Her Holiday Family

by Ruth Logan Herne

He turned right and aimed the car for the western shore. He passed Tina’s place and pictured her inside the vintage-style rooms.

  She’d looked tired and energized tonight, a fun combination, deepened by facing the shadows of her past. Standing in the lighted doorway, kissing Tina, he knew he could do no less.

  He pulled into the Sawyer driveway about five minutes later. He got out of the car, shut the door and walked onto their porch. He knocked lightly, hoping they weren’t asleep, and when Mary Sawyer came to the door wearing an apron, he realized his foolishness.

  No one hosting Thanksgiving got to bed early on Wednesday evening. She swung open the door. “Max! What a surprise, come in! What’s happened? Is there something wrong with the light display in the park?”

  He shook his head as Ray took his place alongside his wife. “You need help, Max?”

  He paused, swallowing hard around the lump in his throat, while two of the nicest people in the world faced him, and said, “I came to apologize for Pete’s death. I know it’s too little, too late, but I can’t see you guys all the time without you knowing the truth. Pete’s death was my fault.”

  Mary’s face paled, then crumpled. She reached out a hand to him. “Max, no. It was an accident.”

  Ray grabbed his arm and pulled him into the living room. “Sit down, Max. What’s this all about?”

  Altruistic, even at a moment like this, but that shouldn’t surprise Max. The Sawyers had raised their children with strength, expectations and loving care. Warmth was their benchmark. He tried again as Mary and Ray sat, facing him. “Pete and I were together that night. Earlier in the evening. I’d come over and then Amy showed up. She’d gotten out of work early and wanted to surprise Pete.”

  “Right.” Mary nodded. “And you went home before they took the boat out. Max, we knew that. Sherrie and Tina saw you before I took them to the amusement park for the reduced ride night.”

  That wasn’t a big surprise. Tina and Sherrie loved to spy on him and Pete back then, a pair of pesky tomboys, cute and annoying.

  The thought of the tough kid Tina was then and the strong woman she’d become pushed him on. “I left because Pete had been drinking. He paid Cody Feltner to stop at the liquor store in Clearwater and hook him up. Cody dropped it off sometime that afternoon. By the time I left to go home, Pete and Amy were already pretty wasted.”

  He stared down, twisting his hands, then brought his gaze up. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have left. I should have called you guys. I should have taken the keys to the boat. I should have done something other than go home mad because my best friend was behaving like an idiot.” His throat went tight. Simple breathing was getting harder to do, facing these good people and telling them he could have saved their son and Amy and didn’t do it. He hauled in a breath and manned up. Met their eyes. “I came to apologize for what I didn’t do that night. If I’d made other choices, Pete and Amy might still be alive. I’m so sorry.” His voice cracked. His jaw hurt. “So terribly sorry. Please forgive me.”

  Ray’s face swam before him, an ill-defined image of sorrow and angst.

  “Oh, Max.” Mary moved forward, knelt before him and took his hands. “Max Campbell, did you think we didn’t know that Pete and Amy were drinking? Did you think we blamed you?”

  “I—”

  “Max, we’d pushed Pete into therapy a few weeks before the accident,” Ray told him. “We saw what was happening, and with college coming up, we knew Pete’s drinking was out of control. We were scared to death to have him go off to college, with no rules or regulations. He was mad at us for interfering. For weeks we didn’t leave him alone in the house. One of us was always here, making sure he didn’t drink.”

  “But that night we knew Amy was working, we knew you were coming over and we’d gotten tickets for the girls to go to Darien Lake,” Mary explained. “We’d promised them, and it felt wrong to keep breaking our promises to Sherrie because we had to stand guard with Pete.”

  Ray rubbed a hand through his thinning hair. “I was on ambulance duty. I got a call for an emergency in Warrenton and Mary had the girls at Darien. Then that call was followed by a second call, and I was gone hours longer than I expected. When I got home, Pete, Amy and the boat were gone.”

