The Crazy Good SEAL Series: Books 1-3

by Rachel Robinson

  “I’m happy you had the courage, Lainey. I just wish it didn’t come in true Lainey fashion at the very last minute,” Mom explains. She’s right. I can’t even argue with that logic.

  “I’m sorry, Mom. I love you. I’ll see you soon.” I need to clean myself up before I show myself in public. Dax listens intently, shaking his head as I speak to her. He knows exactly what I’m dealing with. It’s kind of an unspoken fact that we’re splitting up for good this time. I watch as he heads toward Cody.

  Cody

  It shouldn’t surprise me, but a little part of me thought she’d want the normal life with him after all. I heard her calling off the wedding. As for me, this is it. I’m handing the company over to my men. I’ll sit on board and fund them to continue the important work they do, but I don’t want to be on any jobs. My coding makes enough money to fund a small country and that’s where my time is best spent. This could be the start of my normalcy. Will I miss the rush of adrenaline and the pump of my heart as I track bad guys and hunt down evil? Perhaps. Some risks are worth the reward.

  Dax walks toward me and I’m not sure if I’m ready for this conversation. “Listen. Fuck you for being alive, but fuck me for being an asshole. Had I known all this before, man. Well, things would have been different. I love her. Part of me believes I always will, but this is officially my cue to exit stage left and never look back. I’ll take responsibility for my actions, of course. Right now I have a suitcase full of wounded pride with a carry-on of how the fuck didn’t I know any of this? Once I unload those, maybe we can be friends.” He smiles, but it’s weak and tired. We’ll never be friends in the true sense of the word because our bridge has fucking burned into ashes. Perhaps we can breathe the same oxygen standing next to each other without choking one day. That must be what he means. I’ve also gathered he will not be having Lainey after this debacle. Not just as his wife, but as a whole.

  I take his offered hand and shake it. “Normal girls are no fun,” I joke. “Here’s to unloaded baggage and moving on. Nothing about this mess will mix with your name. You have my word. The Feds will be happy to have Vadim out of the picture. It’s a drug bust gone wrong, obviously. Check your bags and enjoy life, bro. It’s too short,” I say. I watch as a few men take V from the room. That’s all my baggage in one human corpse. The breath that comes next is the freshest breath I’ve taken in years. This is messier than what we had planned and the cover-up will be extensive, but it was worth it because it has the same end result. Dax returns to Lainey and they speak in hushed whispers. She looks sad and utterly exhausted, but still talking with her hands. She walks him to the front door and returns to me. My men are shuttling us home.

  Her arms by her sides, and her glassy eyes studying my face, she says, “Sometimes there aren’t words to express gratitude. Most of the time there aren’t words to convey love, either. I’m thankful to you, but I can’t say I love you. Not right now. I’m not sure who I am in this moment of time. I need to fall back in love with myself before I can process everything that has taken place. If I think about it now, it won’t make sense. I’ll hate myself for an eternity. I’ll offer my gratitude for everything you’ve done for me, as meager as it sounds. Vadim ruined your life because of me. There’s no way to sugarcoat that. I deserve this—the pieces of my life strewn about in such a haphazard manner. You can’t witness this, Cody. I won’t ask you to, and…I don’t want you,” Lainey says. She hasn’t blinked once since she began speaking. Her words sear my heart and force me to come to the realization that all of this hasn’t changed anything. She’s not mine. She won’t be mine again. You know in the movies—because our life really is like a movie—when the heroine comes running into the hero’s arms after they face certain death? That shit is fiction. Real life is much more complicated than that. Hearts are wounded, spirits are broken and desolate, lives are demolished so completely, that a relationship would only add to the confusion.

