All He'll Ever Be

by W Winters

  “No, but the name of the contract hit she was given, does. A hit I denied. The name was Jase Cross.” Overwhelming nausea rises inside of me as Marcus weaves a tale and paints the picture of my past differently than I’ve ever seen it. “A small-town thug from Crescent Hills. A boy who was getting in the way and needed to be taken care of before he and his brothers gained too much ground. But she knew too much and had to die once she did her bidding.”

  “What?” Jase’s voice carries disbelief as a growing numbness covers my skin with goosebumps.

  “A hit?” Declan questions. Incredulity is written on his face.

  I can’t move. There’s so much tension in every part of my body.

  “Tony Romano came to me first.” Hearing Romano’s name sparks the need for vengeance, but I won’t act quickly. I’ll listen first, and assess. But imagining my youngest brother, only sixteen years old and dead in the street, proves that task to be futile. “He said either of the two would do, but settled on Jase.” Marcus continues to tell his story while I wonder if it’s possible. If it’s true.

  If Tyler was murdered all those years ago. If he took the place of Jase.

  “The article I sent to Jase in particular was the biggest clue of all. His picture was there. What was he wearing, Jase?” Marcus leads Jase with the question, and it’s only then that Jase’s face crumples with torment. “Your hoodie.” Marcus answers his own question, and I can hear Jase swallow.

  “It was meant to be Jase, and she saw a boy who looked like him, on a rainy night in the same sweatshirt she was looking for. She wasn’t a drunk driver, she was an alcoholic and drug addict hired by Romano because I refused.”

  “That’s why you were there?” Daniel speaks up, his voice loud enough for Marcus to hear over the speaker. “You knew it was going to happen?”

  “I thought it was going to be you. I wanted to save you. I had other plans for you.” My throat’s tight as I listen to Marcus, finding it harder and harder to disagree with his version of what happened. No matter how much I want to deny these revelations coming to light, years later.

  “He wanted to end you, but instead he delivered a death that fueled both of you to conquer without remorse.”

  “Romano?” Declan questions, and we share a knowing look.

  “Romano,” Marcus confirms.

  He’s dead. He’s fucking dead.

  “Why now?” Daniel asks, not hiding the emotion in his voice. “You were there. You knew all this time and you didn’t tell me back then, you didn’t warn me… but now?”

  “Why tell us this now?” Declan repeats Daniel’s question.

  “For one, you asked who tried to take Addison and Aria. I’m giving you an answer. But the other reason, the much bigger reason, is because I knew Carter would listen. I knew I’d have his attention.” Marcus’s voice lacks the same depth it had during his tale. Like he’s snapped back to the present and he’s no longer interested.

  “You would’ve had my attention whenever you wanted it, Marcus,” I tell him honestly.

  “Yes,” he answers, “but I didn’t want it back then. I wanted it now.” And with that, the line goes dead.

  None of my brothers speak after the click fills the room.

  He didn’t want it back then?

  Another riddle. I let the words sink in, but they hardly mean anything. Marcus has never lied. Romano had my brother killed. Romano has taken his last free breath.

  “He’s a dead man,” I speak out loud although none of my brothers react.

  Jase hasn’t moved. He’s as still as he can be, and Declan keeps looking between him and Daniel.

  “It wasn’t your fault,” Daniel offers Jase, but Jase only shakes his head.

  Mourning the loss of a loved one is the worst feeling in the world. There’s no drug that can take that pain away, because there’s no drug that can bring them back. They’re simply gone forever.

  But to learn the truth of a tragedy, to learn that there was more to the story, more than what you were told before and to still have no control, it adds salt to the wound.

  And for Jase… he’s in fucking agony, knowing it was supposed to be him.

  The vibrations from my phone are a muted distraction. I don’t even know how long it’s been going off – Jase’s is going off too - and I’m eager to pick it up, only to realize what Marcus meant.

  He didn’t want my attention back then. He wanted it now, because he didn’t want my attention elsewhere.

