Embraced in Ink

by Carrie Ann Ryan

  Chapter 20

  “I’m honestly really surprised that you got the Montgomery brothers to actually leave you alone,” Zia said from the other side of the couch.

  Bristol smiled, and though she truly felt that grin, it didn’t quite reach her eyes. At least that’s what she figured from the way Zia looked at her.

  “Considering that I slept most of the time they were here, and you’re the one who got them to leave, I don’t know why you’re so surprised,” Bristol said, grinning.

  She had been attacked a week ago, and was now at home, resting and healing. She wasn’t a hundred percent, and it would be a while before she got there, but she didn’t have to stay in the hospital, and was allowed to sleep in her own bed. That was when she knew she would be okay.

  Her brothers had taken turns staying the night. Her mother had taken over her guestroom completely. Tonight, however, it was only Zia at her place, thankfully.

  Everyone else had taken their turns, but Zia had promised that she would take care of Bristol, even though Bristol was doing just fine on her own. Yes, her side hurt, and every time she moved, she felt like her stitches or staples were going to break or pop. That wasn’t the case, but she couldn’t help her overactive imagination.

  And she hadn’t wanted to stay away from her home.

  She had bled out on her tile, and after the police had left and had taken away all of their crime scene stuff, Arden and the girls had scrubbed her kitchen from top to bottom. It gleamed, far cleaner than it had been before everything had happened.

  And they’d change the locks on her doors, even though that hadn’t been the issue.

  They scrubbed everything and added flowers and baked goods and tons of pre-cooked meals for the freezer.

  They made it so her home felt like hers, at least mostly. It was going to take a while for her to be able to breathe again without looking out to where Colin had attacked her. She refused to allow her home to only be about what Colin had done.

  Her music room/studio was exactly how it had always been. She was going to create there again. It might take a while, but she would make it happen.

  There hadn’t been a speck of blood on the carpet, and she might still have to go and change that one day. Add new paint to the walls, do something to make it a little bit different from what Colin had changed it into.

  Yes, that was all on him. She wasn’t going to blame herself for it—or maybe she had to.

  She had been the one to let him in, after all.

  “Hey, you are blaming yourself again, aren’t you? I can see it in your face.”

  Bristol’s brows rose. “You cannot blame me for that,” Bristol said, “You can’t look into my eyes and see that.”

  “I so can. You’re either thinking about Marcus, or you’re blaming yourself for what Colin did. Don’t make me hit you.”

  “You can’t hit me. I’m hurting.”

  “You took your pain pills. You’re feeling fine. And I will hit you. Out of love.”

  “You’re making me miss my big brothers.”

  “Hey, that was just cruel.”

  “I could be crueler and ask you why you’re here rather than back in London,” Bristol said, broaching the subject that both of them had done their best to ignore.

  Zia shook her head.

  “There’s nothing to talk about there. I’m no longer with my ex, and now I’m moving back to America. I’m going to be fine. Living in Boulder. Maybe, one day, I’ll settle down with a nice person, and the world will have to deal with the fact that I’m amazing.”

  “We always have to deal with the fact that you’re amazing.”

  Zia grinned.

  “That’s wonderful, thank you. Now, we’re done talking about me. What’s up with you?”

  “Nothing’s up with me. The tour’s been postponed mostly because I think they’re trying to give me space, that and make sure they cut ties with Colin completely.”

  “He’s going to jail for a very long time.”

  “Unless he uses that insanity plea.”

  “He’s not going to get away with it. He knew exactly what the fuck he was doing. The jackoff.”

  “Yeah, there’s enough evidence to put him away for a long time. And, probably here, rather than back in England.”

  “I don’t know about the justice system or how any of that works, but as long as he’s away from you, and away from any adoring fans that miss him and his beautiful art and music, that’s all that matters.”

  “I cannot believe how many people are trashing me because of it.”

  “I can. Rabid fans who want to see their darlings. They’re going to blame anyone they can for their favorite’s mistakes.”

  “Still, though, the response from the people who are on my side is nice. I’m glad that we stopped them from sending flowers and things to my house.”

  “Yes, having them send donations to a local women’s shelter was the best idea, even if they only wanted to help you out in some cases.”

  “I know the media isn’t going to die down anytime soon. But I’m glad that I’m in a gated community, and my neighbors are kind.”

  It was a single gate, and she lived in the middle of it, not in some fancy neighborhood, but it had kept the media out for the time being. She didn’t know how long it would last, but hopefully, the news would die down, and no one would want to talk with Bristol Montgomery about the attack anymore.

  Colin’s name was splashed all over the papers—photos of them from ten years ago until recently, laughing and holding one another or even playing together. Evidence of their past was all over the internet.

  Everyone wanted to know about the tragic fairy tale that was this damn relationship.

  No one really got it through their thick skulls that it wasn’t about romance; it was about obsession and need. And it had nothing to do with her.

  Thankfully, no one had really looked too deeply beneath the surface yet, and Marcus’s name hadn’t been put in the papers.

  But she knew that would come, and they would have to deal with it when it did.

  She looked down at her phone, willing it to ring. But it wouldn’t.

