“Sick calf,” Barrie said. “I’m sorry, Mal, but I can’t afford to give up any calls to Palmer right now.”
“I get it,” Mallory replied. “Thanks for coming for a bit, at least. You look amazing.”
Barrie chuckled. “Thank you for insisting I buy this dress. You’re a good friend.”
She gave Mallory a squeeze and then headed toward the living room and the front door. Some new guests were arriving, and Barrie stepped to the side, allowing herself to blend in to the chatter and good humor for a moment.
This was the kind of home that Barrie had been trying to build back when she’d been married to Curtis—the love, the fun, the sense of purpose in being a family. This was the ideal, but it worked only if both partners wanted it more than anything else. Love wasn’t enough. That was where she’d gone wrong last time.
“You’re leaving already?” Mike said when Barrie reached for her coat.
“Emergency call,” she said, holding up her cell phone as if it were proof. “There’s a sick calf. I’m sorry. Merry Christmas, Mike.”
“You, too, Barrie.” Mike helped her get her coat on. “And happy New Year if we don’t see you sooner.”
Barrie stepped into the winter cold, the chatter and cheery Christmas carols from the party melting into the scene behind her. The sooner this Christmas was over, the better. Life would be a whole lot easier once the pressures of the holidays were past.
Chapter Thirteen
Curtis had transported the calf from the field to the barn, but it hadn’t been an easy feat. This was no newborn cow—and a weaned calf couldn’t be moved without a cattle trailer. It was weak and had hardly been able to walk from the trailer into the barn, so by the time Curtis had the animal settled, he wasn’t sure whether it would pull through or not. He hoped so—he hated it when the cattle suffered.
But Barrie was on her way...
An image of her rose in his mind, but this time it wasn’t the young wife with the sparkling eyes. It was the more mature Barrie he’d rediscovered this December. She was still stunning, and stubborn, and capable of tying him up into knots for years to come. Maybe it was because she’d never trusted him to provide for her back when they were married, but he found himself fantasizing about coming back to Hope when he had a financial investment he could stand on, proving he’d been capable and getting her to look at him in a different way. He wanted her respect, but more than that, he wanted her to know she could be safe with him.
The barn door banged shut and he turned to see Barrie coming inside. She passed the stalls and headed down the aisle toward him. This time, it wasn’t her pregnancy that took him by surprise, but the party dress she wore under an unzipped winter coat. It swirled around her knees in a silken wave of wine-red material. The top of the dress curved smoothly around her plumped bust, and one porcelain hand rested on the top of her belly, the other carrying her black vet’s bag. She walked briskly in a pair of rubber boots—a strange mix with her carefully coifed hair and immaculate makeup, and he couldn’t help but grin.
“What’s with you and your entrances?” he asked.
A smile curved Barrie’s lips. “I was at a party, if you must know.”
“Yeah? Is there a distraught date left behind?” he quipped, and as the words came out, he realized that he cared about that detail. A lot.
“Wouldn’t you like to know.” She stopped when she reached him, her blue gaze meeting his easily. “Which stall?”
Curtis stepped back and she scanned the calf in the stall beside him, her expression sharpening. He could see the professional in her taking over, and he felt mildly in awe of her as she slipped into the stall and put her bag down in the hay. She tucked her dress up underneath her as she crouched to inspect the animal. He couldn’t help but wonder if treating sick cattle in party dresses wasn’t so unheard of in her world. She worked quickly, checking the calf’s temperature and its eyes. She pulled out a syringe and a bottle of medication.
“You were right to get me down here,” she said, still facing away from him as she worked. “But I have a feeling this one’s a fighter.”
“I didn’t notice in time,” he said.
“It happens.” Her tone was distracted, though, and when she finally rose and turned toward him, her expression wasn’t reassuring. “Time will tell,” she said, answering his unspoken question.
“Yeah.” He nodded slowly. Sometimes that’s all they could do—wait it out. “Thanks for coming.”
“It’s my job.” That’s what she’d told him the first time he’d seen her walk into this barn, but her gaze softened.
“You look fantastic, Barrie.”
She peeled off her gloves, folding them into an inside out ball. “The gum boots complete the look,” she said wryly.
“They kind of do. I don’t know...gum boots always suited you.”
She leaned against the rail, her gaze fixed on the calf. Then she glanced over at him. “How did you picture yourself at this age, Curtis?”
“You mean back when I was an idealistic kid?” he asked.
“Something like that.”
“Well, for one, I was never terribly idealistic,” he replied. “But I guess I saw myself as a little more established by the time I was pushing forty. What about you?”
She’d hit her mark, he had no doubt. Look at her—gorgeous, successful in her own career... She was silent for a moment.
“I didn’t see any of this,” she said quietly. “The baby, the difficulty in running a practice on my own, being alone.”
“Well, I guess twenty-year-olds don’t tend to look at the practical side of running a veterinary practice,” he conceded. “And as for being alone... Barrie, I’m pretty confident that you’ve got a lineup of admirers.”