  Anger ignites inside me like never before as I read the message out loud. “Aria’s gone.”

  I’ll kill them all.

  Chapter 92

  Aria

  My heart won’t stop racing. It’s all moving so fast. One decision could change the course of everything. I didn’t know when I walked through that gate that it would happen like this, moving easily from one side to the other. I was foolish to think I could just run away from this life. The thought echoes in the chambers of my mind as my left foot crunches the twigs on the ground and my right side leans heavier into Nikolai. He’s walking so fast, pulling me in closer to him. It’s all moving too fast.

  There are small scratches everywhere. My jeans are torn and covered in dirt and my arms are smeared with blood. What’s worse is that I can’t stop shaking. I think it’s just the adrenaline, or maybe it’s due to anxiety. I don’t know which, but I can’t stop shaking and it makes Nikolai hold me that much tighter.

  The branches crack beneath our feet with every step and I keep looking back. They must hear us. It’s darker with every passing moment, and I don’t know where we’re going but it doesn’t matter; Nikolai leads me away. Nikolai will be the one Carter blames.

  Every small sound behind us makes me jump, but even then, I’m not given a moment to stop; Nikolai doesn’t let up. I can hear his heart pounding, and I know he knows he’s dead if Carter’s men catch us before we get out of here.

  I don’t think he’d hurt me, but he’ll kill Nikolai.

  “He can’t find us together.” The words rush from me as I reach up and grab Nikolai’s shirt, forcing him to stop and think. “He can’t think you took me; he’ll kill you. He can’t--” the words don’t stop tumbling out of me, but Nik hushes me.

  “I have you, and I don’t care if he knows it.” He’s surprisingly calm, and justified in his response. “I’ve waited too long to get close enough to save you.” My thoughts race, wondering how he even got through Carter’s security, where they are and how long Nikolai has waited out here for this moment.

  “How did you know?” I ask him, my eyes searching his for all of the answers.

  “Someone told me to come. He told me I’d be able to save you.” As he speaks, Nik’s voice is full of so many emotions. “I’m sorry it took so long, Ria,” he says, his voice cracking as he grips my waist and urges me forward. I stumble, refusing to move and waiting for him to look back at me. I need him to realize how serious this is.

  “He’s going to kill you,” I say and stare deep into his light blue eyes, knowing it’s true. Before I can urge him to run, he tells me, “Not if I kill him first.”

  “Don’t talk like that.” The words are torn from my throat, immediate and raw, just as instincts are. Betrayal flashes in Nikolai’s eyes and I wish I could take the words back, if only to ease his pain, but I can’t. He’s stunned and pained, crushed from my words, but it doesn’t last long.

  The sound of heavy footsteps behind us forces me to crush myself into Nik’s embrace. Gripping onto his shirt, I beg him in a whisper, “Run.”

  I can feel his large hand splayed along my shoulder, pulling me closer to him as he whispers against my hair, “Never. Never again.”

  My face is buried in his chest when I hear my name called out behind me. For a moment I imagine any way that I can barter my life for Nikolai’s, but I don’t believe for one second that Carter would negotiate with me. Not when I have no control and nothing left to offer.

  The moment is short lived, because
I hear the voice again. So familiar, yet it feels as if it’s been forever since I last heard my cousin Brett.

  Shock forces me to pull away from Nik, but again everything happens so fast. Even as he grabs me in a bear hug, Brett drags me along the edge of the woods to a dirt road where an old, beat-up truck is idling. There are two other men with us, but I don’t remember their names and with Brett clinging to my side, I don’t have time to ask.

  “I’m so sorry, Ria,” my cousin keeps saying as we move to the truck. “I’m a bastard and a coward, and I’m sorry.”

  “It’s okay,” I tell him repeatedly, not knowing what else to say or how to comfort him. Or where the fuck he came from. “I told you to run,” is all I can settle on, but he shakes his head, remorse flooding his eyes.

  “Two in the back, armed and ready.” Nik gives the command as the truck door swings open with a creak that carries through the woods.

