The Mists of Avalon

by Marion Marion Bradley

  And he would cast this away?

  "If Arthur shall forswear his oath, shall I not require it at his hands?"

  Kevin said, "One day the Goddess will deal with him in her own way. But Arthur is King of Britain by the will of the Goddess. Morgaine of Avalon, I tell you, beware! Dare you set your face against the fates that rule this land?"

  "I do what the Goddess has given me to do!"

  "The Goddess-or your own will and pride and ambition for those you love? Morgaine, again I say to you, beware. For it may well be that the day of Avalon is past, and your day with it."

  Then the fierce control she had clamped upon herself broke. "And you dare call yourself the Merlin of Britain?" she shrieked at him. "Be gone, you damned traitor!" She picked up her distaff and flung it at his head. "Go! Out from my sight and damn you forever! Go from here!"

  8

  Ten days later, King Arthur, with his sister, Queen Morgaine, and her husband, Uriens of Wales, set forth to ride to Tintagel.

  Morgaine had had time to decide what she must do and had found a moment to speak alone with Accolon the day before. "Await me on the shores of the Lake-be certain that neither Arthur nor Uriens sees you." She reached her hand to him in farewell, but he caught her close and kissed her again and again.

  "Lady-I cannot bear to let you go into danger this way!"

  For a moment she leaned against him. She was so weary, so weary, of being always strong, of making certain that all things went as they must! But he must never suspect her weakness! "There is no help for it, my beloved. Otherwise there would be no answer but death. You cannot come to the throne with the blood of your father on your hands. And when you sit on Arthur's throne-with the power of Avalon behind you and Excalibur in your hand-then you can send Uriens back to his own land, there to rule as long as God wills."

  "And Arthur?"

  "I mean Arthur no harm, either," said Morgaine steadily. "I would not have him killed. But he shall dwell for three nights and three days in the land of Fairy, and when he returns, five years or more will have passed, and Arthur and his throne will be a tale remembered by the older men, and the danger of a priest rule long past."

  "But if he somehow finds his way out-"

  Morgaine's voice had trembled. "What of the King Stag when the young stag is grown? It must be with Arthur as the fates decree. And you will have his sword."

  Treachery, she thought, and her heart pounded as they rode through the dismal grey morning. Thin fog was rising from the Lake. I love Arthur. I would not betray him, but he first betrayed the oath he swore to Avalon.

  She still felt queasy, the motion of the horse making it worse. She could not remember that she had been sick as this when she carried Gwydion -Mordred, she reminded herself. Yet it might be, when he came to the throne, that he would choose to rule in his own name, the name that had been Arthur's and bore no taint of Christian rule. And when Kevin saw the thing already accomplished, no doubt he too would choose to support the new King of Avalon.

  The fog was thickening, making Morgaine's plan even simpler to follow. She shivered, pulling her cloak tight around her. It must be done now, or, as they skirted the Lake, they would turn southward to Cornwall. The fog was so thick already that she could hardly make out the forms of the three men-at-arms who rode ahead of them; twisting in her saddle, she saw that the three men behind were almost equally dim. But the ground for a little way before and behind them was clear, though overhead the fog was like a thick white curtain with no hint of sun or daylight.

  She stretched out her hands, raising herself high in her saddle, whispering the words of the spell she had never dared use before. She felt a moment of pure terror-she knew it was only the coldness that came from power draining out of her body-and Uriens, shivering, raised his head and said peevishly, "Such fog as this I have never seen-we will surely be lost and have to spend the night on the shores of the Lake! Perhaps we should seek shelter at the abbey in Glastonbury-"

  "We are not lost," said Morgaine, the fog so thick that she could barely see the ground under her horse's hooves. Oh, as a maiden in Avalon I was so proud that I spoke only truth! Is it queencraft, then, to lie, that I may serve the Goddess? "I know every step of the way we are going-we can shelter this night in a place I know near the shores, and ride on in the morning."

  "We cannot have come so far as that," said Arthur, "for I heard the bells in Glastonbury ring the Angelus-"

  "Sounds carry a long way in the fog," Morgaine said, "and in fog such as this they carry further still. Trust me, Arthur."

