A Life Worth Living

by Lorrie Kruse

Matt’s attention shifted to the man who’d just been kissing his fiancée. Something inside him snapped. He turned and pushed against Derrick’s stomach, forcing him to take a backward step in order to stay upright. “How long have you been fucking my fiancée?”

  “Shhh,” Crystal said.

  “What?” Matt screamed. “You afraid of what the neighbors will think? Afraid they’ll find out you were fucking him while you were living with me? Pretending you wanted to be my wife?”

  “It wasn’t like that,” Crystal said.

  “How could you?” Matt demanded, hitting Derrick in the gut at the end of each sentence. “She was my girl. You were my best friend. How could you do this?”

  Derrick’s eyes slid closed. He shook his head. “I never meant to fall in love with her. It just happened.”

  Fall in love?

  The world tilted again. Matt struggled to stay in balance. “Oh. I feel so much better now.” He turned on Crystal. “And you. You were making plans to marry me.” He tossed up his arms. “You know what? You two deserve each other. You’re both sick, twisted people.”

  Unable to stand being near them anymore Matt pushed his way around them. With each movement of his arms, a puzzle piece fell into place. Derrick paying his loans and not being straight about it. Buying him a car. All the work he put in at Matt’s house. All of it to cover his guilt.

  What about Crystal’s insistence that she hadn’t talked to him the day of the accident, despite her calling his cell phone over and over? What about the calls having been deleted from his phone’s history? Derrick advising him to forget about the accident.

  They knew why he’d had the accident.

  He turned his chair around. He eyed Derrick and then Crystal before his gaze went back to Derrick. “You know why I had the accident, don’t you? You both know why I was out there.”

  Crystal and Derrick looked at each other. In that split second, they held an entire conversation without words, just like Matt’s parents. The way he and Crystal never could. Derrick said, “Not out here. Come into the house.”

  Going into the viper pit was the last place Matt wanted to go, but a perverse need to know had him following them up the ramp and into the house.

  Derrick sat on the edge of the couch while Crystal stood in the doorway with fifteen feet of air separating them. Even that far apart, they seemed connected.

  “I want to make it clear,” Derrick said. “We never meant to…”

  “…hurt you,” Crystal finished

  Matt laughed.

  “It’s true,” Derrick said.

  Matt looked at Crystal. She shrugged. “I really did love you, Matt. When you asked me to marry you, I was so happy. But I have to admit I had feelings for Derrick, even then. Feelings I kept pushing away. Until…” Her gaze dropped. Color rose to her cheeks.

  Sick, morbid curiosity filled him. Unable to keep his mouth shut Matt said, “Until…?”

  “Until we kissed.”

  The reality hurt more than he’d expected. His stomach churned. He no longer wanted to know.

  “Last Labor day,” Derrick said, grinding in the truth. “When we were camping. You’d gone on a bike ride. Crystal wanted to go for a hike. I knew you wouldn’t want her to go alone.”

  Matt wanted to put his hands over his ears. Wanted to sing a nonsense song to drown out Derrick’s words. La-la-la-la-la.

  “She almost fell and I grabbed her, to stop her fall. That’s when it happened. When we kissed.”

  “We tried to hide our feelings,” Crystal said. “We agreed it’d be best to stay apart, but you kept pushing, kept saying how we should do things with Derrick. I couldn’t say no. Not without making you wonder why.”

  Matt laughed. “So it’s my fault? You two go off and have an affair because I thought I should be able to do things with my fiancée and my best friend at the same time?”

  “We’re not blaming you,” Derrick said.

  Well, he felt a hell of a lot better knowing that.

  “That day, the day of your accident,” Crystal said, “I decided I had to finally break it off with you. I wanted to meet you at The Hideout.”

  “Somewhere public where I wouldn’t make a scene.”

  Crystal looked away. “It seemed like a good idea at the time.”

  “All the calls on my cell phone. You were calling to arrange a meeting.”

  Crystal nodded.

  He fought the truth. “But we never talked. I lost my cell phone. I made it home. I crawled through the window.”

  “And then I called you at home.”

  A headache throbbed behind Matt’s eye.

  “I told you we had to talk. That it was important. I told you to meet me at The Hideout, and then I hung up.”

  Matt rubbed his forehead. “And I ran right out to see you, just like you knew I would.” What an idiot he was. Crystal calls. Matt jumps.

  Crystal slid down the wall and crouched on her heels. She closed her eyes. Her arms went around herself in a protective hug. “When you came in, I almost chickened out. Before I could say a word, you asked if I was finally going to tell you what was wrong. So I told you. Everything. Right down to Derrick.

  “You just sat there. Staring at the ring on the table. When I stopped talking, you gave me a kiss, wished me luck, and then you left. An hour later, your parents called to say you’d had an accident. A bad one. I have no idea what happened after you left. I don’t know why you had the accident. I only know why you were out.”

  All of the air in the room sucked outward through every crack, leaving nothing inside for him to breathe. He dropped his head forward and pressed his hands to his face. For all he knew, she could be lying. But he didn’t think so. The woman he loved so much, he’d walked away from without a fight. And now he’d done it twice.

  What had he done then? After he’d left her that first time? Had his anger erupted after he’d left the bar? Had he rammed his truck into a tree? Like he’d almost done less than an hour ago? Or had it been as the word implied? An accident? Nothing more?