  “Fast Lane,” I whisper, taking the side of her face into my hand. Her skin is cold, clammy. “Your life is fully intact. He’s gone and he’s not coming back. Sure, you pissed off some people with your runaway bride stunt, but come on…you know they expected that anyway. A plus for giving the audience what they wanted. They’ll be talking about how flaky you are for months,” I say, smiling wide. She sniffles, because she finally breaks down and lets her tears fall, but smiles that radiant smile. I continue, “You don’t want me. I may not agree with that, but I get it. By all means, love yourself. If you need someone by your side while you figure out how amazing you are, I’ll be here for you. Always. It takes a special kind of person to do what you did today.” She even had me fooled. I won’t admit that to her quite yet. Hesitantly I grab her other shoulder. “You are amazing and brave. You saved lives and you took the one who stole pieces of mine. I should be the one thanking you,” I say. The need to kiss her overcomes me and I lean forward a touch, but stop myself.

  “Don’t thank me, Cody. If you want me to be happy, then live your life.” She pulls my hand from her face and looks at the side. Her profile is so perfect, even marred by tears and streaked by makeup. Her skin is flawless underneath. Her nose is small and button like, her lips push out, so damn wet and kissable. Lainey will always be my perfect. She’s lost in thought, daydreaming or having waking nightmares about our night. “I have to go. I have so much damage control to deal with today that I’d make Martha Stewart have a heart attack. I’ll be in touch.” She won’t. That’s okay. I’ve done everything I can. “And Cody?” she says, turning as she goes.

  “Yeah?” I ask.

  She pauses. “I’m glad you’re okay.”

  I smile. “Me too.”

  “And Cody?”

  “Yeah?”

  “The café is still mine.” Her smile is sad.

  “I’d never dream of stealing your lettuce. Of course,” I reply.

  I watch her walk away, her ‘bride’ emblazoned back marking the obscene irony of this situation. She leaves the bloody kitchen and strolls out of the front door as if she’s heading somewhere important. Her head held high, shoulders back. She killed a man today and now she’s dealing with it in her own way. Patience is something I recently learned—the one thing V taught me, unwittingly. I have all the time in the world to wait for Lainey.

  The world is a giant triangle. We are the points, connected to each other whether we know it or not. At times like these, it’s obvious to see who is attached. For others it’s more vague, like an echo. An echo is air missing noise. What it boils down to is I’m just space waiting for my time.

  I know it will come. Eventually.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  Cody

  Six months later

  I HAVE NO clue what Lainey has been up to. Of course it’s a task to keep my mind from wandering to her from time to time. They say distance makes the heart grow fonder. That is so fucking true. But it also forces you to realize you can function, happily, without being in the same proximity of that person. Do I miss her? Every heartbeat. Knowing she’s safe and living life on her terms helps me cope. I can breathe freely for the first time in my life. Each day is a gift. After spending three and a half years locked away dreaming about my old life, I get another chance. He’s gone and my freedom is assured, always. The cover-up went about as good as a cover-up can go. No one got in trouble because it was official RC business and V and his men shot first. The Feds were more than happy to have several of those men off their kill lists and turned a blind eye to some of the hinky details that came to light. Molly and our attorney handled everything effortlessly. Molly got several bonuses during that trying time. I’m pretty sure I’ve funded her kids that she doesn’t have yet and her future grandkids by this point. Good help is hard to come by. Help that is more like family is even rarer.

  Although I keep my house in Virginia Beach, I live most of my days in my high-rise in NYC. There’s less temptation to knock on Lainey’s door and ask if she’s done enough soul-searching yet. I ge
t small, regular Lainey updates because I have my ways. Dax is still a SEAL in Virginia Beach and has avoided any backlash that my feud with V caused. After the wedding went belly-up he decided to stay single, or so Steve and Maverick tell me.

  Work does take up a lot of my time these days. I break it up by hanging out with my friends and checking on things at RC. I’m proud of the company I founded and I’m happy that everyone there is making money, cleaning the world, and having a good time. Along with coding, I’ve been developing software and programming. I made another large sale to a biotech company and set myself up nicely. I set everyone up nicely is closer to the truth. To combat the hours on the computer I do a lot of running for cardio. It clears my mind, gets me amongst people, and helps deepen my V. That kind of V, I’m okay with. I work hard for it.