  “Ria.” Brett says my name reverently before hugging me one last time and helping me up into the truck. The dried leather seats are cracked. I’ve never seen this car in my entire life.

  “Don’t worry, it’s sound, just made to look like it’s something to be ignored,” Nik says, as if reading my mind. My gaze finds his as the truck sways with Brett and one of the other guys climbing into the back and under a tarp, guns slipped through inconspicuous holes. This truck was made for getaways. The quiet hum of the engine is all I hear for a moment.

  It’s only then that I feel like it’s real. Like I’m actually leaving Carter and going home.

  Going back to my father and his men.

  The two other men I can’t place, although their faces are so familiar, but their names still elude me in this moment. I can feel their eyes on me as they climb into the back, assessing, judging, and questioning. Wanting to know what happened and more importantly, whose side I’m on, I’m sure.

  He let me get away. It’s all I can think. Carter let them take me. That’s the only way it could be this easy.

  The thought brings a swell of emotion up my throat and I feel like I’m going to be sick again. The dry heave forces me to open the door and lean out of it. The air is cold against the sudden heat spreading through my body and traveling up to my face.

  Everything is quiet as the sickness leaves me. It’s disgusting and leaves an acidic burn in its wake. But even when it’s over, I can’t bring myself back into the car fully. I lean out of it, feeling the cool air and wishing I could leave as easily as the wind can.

  It’s all too much. It’s all too fast and I hold my belly, not knowing what to think or what to do.

  It’s only when Nik gently rubs my back and whispers that we have to leave that I resign myself to the fate I chose.

  “I didn’t plan for this,” I confess to Nikolai as he pulls me back into the truck and gives me a napkin to wipe my mouth.

  I didn’t plan to leave the man I love. I didn’t plan on him allowing it.

  I didn’t plan to run back to my family, to his enemy.

  And I didn’t plan for the small life I wanted to protect from all of this.

  I needed to run to get away. Not to fall back into the same game, only to find the color of my pieces have changed.

  “He’s going to hate me,” I cry out softly and once again, Nikolai pulls me into him. The truck is still idle and I know time is ticking. Precious time.

  Nik calls out for one of the guys to come drive and scoots to the middle so he can comfort me, even as I cry over Carter.

  As the other man gets into the driver’s seat, giving me a look of sympathy, Nik reaches behind the seat and pulls out a thick, wool blanket.

  “It’s all right,” Nik tells me, not taking the moment to curse Carter or question my sanity. “We’re going home.”

  For the first ten minutes, I kept expecting bullets to fly out of nowhere. I was ready for the ping of steel to slam against the truck. And then I thought maybe Carter would just appear in front of the truck. Standing in the middle of the road like a madman.

  It took too long for me to swallow the jagged pill. I’ve truly left Carter. He’s not coming to take me back.

  “You don’t have to tell me now.” Nik’s voice slices through my thoughts. The man at the wheel, a man named Connor, glances at me. I know he’s curious. I can’t imagine what everyone thinks of me, knowing I chose to stay with Carter when they came to rescue me.

  Shamefully, I consider making up a lie, just so they won’t know how I’ve fallen for him and how I betrayed them by doing so. The idea comes and goes with the rumble of the truck being carried into the fall air.

  “You don’t have to tell me right now,” he repeats and I gaze into Nik’s eyes as he continues, “but I need to know everything you remember.” He nods slightly, as if wanting me to agree to such a thing.

  “You don’t want to know, Nik,” I answer him, feeling the painful fissure again in my chest. My cheeks heat as I stare down at my hands and pull away from him. I start to tell him that I love Carter and that I only ran because he doesn’t love me in a way that’s healthy. I only ran because I can’t bear to think of a child growing up in this world we inhabit. I wanted to run away from it all, but as the truck jostles over a bump, I know I only ran into another hell.

  “You’re safe now,” Connor says calmly from his seat. It takes me a long second to remember who he is. To place his face and his voice. Turning around in my seat, I remember the other man from when we were younger. The memories pooling together and reminding me who I am.