  He had texted her every day to make sure she was okay, checking in on her, but still giving her space.

  She hated it.

  She wanted him to be here. She wanted to tell him what she felt, wanted to know what he was feeling. She understood the need to give each other space. Right this very moment was the only time she had been in a room with a single person since the attack, and she had woken up in the hospital, dazed and calling for Marcus.

  Her brothers had been there, telling her that Marcus had been in the waiting room, along with his parents, and had waited to hear that she was okay and was waking up before he left, giving her family the short time period that they had in the room with her.

  He still hadn’t been by the house. And she couldn’t blame him for that. Things were complicated, and she didn’t even know if her brothers would let him in. They had been overprotective to the point where no one was allowed in, not even her agent or her manager.

  Everyone was allowed to call her or text, but even Liam had stepped in and taken calls for her.

  And while she had appreciated that, she kind of needed to do it on her own, as well. The Montgomerys, however, were known for being overprotective.

  And she was a bit grateful for the time to think.

  However, she missed her best friend. And she really wanted him back.

  In her heart, in her soul, with her.

  “Thinking about him again?” Zia said, her voice soft.

  Bristol looked up at her friend and smiled softly. “Yeah, I guess I am. Why isn’t he here?” she asked, the words out of her mouth before she’d even thought about it.

  Zia shrugged. “I think he’s giving you space and time to heal.”

  “I could do that with him here.”

  “Could you? Could you have truly figured out exactly what you needed and hea
l your heart and your body while stressing out and wondering what was going on between you?”

  “That’s stupid. I’m stressing out now, wanting him here. Before this happened, he would’ve been the first person by my side, holding my hand.”

  “Maybe. But it did happen. And you guys are in a different place now. Even though you said you didn’t want that, you are. And you have to face that.”

  “But why isn’t he here?”

  “He didn’t cut off communication completely. He didn’t leave you in the lurch. He’s giving you the time and space you need to heal, as I said. He’s not making this about himself. And I admire that.”

  “Seriously?”

  “Yes. Because you need to make sure you know exactly what you want before you give in to your next temptation with him.”

  “I don’t know what I want.”

  “Exactly. So, figure it out. Figure out exactly how you’re going to tell him you love him from the bottom of your heart. That way, you can both fall for each other, and everything will be fine.”

  “I wish I could believe that.”

  “I have to believe in happily ever afters. I have to believe in your happily ever after. Because if I don’t? Well, then I don’t really like my chances at all. And I’m quite self-centered, making this all about me.”

  “There’s nothing self-centered about you, Zia.”

  “That’s not what I hear,” she mumbled, but then gave Bristol a look, and Bristol didn’t comment on it. Zia needed time, and frankly, the other woman was right. Bristol needed hers, as well.

  Bristol fell asleep soon after, needing time to heal, and she woke up a couple of hours later with Zia tucking her in and brushing her hair back from her face.

  “Hey, sleepyhead, your blanket fell. I was just fixing it. And...” Zia trailed off.

  “And what?”

  “Your phone went off when you were sleeping.”

  Bristol sat up and winced. “Ouch. I keep forgetting.”

  “Yes, don’t pop a stitch, or your mother will actually murder me.”

  “Sorry.”

  “Don’t say sorry to me about hurting. However, as I said before, your phone went off, and I answered it.”

  “It was Marcus, wasn’t it?”

  “Yes, and he’ll be here any minute now.”

  Bristol froze. “And I look like this?”

  “You wanted him by your side before, and you looked worse. I can do your makeup right quick, but he has seen you in every way possible. And you know I love wearing makeup. It’s art, it’s a part of me, but sometimes, it’s armor. It’s a shield. And if that’s what you need, I will help you. But I think you need to see him exactly as you are. Because that’s been the problem this whole time. You’ve hidden part of yourself, and you shouldn’t do that anymore.”

  “Sometimes, you’re far too wise and sage for your young age.”

  “And, sometimes, you make me believe that.”

  Zia leaned down and brushed a kiss over Bristol’s lips. Bristol blinked, looking at her friend.

  “What was that for?”

  “You scared me so much. I know your family all said this before, but you’re never allowed to do that again. You’re never allowed to almost leave us. Because I love you. No, not in the way that you are finally going to tell the love of your life, but I do love you. And I need you in my life. I'm a horribly selfish person who wants you to be healthy and whole merely for my own needs, and I’m fine with that. Because then you’ll still be here. Okay? So, figure out exactly what it is you want to say to Marcus so he knows how you feel. Don’t hide anymore. You’re both worth far more than that.” And then she kissed Bristol on the lips again, leaving Bristol shocked, and sitting there in silence.

  “I have no idea what to say to any of that,” Bristol said honestly.

  “You do not have to say anything. Just know that you are loved.” The doorbell rang, and Zia grinned.

  “And, this fairy tale ending will now occur.”

  “Life isn’t all fairy tales. You and I both know that more than most.”

  “I do. Now, make him work for it, and make sure he knows exactly what you want and who you are. Period. If not, I’ll have to beat him up.”

  “Zia.”

