In Love and Law

by Drake Koefoed

  He signed the other “To a nice lady and a fine reporter, Clara Hart. Will Ames.” And handed it to her. He gestured to the camera man. The camera and the lights came on.

  “May I use your phone?” She nodded, and he put it on speaker and dialed Marcie. “Marcie Della’s office. This is Lucinda Cox” “Lucy, Will. I am on camera with Clara Hart from Channel 2. Is Marcie available?” “Marcie. Are you live?” “No. Taping. I won the election, and we are going to interview with my predecessor. Clara Hart from Channel 2 wants some of your posters.” “36x48 for her office?” Clara nodded. “I am signing them. ‘To Clara Hart from Marcie Della with love and kisses.’?” Clara nodded. “Her secretary will give Lucy the mailing address.” “Put in the good word for me with those archangels and such. I’m going to be a good girl at least today. I’m in Jerusalem.” “Can Clara run this on TV?” “She can run whatever the, uh, whatever she likes.” “Liking Jerusalem?” “Oh, Will, the Old City. The Wailing Wall. I’m going simply everywhere. I have a whole entourage. Bodyguards with automatic rifles. They stamped my passport on a separate sheet of paper, so when I go to Syria tomorrow they won’t see I was in Israel. Of course everyone knows I was.” “You’re going to Syria?” “I’m going everywhere. You should be here to take pictures. Phillipa wants you to. You could have someone else do all that lawyer stuff. Bring your girl and marry her in Jerusalem. I know the church for you. It’s awesome, and it’s really old. If you guys don’t come real soon, we will have to come back here, but I can go anywhere I want, and I just take a nap, and I’m there. Will, come with me. I need you. Phillipa will pay you and the scenes here are great.” “I take office in a month, unless my predecessor will hold the fort for me.” “Another month, Will.” “Now you’re covered. Get your fiancée and get over here. I will send my little birdie for you.” “The Lear?” “No, darling. Not the itty bitty birdie. Well, you can come in it if you want, but simply everyone wants to ride around with me, and as much as I love my itty bitty birdie, I’d have tell people there is no space.” “You need a seven three.” “Oh, I do. But you get one of those, get the interior done nice, put a couple of new JT8D’s on it, and it can put a dent in the piggy bank.” “I’ll talk to you next time someone wants a poster. Clara needs to get ready for the news.” “Seeya!” Clara laughed. Well, the real business here is the DA election. Will Ames has been elected, and he is here with his predecessor to talk a little bit about that. Will, what’s going to change in the office?” “We hope to make a good office into a great office. We have a good staff, and unless I find out someone has been doing wrong, they will all be staying.” “What’s going to happen with your fiancée working at the office?” “She will not receive preferential treatment. If Steve the Mouse will continue to be Chief Deputy, as I think he will, he will continue to supervise her. I will avoid comment about her, and she will take orders from him as if she did not know me. That’s a break for her, because Steve is much more reasonable than I am.” “How will the transition go?” “Very well, I think. Doug has offered to help, and that will make a lot of difference.” “Will your experience as a trial lawyer be important?” “I know a good trial lawyer when I see her. I’m not going to do court myself. The office is full of good trial lawyers who want to move up. If they have the merits, I will move them up. I’m not a micromanager. If I give you the machine gun, you can ask me for advice if you want, but I gave you the machine gun. It’s your job.” “Do you think of lawyers like soldiers?” “The Marine Corps is where I learned to be a leader, so maybe so.” “Is there a war on crime?” “I think not.” “Why do we have so much? “Well, first, we maybe have less than we think, but still, the root causes are hard to dig up. Societal injustice is one reason. There are a few genuine sociopaths who need to spend their lives locked up.” “Do you believe in the death penalty” “I’m lukewarm on it. It’s awfully expensive. Doug knows.” “It is. The death penalty is the problem child of the prosecutor’s office. People expect the office to seek it, but nobody wants the bill. It’s a tremendous burden on the courts. It’s an enormously expensive way to get rid of one violent criminal in a world that has so very many of them.” “Will, would you personally be willing to use it?” “I would be willing, but not enthusiastic.” “Fact or fiction, you killed a terrorist in Iraq with your bare hands.” “You can document that?” “Certainly.” “Well, then, why should I confirm or deny it?” “The people…” “Already elected me.” “Cut.” The lights went off. Clara took Will by the hair. She whispered in his ear. “If she loses her nerve, I don’t think I would.” “Noted, ma’am.” * * * Will went to the house, and set Chrissie to calling everyone for dinner. Alan was in Idaho. On Chrissie’s request, Mel went to get Katie. They all headed to the Chinese place. Will looked at Marie. “You’re not so cheerful tonight.” “He went to Idaho.” “Did he kiss you and tell you he loved you first?” “Not exactly.” “Well, you have two possibilities. The bad one is, he had his fun and he is gone. I’d evict his truck from the lot if I were you, and he acted like that.” “Most likely, he’s delivering his cars. I’d resist calling him. The road is lonely. If he cares for you, he will be missing you real bad when the sun goes down and the truck is parked. You try too hard, and look desperate, and you’ll break your line. Let your fish run a little. An expert fisherman is never in a hurry. Set the drag light and take it easy. If he doesn’t call you two hours after sunset, then you call just to see that he is all right. You were a little worried is all.” Chrissie laughed. “If I’d known then.” “She would have caught her fish in law school.” They fiddled with pot stickers and prawns. The waitress brought the dinners. Mel was putting food in Katie’s mouth. A fish headed for the aquarium. Marie’s phone rang. “Give it a few seconds, and then answer with your business name.” “Marie’s used cars, this is Marie. Oh, Alan. Did you get to the receiver? Well, don’t take chances on the ice over there. Are you coming back to Oregon? I do, and I don’t care that you don’t know how to dance. Well, I want you to have safe tires. I know there are dumb chicks out there who will run into you. Well, my uncle thinks you’re good enough for me. You do that, and I will have Marcie Della hit you with a framing hammer.

