Another perfect moment.
His mom had taught him when he was little that life would never be perfect, but he could have perfect moments and to treasure those. He always had, but since Keely came into his life, the perfect moments with her overshadowed everything else so much it seemed she had the gift of giving him perfect days. Today, for instance, had been a perfect day.
Caressing her cheek with the back of his hand, the last of the fireworks burst into the night sky. He thought it was probably silly, but he enjoyed the fireworks every night. When the manager mentioned he’d be able to see them from the bedroom window, the balcony and the courtyard below, he had to admit, that part of him inside that was still five, had been intrigued. Watching with Keely though, made it all the more special.
Now that the loud booming had stopped, he could much more clearly hear the families below. Excited laughter of children mixed with enthusiastic parental voices. He wondered if he’d ever have children? He hadn’t thought about it in a very long time. After Angie, he wondered if he’d ever find the right woman. Not that he thought she had been, it was just that he’d spent so much of his life wanting Angie or being with her, that he was afraid the right one had slipped passed unnoticed.
He looked down at Keely. Without consent his mind started making comparisons to Angie. The two women were very different in some ways, but very similar in others. Their vulnerability, their gentleness. The things he felt around Keely, though, scared him to death. He’d always felt in control of his feelings for Angie. He released a breath remembering his father’s words.
There’s no fighting your feelings, so you’d best learn to deal with them.
He smiled, thinking his father was a wise man.
“You ready for bed?”
Her voice was a little too enthusiastic in his opinion. He almost wanted to laugh, except it really wasn’t all that funny. How was he supposed to share a bed with this woman and not have her? If she wasn’t the right one, then he knew for sure no one was. Maybe he should just take the opportunity present. He caressed the soft skin of her neck as he wondered if he could break his own commitment.
A commitment that had come to define him over the past few years.
He wasn’t sure.
“Sure.”
She smiled up at him, more relaxed than he’d seen her and was struck again with how beautiful she was. He scooted out from behind her and held out his hand to help her up. His tug on her landed her right against his chest. He couldn’t hold back, he kissed her. Soft at first, slow and deep. His mouth exploring hers. He grew hard from the first touch and it only grew worse as the kiss continued.
He wrapped his arms around her waist and clasped his fingers behind her back to keep himself from getting carried away. When he broke the kiss he felt like wet, overcooked spaghetti. He pressed her head against his shoulder and held her there. The voices from the courtyard had faded now, replaced by a chorus of crickets. He could hear cars in the distance, but none of that mattered, he only wanted to hold her like this forever. Sweet temptation and torture, that’s what this was.
Soon he wound his fingers with his and wordlessly led her to his bedroom. He wondered what she thought when she looked at the room. There were a few picture in silver frames on the dresser and a few Talbot lithographs framed on the walls. The blue ocean in the photographs made even deeper by the red walls. He had an enormous wrought iron bed and a smaller desk with a computer sitting on it that matched. The carpet was of course, the rental beige every apartment had, but he’d covered it with several large exotic looking throw rugs.
He pushed her gently in the small of the back.
“Go on. The bed doesn’t bite.” He leaned closer to her ear. “And I won’t either, at least for tonight.”
He noticed her bags by the closet and realized she’d forgotten all about them until. She must have noticed too, because her response was, “I should unpack.”
He kissed her neck and shoulders.
“Or I could wait.”
She giggled, it was the sweetest sound. She wasn’t moving so he scooped her up and carried to the bed. He laid her down on the red comforter and she sank. He smiled at her.
“Down mattress topper, you sink right in.”
She return his smile, but in her eyes he saw it again, the sadness, the want for so much more than she thought she had the right to want. He wasn’t going to fight with her, not tonight. He came down beside her and kissed her again, but she pulled back.
“Would it be okay, for tonight, if we didn’t...fool around?” She bit on her lower lip and squinched up her nose. She looked about five. He kissed her forehead.
“As long as you’ll sleep in my arms.”
“Done.” He moved off her and went to his dresser. “Do you want something to sleep in, or can you find yours easily enough?”
“Ummm, I didn’t bring anything.”
He turned to her, raising both brows.
“Well, I sleep in these frothy little concoction Derik buys me and…”
He held up his hand.
“Say no more.”
He dug through the dresser looking for something specific.
“Aha!”
He tossed a purple silk pajama top at her.
“I only ever wear the bottoms anyway.”
He winked.
“I bet this color brings out the deep blue in your eyes.”
He stared at her for a moment, wishing for something smart and charming to say, but he had nothing.
“I’ll give you some privacy and go clean up. You need anything?”
“No.” She smiled. “For once in my life everything seems perfect.”
Nick took some extra time in the bathroom to make sure Keely would be decent when he came back, but when he came back she was more than decent, she was asleep. He climbed under the covers beside her and she wiggled towards him. He put his arm around her and she snuggled against his shoulder. This was how a couple was supposed to be, this was what he missed most. The tenderness, the casual affection.
“Good night, sweetheart.”
