Couldn’t he understand? Tears welled in her eyes. She’d never loved a man like she’d loved Curtis Porter, but fifteen years hadn’t changed enough between them. She had a child to raise and a career to build, and he wanted her to just wing it—hop in a truck with him and see what happened.
She couldn’t stand here and do this again. She knew how this ended, and she couldn’t think straight—not with him looking at her like that. Not with his body so close, his mouth hovering over hers, waiting for her weakness... She took another step back, trying to find a foundation she could trust.
“I’m not thinking straight. I need some space.” Turning away, she picked up her bag and started toward the barn door.
“Barrie, wait—”
“No!” She didn’t turn. “I can’t do it again, Curtis. Love isn’t enough. It never was.”
And if she could have broken into a run, she would have. But her pregnancy made that impossible. So she strode toward the door, holding in her tears until she erupted into the frigid night. Hot tears spilled free as she hoisted herself into her truck and turned the key.
Curtis wanted too much. She’d given him everything she knew how back when they were married, and it hadn’t been enough to keep him. All she wanted right now was to get back home to Miley and cry this out.
Tomorrow was Christmas Eve. If she could just get past the holidays, maybe she could find her footing.
Chapter Fourteen
Christmas Eve dawned bright and crisp. Curtis finished his chores and did a check of the livestock in the barn. The calf from last night hadn’t made it, and Curtis’s already heavy heart felt leaden in his chest.
He kicked the snow off his boots before coming into the mudroom. He could smell fresh coffee percolating in the kitchen and the aroma of fried bacon, but it did nothing to entice him this morning.
“That you?” Betty’s voice filtered into the room.
“Yeah.”
He hung up his coat and dropped his hat on a peg. Curtis emerged in the kitchen and his aunt gave him a grin.
“Merry Christmas, Curtis.”
“It’s only Christmas Eve,” he said.
“Close enough.” She pulled some bacon out of the pan, then shot him a quizzical look. “What’s the matter?”
“The calf died last night.”
She paused then nodded. “That’s too bad. And the others?”
“They recovered,” Curtis said. “So no need to call the vet in again.”
“Barrie,” Betty said. “No need to call Barrie, you mean.”
Fine—Barrie. She’d made herself clear last night anyway. If she didn’t trust him, then staying here was the right call for her. It was logical—couldn’t fault her there, could he? He sighed.
“I need to get this sale finalized and head out, Aunty.”
Betty nodded slowly. “And what about Barrie?”
“What about her?” Betty held the plate of bacon toward him and he waved it off. “No, thanks.”
Betty cocked her head to one side. “So, just like that?” she demanded. “Off you go—heart in a vise?”
“I have an appointment with Palmer to sign the papers for the sale,” he said. “You knew I couldn’t stay beyond Christmas.”
“I’m not worried about myself,” she retorted. “I’ll get by. I’ve got neighbors and...friends.”
“Palmer. You can just say it,” Curtis snapped, and he was rewarded with a faint blush in his aunt’s cheeks.
“He’s a friend,” she said weakly.
“He’s more than that, and you can admit it,” he said.
Betty met his gaze with an arch look of her own. “Fine. I’ll admit that Palmer and I have gotten close, if you’ll admit the same about Barrie.”
“Does that help?” Curtis asked. “I’m in love with her still, and the real kicker is that she loves me, too. And it won’t work.”
“Why not?” Betty frowned. “I’ve seen the two of you together lately, and—” Betty shook her head. “There’s got to be a way.”
“She doesn’t trust me.” Curtis sighed. “She still doesn’t trust me to take care of her, and now she’s got a baby on the way and she’s determined to stick close to Hope, where she feels in control.”
“A baby does change things,” Betty said softly.
“So she keeps saying.”
But did it have to? He could help her—provide for them. Curtis could be a dad to that child! With Barrie by his side, they’d make that stud farm a success...together. He wasn’t asking her to take a back seat, for crying out loud.
“I understand her fear, though,” Betty said. “She’s had a rough go of it. After you two got divorced, she worked her tail off going to school and supporting herself. There were a few guys who tried to get her attention, but she took your divorce really hard. They didn’t really stand much of a chance.”
“So it’s my own fault,” he clarified.
“Curtis, you don’t understand.” Betty sighed. “The town has been rough on her for this baby. It isn’t fair, but you know how people can be. And she’s right—she’s about to be a mother, and she has to think about everything, not just her heart.”
“I want to take her to Wyoming with me. Start fresh.”
“And maybe she can’t.” Betty shook her head. “Why don’t you stay here? I could use the help. I can’t pay too well, but you’ll have room and board. You’d have her. I’m already leaving the ranch to you when I die, but if you and I ran it together in the meantime... There’s room for Barrie and the baby here.”
“Aunty, I appreciate the offer, but I’ve got to provide for her properly. I have my pride.”
Betty sighed. “Okay. I’m just saying that sometimes, it isn’t about who is right and who is wrong—it’s about who’s going to fix it.”
And he’d tried that—did his aunt really think that he hadn’t?
