she looked back at him, he’d become serious, she thought maybe what she was thinking had shone on her face. She tried to smile.
“Okay, what is it?”
She got up and began to pace. He stayed in his chair, but she could feel his eyes on her. She appreciated him giving her the space she needed to get this out, but nothing would make it easy, so she blurted it…all of it.
“I have no future for four years. I can’t be with you, or anyone else until then. I’m not married, but I do have a...commitment, I guess you’d say.”
“For four more years?”
“Until my thirtieth birthday, yes.”
• • •
It wasn’t making any sense to Nick. If there were no promises made of forever, no vows exchanged, then why couldn’t she walk away if she chose to?
“So I thought we could just keep things light for the next few weeks...”
He got the impression she’d been talking while he was thinking and felt terrible for missing some of what she said. He trained his focus in now with deliberate care.
“I know there are feelings between us, or at least I gather there are. I really have very little experience with these things, but all I know is I can’t be with you long term, so I thought maybe you should just le...”
He didn’t know where he found the strength or speed to be across the living room in less than a heartbeat. All he knew was he had to stop her from finishing that sentence, he did so with his mouth.
Twice now he’d broken a promise to her, not to kiss her. The real problem was, he wasn’t sure how he’d ever be able to keep that promise now that he had kissed her. He’d dreamt of her lips last night, lips that taunted and begged him to kiss. He swore, if she didn’t give him permission to kiss her and kiss her regularly, he was going to do it anyway and then he might have to tear up his white knight card and replace it with blackguard one as he would assuredly take his pleasure regardless of her permission.
He swung her down into his arms in a extravagantly romantic gesture and pressed his lips against hers. Her hair fell in waves over his arm like silk. Her tongue met his without hesitation, she wrapped her arms around his neck and like two people starved of touch and affection, they celebrated in the moment. She fit so perfectly in his arms. He loosely remembered a conversation between West and Matthew discussing how surprised they were at how their women just fit so perfectly in their arms. Now he understood what they meant.
When he’d kissed her as long as he dared without starting to remove clothing he swung her back up, brushed his thumb over her wet and swollen bottom lip and though his voice was deep and thick with emotion, “I’m not going to just anything. Something is definitely between us, Keely, and I’m not about to go away until we’ve figured out what it is.”
She pushed out of his arms. Her fingers running over her own lips. “Its lust. I’ve heard it can be very powerful.” She turned to face him. “And we have a deal about not kissing on the mouth and twice you’ve broken it.”
He had, and he felt guilty, yet still, he gave her a mischievous grin. “You didn’t complain last night.”
She let out a strangled sound of frustration. “The bottom line here is that I am not free. Nor will I be for...”
“Four years. Yes I know. That much I understand.”
He took her hand and led her to the sofa. She hesitated for a half second before joining him freely.
“Now why don't you tell me the rest?”
“Breakfast will get cold.” She raised her hand to gesture towards the table.
“I only care about that because you went to such trouble to fix it, but I think this is more important. Tell me, Keely. Tell me everything and be honest.”
The apartment was quiet—a little too quiet. Nick focused in on Keely’s breathing. She took long, deep breaths. In an attempt to keep from hyperventilating, no doubt. He hated seeing her this upset, but he hated the thought of losing her more. He had this silly notion that if she was just honest with him, they could walk through
fire together and come through unscathed. Nick rubbed her back and waited patiently, for what he didn’t know, but the ball was definitely in her court now.
“It won’t sound right. You won’t understand.”
Nick did a half turn and tucked one leg up on the sofa so he could face her. She sat on the edge, her back ramrod straight, her hands on her knees. He heard the air conditioning kick on as she stared into the living room, seemingly at nothing. What could be this bad? Maybe he ought to level with her, he had a feeling he already knew her big secret, if he just told her that he didn’t care if she was only with the guy for his money, maybe then she’d lighten up and tell him everything.