  “Max.” Mary wrapped her hands around his. “This wasn’t your fault. And it took a long time for us to realize it wasn’t our fault, either. Kids don’t always make good decisions, and when you add addictions into the mix?” She frowned, her blue eyes clouded with sadness. “We loved our son. We still do. But Pete knew better than to drink like that, he knew better than to take the boat out under the influence, and those two choices led to tragedy. It wasn’t your fault.”

  “But—”

  “If you pave life’s roads with unanswered questions, you have a real hard time finding the answers, Max.” Ray crossed the space between them and sat down next to him. “You’ve carried this for a lot of years. Too many. And despite Pete’s mistakes, I believe God forgives the foolishness of children. I believe I’ll see my son in heaven, and that we’ll be reunited. We’ll gather at the throne of the Most High and be together. But Pete would be the last person to want you to feel guilty. He loved you, in spite of his behavior before he died. And that’s the Pete we remember, the one who loved his friends and family before he became an alcoholic.”

  Max’s heart went tight.

  Then it loosened.

  They didn’t hate him. They didn’t blame him. They knew about Pete’s choices and even with that, Mary and Ray couldn’t protect him 24/7.

  “There is no forgiveness needed.” Mary’s firm tone highlighted her words. “We loved you then, we love you now, and we knew how badly Pete’s death affected you. But never in my wildest dreams did I realize you lugged this guilt around. Guilt like this isn’t of God, Max. God loves. He sees. He knows. He forgives. I don’t want you to spend one more minute blaming yourself. Heaven knows such a thing never crossed our minds.”

  Ray swiped a hand to his eyes.

  Mary made no pretense of not crying. She grabbed Max in an embrace that felt good, and long overdue...

  “Thank you.”

  He stood. Mary and Ray stood also, and instead of reaching for his hand, Pete’s dad pulled him into a big, long hug. “You’re a good man, Max. And I’m proud to know you. And to work with you. And if you settle down here now that you’re leaving the service, there will always be a place at our table for you. I hope you know that.”

  He did. Now. He returned the hug, grabbed his gloves and moved toward the door. Almost there, he turned. “I’m sorry for coming so late. I just had to get over here. See you. Talk to you.”

  “I’m glad you did.” Ray clapped a hand to Max’s shoulder. “Very glad. I wish we’d had this conversation ten years ago. But at least we’ve had it now.”

  “Yes.”

  A kitchen buzzer alerted Mary to Thanksgiving chores. She turned, surprised. “I’ve got pies in the oven. Good thing I set that timer, because I forgot all about them!”

  Max gave her one last hug. She patted his face and hurried to the broad kitchen overlooking the lakefront.

  Ray opened the door. “Thank you, Max. For being Pete’s friend all those years, for being a good soldier, for being on hand now that Charlie needs you. I’m proud of you, son.”

  He extended a hand to Max.

  Max took it, and when Ray Sawyer shook his hand, weight tumbled from Max’s shoulders.

  They didn’t hate him.

  They knew Pete was in trouble, and even with their diligence, Pete managed to get hold of alcohol and get drunk.

  Foolishness of youth.

  Ray’s words made sense to Max, now that he was older. He couldn’t see that clearly as a teen. All he’d known was the guilt of walking out on his friend, leaving him there with Amy and the bottle.

/>   He paused at the car, looking out over the lake. Clouds had nipped the earlier starlight, but merry lights circled the expanse of water, and the brilliance of the decked-out village called to him.

  His father had started this beautiful tradition years ago. He’d spearheaded the committee, the planning and then the implementation, all to bring the joy of Christmas and the light of Christ to people.

  Max drew a deep breath, drinking in the beauty of reflected light, and knowing, at long last, he was exactly where he needed to be. Home, in Kirkwood Lake.

  He climbed into the driver’s seat, backed out of the Sawyer driveway and aimed for the eastern shore. He’d spend tomorrow with his family, surrounded by Campbells and Campbell friends, sharing the first family-themed holiday he’d allowed himself in over ten years.

  And he’d have Tina there, by his side, laughing. Talking.