“She’s not looking for money,” Betty said. “That’s all.”
Curtis rubbed a hand through his hair, then looked out the window for a moment.
“You think she’s more worried about me standing by her?” he asked.
“You left her once already,” Betty said. “She’s about to have a baby, everyone is gossiping about who got her pregnant and she’s still clinging to this place. Barrie’s never been the materialistic sort. She’s holding on because Hope is offering her something she can’t refuse.”
Something worth more than her pride. Something more than love. Something definitely more than money...
“Some call it control,” Betty said. “But maybe she’s just holding on for dear life.”
The words sent a shudder through him. Was she less in control than she let on?
“You’re a wise woman, Betty.”
“Glad you noticed.” She glanced at her watch. “Are you going to be late to sign those papers?”
Curtis grabbed his hat and pushed it onto his head.
“Do you have any butter?” he asked.
Betty eyed him skeptically. “In the fridge. Why?”
Curtis opened the fridge and pulled out a block. “I’ll buy you more.”
He headed for the door—he knew what he needed to do. He was going to fix this, once and for all, and if she’d have him, he’d never look back. Hope might be Barrie’s safety net, but he intended to be her soft place to fall.
* * *
BARRIE STOOD IN front of the mixing bowl, her phone in her hand. She had the ingredients ready to try these shortbread cookies just one more time. She’d cried all night. Poor Miley had done his best to comfort her, and eventually just curled up next to her with his head beside her belly, big eyes fixed on her until she fell asleep, exhausted. She woke up to Miley in the same position.
Her dad had called that
morning to wish her a merry Christmas. He was excited about their dinner that evening, and he let slip that he’d bought her some baby things. She’d tried to sound chipper for him, but he wasn’t fooled.
“It’s Curtis again, isn’t it?” her father asked.
“What can I say? He’s my weak spot.”
“Sweetheart, you’ll always have me,” her father said quietly. “I’m here to stay, okay?”
“I know, Dad. Thanks.”
“And come over early. We’ll eat ice cream out of the tub like we used to when you were little.”
That was tempting, and she’d agreed. But standing here at the counter, determined to make some edible cookies to go with that ice cream, her heart was aching. Barrie had fallen in love with Curtis again—and she’d known better. The baby squirmed inside her, and she put her hand on her belly. Tears welled in her eyes once more, and she put down her cell phone and covered her mouth with one hand. Why did she have to fall for him like this? Why couldn’t her rational mind trump her heart this time around? She’d known where this would go—because it was exactly the same as last time. He wanted her to be different than she was, and she wanted the same of him.
Love wasn’t enough.
An engine rumbled into her drive, and Miley barked a few times, ran in a circle through the kitchen, then put his paws on the counter to look out the window. He barked again. Barrie wiped her eyes. It was Christmas—someone was dropping by, and here she was, nursing a broken heart. She didn’t want to be seen like this—not now.
“Miley, quiet,” she said, but her heart wasn’t in it.
She heard boots on the step outside, and then a knock. Miley dropped back to the floor and barked again. She had no choice—she was obviously home. She went to the door and before opening it, she looked out the window. Her heart sped up at the sight of that familiar cowboy hat, bent down to hide Curtis’s eyes, but she’d know that jawline anywhere. What was he doing here? Hadn’t they done this last night already? With a sigh, she pulled the door open.
“Hey.” Curtis stood on the step, and as he glanced up, she could see the lines around his eyes.
“You look tired,” she said, stepping back to let him in.
“I didn’t sleep,” he replied, then planted a block of butter on the counter with a thunk. “Let’s get to work.”
“What?” She shook her head.
He took off his hat and tossed it next to the butter. As his dark gaze met hers, she felt the tears rise again.
“I missed you,” he said, his voice a low rumble.
“Me, too, but it doesn’t change anything,” she whispered.
“I’m not selling the building,” he said. “Your clinic can stay put.”
Her heart sped up and she looked at him uncertainly.
“What about your partner?” she asked.
“He can scrape up enough credit on his own, but it means I’m out of the deal.”
“But what will you do?” she asked, shaking her head.
“I’m staying here,” he said. “My aunt still needs help at the ranch, and I’m going to stick around.”
“For how long?”
“For good.” He brushed a hair away from her face. “Betty pointed something out to me—I’ve been trying to prove that I could provide for you, but this isn’t about finances. This is about something deeper.”
“What’s that?” she asked, frowning.
“Cookies.” Curtis bent down and caught her lips with a quick peck. “We’re making some.”
Her mind was still reeling with everything he’d just said, and she stared at him, perplexed.
“You made a home for us,” Curtis said. “And I never appreciated that. So why should you trust me to appreciate it now?”
“Good point,” she whispered.
“Well, I’ve got a proposal for you. Let’s make that home together. You’re right—this isn’t 1950, and I make a good shortbread. So let’s do this together. Let’s put together a home, the two of us. I can’t promise lots of cash, but I can promise I’ll work my heart out to provide.”
“So you’re really staying...”