  He smiled lovingly at her. "I have always trusted you, dear sister."

  Oh, yes; he had always trusted her, since that day when Igraine had placed him in Morgaine's arms. At first she had hated the squalling thing, and then she had come to know that Igraine had abandoned and betrayed them both, and she must care for him, and had wiped away his tears ... impatient, Morgaine hardened her heart. That had been a lifetime ago. Since then Arthur had made the Great Marriage with the land and had betrayed it, giving the land he had sworn to protect into the hands of priests who would drive out the very Gods that fed the land and made it fertile. Avalon had set him on his throne, through her hand as priestess, and now ... Avalon, through her hand, would bring him down.

  I will not hurt him, Mother ... yes, I will take from him the sword of the Holy Regalia and give it into the hands of one who will bear it for the Goddess, but I will never lay hand on him ... .

  But what of the King Stag when the young stag is grown?

  That was the way of nature and could not be amended for the sake of her sentiment. Arthur would meet his fate unprotected by the spells he bore, by the scabbard she herself had made for him after she had gone to him in the Great Marriage, when she bore, still not knowing it, his child within her body. She had often heard his knights speak of his charmed life, of how he could take the worst of wounds and not lose blood enough to kill. She would not lay a hand upon her mother's son and the father of her child. But the spell she had put upon him in the aftermath of her lost virginity, that she might withdraw from him, and then it must be with him as the Goddess willed.

  The magical fog had thickened so much around them that Morgaine could hardly see Uriens' horse. His face, angry and sullen, swam out of the mist. "Are you sure you know where you are leading us, Morgaine? I have never been here before, I would swear to it, I know not the curve of that hill ... "

  "I vow to you, I know every step of the way, fog or no fog." At her feet Morgaine could see the curious little cluster of bushes unchanged from that day when she sought entry into Avalon, that day when she had feared to summon the boat. .. Goddess, she prayed to herself, not even a whisper, grant that the church bells ring not while I seek to enter, lest it vanish back into the fog and we find never our way into that country ... .

  "This way," she said, picking up her reins and digging her heels into her horse. "Follow me, Arthur."

  She rode swiftly into the fog, knowing they could not follow her so fast in this absence of light. Behind her she heard Uriens cursing, his voice cross and muffled, heard Arthur speak reassuringly to his horse. Suddenly an image flashed into Morgaine's mind, of the skeleton of a horse bearing her own riding gear ... well, it must be as it must be. The fog had begun to thin, and suddenly they were riding in full daylight through the dappled trees. Clear green light spilled down, though they could see no sun, and she heard Arthur's cry of surprise.

  Out of the forest came two men who cried out in their clear voices, "Arthur, my lord! It is a pleasure to welcome you here!"

  Arthur drew up his horse swiftly, lest he trample the men. "Who are you, and how do you know my name?" he demanded. "And what is this place?"

  "Why, my lord, this is the Castle Chariot, and our queen has long desired to receive you as her guest!"

  Arthur looked confused. "I did not know there was a castle in these parts. We must have ridden further than we thought in the fog." Uriens looked suspicious, but Morgaine c
ould see the familiar spell of the fairy lands falling over Arthur, so that it never occurred to him to question; as in a dream, whatever happened simply happened, and there was no need to question. But she must keep her wits about her ... .

  "Queen Morgaine," said one of the men, the dark beautiful people who seemed like ancestors or dream versions of the little dark people of Avalon, "our queen awaits and will gladly receive you. And you, my lord Arthur, you shall be taken to feast with us ... ."

  "After all this riding in fog, a feast will be welcome," said Arthur good-naturedly, and let the man lead his horse into the woods. "Do you know the queen of these lands, Morgaine?"

  "I have known her since I was a young girl."

  And she mocked me ... and offered to rear my babe in the fairy world ... .

  "It is surprising that she came never to Camelot to offer allegiance," Arthur said, frowning. "I cannot remember, but it seems to me that I heard something of the Castle Chariot a long, long time ago ... but I cannot quite remember," he said, dismissing it. "Well, in any case these people seem to be friendly. Give my compliments to the queen, Morgaine, and no doubt I shall see her at this feast."