Barrie shook her head. “I cling to some image I conjured up when I was too young to know what real life was even like. And it’s ridiculous—I know that—but I do. I was confident what success looked like back then, and I’ve arrived in a lot of ways, except it doesn’t look the same now that I’m here.”
“Your practice, you mean...” He wasn’t sure what she was getting at.
“It’s more fragile than I thought.” She shrugged. “I didn’t know how easily I could lose it.”
That one stung—would she really lose everything because she had to find a new location for her clinic? He could argue that she wasn’t as stable as she’d thought if she was so easily toppled, but this wasn’t about defending himself right now.
“I’m sorry, Barrie.” He sighed. “How will you do this? I mean, even if your clinic could stay put—what was the plan with the baby?”
Barrie shook her head. “I’m in a tough spot. My dad is still working full-time, and my mom is gone. I’d have to cancel my emergency services, which would be a pretty big hit. I’d need childcare during my regular hours, which can get expensive, but I thought I might be able to sort something out with Mallory. Still, keeping my practice open would be tight.”
He could see the glimmer of determination in those blue eyes, though. “You want this bad.”
“I’ve worked for fifteen years toward this, Curtis.” A tendril had fallen free, and she pushed it away from her cheek. “I dreamed of being a vet as a kid. This isn’t just a job, it’s a passion.” She sighed. “But I never saw myself dropping my newborn off with someone else and walking away for eight hours.”
“It’s no one’s first choice,” he agreed.
“I never saw myself as a single mom.” She licked her lips.
“You’re a planner,” he said. “So you’re hard on yourself.”
“It’s more than that,” Barrie said. “I wanted to do this the traditional way—be married first, be able to stay home with my kids when they were small. I had a few ideals about starting a family, too, you know.”
/> “Yeah, I remember those.” Barrie always had a sense of the right way to do things and the wrong way. His first instincts had invariably fallen on the wrong side of that.
“You aren’t the only one who had to juggle a few expectations,” Curtis said after a moment. “I’m not exactly proud to be the guy who aged out of bull riding. I wanted to come back to Hope as the conquering success, not the broken-down cowboy.”
“You made adjusting your expectations seem a whole lot easier.”
“Did I?” He sighed. “Maybe I hid it better.”
She looked up, her eyes brimming with sadness, and before he could think better of it, he scooped up her hand in his. She didn’t pull away, and he gave her fingers a squeeze.
“Losing you—” He should keep his distance—he knew that—but he found himself leaning closer. “I told myself if I stood firm—” He cleared his throat. “This isn’t just residual feelings from back then. You and I—we’ve got something. Still. Again, maybe. But we’ve got something.”
She pulled her hand back, and his heart sank. Every single day after he’d left, he’d had to talk himself out of calling her, going back... But his pride wouldn’t let him. Love her or not, she didn’t see him as a man who could protect her, and he hated that. But staying away hadn’t allowed him to heal quite so well as he’d hoped, because the minute he saw her again...
“Ever consider working as the vet for a stud farm?” he asked softly.
Barrie shot him a sharp look, then frowned. “Curtis, I’m having a baby.”
“I’m sure there would be childcare options in Wyoming, too.”
She shook her head. “I need my community now more than ever. I need my dad, too. And he needs me. I can’t just up and leave. Besides, if I take a break from my practice, I need to be here to start back up again—stay in people’s minds as a valid option in veterinary care.”
“I’m asking you to come permanently,” he said.
“And if it didn’t work between us professionally?”
There she was—all logical and planned out again. She was already putting in a backup plan. It wasn’t that he resented her ability to navigate life, but she certainly didn’t see a newly purchased stud farm as a viable option for her own career. Good enough for Curtis, maybe, but not for her.
“If you’re already looking at making a change—”
“I’m not—not completely.” She sighed. “I’ve worked too hard for what I’ve got here, Curtis.”
“I worked hard, too,” he said with a shrug. “But I’m not afraid to face a change.”
She licked her lips, and pain flickered deep in her eyes. “You proved that when you left.”
“I didn’t mean—” he began. “I’m not talking about when we ended things.”
She turned away from him and looked at the calf resting in the hay. Curtis would always be the loser who’d walked out on her, wouldn’t he? He could go make a raving success of that stud ranch, and if she saw him again, she’d still see the twenty-two-year-old disappointment who hadn’t been able to stick it out with her. Maybe he needed to take his own advice and leave Barrie in the past, much as that might hurt. Because some things didn’t change, including her distrust.
* * *
BARRIE WATCHED THE calf for a couple of beats, her mind spinning. It seemed so easy for him—just change tack! He’d always been flexible that way. If one thing wasn’t working, he’d pivot and try something else. Unless his heart was set on it, like bull riding. He’d never given up on that. Too bad that determination couldn’t have stretched over to being a husband, too.
She sighed. “I hope it works out for you, Curtis.”
“So that’s it.” His voice was low and resentful.
“What do you want from me?” she demanded, spinning back toward him. “You waltz back into town to sell my building, then offer me some job in Wyoming and get offended when I don’t jump? I have a life, Curtis!”
