Forbid Me

by M. Robinson

  “I won’t say a word. It will be our little secret.”

  And hearing her say those six words just confirmed how fucking wrong this really was. I instantly stood up, feeling ashamed and dirty. She peered up at me through her lashes with worry, concern, and sadness all wrapped up in one.

  “Jacob, please don’t run from me. I’m sorry, please don’t go.”

  I stepped away from her, needing to place more distance between us.

  “Lily, I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.” I shook my head as the guilt consumed me in ways I didn’t think could be possible.

  More tears slid down the sides of her beautiful face, and I couldn’t take it anymore.

  I turned around…

  And left.

  “Lillian Ryder?” A young guy called out in the bar.

  All the staff members turned to look at me and he followed their stares, walking towards me. “These are for you.”

  “Umm… I think you’re wrong.”

  “Lillian Ryder, right?”

  I nodded, confused.

  “Then these are definitely for you.” He placed a glass vase full of my favorite white hydrangeas on the bar. Another type of flower mixed in between them. “Please sign here.”

  “Who did you bone to get these, Wonder Pussy?” Tracey, the bartender, asked as the delivery boy walked away.

  I racked my brain for a few seconds. “I haven’t had sex with anyone in months. I honestly don’t know who sent these.”

  She shrugged. “Meh, who the fuck sends plants anyway? Where are the roses?”

  “I hate roses.”

  “You do?”

  I nodded again. “Yeah.”

  “Why?”

  “They die too fast. Plants can last forever.” My eyes widened and my mouth dropped. There was only one person who would know that.

  He wouldn’t. Would he?

  I grabbed the envelope and pulled out the card.

  No more secrets. I love you.

  Your Lobster

  I bit my lip as I took a deep breath, trying to pretend like the card didn’t mean anything to me, like it didn’t affect me.

  “Forget-Me-Nots.”

  “Huh?” I looked up at her from the flowers even more baffled.

  “The other flowers, they’re Forget-Me-Nots.”

  “How on earth do you know that?”

  “I’m full of useless information, it’s my thing.”

  My cell phone pinged with a text message and I couldn’t be more grateful for the small distraction. I swiped the screen not bothering to check who the sender was.

  There hasn’t been one day in the last three years when you haven’t been my first and last thought.

  I grinned.

  Lily: Sounds like a personal problem.

  I could picture him smiling and shaking his head.

  Jacob: You little shit.

  Lily: I see you discovered florists in the last three years. They’re beautiful.

  Jacob: Is that a thank you?

  Lily: Maybe.

  Jacob: That’s just the beginning, babe.

  I looked around the bar, contemplating what to say next.

  Jacob: That lip is going to fall off, Kid. Then what am I going to kiss?

  Lily: My ass.

  I laughed. I couldn’t help it.

  Jacob: I have other plans for your ass, baby.

  Lily: Dirty, old man.

  Jacob: Watch it.

  I rolled my eyes.

  Lily: I hope this isn’t you trying to stake your claim on me in my place of employment, Jacob?

  Jacob: There is no staking claim when it already belongs to me, Kid.

  Lily: I belong to no one.

  Jacob: You. Belong. To. Me.

  I could pretty much hear his dominance and conviction over the text message and it did nothing for my sense of resolve. It half turned me on and half pissed me off, I just didn’t know which one would win out yet.

  Lily: Bye, Jacob.

  I placed my phone in my back pocket and went back to work. The next day I woke up from an intense dream with Jacob, he was kissing me all over my body, caressing, and touching me the only way he could. The one man that had ever made me feel as if I were made just for him. Always knowing my body better than I did. We didn’t have sex, but it didn’t matter, the hunger for him when I woke up the next morning was enough to have me immediately reaching over into my nightstand. My hand felt nothing but the bottom of the drawer.

  “What the hell?” I sat up, turning over to look inside. It was completely empty with a single white note placed right in the middle.

  I knew that handwriting.

  If you want to see these toys again, you will have to go on a date with me. I can’t guarantee they will still be in working condition.

  Especially the bright pink one that looks like a rabbit.

  Your Lobster

  “Are you fucking kidding me?” I yelled to myself, reaching for my cell phone. He answered after one ring like he had been waiting for my call.

  “Wet morning, baby?” he answered in an arrogant tone.

  “Stop calling me that,” I snapped.

  “You know I could help you with your problem… all you have to do is say, ‘Please.'”

  “Fuck off.”

  He chuckled, “I’d rather fuck you.”

  “Jacob,” I warned.

  “I love it when you say my name,” he rasped in a husky tone, not helping my current situation.

  “Give. Them. Back!” I ordered through gritted teeth, losing my patience.

  “Give what back?”

  “You know what.”

  “Actually, I don’t know, considering there was a whole arsenal in there. The only ones that made it are the ones I can use on you.”

  The possessiveness in his voice set my body on fire.

  “Or," he paused. “You can use my toy. If I remember correctly you guys used to be really good friends, maybe it’s time you were reacquainted,” he added.

  “We already went through this, Jacob. I’m the one always watching you walk away.”

  "The only reason I would ever leave you again, baby, would be to take you to another room and fuck you senseless."