He kissed her gently and momentarily wondered how long a man could stay hard for and not do something about it before he cause permanent damage. She nestled her head against him and sighed. It was a beautiful sound, but he felt a moment of sadness for all the people he knew that slept in bed with a partner every night yet still felt alone. He figured Keely was probably one of them. He wondered if he held her tight enough, love her hard enough, how would she be able to leave?
Chapter Twelve
Keely had no idea how long she’d slept for, but when she next woke the moon was still in charge of the night. She noticed that the air had been turned off at some point and the window over the bed had been opened. Warm air blew across her and the scent of night blooming jasmine was thick in the air. She couldn’t tell if Nick were awake or not.
He still held her close and it was a wonderful thing. She wiggled around until she was on her stomach, her chin resting on his shoulder so she could look at him. She studied his features in the moonlight thinking he had a beautiful nose. She ran her finger gently over it.
So straight.
Probably had never been broken in boyhood like Peter’s had been. She wonder what type of a boy or teenager he’d been.
Studious probably. She looked at his nose again, probably not into sports.
“If you’re looking to touch things, there’s a whole lot more interesting things going on underneath the blankets.”
She startled, then slapped his shoulder lightly. “I didn’t know you were awake.”
“I’ve haven’t slept with anyone in a very long time. I was enjoying it.”
She took several slow breaths, gazing out into the darkness thinking things she wished she wasn’t.
“Why didn’t things work out with your fiancee?”
He chuckled, a strange reaction she thought, but it was his tragedy. She couldn’t fathom what kind of woman would leave Nick wit
hout provocation.
“It was a bad idea from the beginning and it ended with her leaving me standing at the altar with a thousand wedding guests staring at me.” He let out another chuckle. “Not one of my better moments and it had to be witnessed by everyone I ever knew.”
She looked him in the eyes, she needed the truth, finally. “Okay she left you, but wasn’t there some reason for it?”
He cocked his head to the side, she could see his eyes better now.
“What, like I cheated on her or something? Why couldn’t she simply not want to be with me?”
She was quiet for a long while, trying to figure out how to answer him without putting too much of her heart out on her sleeve. She eventually came to the realization that it was hopeless and went for broke.
“Because I can’t imagine any woman in her right mind leaving you for no reason.”
His white teeth reflected the moonlight as he smiled at her. “She had a reason. Besides, you’re planning on leaving me.”
“I never claimed to be in my right mind.”
She laid her head back on his shoulder. Her fingers began playing with the swirl of dark hair on his chest as she contemplated all the things she was feeling.
“She didn’t love me. She loved Freddie.”
She sprang back up.
“You’re brother?”
He laughed derisively.
“Yeah, that would be the one.”
She shook her head, trying to get this new information to somehow make sense.
“After Freddie’s death, she needed someone, and truth be told I’d been in love with her since we were kids.” He ran his hand over the top of his head. “Or I thought I was.”
She saw sadness deep in his eyes, but not the pain she would have thought.
“I think she thought since Freddie and I were identical on the outside, we’d be close enough on the inside, but it doesn’t work that way. I don’t blame her, not anymore. I’m actually thankful she had the nerve to not go through with it, although her timing is still up for debate.”
He grinned and winked at her. She laughed, although she hadn’t intended to.
“You scare me, Nick. Scare me to death.”
She hadn’t meant to do that either.
She closed her eyes tight hoping he wouldn’t respond. His fingers brushed over her hair then lay still on her head. It was such a tender expression, she found herself blinking back tears.
“Why?”
She brought her head back up and looked into his eyes.
“Because you can obliterate my entire life. Everything I’ve ever known and yet still I don't stay away from you.” She laughed. “I’m in your bed for Pete’s sake.”
“Mhmm.” He seemed to consider her words, her thoughts drifted out the window into the night.
“And who’s Pete? Your brother?”
She furrowed her brow. “Oh, ha ha. You’re a funny guy, Nick Chilton.”
He started tickling her and she laughed for real this time, then he held her against him again, close to his heart where she longed to stay forever.
“I know you’re scared. I am too.”
He didn’t give her time to respond, not that she probably could have. His fingers running through her hair had her hypnotized.
“I have these crazy powerful feelings for you. I can see forever, but I’m not sure you’d stay no matter what I said or did.” He let out a long breath. “I don't want my heart broken again, Keely. You’ve got the power to do that.”
He let out another deep breath, it drifted over her skin and felt very much like a kiss. She didn’t want to break his heart. She yawned. They lay still, the night air brushing their skin. She really didn’t want to break his heart. She thought she might rather die, but then, what choices did that leave her?
“I know your father. He knows about me. He wouldn’t like to know his son was hanging out with a well paid prostitute.”
He sat up fast, dropping her unceremoniously, face first, to the bed.
“Don't you ever say that about yourself again.”
When she looked over her shoulder at him he was ruggedly running a hand through his hair. She’d never seen him really angry before, she realized this was it. She turned over and scooted to the edge of the bed, almost wondering if he’d hit her, but then thought how crazy that was.