  "No doubt," Morgaine said, and watched the men lead him away.

  I must keep my wits about me; I will use the beat of my heart to count the time, I will not lose track, or I shall be carried away and entangled in my own spells ... she braced herself to meet with the queen.

  Unchanged she was, always the same, the tall woman who, nevertheless, had something of the look of Viviane about her, as if she and Morgaine were blood kin. And she embraced and kissed her as such.

  "What brings you of your free will to our shores, Morgaine of the Fairies?" she asked. "Your knight is here, one of my ladies found him ... " and she gestured, and Accolon was there. "They found him wandering along the reeds of the Lake, not knowing his way in the fog ... ."

  Accolon gripped Morgaine's hand; she felt it solid and real in hers ... yet she knew not even now whether they were within or out-of-doors, whether the glass throne of the queen was within a magnificent grove or within a great vaulted hall, more magnificent than the hall of the Round Table at Camelot.

  Accolon knelt before the throne, and the queen pressed her hands on his head. She raised one of his wrists and the serpents seemed to move and twine round his arms, crawled away and sat there in the queen's palm where she sat absently playing with them, petting their small blue darting heads. "Morgaine, you have chosen well," she said. "I think not that this one would ever betray me. Look, Arthur has feasted well, and there he lies-" and she gestured to where a wall seemed to open wide, and by pale light Morgaine saw Arthur, sleeping with one arm under his head and the other across the body of a young girl with long, dark hair, who seemed like a daughter of the queen-or like Morgaine herself.

  "He will, of course, think that it was you, and that it is a dream sent him by the evil one," said the queen, smiling, "so far he has moved from us that he will think shame to be given his dearest wish ... did you not know that, my Morgaine, my darling?" And it seemed to Morgaine that she heard Viviane's voice, dreamlike, caressing her. But it was the queen who said, "So sleeps the King, in the arms of one he will love until he dies ... and what when he wakes? Will you take Excalibur and cast him out naked on the shores, seeking you always in the mists?"

  Morgaine remembered suddenly the skeleton of a horse lying beneath the fairy trees ... . "Not that," she said, shivering.

  "Then he shall remain here, but if he is truly as pious as you say and thinks to say the prayers which will part him from illusion, it will vanish, and he will call out for his horse and for his sword-what then shall we do, lady?"

  Accolon said grimly, "I will have the sword, and if he can get it again from me, he is welcome to it."

  The dark-haired maiden came to them, and in her hand she held Excalibur in its scabbard. "I had it from him while he slept," she said, "and with it he called me by your name-"

  Morgaine touched the jewelled hilt of the blade.

  "Bethink you, child," said the queen, "would it not be better to return the Holy Regalia at once to Avalon, and let Accolon make his way as King with only such a sword as he can get for himself?"

  Morgaine trembled. It seemed very dark in the hall, or grove, or whatever it was, and did Arthur lie sleeping at her feet, or was he far away? But it was Accolon who reached out and grasped the sword.

  "I will have Excalibur and the scabbard," he said, and Morgaine knelt at his feet and belted it round his waist.

  "Be it so, beloved-bear it more faithfully than he for whom I made this scabbard-"

  "The Goddess forbid I should ever be false to you, though I die for it," he whispered, his voice shaking with emotion, and raised Morgaine to her feet and kissed her; it seemed that they clung together till the shadow of the night faded and the queen's sweet mocking smile seemed to shimmer around them.

  "When Arthur calls for a sword he shall have one ... and something like to the scabbard, though it will not keep him from spilling a single drop of blood ... . Give it to my smiths," she said to the maiden, and Morgaine stared as if in a dream-had it been in a dream that she had belted Excalibur round Accolon's waist? The queen was gone and the damsel, and it seemed that she and Accolon lay alone in a great grove and that it was the time of the Beltane fires, and he took her into his arms, priest to priestess. And then they were no more than man and woman, and it seemed to her that time stopped, that her body melted into his as if she were without nerve or bone or will, and his kiss was like fire and ice on her lips ... . The King Stag should challenge him, and I must make him ready ... .

