She smiled, how could she not? But first she had to ask. She ran her tongue over her teeth and momentarily set aside her breakfast.
“Are you sure? After last night...” She rubbed three fingers deep into her forehead. “I don't want to break your heart, but I don't know how not to.”
He grabbed her fingers and held them down against her leg.
“You are not responsible for my heart. I’m sorry I made you feel that you were.”
They sat quietly for a minute.
“Did you ever love Derik?”
“No. I don't know that I believe in romantic love to be honest. It’s one of the things that worries me about us. We’re so different, from such vastly different backgrounds, I don’t think there’s a way to meet in the middle or to overcome the obstacles between us.” She spooned jelly onto her toast and took a bite. “Mmmm. Blackberry.”
“Seedless.”
She laughed, this was ridiculously domestic. Breakfast in bed and seedless jelly.
“Nick, my plan has always been to wait out the four years, buy myself a little place by the beach and live out the rest of my life alone. No man, no children, probably not even a cat. Just me, alone.”
She stared at the red comforter hoping he wouldn’t challenge her, but knowing he would. It didn’t take him long. He took her chin between his finger and thumb and tilted her head up until she saw his eyes.
“Why would you want to do that?”
She shrugged. “It’s what I’ve always planned on.”
“What about your mom? Your brother and sister?”
Another shrug and then she started picking invisible fluff off the black sheets.
“They’ll be better off without me. I’m nothing but trouble.” She looked at him defiantly. Anger sparking in her eyes she challenged him to contradict her. “Do you have any idea how much trouble I’ve caused all of them? They’d have been better off if my mother had aborted me.”
A tear slipped by her guard. Of all the things she’d planned on for today, a pity party wasn’t one of them.
“Your mother planned an abortion?”
She looked at him curiously, his tone seemed very guarded and she wasn’t sure why.
“She said she thought about it, but she was too afraid of eternal damnation. Instead she got a lifetime of misery. Me.”
Two more tears rolled down her cheek. She cursed as she wiped them away. Then she let out a deep breath and took both Nick’s hands in her own. “I don't want to cause you pain, if you let me stay, that’s all I’ll do. I should go, you should be thankful and never look back.”
Chapter Thirteen
God, the woman was infuriating. Nick was in a panic, had been since last night when she pulled the hooker crap on him. Why couldn’t he make her believe she was it for him? If she left, he might as well fly up to Frisco and jump of that lovely bridge of theirs.
He let out a breath.
Maybe it was because he was too afraid to tell her.
Somewhere around daybreak he’d gotten to the crux of it. He loved her, but somehow he thought if he told her, she’d freak. If he didn’t, maybe he could keep his heart in tact if she left. But why would she take a chance on him if she didn’t know how he really felt?
He looked into eyes that seemed almost turquoise today. He was a coward, he couldn’t do it. He’d like to find her mother and kill the woman though, but that probably wasn’t productive either. He squeezed back on the hands that held his.
“How about this. We both stop over thinking everything and just have a good time today? Now, Sea World or Disneyland?”
She looked at him skeptically for so long he thought for sure she was about to turn him down. Her tongue came out and licked her lips before he noticed her press them tightly together.
“I’ve never been to either.”
“You haven’t? Didn’t you grow up here?”
“Yeah, but mom wasn’t into family trips.”
“What about Seldon?”
She smiled then. He was glad she’d had a kind step father, even if just for a while.
“I remember walking nature trails, picnics, snow, so we must have gone up to the mountains at least once, but my memories of him are so fractured and few. I don't know why, I was nine when he left. I should remember more than I do.”
He brushed a stray lock of hair from her brow.
“Sometimes when you face a traumatic situation, your memories can fracture. It’s the brain’s way of saving itself. At nine, losing the only dad you’d ever known, must have been traumatic.”
“I loved him, Nick. So much.” She looked with great interest towards her fingers. “Obviously he felt less for me, which I can understand, but why cut off Rissa and Peter?” She looked up desperately into his eyes as if he might somehow have the answers she craved. “They were really his.”
“I don’t know, darlin’. People have their ways. Maybe he regrets it, or maybe he was just a lowlife and you were better off without him.” He cupped her cheek with his palm. “I wish I’d known you as a little girl. I bet you were beautiful and full of life.”
“No, I mostly kept to myself. I didn’t have many friends and whenever I’d make one, mom seemed to think she was a bad influence or the wrong type of person.” She shook her head as if it were nothing. “I had a doll I loved, though.” At that she smiled.
“Can we go to Sea World? I’m dying to see a killer whale up close.”
He laughed with relief. “You bet, now eat. We always seem to get into these discussions when food’s around. I swear I’ll be starved by the time the three weeks are up.”
He raised his brows at her.
“Although, maybe I could get you too weak to leave me.” He waved his fork in the air. “That thought has merit.”
A sexy slow grin spread across his face. “Of course there are better ways to make a woman weak than to deprive her of food.”
He didn’t say another word, just went back to his food, leaving Keely’s cheeks burning and he hoped, her body aching with want same as his.
