The Crazy Good SEAL Series: Books 1-3

by Rachel Robinson

  “No,” she whispers into my neck. Furrowing my brow, I pull back and look at her face.

  “No?”

  She smiles her megawatt, movie star smile, smoothens the skin in between my eyes, and says, “It’s even better. It’s just like now. We may need to practice a few more things. You know? While I’m figuring everything out.”

  Lainey hits her knees in front of me and flashes that beautiful grin back up at me. She begins humming the star spangled banner around my cock and I’m certain that no matter what happens next, this is worth it.

  It’s worth everything.

  CHAPTER NINE

  Lainey

  VANITY IS A fundamental of human civilization. There are those who shun it, those who embrace it, and those who drip that shit from every pore on the surface of their bodies. More often than not, the people we’re trying to impress do not care. They just don’t. That vanity? It’s all for ourselves. Like a Christmas gift of undue stress you bought for yourself and can’t return. It’s funny the way it works. I’ve come to realize it’s vanity that has me in this situation to begin with. The mentality that I can have two amazing men at the same time has fucking vain roots. One day with Cody and I know I need to break up with Dax, call off the wedding and leave him bereft with grief. We didn’t even have sex. I mean, we did everything but, and I felt so much all at once. Chloe called it a nostalgia hookup, but it was so much more. That’s what makes things between Dax and I that much more complicated. It’s like a Band-Aid I just need to rip off. I just compared my relationship with Dax to a Band-Aid. What is wrong with me?

  Cradling my cell phone on my shoulder, I type an email to Dax and speak to Marney. “Of course I can have the samples for you when we meet at the textile store. I’ll see you there in an hour,” I say. Marney tells me about a couch she saw in Cosmo and asks if I can find something similar, to which I agree, knowing there’s no way in hell she’ll want to pay for it. I jot down a couple notes on my planner and hang up the call. I read over the harmless email I typed to my fiancé and decide I’ll call him instead.

  It rings twice and he gives me a breathless, “Hello.”

  “Hey-ya,” I say, relieved and sick at the sound of his voice. How did this happen? Why?

  “Lane,” Dax breathes. “Spare me the details.” I glance at my oversized watch and realize I probably interrupted him at the gym. The clank of weights confirms my suspicions. I choose to ignore the fact that he actually thinks I’ve called to give him the blow by blow about Cody. Literally. “We on for dinner tonight?” It’s Friday. It’s our date night.

  “Sure, yeah.” It will be my opportunity to talk to him face to face. My stomach fills with dread.

  Dax breathes out loudly. “I talked to him, you know? He called me and wanted to feel me out about the situation going on.”

  Dread turns to fear. “Oh?”

  “I told him the same thing I told you. How am I supposed to marry a woman who has unfinished business? I’m not sure how this is all going to shake out, but I want you to know that despite my misgivings about whatever is going on between the two of you, I’m okay. Don’t worry about me, Lainey. Seriously. I’ve made my choices…probably questionable ones, but I stand by them. I stand by you. He wants to take you away to the Hamptons.”

  This is news to me. All of it. “He asked permission?”

  “No. He’s trying to be as honorable as he can given the fact that you have my ring on your finger, Lainey.” I glance at the diamond, once a source of great joy, and have to swallow down bile.

  “Well, I guess I’m just the town whore. I should stake out a corner in a dark alley and sell my services.” I’m half joking. I’m not a damsel in distress by any means. Not by a long shot.

  “Don’t be melodramatic. I have to go finish up here. Tonight is mine,” he says, hanging up the call. Fuck. God dammit. There’s no question what I’ll be doing tonight. With Dax. Not Cody. I never thought I’d be the one unable to hold up the end of the two-timing relationship deal. I was the lucky one, right? I’ll have to talk to Dax before it gets to that. Since my afternoon with Cody I have a profound sense of cheating on him with Dax all this time. It’s nonsensical, of course. The laptop pings a new email alert. My heart leaps into my throat. It’s a note from Cody. When he was deployed, he would email me every day. Seeing his name in my personal inbox, an address that not many people have, has always been a jolt of happiness and excitement. Nothing has changed. If anything the feeling has intensified. I can’t click open quick enough.