He ran his thumb over her bottom lip, then dipped down and kissed her softly. “There are a few things I’m really good at—” his lips curled up suggestively “—and cookies are one of them.”
“Curtis, this is all very sweet, but—” The words evaporated on her tongue and his lips covered hers once more. He pulled her in close, and when he’d left her thoroughly breathless, he pulled back.
“I love you,” he murmured. “And I want you to trust me, but I understand if you’re going to need some time on that. Here’s what I want you to do—start a rumor. Tell three people a secret and demand they tell no one.”
“What secret?” she asked with a low laugh.
“That I’m the father.” He met her gaze evenly.
“But you aren’t.”
“Don’t care,” he replied. “Tell them I am. Take away the mystery. Put me on the birth certificate and I’ll financially support the both of you. That’s how serious I am.”
“And then what?”
“Then go out for dinner with me, and let everyone see how I dote on you...” His voice was low and tempting. “Because I’m going to be here, Barrie. I’m not leaving. I don’t care how long it takes you to figure out you can trust me again. I’m not giving up.”
“You’re sure?” she whispered.
“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.” He licked his lips. “I want to marry you again, Barrie. I want to raise your child as my own, and I want the whole town to see how happy we are together.”
“You’ll be running the Porter ranch?” she asked after a moment.
“Yup.”
“And you’ll be living there?”
“That’s the plan.”
So close, yet so far away. This house suddenly felt big and rattling. She swallowed. “Is there room for me?”
A grin broke over Curtis’s face. “Betty already offered. I’m not asking you to take a back seat, Barrie. I’m asking you to do this with me. Take the time you need with the baby and then start up your practice again. In the meantime, I know we’d sure value your input around the ranch.”
She nodded. “Okay, then.”
“Yeah?” Curtis bent to catch her eye. “But if you’re moving in, I want to marry you.”
Barrie chuckled. “So proper.”
“To the core.” His lips hovered over hers. “I want a home with you. I want matching towels. I want kids who call me Daddy and get mad at me when I’m late. I want to tell people I have to talk to my wife before I agree to something. I want traditions and photo albums and goofy stories that we tell about each other. I want the whole package, Barrie, and for me, that includes the vows. Marry me again. Give me another shot. I’ll make it my life’s goal to make sure you don’t ever regret it.”
There would always be risk, but with Curtis, she felt like her heart could start to heal. He was back...but more than that, he’d come home.
“Yes,” she said softly. “I’ll marry you.”
Curtis’s lips came down onto hers, and her heart swelled to meet his. She’d never stopped loving him anyway—they might as well make it official.
Epilogue
Barrie lay in the hospital bed, her newborn daughter snuggled in her arms. A girl. She was still in awe... She had a baby girl! Looking down into that tiny face, she felt herself grow. She was a mother, and her life would be devoted to this tiny person for the rest of her days. She could feel it.
Curtis bent down and kissed her forehead, and Barrie raised her gaze to meet his.
“You were amazing,” he murmured. “You’re like a Viking.”
She laughed softly. “I feel like I’ve
been through a battle.”
Curtis reached down and ran a finger down their daughter’s cheek.
“Do you have a name picked out?” he asked.
“What about Gwyneth, after my mom?” she asked.
“It’s perfect.” Curtis was silent for a moment. “Can I hold her?”
Barrie shifted the baby into Curtis’s arms. He held her awkwardly at first, but the tension started to seep out of his arms as his dark gaze fixed on Gwyneth’s tiny, squished face. A smile tickled the corners of his lips, and then his chin trembled. Curtis swallowed hard. He was feeling it, too.
“Wow...” he whispered. “I’m a dad.”
“Are we going to be exciting enough for you?” Barrie asked softly. “The domestic life might get a little boring.”
“Nah.” Curtis touched the baby’s cheek with the back of one finger. “This isn’t boring... I had fifteen years to chase adventure, and this—” His voice caught. “Babe, this is everything.”
He sat on the edge of the bed, and Barrie slid a hand over his muscled forearm. She loved him so much, and she’d been afraid that he’d change his mind after his first proposal, but he hadn’t. He’d been by her side this whole time, completely in love with her. She hadn’t moved in to the ranch house with Betty yet. They were being old-fashioned, and enjoying their engagement a little bit. She’d move in after the wedding made it official. But Barrie had closed her veterinary practice for the short term. As soon as she could handle everything again, she’d reopen.
“So what do you say...” he said quietly. “You ready to set a date for the wedding?”
She nodded. “Yes. I think I am.”
Curtis shot her a grin and eased the baby back into her arms. He dipped his head down and caught her lips tenderly with his. The kiss was soft and lingering. When he pulled back, he tucked a tendril of hair behind her ear.
“Good,” he whispered. “‘Mrs. Porter’ always did suit you.”
She laughed softly. “Yeah...it did, didn’t it?”
Barrie looked back at tiny Gwyneth in her arms. She was so little, so perfect. Her eyes were shut, and her lips were pursed in her sleep... She was theirs. Curtis was right. This was absolutely everything.
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