Anything She Wants

by Samantha Lucas

  He fisted his hands in his hair, then he knocked gently at the bathroom door. No answer. Not that he expected one, he’d only hoped. He tried the knob, it turned, so he stepped inside.

  There was no steam crying for freedom when he cracked the door and it took him only a moment to find her. Naked and wet and wrapped in a towel, she was slumped on the floor, her knees at her chest, back against the wall, forehead resting on her knees. His heart broke for her. He’d done this, now he damn well better figure out a way to fix it.

  “Keely, can I come in?” He hated how desperate he sounded, but true was true.

  “Yeah.”

  He hated worse how sad she sounded. He moved beside her slowly and crouched on the ground.

  “Aren’t you cold, sweetheart?”

  She shrugged. He grabbed a deep violet bath sheet and wrapped it around her shoulders.

  “Keely, I’m so sorry...” she pushed her fingers against his lips, refusing to let him finish, her eyes met his.

  “Please don’t apologize for the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard in my life.”

  She sniffled and wiped tears from her face with the edge of the towel. Nick placed his arm around her and she burrowed her face against his shoulder. He simply held her until daybreak.

  Eventually she fell asleep and he carried her back to bed, tucking her in. He was exhausted himself, but he had errands to run this morning. He got ready to leave as quietly as possible and kissed her forehead, wishing her good sleep before silently leaving the apartment.

  It was a hot afternoon by the time he returned. He was wishing he’d had the forethought to leave Keely a note, but he hadn’t planned on being gone so long. As he juggled his surprise in one arm, he stuck the key in the lock hoping she hadn’t been too worried about him.

  “Keely.”

  Nothing but silence greeted his return and he felt a crack suddenly appear in his soul.

  Chapter Sixteen

  He pushed away panic and shoved away fear as he went to the bedroom. The bed had been made, but she wasn’t there and her bag was missing. His heart stopped. Why hadn’t it crossed his mind she might leave? He went for the closet next and nearly wept with relief when he realized she had merely unpacked. That still did nothing to solve the mystery of where she was.

  He put his treasures in the bathroom and closed the door. He checked the kitchen for a note. She either wasn’t any better at note leaving than he was, or she was giving him a taste of his own medicine. He wasn’t sure which. He was about to run down to his car when the front door opened and Keely, stunningly beautiful in a white halter style sundress, walked through the door.

  “Oh, sorry. I’d hoped to be back before you.”

  She pulled her keys out of the door and closed it with her foot. Motioning to the box she held in her arm she asked, “Do you like plants?”

  Nick shook his head trying to ease down the adrenaline rush. “No, plants are good. You have a key?” He felt a little dazed and wondered if he were making any sense.

  “I remembered where you kept your spare in the kitchen. You don't mind, do you?” She put her bag down on the table beside the door and turned back to him. “Hey, do you think we could have Rissa and Guy over for dinner one day this week?”

  She waited for a minute, but he only stared at her. She bit her lower lip. “Too weird, huh?”

  He moved to her, took the box from her arm and placed it on the dining table.

  “I’m babbling again, I know it, but this time it’s out of sheer happiness.”

  She smiled and he pulled her close, holding her so tight.

  “I thought you’d left me.”

  • • •

  Keely’s heart broke at the catch in his voice. She ran her hands along his back.

  How could I?

  Her eyes closed as she rested her cheek against his chest.

  How can I?

  At the same time she knew there was no choice and it was far too late to back out without anyone getting hurt so she’d stay as long as she’d promised, but she couldn’t possibly marry him.

  “I didn’t.”

  She didn’t know what else to say. She pulled back and could tell he was embarrassed by his most recent display of emotion. Nick was the type of guy who wore his heart out on his sleeve and as endearing as she found it personally, she hated it for him. It made him too vulnerable. Too easily hurt, and she hated it that right now, she was the one hurting him.

  “I have a few more things down in the car, would you mind bringing them up for me?”

  She smiled, hoping her attempt to change the subject didn’t look so obvious. Then she kissed him chastely, instantly wanting more and he knew; she could tell by the way he smiled at her when she pulled away.

  “No, I don't mind. And Guy and Clarissa, that’s fine.” He took her hand. “Honey, I have a surprise for you.”

  He seemed to be coming back from the daze she’d found him in, but God she hoped it wasn’t a ring. She gave him a nervous smile.

  “Don't worry. I think you’re going to like this.”

  He pulled her along behind him until they got to the bathroom. He opened the door and pushed her ahead of him. She wasn’t sure what type of a surprise you hid in a bathroom but it didn’t take her long to catch on when two furry balls lifted their heads simultaneously from the single ball they formed on the red rug.

  She whined and dropped to her knees. Two tiny kittens slowly assuaged their curiosity by coming to see her. She picked up the little gray one just as Nick sunk down on the floor behind her.

  “I thought kittens would be better than puppies since they don't need quite as much attention in the beginning.”

  He picked up the calico and held it under his chin.

  A man who loves animals.