  From: Cridge@ridgecontract.com

  To: LaineyRostov@Memail.com

  Subject: The Star Spangled Banner

  I suspect your intended has spoken to you about my plans for the Hamptons. I wanted to surprise you like I used to, but the extenuating circumstances we face take the surprise out of it. What do you say? A couple days away? For old times’ sake? I’ve booked airline tickets. You should receive them by email shortly. We’ll return home by private aircraft.

  I took a break from coding to research the national anthem of fifteen other countries. I’m sure they’d sound divine as a hum.

  I miss you.

  C

  I smile from ear to ear, forcing crow’s feet to the corners of my eyes, and I don’t even care. I reread the note a few times, trying to pick up on subtle clues. He’s able to hide behind his words well. Other than a hint of jealousy over the fact that I’m wearing Dax’s ring, there’s nothing to be detected. I love the Hamptons: the beach, the parties, the oversized cottages smack-dab on the oceanfront. Of course I want to go and be there with Cody. I compose a new email.

  From: LaineyRostov@Memail.com

  To: Cridge@ridgecontract.com

  Subject: Coveted humming abilities

  I really wish you and Dax didn’t talk. It makes this weird. Well, it’s super weird anyways, but it makes it even more so. Like I’m the child and you’re sharing custody of me. I have a meeting in a bit, but can we meet up later? I need to talk to you in person. I’m not sure how much longer I can do this.

  I miss you always.

  L (Hums-like-an-old-refrigerator)

  He doesn’t reply by email, he calls. Exiting my office to head for the garage, I answer the call.

  “How much longer you can do what?” Cody asks.

  I smile because it’s his voice, but I sigh because I wanted to see him when I spoke with him. It’s the only way I’ll truly know how he feels. “I said in person, Cody,” I say, my tone mocking. I pick up fabric samples from the table in the back foyer and open the garage.

  “Right. You did. I’m driving to your house now.”

  I glance down at my Patek Philippe watch. “Now?”

  “I’m leaving for a few days.” That’s the only explanation I’ll get. I rub my forehead. Marney.

  I throw the fabric in the backseat of my overpriced European coupé and slam the door. “I have a meeting with a client right now,” I tell him.

  I see his large SUV gleam in the distance. He really was driving to my house—a fact that shouldn’t surprise me. He must have been emailing on his cell. “I just need to see you. Please. Ten minutes,” he says, his black polished vehicle turning into my driveway and winding its way toward where I stand. The gravelly noise his tires make as they crunch their way toward me is exciting. I want to see him. I need to see him. He pulls up as close to my garage as he can get…blocking me in.

  “Ten minutes,” I whisper into the mouthpiece. He grins at me through his windshield, exposing white teeth. Sunglasses hide his eyes, but I already know exactly how they shine when he smiles this wide.

  I walk over to his driver’s side door as he hops out. With the cell phone still pressed to his ear, he says, “You’re okay?” Odd question.

  I hang up my phone and throw it into the bag on my shoulder. “I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be okay?” I slit my eyes, wary of his response. Even wary, I can’t help but drink him in like a tall glass of water. His proximity will never get old. It r
eminds me why I need to talk to him.

  He plays it cool, all shrugging his shoulders and sliding from his seat with the grace of a panther. Cody folds his arms around me and pulls me so close that every inch of the front of my body is pressing against his. I see him glancing around my house from my peripheral vision, and I know something’s off. Burying my face in his neck, I inhale. “I’m more than okay now.” I raise his glasses. “Something you want to tell me?”

  He shakes his head. “Nah. I just worry about you. That’s all.” A funny thing happens. I can’t really tell what he’s thinking. Not the way I used to, anyways. “You said you weren’t sure how long you could do this. I need details.” He takes his glasses from me and folds them into the collar of his shirt. I let my hands wander down from his shoulders to his biceps. He flexes them briefly and smiles.

  “What do you want, Cody?” Pain flashes in his eyes, but the mask goes up directly following. “After…everything,” I stutter. “It would be presumptuous of me to assume anything about your feelings for me. I need to know where we stand. What do you want?” I ask again.