  Oh, we know her. I’ll get them autographed. 22x28? We have big ones, too. To Alan Lawrence with love and kisses, Marcie Della? She will also autograph the special catalog. That’s going to be a collector’s item. I’ll call right now.” “Hi Tommie. Marie. I want a set of 22x28 for my boyfriend. ‘To Alan Lawrence with love and kisses, Marcie Della.’ The Ukraine? Why are you there? And then Lithuania and back to Japan. If it makes sense to you. Thank you, Tommie.” She hung up. “She’s doing the Balkans and then back to Japan.” Will looked to Katie. “She is the point chick for Phillipa.” “You don’t call women ‘chicks’ any more.” “We are very politically incorrect. We’re so uncool that we think politically correct is a term from the Gulag Archipelago.” “Is it?” “Yeah it is. That Marcie, she got a Lear jet from Phillipa, but she likes the corporate Gulfstream better, because it can jump the pond without her having to wait for her plane to be refueled.” Chrissie put a catalog on the table. She had to move the pot stickers out of the way, and Will took one while she did. Will opened the catalog.

  “Do you have one of her glitter pens?” Chrissie handed him one, and he autographed the catalog next to his picture. It showed Will in a pair of jeans and a T shirt, holding a camera, with a nude Marcie behind him, wrapping a leg around him, her foot between his thighs, in a strappy sandal. Her critical points were, of course, not visible. He passed the catalog to Katie. “Pretty racy for a DA.” “I’m the racy kind of DA. But I do racy, not pornography. Just a personal and professional decision, not a judgment on others. My friend Marc does nudes, but he doesn’t do crude stuff. Marc will rub a model’s nipples to get them erect for a shot, but he would never cheat on his wife. If the model puts her finger in her warm wet place, he will shoot it. But he keeps his pants zipped up. Photographers take pix. That is what you can say about
us. We have our lines.” “I have the impression that your lines are drawn very dark and hard.” Mel leaned forward. “Leave it, Mel. I am not offended.” Mel nodded. “My lines are very dark and hard. I try to live according to the virtues. I do not claim to always be inside the lines, but I take them extremely seriously.” Marie picked up a pot sticker. “Uncle Will is an extremely serious man, Katie.” “I kind of thought so.” “Katie, meet Gibraltar. Don’t run into him.” “Can I run into you, Mel?” “You can. Just you.” She hugged him. The waitress came and took some stuff away. “You guys are having a lot of fun.” Chrissie smiled. “We are.” “I wish I did. Once in a while.” “What’s your name?” “Carol. I’m the only one here without a Chinese name.” Will pushed his food around, and picked out a shrimp. “Invite her over, Chrissie.” Mel finished off his plate, and pushed it to the edge of the table. He held out his badge. “We’re a family of nut cases, but we’re not dangerous to you.” She looked at Will. “William fucking Ames.” “Close. Wrong middle name.” Katie spoke up. “When do you get off, Carol?” “Never. Oh, tonight? Soon as the boss is done with me. He doesn’t need me tonight because he has Michelle.” “Find out if you can come over to our house and have a drink.” She left, and came back. “I can.” She put the dinners into take out boxes. Marie giggled. “Didn’t we just do this” “Unfortunately, I don’t have a spare man tonight. I’ll have to work on that.” “I’m not getting much of this.” “Don’t sweat it, Carol. Inside jokes. Hang around with us a while and you’ll know.” They went back to the house. Marie called Marcie’s office number, and got Peaches. They had an email address nobody but Will should use, and they would put the caption, the pic number and size and the mailing address in the message. Will could give away as many posters as he liked.