  She couldn’t stand it. She threw herself into his arms, kissing his cheek and neck trying not to squish either kitten. Nick took control of the situation and grabbed her mouth with his. She was breathless by the time he stopped.

  “You know, I just got back before you did.” He handed her the calico. “I’ll go get your stuff, then let’s get these two settled. How do you feel about lunch?”

  Everything seemed to be going back to normal. She was so worried about last night, that she’d spoiled everything for him. She stood, holding onto both kittens, her happiness nearly exploding in her chest.

  “Yes, to everything.”

  He scratched above his ear and lowered his head. “About last night...”

  “Nick...”

  His head came up and he met her stare.

  “Don’t stop me. I know I shouldn’t have said the things I did, but you should know, I meant them.”

  He walked out of the bathroom leaving Keely wallowing in a deep mix of emotions she wasn’t sure how to handle. She took her little prizes into the bedroom and placed them on the bed. She’d never had pets of her own before. She laughed, thinking how he’d just made this perfect Wednesday.

  • • •

  “Did you really mean plants, or did you mean jungle?”

  Keely looked up to see his head poke around the corner. She was still sitting on the bed playing with her kittens. She wrinkled her nose at him.

  “I know, but Derik never lets me have them and I always wondered what it would be like to live with them. I might have the black thumb of death for all I know and they’ll all be gone by the weekend...” she bit her lower lip, “...but I’d kinda like to find out.”

  During her defense he’d come to sit by her on the bed. He kissed her forehead and gently said, “Honey, I wasn’t complaining.”

  The laughter he brought out in her always made her relax, so did his kisses. The problem was, as he was kissing her now, she thought every time he kissed her, it got harder and harder to stop. She wasn’t so naive as not to notice it was difficult for him as well. When he pulled back this time she gave him a nervous smile, he shot her one back. Sometimes they were like fifteen year old virgins together, which woul
d have been hysterical if it wasn’t so damn true.

  “We could think of names.” She was grasping at straws to change the subject, and added, “How about Sophie and Claire?”

  “One’s a boy, honey.”

  “I know, but he won’t mind. Sophie and Claire were my two favorite dolls I had as a child. Seldon bought them for me for Christmas. I think they got lost when...” she dropped her head to the side for a minute trying to remember.

  “What is it?”

  “I was going to say, when we moved, but I don’t actually remember moving. I guess we must have, because we lived in an apartment when I was a teenager, and I definitely remember being in a house with Seldon.”

  She tried to force memories for a few minutes before he took her hand.

  “Don't worry about it, sweetheart. It’ll come if it’s important.”

  He turned his focus to a small gray ball of fluff that was attacking a tassel on the bedcovers. He picked it up and held it close to his face.

  “But I really think he’ll mind being Sophie or Claire. How about Butch, or Spud?”

  “Butch or Spud?”

  She said the names as if they were blasphemous and took the tiny gray cat from him as if he were no longer allowed to touch them. She pet its fluffy head a few times then rubbed her nose on the cold wet one.

  “You don't mind being called Claire, do you?”

  She stood off the bed, scooped up Sophie and looked down at Nick.

  “There. It’s settled. I’ll go make us some lunch.”

  She left the room before he could argue further, but she could almost hear him thinking, Sophie and Claire. I’ll have to do something about that.

  • • •

  The next few days they spent around home, cooking, watching TV and fireworks. Keely’s jungle was doing well. She didn’t seem to have the black thumb she’d feared and she’d gotten some advice from Mrs. Thompson on watering and sunlight. The kittens were acclimating well but Nick was still arguing for Butch or Spud and Keely was still refusing him.

  He quickly lost every battle on that front though as Keely started understanding the power she held in her feminine wiles. He half wondered if the only reason he cared about the cat’s name was because loosing the fight was so enjoyable.

  They spent afternoons in bed—which was wonderful—but it was becoming excruciating for Nick to be so close to her and not be able to do much more than kiss and touch a little. He was thankful she hadn’t tried to touch him since that one time, for as much as he yearned for the moment, he also thought for certain it would be his undoing and it was like she understood that and was letting him have his space, so to speak.

  This afternoon the sunlight filtered across the bedding through the closed curtains as Keely lay in his lap. He was playing with long strands of gold, they both seemed to be a million miles away, lost somewhere in thought.

  “Were you happy as a child, Keely?”

  Her eyes focused in on him, but he could still see the distance in them when she started to answer.

  “With Seldon I was.”

  He’d figured as much, but it was still sad to hear it.

  “Four years. That was it?”

  Her eyes traveled the room. Whether she was looking for an answer or an escape he wasn’t sure, but she finally fixed them somewhere across the room and answered him.

  “You have to understand, we didn’t have a normal life. Mom was very focused and she was working three and sometime four jobs to be able to pay for all our lessons.”

  He brushed her hair from her forehead and was tempted to kiss the space, but held himself back, kissing led to other things and right now he wanted to hear her story.

  “So your mom worked hard to support you guys. That’s good.” He started to wonder if the woman wasn’t as bad as he’d imagined.

  “Not really to support us. We were dirt poor. I remember going days without food. I’d scrape together anything that was in the cupboard to feed Peter and Clarissa. Sometimes there’d be enough for me too.”