• • •
Keely was giddy and Nick was in hell.
The woman had the ability to tempt a saint. He hadn’t run any scientific experiments to prove this theory, but he thought any man in their right mind looking at her today would be more than tempted. The white pants she’d chosen to wear were bad enough in the way they hugged her sexy ass, but the oh-so-innocent baby pink tank with the lace trim was screaming at him to pull it off her, and had been from the moment she emerged from the bathroom wearing it. Her long blond curls were wild and free and she had a glow about her that he was finding hard to resist.
He tried, without much luck, to concentrate on what he was doing but she grabbed his arm, wrapping both hers around it and clutching it to herself as she jumped up and down in her white sneakers. Nick could only laugh as he stepped up to the ticket window and bought their tickets.
She turned loose of him long enough to allow him to put away his credit card and he got lost in watching her spin around in the sunlight like an enthusiastic child. For a second his heart stopped as he thought of what beautiful children he’d have with her. Then he broke into a scowl, hoping they only had boys.
As she held her hand out to him, he took it, and they moved into the throng of people slowly making entry into the park through the turnstiles. Once on the other side, he stopped her by the main entrance fountain and pulled her into his arms.
She smiled up at him. “I’m so glad we’re here today.”
“Mmmm. Its going to be a perfect Tuesday.”
His lips brushed hers, softly at first, but that was all it took to ignite that familiar spark demanding he deepen the kiss. His lips parted, hers answered and that was it. When decency finally demanded he pull away, she dropped her head back with a contented sigh. The most serene smile he’d ever seen in his life danced on her lips and her eyes were closed. Definitely nirvana. He inhaled, filling his lungs with the water spray from the fountain
and her. God, how he loved her.
“C’mon.” He folded her hand into his and pressed it to his lips. “I’m taking you to one of my favorite spots first.” He held out the show schedule they’d given him when he got his tickets. “We should also decided which Shamu show we want to see, and we have to see the sea lion and sea otter show, it’s very funny.”
He held the schedule out to her. “Are there any other shows you want to see?”
That same smile appeared again and she released another sigh that screamed contentment.
“No, you can be completely in charge. You’ve been here before, I haven’t.”
He took her hand and they started walking.
“I still can’t believe you’re a southern California child and you’ve never been to any of the amusement parks.”
She shrugged with a smile.
“I’m here now, and I bet a million trips before this wouldn’t even compare, so what difference does it make.” She ran her fingers along his cheek. “I was waiting for perfect. I was waiting for you.”
He tugged her against him as they crossed a bridge, she squealed as a hundred flamingos came into view. Stopping on the bridge, giggling like a child, she squealed again as she noticed the enormous turtles in the water below her feet. She turned to Nick, her eyes filled with wonder.
“I’ve never been happier in my life.”
She sounded amazed. He kissed her forehead; neither had he.
When they finally made it to the exhibit he’d been dying to show her since he’d first thought of the idea of bringing her to Sea World, he told her to wait to the side for just a minute. When he returned, she furrowed her brow at him as he held several cardboard trays with dead fish in them. He couldn’t help but laugh at the disturbed expression on her face. With his free hand he took hers, giving her a gentle tug.
“C’mon.”
She went, but he could tell she wasn’t too sure about this. He tried not to laugh. When he found them a spot by the side of the pool, she didn’t squeal, giggle, or make a single sound for that matter. Concerned, he turned to look at her. Tears were welling up in her eyes as a cool breeze pushed hair from her face and she watched dolphins swimming around their pool.
Alarmed, he touched her arm. “Sweetheart, what’s wrong?”
Tears began to roll down her cheeks.
“Nothing.” She closed her eyes, squeezing out several more tears. “It’ll sound silly.”
Water splashed over the edge of the pool as a pair of dolphins swam close. His jeans were drenched, but it wasn’t a concern.
“I promise I won’t laugh.”
She turned her whole body to face him, took a deep breath and wiped the tears from her cheeks with the backs of her hands. He watched her visibly straighten her spine as if she expected an attack.
“My spirit filled up so fast, it’s like this is real. Truth, you know?” She shook her head and turned from him again. “I can’t explain it.”
She leaned on the pool edge, a few more tears making their way down her cheeks as she watched. Finally she turned her head back over her shoulder to look at him again.
“It’s what I was feeling that day you saw me at the store. Nature makes me feel alive, real.”
She hesitated and he could tell she was deciding whether to tell him the rest or not.
“I feel God. It’s the best way I can describe it. I imagine it’s what some people feel when they walk into a magnificent cathedral.” She tilted her head towards the dolphins. “I feel it here. Its hope, peace and joy so intense I can barely stand it, but it fills me up and allows me to keep trudging through this stupid thing we call life for a while longer.”
She stood quietly now. He could tell she was waiting for his rejection, he could see it in her eyes. He cupped her cheek and she leaned into his touch. He was awed.
“Have you ever told anyone this before?”
One shoulder raised, then dropped. “I tried to explain it to my mom a bunch of times when I was little.” She swallowed hard and shook her head. “It never went over. She couldn’t understand.”