  Did he want the one with the Elle cover? This was the one where she was sitting on the floor in black lacy bra and panties, and she had her ankles crossed over a pair of really nice strappy sandals in black with gold on the insoles. Peaches had one in 16 x 20. Marie got Carol’s mailing address. “So, Carol, in our playhouse, This is my Aunt Chrissie and Uncle Will and, and I am Marie. My other Aunt and Uncle, Katie and Mel. That’s my gramps, Hank. We are not biologically related, we just say this for fun, and we’re kind of a family. I would like to offer you a title and a beer. You would be my Aunt Carol. We just say it, and nobody believes it, but we would sort of think of you as family. It’s not, like, kinky sex or some crap. We just, well, most of us were alone in the world, so.” “I am also alone in the world, and I would be pleased to be your Aunt, Marie.” Marie got a bottle of Jack Daniel’s and a bunch of glasses. She fussed with the ice, and distributed them. A bartender, she was not made to be.

  She poured some whisky. Carol took a drink. “It kind of feels like people are a little nervous here in my new family. Mel, you’re my brother in law, right?” There were some giggles. “I feel like there is some tension here, like something might happen.” “You never know, but I think things are all right.” “You’re a cop. So you have a gun.” “Sure.” “If I just have a funny feeling, you can take care of whatever it would be?” “I’m sure you’re safe, Carol.” “If something happened?” “I could take care of it. If I couldn’t I would ask Will or Hank to help me. Hank is the real hard guy in our family. He fought in Korea.” Carol ran around behind Hank, and pretended to hide behind him, holding him.

  “Stay back. I have a soldier here!” “A Marine, ma’am.” “Would you protect me, Hank?” “You’re Fore and Aft right I would.” She put her arms around him from behind. She held him tight.

  “Nobody cares about me, Hank.” “Someone should.” He sat in his chair, which had big arms. Carol sat on one of the arms, fiddling with Hank’s hair.

  Chapter 9 Calm Seas and Clear Skies Musical Theme; Foolish Games by Jewel Will went to the office and had a plea bargaining session with Doug. He handed over some cases to Sharon. Some clients went to other lawyers of their choosing. Will refunded some fees. Doug dismissed some pointless misdemeanors. The presiding judge allowed Will to withdraw from a list of appointed cases. Two legal secretaries Sharon had borrowed from other firms pounded out the documents, while a punk rock girl everyone called ‘Pokes’ answered the phone. Pokes didn’t really do the law office image.

  Her hair was colored blue, orange and green. She wore a loose sheer nylon blouse over a lacy bra that did not hide much. Her black leather skirt was about as short as Mother Teresa’s report from the National Criminal Information Center. She wore fishnet stockings, and a pair of Phillipa over the knee boots in black suede. She was pierced everywhere. She had a thing in her nose, dozens of earrings, and something in her navel. Will glanced at her, thinking that nice little tummy didn’t need a ring in it. “I’ll call you if he does a press conference.” She disconnected, and looked up. “I would if you didn’t have a steady girl.

  I don’t get in some other bird’s nest.” “You would what?” He picked up a stack of ‘while you were out’ slips. “William Ames’s

  office. I’m not sure if he is or not. May I ask who is calling? I will call you back if he does a press conference. Clara Hart has known Mr. Ames since the invention of the coffee cup, and her station supports charity. If you will contribute $1000 to St. Vincent de Paul, I’ll put your message on the top of the stack.”

  “Chrissie and Sharon briefed me. Am I cool, Mr. Boss?” “Your conduct is perfectly outrageous.” “Oh.” “I’m not quite as outrageous as you, but I’m working on it.” Will went through the slips. “This is all the press. Can you separate

  them from business?” She took them back. She handed him another stack. “Done that. You didn’t ask me what they were.”

  “Tell Paul whatever Don wants is ok.” He handed her a slip.

  “Are you going to take notes?”

  “I have almost total recall, Will. I won’t need notes.” “What was the first word I said to you?

  “You. Why don’t you ask me a hard one, like the phone number of one of the callers? Or start at the bottom of the stack. You were called by Robert Olson, whose number is 503 555 2132. Your next call was from Valerie Hunt, who is gently griping about discovery in Ellis v. Marks. She was polite. She said you had her number. Next one was Marsha DeVille, who I found obnoxious. She is not going to be the receptionist at the DA office because you are a such and such.”

  “William Ames’s office. He is busy. Yes I do. I believe you called at 10:17 this morning. He will. If you wish to complain, my name is Pokes. Thank you, sir.”

  “Marsha DeVille walked off the job, and so this girl, Darlene, who has a kind of a baby talk voice is doing the phones. I wish you’d tell Marsha to fuck off, and let me have her job.”

  “William Ames’s office. I believe she is. Hold for a moment.”

  “William Ames’s office. She is on another line. Would you like to hold or should I ask her to call back? It’s a crazy day. That’s probably the easiest. I will.”

  “William Ames’s office. He may hold a press conference later today. If you will leave your name and number, I can call you if he does.”

  “So, can I have the reception job?” “Would you consider regular colored hair and conservative dress?” “Who figures conservative dress?” “Something Marcie Della thinks is cool?” “What Marcie Della thinks is cool is cool.”

  “Could you be in tomorrow morning as a demure girl with blonde curly hair, a limited amount of earrings and stuff?”