He didn’t get a chance to, because she spoke first.
• • •
“Can’t we just leave it at I’m seeing someone else and there’s no future for us?”
Keely sat in Nick’s very ordered living room knowing there was no way she could level with him about this. There was no way she could get him to understand. She felt his hand moving slowly up and down her back, but nothing was going to help this. It seemed like forever before she heard him let out a slow breath. He leaned forward and pushed her hair behind her shoulder. It was such a tender act it almost made her want to cry, but tears were one thing she wasn’t going to resort to.
“Keely, I can’t spend the next three weeks with you, without falling in love with you. I’m too close to it already and when I fall, I fall hard. If you can’t tell me what’s going on, then maybe we should just call it quits now.”
Her heart stopped beating, she was sure of it, but she knew how to keep a brave front, even when her world was crumbling. Without looking at him she calmly stated, “Better for both of us that way?”
“Something like that.”
Her peripheral vision caught him fall back against the sofa as if in defeat. She instantly felt the loss. Tears ran down her cheeks regardless of her best efforts and she felt incredibly stupid. This was all her own fault. She lived in a prison of her own making. She could tell him, but her words would extinguish that flicker of love burning in his eyes and she simply couldn’t take that.
Taking a deep breath, she rose to leave, dreading the moment she’d cross the threshold to his apartment and step into the emptiness that waited for her. How was it possible to find someone as perfect as Nick and have happily ever after not follow?
“Bye, Nick.”
She looked at him only for a minute, she couldn’t stand to see the anger that was brewing in the depths of his eyes. She swallowed hard and slipped on her shoes. The walk from sofa to front door was ridiculously long considering the size of his apartment. She reached for the doorknob.
“Wait. I forgot.”
It wasn’t, stay, I love you, but she’d take what she could get. Love wouldn’t help anyway it would only make everything that much more complicated. She turned and leaned all her weight against the door, somehow not having the strength to remain standing of her own volition. Nick handed her a piece of paper. She looked at him curiously, then the paper.
“That’s the information for your brother. If you call that number today at three thirty, they’ll put you through to him. He’s expecting the call.”
She stared at the paper, then at him, then the clock on the kitchen wall which she could just barely make out. She had a few hours. She pulled the paper close to her heart and closed her eyes, tears flooding them again.
How could she walk away from this, from him, but did she really have a choice? The drama was beginning to remind her of her mother and it was making her stomach churn. She had a duty to do, she’d been taught duty, she knew what she had to do and she would do it.
Her eyes still closed, she felt his thumb brush her cheek a moment before she heard his voice.
“I had a twin. A brother named Freddie.”
Her eyes flew open. Any sentence that started out in past tense, probably wasn’t going to be good. She held her breath, waiting to hear the rest.
“We were identical, unlike Patrick and Thom, my other brothers who are also twins, but they’re fraternal. Anyway, eleven years ago he was killed in a plane crash.”
His voice was so matter-of-fact, but she saw the pain in his eyes. She wanted to reach out to him, to hug the pain away, but how cruel would it be to offer something she couldn’t follow through on?
“He was piloting and pilot error was determined as the cause of the crash. I can’t tell you how devastated I was. My mother still hasn’t gotten over it. I think it’s why she worries so much any time I leave the greater Richmond area.”
His quick smile betrayed how very much his mother meant to him and she found herself wondering again, how she was ever going to walk away.
“Brothers and sisters might be close, but a twin is like a piece of yourself and I’ve mourned that missing piece every day since.” He let out a soft rush of air and brought both hands up to capture her face in a gently hold, his thumbs brushing gently across her cheeks. “Until you.”
She closed her eyes for a second, letting the depth of emotion that statement carried wash over her.
“I’m not saying you could replace Freddie, because you can’t. But since I’ve been with you, that ache hasn’t been as great, the hole hasn’t felt as deep. Maybe I’m not making any sense, but I can’t stand the thought of you walking out of here and never coming back. Not now. Not in three weeks. I won’t be able to handle it, Keely, so if there’s any way you can trust me enough, any way to sort this thing out, then please don't go.”