  Kissing?

  The thought of that made him smile.

  He shouldn’t feel this way after so short a time. His brain knew that, but his heart wasn’t listening. His heart thought being with Tina Martinelli was the best thing that ever happened to him, and now...if he could just get her to hang around a while...he might be able to convince her heart of the very same thing.

  And he had every intention of doing just that.

  His burner phone buzzed as he pulled the car into his parents’ driveway. He walked into the house and read the message. Casting Crowns concert in Erie phenomenal! Faves: Set me Free and East to West. Wish you were here!

  His heart sank. He knew the drill: the coded message meant he’d be heading out of the country to go free someone. A hostage? A prisoner? Man, woman, child? No way of knowing until he was briefed. He understood time was crucial and he couldn’t stop by the village and make explanations to Tina about why he was about to disappear into the night.

  Accepting orders had been easier when he was tucked in the military net of Fort Bragg. A summons like this was expected there. Now?

  He had to go. He knew that. But a part of him ached to stay right there in Kirkwood Lake, enjoying Thanksgiving with his family and Tina.

  Maybe next year.

  He swallowed a sigh and texted back: Love that album, especially While You Were Sleeping.

  That meant he’d be on the red-eye as expected. He scribbled a note to his mother, and walked back out the door.

  He longed to stay and be part of the festivities, to take his place at the table with everyone else. Share this first beautiful holiday with Tina, thanking God for so many blessings. His time with his father, his time with Tina.

  He’d told her that Thanksgiving was tough on soldiers. He’d meant it. Leaving his childhood home right now was one of the hardest things he’d ever done, but he had no choice. Not yet, anyway.

  They’d booked him a flight out of Erie. With clear roads he had just enough time to get there and board.

  He got back in the car, headed south and grabbed I-86.

  And just like that, he was gone.

  Chapter Ten

  Giddy anticipation lightened Tina’s step as she set three pies into the backseat of her car at noon on Thanksgiving. She’d baked fourteen pies in the restaurant kitchen, enough to get them through three busy days of customers. With the success of the park light display in full swing, the Kirkwood Lady decked out in brilliant splendor for her cruises around the lake and the influx of customers in the lighted village each evening, preparation was key. Helping Laura made her feel better, like the happy ending to a made-for-TV Christmas movie, where everything comes out all right in the end.

  She carried two pies into the Campbell house, ready to celebrate a grand if subdued Thanksgiving with all the Campbell kids in town for the first time in several years. Charlie’s illness made for a command performance, but at least they were all here.

  She stepped into the kitchen and was immediately grabbed by Max’s younger sister, Addie. “It’s Thanksgiving for certain. Tina’s here and we’ve got pie!”

  “A bunch of them.” Tina handed the first pie to Addie, the second one to Cass, Max’s other sister, and gave each Campbell daughter a quick half hug. “Can you guys set these on the small sideboard, please? I’ve got to go grab the caramel Dutch apple from the car.”

  “I say we take a detour to the fork drawer, grab what we need and follow the sage advice of ‘Life’s short. Eat dessert first,’” joked Cass.

  “I’m in.” Addie pulled the pecan/sweet potato pie closer and breathed deep. “Reason enough right here to move back to Kirkwood and have Tina as a roomie. As long as you cook and bake like this we’d be the perfect match, because none of my mother’s cooking skills rubbed off on me.”

  “I had a special request to make that one again.” Tina waved toward the pie in Addie’s hands as she moved back down the side stairs. “Seth talked it up, and I promised Max he could try it.”

  “But Max isn’t here.”

  Tina stopped on the short stairway and turned. She shifted her attention from Addie to Cass and back again. “Not here?”

  Cass shrugged Max’s absence off, which meant Tina was doing a great job of hiding her disappointment. “He got called back.”

  “Called back?” That couldn’t be right. Why would Max get called back into service? He was done, wasn’t he? Or at least on leave because of his father’s deteriorating condition until his official time was over.