  Today Maverick is running with me because he made a spur of the moment trip to the city to buy Windsor an anniversary present. I don’t think it’s a wedding anniversary they’re celebrating, but maybe a dating anniversary? All I know is that the diamonds weren’t big enough in Virginia Beach. Manhattan has exactly what he wants. He popped the rock into his shorts pocket when he bought it mid-run. The pace we’re keeping is fast and I’m just waiting for the box to roll out of his pocket and down into the sewer.

  “I’m getting hungry,” Maverick pants. “Let’s stop and eat something.” We’re back in my neighborhood, just around the corner from my house. I smile when I see which café we’re approaching.

  “You want a good salad?” I ask, slowing to a walk. He grunts next to me, catching his breath.

  Maverick dodges someone on the street, or I should say someone dodges him. “We did just exercise. I guess a salad would be the most rational thing to eat.” My eyes scan the restaurant as we enter, searching for her. Of course she’s not here, but being in here is enough to make me miss her more than usual.

  “I wonder what Lainey’s up to,” I say casually as we wait in line to order our food. We’re both sweating and sticky, which causes business men in suits to stare. That or the ripped muscles and dark tattoos. It could be either.

  Maverick huffs. “I can’t ask Windsor to do any more reconnaissance this month. It’s too obvious. You know she’s not dating and she’s working a lot. What more could you possibly need to know?” He smiles as he fumbles with the box in his pocket. “If you want to know what she’s up to, you should call her. Go see her. I don’t know, let her know you’re thinking of her. It’s been like a year!”

  I shake my head. “No, only six months. I’m trying to respect what she wants. It would almost be easier if she were seeing someone else. I’d know that she’s moved on and happy. I’d be pissed as fuck, but it would be something factual. It’s like she’s in limbo.”

  An employee interrupts our conversation. “Can I take your order?”

  We order our food from the nice lady with kind eyes. She checks us out more than once. Maverick smiles at her in that way only he knows how and she practically falls over. As we move away to our seats, I ask, “Why do you do that?”

  “Do what?” he asks, looking sincerely confused.

  I quirk a brow. “You do this smile thing and I’m certain it’s not flirting because you’re the most taken man I’ve ever met, so I’m just wondering why you do it,” I say.

  Maverick runs a hand through his hair. “Must be my smile. Don’t know what to tell you,” he says, smiling again. I shake my head at him. “You never said why you won’t call her,” he prompts.

  I sigh. “I’ll call her. Buy some more furniture or something.”

  He laughs. The waitress comes and brings the food we ordered. She sets it down in front of us without taking her gaze off of Maverick’s laughing face. I tell her we’ll let her know if we need anything and she disappears to the back to tell her coworkers about the smile.

  Maverick takes a bite of his salad that has everything on it. I’m pretty sure it doesn’t count as a salad. “Not furniture. Tell her you want to fuck her brains out and love her until death do you part. That should mean something because death already did you part once,” he says, his mouth full of food. He has jokes. Jokes that make sense, at least. He pulls out his cell phone from his pocket and the ring box from the other. He texts Windsor a photo of the box.

  I nod. “That will go over well. She’s liable to slap me or shoot me,” I say, but Mav interrupts.

  “Or fuck you,” he says matter-of-factly, snapping a photo of the box from a different angle. He texts some more and then resumes eating.

  “Yeah, I guess that is in the realm of possibility if she’s as celibate as you tell me she is.” I take a bite of my own food and ponder what he’s said. I want to get laid so bad. I need it. Regular sex is something that far too many people take for granted. Being able to roll over in the middle of the night and fuck their wife or girlfriend. God, what a luxury. I get to roll over and fuck my hand. Not something to be proud of.

  He nods. “Go ahead. Call her now. I’ll know you followed through,” he replies.

  “Fuck you, dude! I’m not calling her now in this loud ass restaurant and especially not in front of you,” I say. “I’ll call her when we get home.”

  Maverick shakes his head furiously. “Now. Or I make a scene.”

  “You make a scene wherever you go whether you want to or not,” I deadpan. I humor him, assuming she won’t pick up anyways. I have a new phone with a new phone number. It will pop up on her screen as ‘unknown’. She’ll wrinkle her fucking cute nose and then hit decline. I know it.