  He grabs my waist. “I want you. How could you not understand that already?”

  My hands wander down to his forearms. “You want me now today or forever? Or maybe a time in between those two?”

  “Always. Always, Fast Lane. I want you forever. This is hard for me, too. Sharing isn’t a word in my repertoire.” It shouldn’t be in mine either. His gaze darts to the water on the side of my house. My island doesn’t feel as safe as it did five minutes ago.

  Focusing on the task at hand, I lean my head against his chest. “I need to break up with Dax.” I don’t need to explain. I owe it to Dax to keep the explanations for him. I feel Cody’s hand in my hair and his kiss on the top of my head.

  “I’m sorry for this.” His voice is low and coiled with control. “I’d deal with it if I could. I’d make the pain go away if there was a way.”

  I shake my head. “It’s my fault. I never stopped loving you, Cody. I should have. My God, I should have.” I look up to meet his gaze, ice blue, so much like Dax’s. “He saved me, but you own me.”

  With the hands that are still in my hair, he brings my face up to meet with his, our lips touching in the barest flutter of a kiss. Not enough to taste him, but enough to know he’s mine right back. “Be mine again. All mine.” There’s that word again. I think of Dax.

  “That’s the problem,” I say, my lips touching his as I speak. “I’ve never not been yours, Cody.” He kisses me madly, profoundly, passionately. Cody takes my hips and pulls me against his erection. It throbs into my stomach, causing my core to clench with desire. Every nerve ending in my body catches fire. I feel tingly. I feel warm. I feel him. He goes willingly as I back him against his truck, pinning his hands by his shoulders with my own.

  “Hey, now. You said ten minutes,” Cody says against my mouth. I touch the sides of his face to feel his stubble and let my tongue fall into rhythm with his. He brings one hand between my legs and presses it against my clit through my jeans. “We can make it ten hours if you want.” He moves his fingers and presses a little harder. No, ten hours won’t be enough. The rest of my life won’t be enough.

  “I need to go,” I pant. My body is telling him I want everything except to leave his presence. He snakes his glorious fingers back and breaks the kiss, leaving my mouth and pussy wet, and my lips raw from the onslaught of his teeth and lips. Cody does everything violently perfect and with intention. Anyone would appreciate his affections.

  Cody’s eyes are heavy—turned on. He bites his own red, bottom lip. “So, go,” he says, smiling—challenging. I swallow, brush my tangled hair from my face, and take a few deep breaths. Leaning over, I put my hands on my knees and try to take in more oxygen. Cody removes the air from my body. He takes everything from me and strips me bare down to my bones. “The Hamptons, then?” he says, pushing away from his SUV with one arm. I take a measured step back. He’s making a promise to finish what we’ve started.

  I nod. “Yes. The Hamptons.” I’m ready. It’s hard to keep things PG-13 when we’ve dipped into the triple X zone a million times in the past. Sex is off the table now only because of Dax. Neither of us has voiced it, nor have we spoken about him at all actually, but he takes up a lot of real estate in our relationship. Taking another step back, I put more space between us. “I’ll talk to him before we leave.”

  “Don’t feel too bad, Fast Lane. He’s a smart guy,” Cody says. He pulls on the tips of his hair. The sleeves of his shirt bunch up, exposing muscle and tattoo. I have to close my eyes to clear my head.

  Clearing my throat, I ask, “Of course he’s smart, but how is that supposed to help me feel less guilty?” Mustering strength, I make a go for it and walk into my garage.

  Cody follows and opens my car door for me. “He knew this would be the outcome. There’s no way he figured this would end any differently, Lane. He knows you. He knows me. He knew us.”

  Sitting down behind the steering wheel, I look up at him. “I feel so bad. So guilty.” I can’t stand myself. I fold my arms and let my head fall on the steering wheel.

  He clears his voice and takes a deep breath. “Sometimes you have to be recklessly heartless in order to realize you own a heart,” Cody says. I feel his lips on my hair and smell his cologne, and then he shuts the door and leaves me with his words ricocheting around my world.

  I jump out of my car and catch him as he’s pulling himself into his own vehicle. “I do have a heart,” I explain. I feel the need to defend myself against what he’s said even though I know it’s true. I know he didn’t say it maliciously.