He let out a breath. Never in his life had someone honored him this way.
“I’m not sure I completely understand either, but I do know I’m completely jealous and I think that was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard.”
The smile that washed over her face, even as more tears fell down it, was worth every cent in his bank account and then some. She threw her arms around him and pressed her cheek to his chest. He had to choke back the words. He needed to tell her how he felt about her, but he didn’t want to ruin the day so, I love you, was going to have to wait.
“How about we feed them?”
It wasn’t I love you, marry me, but it was as close as he was going to let himself get. He gave her an awkward smile as the words still fought for life within him. Her eyes became so large, he found himself wondering how big they would have gotten if he had said what he wanted.
“Are you serious?”
“Why else would I have a boat load of fish here?” He picked up the trays he’d sat on the side, glad they hadn’t fallen in or become seagull food instead. He held the tray out to her but she shook her head.
“You first.”
“Okay. But when one comes close, you touch it.”
“Touch it!”
He thought she was going to faint.
“Are you serious?”
Her brow was so wrinkled with concern he wondered how he’d misjudged her so much. He thought she’d love this.
“Well, you don't have to, baby. You can just watch.”
She blinked a few times before her mouth dropped open.
“Are you freakin’ kidding me?” she turned and leaned on the rail again. “Feed. Feed.”
She waved him on with her hand and his loud laughter accompanied his compliance. The first time she touched one, she cried again. Then she touched a second and third.
“I didn’t think they’d feel like that. So slick, and solid muscle. It’s bizarre. It’s beautiful. It’s amazing. Can I feed one?”
He laughed again as he held the tray of food out and slightly bowed over it.
“By all means, m’ lady.”
She giggled at him as she took one piece of fish. A sneaky seagull took her by surprise and she ended up feeding him instead. Nick was sorely disappointed, but Keely only laughed.
“That’s a pretty good racket they’ve got going on here. These are the smart seagulls.”
She was still laughing as she took another fish. This one she guarded more carefully and when a dolphin came to take it from her she held him long enough that she was able to rub under its open mouth and down its side.
“I think I’m in love.”
But not romantic love, his brain supplied for him. He shook the thought away. He’d get her to believe. Somehow, by the end of the three weeks, she’d been as head over heels as he was. She simply had to be. In his mind, nothing else was an option.
• • •
Keely wanted to see everything, from the simple aquarium exhibits to the killer whales. She laughed and laughed at the pinniped show and demanded to go see the sea lion and walrus exhibits when they exited. Again they tossed fish down to the animals and she squealed with delight when one would catch her offering. She’d gasp when it would miss and a small tussle would ensue. She even sneakily threw a couple to the gulls, even though she knew she wasn’t supposed to. She insisted she simply couldn’t refuse them when they were just so darn smart.
Nick’s first thought as they entered the shark exhibit was of how cool it was inside. It was a late summer day and the heat could get oppressive, even as close to the ocean as they were. His second thought was of how dark it was. He leaned back against a railing, his arms folded across his chest, as he watched Keely with delight.
She stood next to the glass wall, looking up through millions of gallons of water. Her expressions changing every few seconds from disbelief, to smiles, to gasping, t
o utter peace. He could almost feel what she was, just by watching her.
He became choked up and was hit with a dire need to hold her. He snuck up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist from behind. His lips caught her lobe, then he suckled on her neck for a few minutes, all the while trying to gain enough control over his emotions so his mouth wouldn’t betray him. He could not spoil the perfect day by blurting out how he felt about her. He’d bite his tongue in half first.
Slowly he tugged her further and further back into the exhibit until they were standing with their backs to the wall. Then he turned her in his arms and kissed her with all the truth of his feelings. If he couldn’t say it, he’d show her any way he could.
Their tongues danced and he could tell she was feeling everything he was, if only she’d admit it. He loved the taste of her, the feel, as he ran his hand through her hair and down her back. His hand reached her waist and he brought it around front, coming up under her tank top.
Their bodies were pressed together and it was so dark in there he knew nobody would ever see them, but the look on her face when she pulled out of the kiss, startled—was priceless.
He stared into her eyes, all the raw emotion he felt plainly on display if she only cared to look. His hand continued roaming upward, daring her to walk away from him. Eventually her shocked expression gave way into a lopsided smile that was the cutest thing he’d ever seen and he felt her body relax against his.
His thumb brushed her nipple through the lace of her bra. Her sigh went straight to his groin. She lunged herself back at his lips, sucked his tongue into her mouth and did things to him he’d only read about in books.
Breathlessly, he pushed her back. He swallowed hard a few times. Trying hard to catch his breath and trying to think of anything other than her, in the hopes his erection would die quickly, he gave her a shy smile. She let out a long, slow breath, he knew exactly what she was feeling. He tried to coax her with his eyes, if only she could trust him enough to say what he knew she wanted to, but when she took a few steps away from him instead, he decided to be glad about it. Especially while he was struggling with his current physical condition.
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