  My eyes widened and my throat became dry.

  “I want you in my mouth, Lillian. I could taste you in my dream. I woke up knowing what I wanted for breakfast,” he hesitated, letting his words linger. “I want you in my bed, but I need you in my life.”

  “Jacob,” I pretty much panted, my will to keep him at bay breaking with each passing moment.

  “You. Crave. Me,” he said in a slow tone that it was dripping with seduction.

  “Try to deny it, baby. I dare you,” he continued.

  “You’re not playing fair.”

  “I’m not playing at all.”

  “Jacob, I mean it. I’m putting my fucking foot down. Give me back my toys,” I ordered, completely serious. I was on my last leg of patience with him.

  He laughed, a husky and throaty sound escaping from his mouth. “Your foot doesn’t even make noise when you stomp it.”

  I scowled at my phone even though he couldn’t see me and hung up. It instantly rang again. I didn’t have to wonder who it was.

  “What?” I roared into the phone.

  “Don’t hang up on me again.”

  “What are you going to do? Put me over your knee and spank me?”

  “You would love that wouldn’t you? Lying over my knee with your sweet pussy inches away from my cock.”

  I couldn’t find the words to respond, so I didn’t say one damn thing. I tried not to make a sound, but my erratic breathing gave me away.

  “I love you, Lillian.”

  It flowed out of his mouth so easily, like he had been saying it to me every day for the past three years. Like there was no history between us, no bad blood that made me regret each and every moment I let him touch me.

  Every moment I let him lie to me.

  “I can’t—
”

  “Can’t or won’t?” he interrupted. “Can’t or won’t, Kid?” he demanded yet again.

  “I… I don’t know.”

  “Yes, you do.”

  “I wish it were that easy, Jacob. I wish I could close my eyes and pretend that we didn’t have this history between us.”

  “Baby, our history is exactly that. It’s in the past.”

  “No. It’s not. It’s every time you look at me. Every time you talk to me. Every time you touch me. It’s right there in front of me, reminding me that I wasn’t enough for you to stay with me.”

  He sighed deeply, the frustration evident.

  “Nothing has changed. Lucas is still my brother. He’s still your best friend. I’m still his baby sister. You’re still seven years older than me, except I’m not a kid anymore.”

  “Lily...”

  “I gotta go.” I hung up and turned my phone on silent.

  I went to work that evening hoping it would take my mind off anything that had to do with Jacob. The more I talked to him, the harder it was becoming to resist him. The irony was that he used to say that exact same thing about me. I had no idea how we had come full circle. He had an effect on me like no other man ever had or even came close to.

  “Hey, Maverick,” I greeted, walking into my house and turning on the light. “Oh my God.”

  There in the corner of my living room was a huge fish tank. I placed my keys on the entry table, making my way toward a beautiful and exquisite aquarium. There were Clarion Angelfishes, Regal Tangs, Koi’s, Moorish Idols, and those were just to name a few. Hundreds of them swam around. Bright blue gravel coated the entire bottom, stone and coral bubblers everywhere, tropical plants scattered around, a massive rock castle displayed from one end of the tank to the other, with a pirate ship in one corner.

  It was breathtaking.

  But what really melted my heart were the two lobsters placed in the middle, their claws interlocked. I shook my head grabbing my phone from my back pocket. This must have cost him a small fortune.

  Lily: I can’t believe you did this. How did you pull it off?

  Jacob: I have my ways.

  Lily: I can’t believe you still remember.

  Jacob: I remember everything, Lily.

  I didn’t want to talk about that. We were having a nice moment and I wanted to keep it that way.

  Lily: Should I be expecting a pony tomorrow? I always wanted one of those.

  Jacob: Why would you want a pony when you have a stallion? You can ride me anytime you want.

  I laughed.

  Lily: It’s beautiful. Thank you.

  Jacob: You’re beautiful.

  I smiled.

  Lily: Smooth. Good night.

  The next day I found scattered notes around my house, my truck and at work. They were all love quotes from books and poems. The following morning I walked into my living room to find every movie we had seen together growing up on my coffee table, including Freddy vs. Jason. It was beyond me how the hell he was getting into my house without me noticing. He was definitely pulling out all the stops, and I would be lying if I said it wasn’t working. Then Thursday came around and I found a brand new guitar sitting pretty on my couch with music sheets of all Jacob’s favorites.

  “Are you fucking insane?” I yelled at Jacob when he answered his cell phone.

  “A simple thank you would suffice.”

  “Are you trying to buy my affection?”

  “Depends. Is it working?”

  “Oh my God, a Fender Pro Balboa, Jacob? Are you for real? This guitar is almost four thousand dollars!”

  “Baby, you’re worth it.”

  My eyes widened. “Why?”

  “Why not?”

  “No. Don’t do that! Stop answering my questions with questions.”

  “Just so we’re clear, are you yelling at me for buying you gifts?”

  I shook my head even though he couldn’t see me. “No. Don’t twist things. You don’t have to spend money on me. Especially this much money.”

  “Kid, I make a really good living. Who else am I supposed to spoil if not you?”