  Cody smiles. “I don’t want your heart, Fast lane. You already have mine. Forever. For a man like me, that’s enough.” What does that mean?

  I don’t have time to ask. He shuts his door and backs out of my driveway and out of my fucking vain world.

  CHAPTER TEN

  Cody

  SHE HAD THE courage to do it. Lainey broke it off with her fiancé. He’s standing here in my home office in Virginia Beach right now, flaming mad and with intent. It’s six a.m. He’s losing Lainey. Blaming him is the last thing I’ll do. Dax Redding was merely a pawn, or perhaps a knight, in our twisted love game. The comfort, love, and support he provided Lainey was integral to her healing. I know her well enough to know she may be a piranha in many ways, but emotionally she can be manipulated and destroyed. She wouldn’t be the same woman if it weren’t for him. I’m grateful to him. I also fucking hate him.

  I’m shirtless, sitting at my desk, feet propped up. When he started banging on my door before the sun rose I was sure it was V and his men. Dax was a pleasant surprise. It’s too early for gun fights and bloody hardwood. Although, I’m still not sure it’s not going to happen. “Lainey can make her own decisions, man. Nothing was said to influence her to do anything. She does exactly as she pleases. You must know that,” I explain. He paces the hardwood—his boots making a clipping sound with every step he takes.

  “Bullshit. You couldn’t send her away, start new with someone else when you saw she was happy with me? You’re a fucking con artist!” he yells.

  Swinging my legs to the floor, I stand and adjust the waist of my pajama bottoms. Dax glares at me, eyeing my tattoos with an eagle eye. None of them will mean anything to him. I’m sure he’s looking for anything related to Lainey. I purposefully avoided that type of tattoo because it would have been unsafe. I walk to the window on the side of the rectangular room and look out as he continues his pacing. What can I tell him to get him the fuck out of here? I wonder if Lainey is okay. I miss her.

  “She came to me. She came to me,” I say, my tone low. The condescension sticks to my words like glue. “What is it you want to hear me say? What do you want, Dax?”

  He stops around eight feet behind me. I mentally calculate how he may attack. There are several ways and I’m ready for all of them. He clears his throat. He must want a fight. It’s the only thing a m
an like him, in his situation, is capable of. “I’m well aware she came to you. I came here to give you something in exchange for something else.” My brows rise on their own accord. I wasn’t expecting this.

  I spin on my bare foot to face him. “Talk.” The energy in the room has shifted. A smile stretches across his face and I see something I’ve never seen before. A sinister cunning. Somehow I know that whatever he says next will be a game changer. He’s not a sad man torn up about losing the love of his life. This is something different altogether. “Go on. Talk,” I encourage, raising my chin.

  He steps toward me. We’re eye to eye, heart to heart. “Admit that I’m the better choice for Lainey.”

  That’s easy. “You’re the better choice for her. But your choice doesn’t fucking matter. It’s her choice and she’s made it. Why not respect that?” Anger vibrates my bones.

  He shakes his pointer finger back and forth like some poindexter on steroids. Lainey has a type. That’s for sure. “She’s confused. Lainey is confused by her feelings for you. She’d be easily convinced that I’m the man for her with a small nudge in the right direction. I love her, Cody. I fucking love her more than anything. A man like you can understand desperation. This is me crawling from desperation. I want you to break up with her. Tell her I’m the man she needs. The man she wants. Tell her so she believes you.” He’s lost his goddamn mind. Narrowing my eyes, I look at him closely. Is he feeling ill? Perhaps he’s taken drugs.

  When I realize he’s serious, I scoff, laughing. “I get it. But what can possibly make you think I would agree to this? You’re utterly mad. Why would I hurt the woman I love, as well?”

  There’s no hesitation in his response. He’s giddy to tell me. “I have something you want more.” There’s nothing I want more than her.

  Shaking my head, I laugh. It’s boisterous and calculating. “No.” No need to spend any more breath on a drawn out response. I pick up my cell phone and text Molly. I need to make sure everything is running on schedule, perhaps even early as now I have an entire morning free. I glance up when I hear the silence.