  “That’s what we’re assuming, anyway.” Addie’s expression said she wasn’t all too sure of anything. “Mom said he left a note saying he’d get back as soon as he could and not to worry.”

  “Which means we probably should worry,” added Cass, but then she made a face that said worry and Max went hand in hand. “But this is Max we’re talking about, and he always goes his own way.”

  “And comes out of it with barely a scratch,” Addie said as she moved toward the dining room. “Nice trick.”

  “Tina!” Jenny bustled into the great-smelling kitchen as the girls moved off to the dining room. “You brought the most delicious pies, thank you! Come in, dear, let me take your coat.”

  Tina hesitated, breathed deep and tried to smile. “I’ve got to go grab the apple pie. I’ll be right back.”

  “Wonderful,” Jenny went on. “I’d really hoped to have everyone here for the first time in years, but Max’s call-up changed things. So now my hope is we can regather with all the family at Christmas as long as Max is done saving the world.”

  Saving the world.

  Doing his job.

  Tina swallowed the lump of disappointment that had taken up residence in her throat.

  Max was gone. Without a word. Without a mention. Just...

  Gone.

  I’m here to stay, home for good, he’d told her.

  Not true, obviously.

  He’d lied.

  Like so many others in the past, people who’d made promises they hadn’t kept. Max had pulled out all the stops to tip her heart in silly, gleeful directions, then left.

  She walked to the car feeling partially shell-shocked and habitually stupid. She’d suspected from the beginning, hadn’t she? She’d held back from the get-go because she knew Max, and she should be experienced enough to avoid bad-ending entanglements.

  She’d messed up, and she didn’t want to go back inside and pretend everything was all right. She didn’t want to put her game face on and go through a family-filled afternoon that reminded her of how lame her family relationships were. She wanted to jump into the car and drive hard and fast—with the pie, of course—grab a fork and eat the whole thing with a pint of ice cream and watch stupid, lame happily-ever-after movies while she cried.

  Except that would make Charlie and Jenny sad.

  She didn’t do any such thing, because inside the quaint lakeside Colonial was a family who l
oved her, minus one. A family celebrating what might be their last Thanksgiving with Charlie. A family grounded in faith and love. No matter that Max had done his typical “here today, gone tomorrow” vanishing act while grabbing her heart in his short stint home.

  Her fault.

  She’d watched him do the same thing from a distance as a teen. She’d longed from afar then, but should have learned her lesson over the years.

  For whatever reason, choice, destiny, fate or Providence, the movie-style happily-ever-after eluded her in matters of the heart.

  Serving coffee was different, Tina realized as she strode back toward the house, determined to put on a good front.

  With coffee, she knew the rules of a good brew, inside out and backward, the friendliness of being the neighborhood barista without getting too close.

  Baking? Her mother’s artistry in the kitchen bred true. Tina loved creating, finessing and developing great recipes, the kind that make people smile.

  Family?

  A chasm in her heart tore open again, a rent that should have healed long ago, as she approached the side door.

  Family eluded her. Romance crashed and burned around her. She’d thought...

  No, she’d hoped—

  It would be different with Max. She’d fallen for him hard, and that was as much his fault as hers, because he’d led her on deliberately.

  She drew a breath, blinked back tears, planted a smile on her face and walked back inside, determined. Today was Charlie’s day. A Campbell holiday, through and through.

  And she’d promised to help them through the busy holiday season, but come January?

  Brockport or Spencerport, here I come.

  * * *

  Mrs. Thurgood hurried into the hardware store late the following week. “Tina, I had to see you! I’ve just gotten the lease for the apartment under yours, and I’m so excited to be your new neighbor!”

  Tina couldn’t deflate the joy on the elderly woman’s face by saying she’d be leaving soon. Happiness shone in the widow’s eyes, her smile, the very way she walked. She gave Mrs. Thurgood a big hug, then took a step back. “Now, what about moving day? Do you need help, because there are a bunch of us who would be glad to step in. Zach and Luke both have trucks, and Seth’s SUV would hold a lot of stuff.”