He was begging her. She’d never felt like she meant so much to anyone before. Maybe Rissa and Peter, but that was different, she’d been more of a parent to them than a big sister anyway, but facts were what they were. She slowly let out a long breath.
“You can’t fix this.”
“How do you know?”
She stiffened her spine. Her body straightening, he dropped his hands and took a step back.
“Because I won’t let you.”
She was very firm on this; everyone had too much to lose. She’d gladly sacrifice herself for the ones she loved, she’d been doing it most of her life already and she wasn’t about to let Nick Chilton undo everything she’d done. He held out his hand in such a simple gesture, yet it nearly brought her to her knees. Nick Chilton was dangerous. Dangerous to everything she was.
“Trust me.”
Her breath stumbled. How could she? He stood, staring with longing into her eyes, but it wasn’t sexual longing, it was more, it was everything. She let her gaze filter down to his still outstretched hand.
“Trust me,” he said again.
She didn’t move. She looked back up into his beautiful face, his beautiful eyes and thought she could see her completion there.
Trust me.
How could she?
Trust me.
Everything about him was screaming it, even though he hadn’t said another word.
Trust me.
She placed her hand in his and let him lead her back to the sofa with him. She trusted him. She trusted he was about to blow his top. She tried sitting at one end of the sofa, hoping he’d take the other, but he sat beside her and pulled her legs up over his. Taking her shoes off one at a time, he sat them on the floor with such care it made her heart ache.
Then he began to rub her feet. No one had ever done that for her before, she wasn’t sure what to expect, but it was dreamy nice and for a second she could almost imagine forever. Then a cold chill settled on her that had nothing to do with the air conditioning and everything to do with the truth she’d never told another living soul before. She was about to try and tell Nick.
“Promise me that when you’ve heard this, you won’t blame me for telling it. You’re the one that wants this, not me.”
He brushed her cheek bone with his thumb.
“Promise.”
One word, but she had trouble believing it. Nick was the kind of guy who could never understand the choices she’d made. He was
too upright, too pure, too good. She felt wretchedly dirty all of a sudden. It was a feeling she usually kept under control, but Nick had been eroding the carefully placed barriers around her heart and soul from the day he first touched her.
It was going to end the same way whether she bared her soul to him or not, but he’d asked so little, and he’d given her Peter, she owed him so much more than just a little swatch of truth for that alone. There was no getting out of it, she’d pushed this as far as she could and she knew it. After drawing a deep breath, she began.
Chapter Seven
“I’ve been with the same man since I was sixteen, his name is Derik. I have a contract that says I’ll stay with him until my thirtieth birthday. Do you need to know any more than that?”
She broke away from him, rising to her feet and pacing to the sliding glass door that led to the balcony. Nick figured he could fill in the missing pieces, but for some reason he needed to hear it from her lips. He knew where she was concerned he was incredibly vulnerable. Hell, if she told him she’d committed high treason, he could see himself fighting to prove her innocence. He needed to be careful around this woman, because it wasn’t just his life, his reputation at stake, it was his entire family’s as well.
She stared out the spotless glass for an inordinate amount of time, when her voice broke the silence, it was weak, tired and it was all he could do to keep from telling her never mind, that was enough.
“You’ll never understand. You don't know her.”
Her?
Nick was getting more confused by the minute. He already figured she was with the man he’d seen her with at the mall. Weeks ago, he’d come to grips with that. He figured that he was a possessive, jealous man and that she didn’t feel for that guy, half what she’d come to feel for him. He figured she stuck with him out of guilt or some twisted loyalty, or—worst-case scenario—what he provided her with, but he could deal with that and he could provide her with anything she ever wanted, plus love, too.
Anything She Wants Page 7