“I know.” His dark eyes met hers. “And I told you that I’m sorry about this sale. I’m just trying to offer something—”
“A guilt offering. A job. Throwing me a bone.” Barrie’s voice shook with emotion, and she eyed him resentfully.
“You only need to say no.”
But this wasn’t about the job offer. She didn’t bounce like he did. She didn’t pivot when things went wrong. She stuck with it. She dug in her heels. She stayed the course—that was who she was—and while it made life harder in some ways, it meant that the people who loved her could rely on her. Curtis wasn’t made of the same stuff. Not when it came to relationships.
He wanted her to just roll with this, but she wasn’t the kind of woman who went with the flow very gracefully. She’d tried that rather recently during a convention in Billings. Look where that got her.
“I regret it when I do things spontaneously,” she said.
“Like marry me.”
“Not everything is about you!” She flung up her hands. “Look at me! Pregnant! I took a chance on a one-night stand because I was lonely... This is where spontaneity got me!”
“So what happened?” Curtis closed the gap between them, his dark gaze drilling down into hers. “Who’s the father, Barrie?”
She’d been so determined to keep this secret—take it to the grave if need be—but looking up into Curtis’s familiar, brooding face, the secret was too heavy.
“A vet from Billings.” The words came out with a bitter taste. “It was our wedding anniversary, and I was at a veterinary convention. I figured if I just kept myself busy that weekend, I wouldn’t think about you, but... I met this vet in the bar, and we started talking. I was lonely, and miserable, and remembering how the one guy I’d loved with abandon had abandoned me...and I thought—I need to stop this. I need to take a chance again. So I did. The next morning, I overheard him on a phone call to his wife.”
“Did you tell him you were pregnant?”
“Of course. I’m nothing if not proper. I contacted him and he begged me to go away. He was terrified his wife would find out.”
“So you did.”
“I’d rather do it on my own.” She shook her head, tears misting her eyes. She hated this. She hadn’t meant to cry—she hadn’t exactly made her peace with being a single mom, but she’d very happily turned her back on the cheating louse she’d made the mistake with. She didn’t want another woman’s husband!
“It was our anniversary,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “After fifteen years, you’d think I’d be over you...”
“Barrie...” Curtis slid a hand behind her neck and leaned his forehead down onto hers. She closed her eyes, struggling to get her emotions under control, but as she did, she felt his lips cover hers in a kiss filled with longing. His hands moved from her face down her arms as he stepped closer, his musky scent enveloping her. She’d missed this so much—the way her body reacted to Curtis, melted under his touch. He pulled back.
“It wasn’t your fault,” he said gruffly.
“Dammit, Curtis, it was!” She stepped back. “I was the idiot who slept with a stranger!”
Her stomach felt cold now that there was space between them, and she ran her hand over her belly protectively. She could accept her mistakes—she didn’t need someone to let her off the hook.
“What am I supposed to do?” he demanded. “I can’t support you here—”
“I’m not asking you to!” She shook her head, confused. “Why would you do that? This isn’t your baby!”
“Because I still love you!” His voice raised to something between a growl and a shout, and she was stunned into silence.
“What?” she whispered.
“I never stopped, Barrie.” He heaved a sigh and shut his eyes for a moment. “I... I saw you again, and it was the same as it always was. I can’t help it
. And spending this time with you just showed me how little has changed. You’re the only one who’s ever made me feel this way. In fifteen bloody years.” His gaze met hers in agonized pleading. “I’d stop if I could...”
“Me, too,” she breathed.
“Stop what?” Curtis stepped closer again, his obsidian eyes pinning her to the spot. “Stop what, Barrie?”
“Loving you.”
His lips came down onto hers once more, but this time she kissed him back just as hard. Why did Curtis have to come back and upset her careful balance?
“Then let’s try again,” Curtis said, pulling back.
“How?” She touched her lips, plumped from his kiss.
“Come with me to Wyoming,” he said. “We’ll start fresh. We’ll figure it out.”
An impulsive choice—the same kind of impulsive choice that left her pregnant. She wasn’t thinking straight right now—she needed reason and logic.
“I can’t just leave,” she said, shaking her head. “But you could stay here. We lived here once. We could start again—on home soil.”
“Except I have nothing here but that commercial building,” he replied. “And I can’t make enough off your lease to keep myself, let alone the both of us. I can’t support you here, Barrie. But I can support you in Wyoming. I know you have a hard time trusting that, but if you gave me the chance, I could prove it. I can provide for you and the baby.”
And they were right back to the same place they’d been fifteen years ago. He couldn’t stay, and she couldn’t go.
“It’s not the same, Curtis,” she whispered. “I’m having a baby. It changes everything...”
“It doesn’t have to—”
“It does!” Her voice rose in spite of her attempt to control it. “I can’t just leave Hope.”
“You can’t trust me to take care of you,” he concluded.
“I—” Was that it? Maybe. “I need more. I need my home.”
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