  Why, how was it that she lay with him in the grove, signs painted on her naked body, how was it that her body was young and tender, how was it that when he bore his body down into hers there was tearing pain as if he took again the maidenhead she had laid down to the Horned One half a lifetime gone, so that she came maiden to him, as if all her life had never been? Why did it seem that there was a shadow of the antlers over his brow? Who was this man in her arms, and what had time been between them? He lay heavy across her, spent, the sweetness of his breath like honey to her love; she caressed him and kissed him, and as he moved a little away from her, she hardly knew who he was, whether the hair that brushed her face was shining with gold or dark, and it seemed that the little snakes crawled gently down her breasts, which were pink and tender and almost childish, half-formed. The tiny blue serpents twined around her nipples and she felt a thrill of exquisite pain and pleasure at the touch.

  And then she knew that if, indeed, she wished it, time would return, and twist upon itself, and she could go forth from the cave on that morning with Arthur, and use her power to bind him to her forever, and none of it would ever have been ... .

  And then she heard Arthur calling out for his sword, and crying out against these enchantments. Very far away and small, as if she were seeing him from midair, she watched him waken and she knew that their destiny, past and future, was in his hands. If he could face what had been between them, if he called her name and begged her to come to him, if he could admit to himself that it was only she that he had loved all these years and that none other had ever come between them ...

  Then should Lancelet have Gwenhwyfar and then should I be queen in Avalon ... but queen with a child for a consort, and he would fall in his turn to the King Stag ... .

  This time Arthur would not turn from her in horror at what they had done, she would not thrust him away with childish tears ... it seemed for a moment that all the world waited, echoing, for what Arthur would say ... .

  He spoke and it seemed to ring like the knell of doom through all the world of Fairy, as if the very fabric of time trembled and the weight of years fell.

  "Jesus and Mary defend me from all evil," he said. "This is some wicked enchantment, wrought by my sister and her witchcraft!" He shuddered, and called out, "Bring me my sword!"

  Morgaine felt it like a tearing pain in her heart. She reach
ed out to Accolon, and again it seemed that there was the shadow of antlers above his brow, and once again Excalibur was belted about his waist-had it always been there?-and the serpents that had twined about her naked body were only fading blue stains about the man's wrists.

  She said steadily, "Look, they are bringing him a sword which is like to Excalibur-the fairy smiths have made it this night. Let him go, if you can. But if you cannot-well, do what you must do, beloved. And the Goddess be with you. I will await you in Camelot when you come thither in triumph." And she kissed him and sent him from her.

  Never till this moment had she faced it fully: one of them must die, brother or lover, the child she had held in her arms, the Horned One who had been lover and priest and king-

  Whatever comes of this day, she thought, never again, never again shall I know a moment's happiness, since one of those I love must die ... .

  Arthur and Accolon had gone where she could not follow; there was still Uriens to be considered, and for a moment she considered abandoning him to the fairy realm. He would wander contentedly in the enchanted halls and woods till he died ....o. There has been enough death, whatever happens, Morgaine thought, and turned her thoughts to watch Uriens, where he lay dreaming. Now he sat up as she approached him, looking happily drunken and befuddled. "The wine here is too strong for me," he said. "Where have you been, my dear, and where is Arthur?"

  Even now, she thought, the fairy maiden has brought Arthur the sword so like Excalibur that in enchantment he will believe it so ... ah, Goddess, I should have sent the sword back to Avalon, why must anyone else die for it? But without Excalibur, there was no way Accolon could reign as the new King from Avalon ... . When I am Queen, this land shall be at peace, and the minds of men free, with no priests to tell them what they must do and believe ... .

  "Arthur has had to go on ahead of us," she said gently. "Come, my dear husband, we must return to Camelot." Such was the enchantment of the fairy country, she realized, that he never questioned this. Horses were brought to them, and the tall, beautiful people escorted them to a place where one of them said, "You can surely find your way from here."