  I dial the number I know by heart, hit send, and stare Maverick straight in the goddamned eyes. She answers on the first ring, “Hello.” Her voice. That voice. It sends chills down my spine and my cock comes out of hibernation. Shit. I wasn’t prepared for her to answer and I choke on my own breath. Maverick chuckles under his breath.

  “Hey, it’s me. I, uh, wanted to talk to you about…decorating,” I say, my words spilling out awkwardly. Lainey will see right through me.

  “Cody, is that you?” she asks. I must really sound like a real asshole if she can’t recognize my voice.

  “Yeah, hey, Fast Lane, what are you up to?” I try a new approach. A didn’t work, let’s go with B.

  I hear noise in the background and horns blaring. “I’m actually in the city this weekend for a décor show. It’s been a while, Cody,” she says.

  I swallow down the heaps of emotion I feel because of what I hear in her voice. “It has. That’s why I’m calling,” I say, looking at Maverick and shaking my head. Here goes nothing. “Want to get together while you’re in town? I understand if you don’t. I figured you’re probably still doing your own thing, living life, decorating lives, but I miss you and wanted you to know that.”

  She’s breathing deeply on her end of the phone. “That’s nice,” she says.

  I raise my brows. What the fuck is this? “It is nice, isn’t it?”

  The café door chimes, signaling someone has entered. “Yeah, it’s nice that you miss me, yet you can’t keep promises about keeping away from my fucking lettuce,” she says. I turn around in my chair and lo and behold, the most beautiful sight in the entire universe.

  I say her name out loud even though she’s too far to hear me and it’s only really for my benefit. She’s smiling widely, and her bright white blonde hair is chopped in a blunt cut that barely touches her shoulders. Her eyes, that gaze, is all fucking mine. Tossing her phone in her purse, she puts her hands on her small hips. Like a moth drawn to flame, I rise from my seat and cover the distance between us in seconds.

  “Maverick is playing matchmaker again,” she says, explaining her presence. Lainey doesn’t have to explain anything. I’m satisfied gazing upon her until my eyes fall out. I’ve missed her so much that everything about her looks brand new. How can I possibly be mad at Maverick for bringing me this?

  “How are you? I mean, you look like this, so I’m guessing you’re better than ever, but I have to ask,” I say, tripping over m
y fucking words. She laughs, and the lines around her eyes crease, making her look even more stunning.

  Her face softens as her blue laser gaze meets mine. “I’m good. Much better now,” she says. “It’s been hard to stay away, you know? It’s better, though. I’m better now.” Can it be true? Has my patience paid off? Will I finally be rewarded with life’s greatest gift? “Don’t think I didn’t want to contact you. I think I composed one hundred emails and then sent them to trash instead of sending them. It was therapeutic for me. I guess they never really helped you any, though. Enough about me. How are you?” she asks, her eyes sparkling. She crosses one foot over the other and tucks her arm around her bag.

  “Want to get out of here? Go talk? Catch up?” And have sex until we’re sore for days. That’s my dick talking. Right now I’ll settle for merely talking to her, being in her proximity again. She looks hesitant, her gaze flicking behind her to the door.

  “Just talk,” I repeat.

  “Oh, it’s not that. I need to be somewhere, but I can cancel, I guess. There really was a décor show here. Maverick lured me here and promised me food,” Lainey replies, smiling over my shoulder at Maverick.

  I hold up one finger and rush back to the table. Grabbing my sandwich, I bring it back to her. “It’s not lettuce, but I think you’ll like it.” I extend the plate to her.

  She looks at it and then back up at me. “Get it to go and you have a deal.” Maverick hoovered his lunch and is finished. Sneaking up behind me, he slips the jewelry box in my pocket and leans over to whisper, “It was never Windsor’s,” and then he greets Lainey briefly and leaves out of the door. It chimes as he exits. What the fuck does that mean? I didn’t see what he bought in the jewelry store. I was eyeing a new TAG Heuer watch while he made his selection. It weighs a ton in my pocket and there’s no way I can open it and find out what the hell is in here now. We get my sandwich to go and head out into the street.