  “How about I tell you a secret?” Nik offers. He sets his hand on my thigh and rubs a soothing circle with the pad of his thumb. He’s so much taller than me, I have to crane my neck to look up at him after watching him swallow.

  The air changes instantly, tensing and becoming thick. Too thick as Nik starts, “Do you remember the day we met? At my father’s funeral when we were just kids?”

  My pulse feels weak as I answer him, knowing deep inside of me that Nikolai will never hurt me, but also feeling that whatever he’s about to tell me, whatever it is, is going to cause me pain. It’s the look in his eyes. I recognize it too well.

  “You have to wait for me to finish,” Nik presages his confession, and I nod. “Tell me you will. Promise me, Ria,” he commands me, his voice hardening.

  I glance at Connor, who cautiously looks back to us before I tell Nikolai, “I promise.” With a quick breath I add, “I’ll let you finish.”

  Butterflies flutter in the pit of my stomach as Nikolai says, “I was working for Romano at the funeral. When my father died, I was working for Romano.”

  The words hit me over and over. Working for Romano. A revolting wave of nausea spreads through me as Nikolai swallows and peers down at me, waiting for a response. I can’t breathe.

  Romano. The man who took me and traded me for a war. The man who would have seen me dead that night I killed Stephan rather than to have his ally murdered.

  My body stiffens and I can’t control it. I’ve never feared Nikolai, not until this moment.

  “Romano told me your father had my father killed. That’s why I was so angry when you touched me. When you came over to me as if you had any right to.”

  I can’t swallow and I struggle to breathe.

  “I don’t know what my father--” I battle the need to explain, to defend, to do whatever I have to do to survive with the anger that slowly rises. Lies. My life has been built on so many lies and with so many men I can’t trust.

  Nikolai cuts me off. “It doesn’t matter. None of it matters, Ria.”

  I have to bite down on my lip to keep from screaming at him not to call me by the name my mother called me. The betrayal and rage stir inside of me, brewing a cocktail I’m not sure I can control.

  My best friend. My only friend. Deceived me for years. He was a rat. A fucking rat!

  “Your father told me that it was Romano who’d done it. That Romano had my father killed. And I didn’t know who to believe. I had no one, yet both of them
had hired me. I was only a kid; I was angry and more than that, I was scared and so fucking lonely.”

  The truck moves steadily along until we’re out of the brush and dirt road entirely, headed down a back road of thin asphalt.

  The day at the funeral comes back to me slowly with the quiet rumble, the picture painted in a different hue than I’ve seen it before.

  “I’m still the same, Ria. You have to understand. I was a kid, and you don’t say no to men like your father… or to men like Romano.”

  “Did my father know?” I manage to ask him as the anger wanes and the boy in my memory looks back at me. I remember his face. I remember the anger and I remember how he held me in return. How I needed someone just like he did. He was my someone. But the lies… I’m so sick of the sins and secrets.

  “No.” His answer is solemn. “Romano wanted me to keep eyes on Talvery, and Talvery hired me to do shit work. I figured one day, one of them would kill me.” Nik’s voice is resigned and flat, with no motive revealed in his words other than survival. “Romano would kill me for not telling him everything. Or your father, for being a rat. I didn’t want this. I was only a boy.”

  Through my lashes, I peek at Connor, who doesn’t respond. That’s when it hits me that Connor knew too.

  Adrenaline spikes through me, numbing me as Connor’s gaze catches mine.

  “I don’t work for Romano,” Connor tells me before I have to ask. “But I’ve known what Nik has – all of us have – for years.”

  My gut churns. My throat’s tight as I look up at Nik. “You didn’t tell me?” The words are merely whispers.

  Nik doesn’t speak, he only looks down at me with regret, but Connor answers in his place. “Your father will kill us if he finds out we know, Aria.” I can barely tear my gaze from Nik to look back at Connor. “You didn’t deserve to be put in the middle.”

  The irony of his words aren’t lost on me.

  “I had to stay and as everything happened, I did what I had to do to survive.”