“Damn it, Keely, you don't even know my family and if my father thinks anything about you, it’s probably that you’re Derik Fulton’s girlfriend.” His hand ran through his hair again. “That’s certainly what I thought.”
A harsh sound left her throat.
“Did you? Did you honestly think that? Because pretty much everyone on Capitol Hill knows me as Derik Fulton’s whore.”
She rubbed a hand over her face.
“I’m not proud of it, Nick, but it is what it is. If I showed up with you at anything, they’d just think you paid me more.”
When he turned his eyes on her, they were black as night in the darkness, she thought again he might like to hit her. Instead he got up and paced to the far wall, then back, four, maybe five times before he sat back beside her. He was back to himself, his thumb tenderly caressing her cheek, making her forget all her crazy thoughts of a minute ago.
“You are not a hooker, Keely, don't ever say that.”
“I get paid to have sex with him.” She folded her arms across her chest not sure why she was so desperate to have him think badly of her. He tipped her chin up and placed a gently kiss on her lips.
“You live with him, he gives you an allowance, the same as I would if we were married. You talk with him, you travel with him. I assume you cook, maybe clean? You are not a hooker.”
She felt a pout coming on, he’d shot her down good. In truth she’d never thought of herself as a prostitute exactly, she just felt the need to tell him she did.
“I never cook or clean, he won’t let me.”
She pouted over that fact. He laid back on the sheets, pulling her down with him and tucked her back against his chest.
“Are you trying to get me not to like you, Keely? Because you might as well give it up, I already do.”
The sound of a lone cricket wafted through the window. Keely thought it was a terribly sad sound.
“I didn’t mean to make you mad.”
“I think you did. I think that was your response to my saying I didn’t want my heart broken. I see you, Keely. The real you, the one you try to bury. She’s who I’m attracted to. She’s who mesmerizes me.”
He tucked her head under his chin and muttered something softly, almost as if he didn’t want her to hear him.
“She’s who I want to spend forever with.”
She lay quietly in his arms, listening to him breath. In and out. In and out. The rhythm calmed her. He never said another word after that and eventually she could tell he’d gone to sleep.
Forever?
She couldn’t even imagine forever. She’d been on a fourteen year plan for ten years, she couldn’t see past four years from now. She smothered a yawn. This was so much more complicated than she could handle.
She let her fingers run over his chest again and started drifting. She didn’t know what tomorrow held, but she had a lot of things she needed to give some serious thought to. She wished Peter were here.
The sadness washed over her. It was the same thing she felt every time she thought of her brother. He’d been so passionate about her leaving Derik when he’d found out the truth. She’d never forget the look of hurt in his eyes when she told him no. He couldn’t understand, or maybe he wouldn’t. She imagined it was hard for him to think of his big sister being a slut, prostitute, mistress? Whatever he’d thought, he’d kept that part to himself.
She’d never be released from the guilt she felt over his leaving though. It was entirely her fault. The same as it had been her fault her father hadn’t stayed with her mother. It was also her fault Seldon had left and that Peter and Rissa never spoke to Mom anymore. She was a
disaster. Nick should be glad she wasn’t staying. A month with her and he probably wouldn’t be speaking to anyone in his family anymore.
She covered her mouth as another yawn escaped and dread filled her heart. This whole thing had been a mistake. She was the wrong girl for him. She felt her breathing growing erratic as panic began to keep company with the fear. He needed some nice Kennedy girl or something. Some girl from a powerful political family to match his own. She had to get out, before she did more than break his heart, but shattered it completely. That was the last thought to register before sleep over took her.
• • •
Keely moved her arms over the sheets, she couldn’t open her eyes yet, but she knew she was alone. Then she smelled food and sat up slowly. She hadn’t slept much at all last night. Between changing her mind every fifteen minutes about whether or not she’d stay today, and guilt and sorrow over everything she’d done in her life and all the misery she caused, sleep had been elusive.
“Hey, you’re up.”
He seemed cheery this morning. She gave him a half hearted smile as he made his way to the bed with a tray of what she supposed was food. It was covered with one of those silver dome things like when you ordered from room service, but it smelled heavenly. She placed a hand over her stomach. She really had been eating a lot since she met Nick.
He sat the tray over her lap and removed the dome with great pinnace.
“Eggs and bacon. I knew you liked it because you made it for me.”
He held up one finger and left the room. Her hunger and curiosity battled it out for a few moments, but then hunger won out and she dug into the eggs. They were perfectly fluffy and the bacon was perfectly crisp. This was heaven.
“I did not however, know what you liked on your toast.”
He circled the bed bringing another tray that held little white carafes with assorted jelly and what looked like marmalade. She couldn’t help but smile. Her spirits soared and she couldn’t imagine a day without him. Maybe she was losing her tenuous grip on sanity, but just maybe it would be worth it.
He sat on the end of the bed facing her and unfolded his own napkin. As he dug into his eggs he asked, without looking up, or without stopping eating, “So what do you want to do on our first fun day? I was thinking Disneyland, or Sea World. What do you think?”
Anything She Wants Page 12