  “I don’t want you to.”

  “I don’t remember asking you for permission.”

  “Ugh, you’re so freaking frustrating.”

  “Just say when and where, and I’ll fix that for you.”

  “I can’t accept the guitar, Jacob,” I stated, ignoring his suggestion that I knew he could follow through on.

  “Lillian, just let me fucking spoil you.”

  I hung up. It was pointless to try to argue with him and I was beyond over it. I left my house immediately, my fingers twitching to play with the strings of the brand new guitar. Thursday nights were normally girl’s night at Bootleggers, but tonight we were having a charity event called Guys and Dolls. Essentially we had quite a few people who volunteered to be auctioned off for a date with the highest bidder winning. We had been promoting it for a few weeks now and the turnout was above our expectations. It was the first time we were doing something like this and I welcomed the distraction. I played my last set before my break and walked out back, bumming a cigarette off my coworker. I only smoked when I was stressed or overwhelmed, it helped calm me down and right now I needed one badly. I was losing my composure among other things.

  I took one puff before it was roughly ripped out of my hand and I came face to face with a pissed off…

  Jacob.

  I watched her set down her guitar. Her new Fender nowhere to be seen. She was so fucking stubborn. I swear she was worse than her goddamn brother. I followed her out back to finish our conversation from earlier, it was far from over, but when I saw her light up a cigarette, my patience for this whole situation fucking snapped. I snatched the cigarette from her mouth much rougher than I intended to, but it infuriated me that she would be so careless with her health. I didn’t know she had picked up this habit and I think that pissed me off more than anything.

  “Do I need to remind you about the history of cancer you have in your family, Lillian?”

  “No, you don’t because I am not your responsibility! I am not a child!” she yelled, catching me off guard.

  “Then stop fucking acting like one and watch your goddamn tone when you speak to me.”

  She stepped toward me not backing down, not that I expected her to.

  “Why are you here? What do I have to do to make myself clear, Jacob? Nothing is going to happen between us. Nada. Do you understand? I don’t want you. I don’t love you. That ship has sailed and it’s not coming back. It’s sailed so far it’s like the Titanic at the bottom of the fucking ocean!”

  I cocked an eyebrow and folded my arms over my chest, her glare traveling from my face to my body. “You never were a good liar, Lily. It’s time you stop acting like I don’t know you.”

  She furiously shook her head. “You don’t. You never did.”

  I chose my words carefully, lacing my tone with cockiness directed right at her. I took a step toward her, expecting her to step back.

  She didn’t.

  “Is that right?” I replied arrogantly, centimeters from her lips. “I don’t know you? Really? What part don’t I know? Maybe I don’t know the way you move your hair to cover the side of your face when you’re nervous. Or maybe I don’t know how you bite your bottom lip when you’re deep into your strings. Or do you mean that I don’t know the way you freak out if it’s too dark in a room and you won’t walk in? Or maybe I don’t know that you bite your fingernails when you think no one is looking. Oh wait, here’s a good one. I don't know that you're trembling in your skin right now. I don’t know that your heart is beating a million miles a minute, your hands are clammy, and you can’t swallow. How there are hundreds of thoughts going through your mind, but the top one being how bad you want me to kiss you. How bad you want me to fuck you. How bad you want me to claim every fucking inch of your perfect body,” I paused to let my words sink in, and her flushed complexion gave away tha
t everything I was saying was true.

  “You’re right. I don’t know you. I don’t see your gorgeous smile in my sleep. I don’t hear that ridiculous giggle you have when I’m away from you. I don’t see those dark brown eyes every time I close mine.” I leaned in a little closer so she could feel my breath against her lips. “I don’t stroke my cock to the memory of your sweet pussy pulsating down my shaft and the taste of your come dripping down my chin.”

  Her breathing hitched and her eyes dilated, all it would take was for me to kiss her, bite that goddamn bottom lip that had me hard just staring at it.

  I didn’t.

  I wanted her…

  Needed her…

  To come to me.

  “I’m pretty sure I know you. I know exactly who you are. You’re the girl who still sleeps with the koala bear I won for her at the county fair eight years ago. The same girl who sleeps topless but keeps her panties on because she’s afraid that something will crawl up her lady bits. Right?”

  She licked her lips, trying to conceal the smile from my choice of words since she had only said that to me one time.

  “Anymore doubts I can clear up for you today, baby?”

  I swept her hair away from her face and the mere touch of her cheek against my fingers had me restraining myself from the impulse to back her up into the wall and remind her of who she really belonged to.

  “I’m not that person anymore,” she whispered so low, her face betraying her own words.

  “I love you. Can you let me back in here?” I touched her heart with my knuckle. “I belong there.”

  Her resolve was breaking, it was written all over her beautiful face. So it shocked the shit out of me when she said…

  “No.”

  It was Lily’s sixteenth birthday.

  I hadn’t really seen or spoken to her since that night on the beach a few months ago. Every time I thought about it my cock got hard, only adding to the guilt that seemed to consume me. I went on an endless amount of so-called dates in an attempt to fuck her out of my mind. Nothing helped. It was still her face I saw when I was balls deep in other women.