  “Okay, I’ll mock him. But in a loving way, of course. Be good. And be you.” Then Zia went to the door, opened it, and Bristol’s heart stopped.

  There was Marcus, wearing a zipped-up leather jacket, jeans and old boots. His face looked drawn as if he hadn’t been sleeping, and she wanted to reach out and hold him, tell him he was okay.

  He had to be okay, but was she okay? She was scared. He was here, after a week of not having him, he was finally here. And it felt like a lifetime ago that he’d been here last.

  Why did it feel like a year since she’d seen him, rather than only days?

  Why couldn’t she say anything?

  Zia spoke to him, and Marcus lowered his head, nodding tightly, before Zia left, waving over her shoulder and leaving her and Marcus alone in her home.

  Bristol swallowed hard and looked up at him, trying to think of words. Nothing came.

  He stood there, stoic, beautiful, the man she wanted to be hers. She didn’t know what to say. And since that was so unlike her, she just sat there and hoped she could find the words.

  “Marcus,” she whispered.

  “Hey. I tried to give you space. Then I realized that maybe giving you space wasn’t the right thing. I don’t like not knowing what to do when it comes to you. It’s something that I’m not used to, and something I want to fix. So, I’m here now, and I hope you’ll let me stay if only to talk to you for a minute.”

  “Come in. I would get up, but I’m still a little tired.”

  His jaw tightened, and she knew she had probably said the wrong thing, but she couldn’t take it back. She was tired. And she had almost died in her own home.

  Getting over that was going to take time, and probably a lot of therapy. But first, there was Marcus and her, the only steady thing she’d ever had in her life, and she had to fight to keep it.

  “Come closer, really,” she whispered.

  And then Marcus was there, sitting on the coffee table in front of her, looking at her. He didn’t reach out, didn’t touch her, and the distance left her feeling bereft.

  “I missed you,” she whispered, finally being honest with herself. With him.

  “I miss you so fucking much. I shouldn’t have walked out that day, shouldn’t have walked out ever.”

  “No, you don’t get to blame yourself for what happened.”

  His brows rose. “I might, a little bit. Mostly because I can’t hurt Colin.”

  “He’s gone. We never have to worry about him again. I promise.”

  “I need to be the one making the promises,” Marcus whispered, leaning forward.

  “Maybe, or maybe we need to make them together.”

  Marcus let out a breath and rubbed his hand over his face.

  “I guess we should start at the beginning?” he asked, and Bristol nodded.

  “I’m going to tell you exactly how I feel,” Marcus said. “Something I should’ve done a long fucking time ago. Because I didn’t, I hurt us both.”

  “I’m going to say the same. So much the fucking same. Because it’s not just you.”

  “Yeah? Are you sure you’re up to this? I don’t want to put too much strain on you.”

  “I promise, I’m not frail. I’m not going to break.” A tear slid down her cheek, and Marcus reached out and rubbed it away with his thumb. “I’m not going to break,” she whispered again.

  “When you came up with that deal ten years ago, I thought it was insane, but I said yes right away. Do you know why?” Marcus asked, and she swallowed hard.

  “Why?”

  “Because I couldn’t think of a world without you in it with me. You were always there, and we both did so good about not crossing those lines. I never crossed those boundaries because I didn’
t want to scare you away, and I didn’t want to lose you. So, I figured if I had you in my life in any way possible, it would be good enough. And I didn’t let myself worry about my feelings, I buried them so deep that they couldn’t matter. But they were always there. Hiding. Waiting.”

  Hope sprang up in her chest, and she blinked hard. “Really?”

  “Bristol, I fucking love you. And not only as friends, though yes, that’s part of it. I’m going to love you as a friend and as a person and just the amazing human being that you are for always. But I’m also in love with you. I don’t know when I fell, probably long before I allowed myself to even think about it. But I fucking love you. And I don’t want to lose you. Ever. Fucking ever. Do you get that? You are my everything. And I should have told you long before I walked out. But I was so fucking scared that I didn’t let myself think. I left because I didn’t want to hurt you, and I ended up hurting you more than I ever thought possible. Forgive me. Forgive me for not telling you how I felt because I was scared. Forgive me for not telling you that I love you.”

  Tears were freely falling down her cheeks at that point, and she leaned forward enough that she wasn’t hurting. Marcus closed the few inches still separating them so she could put her hands on his face.

  “I want to say ditto, but that would be way too easy on me.”

  Marcus chuckled softly, and she let out a rough laugh of her own.

  “I made the promise because I was so afraid of losing you, I didn’t allow myself to think about what that loss would mean. But I love you, too, Marcus. I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember. Though I didn’t realize it was the big L until it was too late. But I want you in my life. I want to be in yours. I want to date you, and I want to marry you. I want it all. And if we have to start from scratch and figure out exactly what we are to each other while we love each other, I’m fine with that, too. Or if you want to go to Vegas right now, or maybe once I’m actually capable of standing for longer than ten minutes, then I will do that, too. Because I love you. And I’m sorry I never said it before. I really, really should have said it before.”

  Marcus looked at her then and smiled so widely that it hit her straight in the heart.

  “For two people who know each other inside and out, we really fucking suck at this.”