Revolting Youth: The Further Journals of Nick Twisp
Page 27
We celebrated our union with a gala wedding dinner at Yazoo City’s most elegant downtown restaurant, a dimly lit eatery specializing in Southern Cuisine. I sat beside my wife in an intimate booth and reveled in my good fortune.
“How is your catfish, darling?” I inquired.
“It appears to have been thoroughly deep-fried,” she replied. “And how are your chitterlings, dearest?”
“From what I can tell, they’re extremely authentic. Darling, since we’re married now, I thought we might consider having your baby. I could help.”
“How generous of you to offer, Rick. How about if I carry it for the first four and a half months, and you carry it for the final four and a half?”
“I would, Sheeni, if I could.”
“Rick, do you have any idea how much work it is caring for a baby?”
“I do, Sheeni. I had some experience with it recently. But I’m told you don’t mind nearly so much if it’s your own kid.”
“But it wouldn’t be in your case, Rick.” My darling sipped her virgin mint julep. “Or would it?”
I choked on a chitterling.
“What, what do you mean, Sheeni?”
“I’ve been studying your ears, Rick.”
“Really?” I asked, suddenly feeling very self-conscious. “What on earth for?”
“When my friend Nick got his ears pierced, he put up such a fuss that the hole in his left lobe wound up decidedly off-center. I couldn’t help but notice that yours is similarly misaligned.”
If you can’t be honest on your wedding day, when can you be?
“I wasn’t putting up a fuss, Sheeni. I was writhing in agony.”
“Oh my God!” my wife exclaimed. “My worst nightmare has come true. I’m married to a Twisp!”
I squeezed her warm hand. “I hope you don’t mind too much, dearest. And please remember that I endured my ordeal of plastic surgery just for you. I’m sure it was much worse than recovering from a motorcycle accident. But I promise not to be too clingy. If it’s any help to you, I’ll try to keep my declarations of love to a minimum.”
“Well, that’s a start, I suppose.”
“I thought, Sheeni darling, since we have to live on my money, that we might move to Topeka, Kansas. I understand the cost of living is very low there.”
“Well, Rick or Nick or whatever your name is, it is true that my parents seized my Cayman Island funds, but I was not so foolish as to keep all my eggs in one basket.”
“You mean …”
“Yes, darling, I have several more accounts in Liechtenstein and elsewhere. The total comes to nearly half a million.”
“Sheeni, that’s marvelous! We’re in the chips!”
“Well, Nickie, at least one of us is. So there’s no need to economize in Kansas. We leave tomorrow for Paris.”
I gagged on a chitterling.
Oh, no! Not France!
It’s my worst nightmare come true.
C.D. Payne is also the author of the novels Youth in Revolt, Civic Beauties, Cut to the Twisp, Frisco Pigeon Mambo, Young and Revolting, and Revoltingly Young. He lives in Sonoma County.
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, organizations, places, events, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Copyright © 2000 by C.D. Payne
All Rights Reserved
Published in the United States by Broadway Books, an imprint of The Crown Publishing Group, a division of Random House, Inc., New York.
www.crownpublishing.com
A previous edition of this book was originally published in 2000 by Aivia Press. It is here reprinted by arrangement with Aivia Press.
BROADWAY BOOKS and its logo, a letter B bisected on the diagonal, are trademarks of Random House, Inc.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Payne, C. D. (C. Douglas), 1949–
Revolting youth : the further journals of Nick Twisp /
by C. D. Payne.
p. cm.
1. Twisp, Nick (Fictitious character)—Fiction.
2. Teenage boys—Fiction. 3. Diary fiction. I. Title.
PS3566.A9358R48 2009
813′.54—dc22
2009006424
eISBN: 978-0-7679-3235-6
v3.0