  Her eyes drifted away again and he could tell she was back there.

  “I was eleven when she had enough money saved up to start my lessons. She pulled me out of school and had me privately tutored. Since mom worked all the time, I kept house. Cleaned, did laundry, shopped if there was enough money, but I was never very good at it.”

  Her voice was wistful and he wondered if she were hearing her mother’s criticism over her duties even now.

  “I had so many things to study, I remember falling asleep over a book more often than not.” She gave a sad smile. “Peter used to help me. A few years later, he started his tutoring, and we both got so busy that neither of us had time to help the other.

  “Clarissa was the only one allowed to go to real school because her education didn’t matter. Only her piano lessons, which she had before and after school, and had to practice for hours every day. She really hated it.”

  She became quiet and Nick almost regretted dredging up all the memories for her, but that didn’t stop him. He needed the information. He needed whatever he could get if he was going to come up with a plan.

  “Lessons came before food?”

  She looked up at him, her eyes lit and focused.

  “Lessons came before everything. Sometimes we wouldn’t have lights or water for a few days, but we always had lessons.”

  She said it as if that were the most natural thing in all the world. He had to wonder if she even realized how wrong that was.

  “God, Keely, you must want for so much.”

  “Not really.” She took a strand of her hair and twirled it around her finger. “I just want to be happy.”

  “And are you?”

  He wasn’t sure what answer he was hoping for. Part of him wanted her to realize how unhappy she was without him, but a bigger part of him really hoped she was able to find happiness in her daily life. So that when she left him and went back to it, he wouldn’t have to worry about her.

  “Not yet, but I will be, someday.”

  She sounded so sure. He knew what she meant and couldn’t resist goading her a little.

  “In four years?”

  “Three and a half, really.”

  “Ah, Keely. You of all people should understand how life can be so much more than waiting to be happy.”

  She flipped over onto her stomach and looked up at him.

  “I’m not greedy. I don’t need more. I’ve done poor and it doesn’t scare me. Now I just want happy and I’m willing to wait for it. Maybe it’s too much to ask for, but I want it and someday I have to believe I’ll have it.”

  “You could have it now. I’d make you happy. We’d make each other happy.”

  She reached up and pressed her hand to his cheek.

  “Just once, I want to make my mom proud of me, Nick. Can’t you understand that? Aren’t your parents proud of you?”

  “I think so. But Keely it’s not your fault your mom’s not proud of you. You’ve done everything she’s asked of you, but it doesn’t seem to be good enough for her. That’s her problem, not yours.”

  How would he ever get her to understand that? He couldn’t imagine how she felt, he’d always known the love and support of his parents. Keely clearly craved it and had never gotten it.

  “If I just try a little harder. Some days I think I’m almost there. She’ll say kind things about me to her friends. About how I take care of her. Well, or how Derik does, but she always says her daughter’s boyfriend, so I’m in there.”

  He pressed his lips down on the top of her head. He couldn’t stand it any longer. Inside that beautiful woman was a very small girl who was crying for her mama and no one was listening. At least not the right one.

  “I love you, Keely. You’re good enough for me. Can’t that be enough?”

  It was the last thing he said to her, before showing her how very much he loved her in the only way he thought she might hear. He took her in his arms and kissed her and loved her b
ody right up to the brink of their sanity. When she fell apart in his arms he stopped and held her close. He still felt the hole her mother put in her soul as she feel asleep pressed up against him. He was still trying to figure out a way to fill it when he fell asleep with her.

  • • •

  “You like boats?”

  Keely was reading the morning paper and thought certainly she’d missed the first part of that. She looked up over the paper, Nick had just entered the living room, freshly showered and completely adorable.

  “Boats?”

  “Yeah, sailboats in particular.”

  “Why?”

  He reached for the juice she’d squeezed and poured himself a glass before sitting at the table beside her.

  “Because I want to take you sailing. We’ve been stuck in the house for days now. I think Spud and Sophie...”

  “Claire!.”

  He gave her an irritated look, she merely laughed at him.

  “Anyway, I think they’ll be okay if we left them alone for a day. I thought we’d take a boat out, then maybe get a fire pit and roast something after the sun sets.”

  He put his arm around her and she fell against him.

  “You want to roast something?” She tried hard not to laugh at him.

  “Yes.” The irritation level had risen in his voice and she couldn’t hold back laughter anymore.

  “Like s’mores, or hot dogs or...something. Me man. Me roast.”

  He raised his voice over the sound of her laughter but finally he surrendered and joined her in it. There was only one way to silence her at this point, but they’d just gotten out of bed, so he got up and moved into the kitchen.

  “You want eggs, pancakes?”

  “Not really. I think I’ve finally caught up with my stomach. I’m not hungry this morning.”

  He turned and leaned against the laminate counter top. “Okay then, what about boats?”

  She let out a deep sigh.

  “Well, I’ve never liked them much before.” She paused while she considered the proper answer. “I have noticed though that you have a way of getting me to like things I thought I didn’t.”