  A strong hand appeared on his shoulder. The fingers were heavy. “I’m sorry.”

  Matt looked up at the man who’d been his friend. More than a friend. A brother. The hurt that cut through him was worse than Crystal’s betrayal. He pushed away the hand that had once given comfort.

  He wheeled outside with a sense of loss, knowing this would be the last time he’d leave this house.

  Back home he saw evidence of Crystal and Derrick everywhere he looked. The very car he sat in was thanks to Derrick. The roof Derrick had helped shingle. The flowers Crystal planted. The evidence was inside, as well. The new trim around the door Derrick had widened. The light green paint Crystal picked out. The hardwood floor in his bedroom Derrick had refinished. The lamp Crystal had helped him pick out.

  He picked up Crystal’s picture from beside the bed. The photo from that fateful camping trip. How could she claim she’d fallen in love with Derrick that weekend? This picture proved otherwise. She stared out from the frame with so much love it could have brought him to his knees. Every bit of love, directed at him, straight through the camera’s lens.

  Every bit of love, directed straight through the camera’s lens—to the person holding the camera.

  His stomach turned as he remembered. Derrick had taken the picture. Not him.

  The picture slipped from his fingers and landed on his lap. It seemed to grow, Crystal’s smile mocking him.

  The love that had helped Matt through his lowest days in the hospital whenever he’d looked at this picture had been a sham.

  He hurled the picture across the room. It hit the doorjamb and crashed to the glossy hardwood floor Derrick had so expertly refinished. The glass shattered, its shards glittering in the lamplight like the diamonds in Crystal’s engagement ring.

  His whole life was a lie.

  He could find thousands of miracles on the Internet, but that didn’t mean he would ever walk again.

  He
could go to work every day, but that didn’t make him a contributing member of Huntz & Sons Construction.

  He could pretend he was okay with letting his best friend have a relationship with his ex-fiancée, but he wasn’t okay with it. Not okay at all.

  His tires crunched as he wheeled through the broken glass and headed for the fridge. As the cold beer made its way down his throat, he planned how to right what had gone wrong. First thing in the morning, he’d go to his father. With just a few words, he could get Derrick fired, and he wouldn’t feel even one bit guilty. His ex-friend didn’t deserve to be a member of the Huntz crew.

  §

  Bright sunshine streamed into Matt’s bedroom the next morning. Crystal’s side of the bed stretched out in front of him. He knew she was gone but he listened for sounds of her anyway. Hearing none, he closed his eyes, but he couldn’t sleep. A gut-wrenching pain filled him.

  His alarm clock went off. He silenced it with a slap of his hand, but he made no effort to get out of bed. Why should he? Nobody would miss him at the jobsite. In fact, they’d probably be thankful he wasn’t there slowing them down.

  The phone rang shortly after nine o’clock. He didn’t answer. He couldn’t answer. He couldn’t make himself move. A mechanical version of his voice filled the air, telling the caller he was out having fun and to leave a message after the beep.

  Fun? Is that what this was? Felt a long way away from fun.

  “Matt, are you okay?” his mother asked the recorder. “Your father said you didn’t show up for work. Matthew?” Her voice took on a worried tone. “I’m coming over.”

  He didn’t want that. Her here, fussing over him. He grabbed the phone by the bed. “Ma, I’m fine. Just tired. I had a big night.”

  “Matthew?” The single word held all the worry in the world. No matter what he said, she’d still come to prove to herself he really was okay unless he proved it to her first.

  “Tell Dad I’ll be at the jobsite in an hour, okay?”

  “Are you sure you’re okay?”

  “Just fine, Ma.” He squeezed his eyes closed. Could a person live with a heart that had been torn to shreds? A tear slipped free. “Just fine.”

  True to his word, he was at the jobsite in exactly one hour. His father was deep in a conversation with Rex Johnson, but Matt barely noticed. Instead, his gaze went directly to Derrick standing by a stack of siding. Derrick pulled a pair of tin snips from his belt and clipped the wire band wrapped around a bundle of siding. Matt tightened his grip on the steering wheel. The movement of Derrick’s legs were so automatic. Hate filled him. Hate for Derrick being able to stand. Hate for Derrick being a productive member of Huntz & Sons Construction. Hate for Derrick being what Matt used to be.

  Unable to stomach Derrick any longer, he looked over at his brother standing on a ladder propped up against the building. Brad seemed to be paying more attention to their father than to the siding.

  “What’s up?” Matt asked as he wheeled up to Brad.

  “Rex ain’t a happy camper. We should be much further along than we are. He’s threatening to pull the project.”

  “He can’t do that. We’ve got a contract.”

  “It’s his money. He can do whatever he wants.”

  Derrick came back and climbed the ladder. Unlike Brad, he was like a mad-man on speed. Constant motion. If Matt’s father had any chance of getting this project done in time, he needed Brad and Derrick. It was Matt who was expendable. Even though Derrick deserved to get fired, Matt couldn’t make it happen. Not now.

  Keeping Derrick on wasn’t enough. They needed another crew member, someone who wasn’t useless and in the way. As long as Matt was around, his father would refuse to hire another worker.

  An idea took seed.

  “Is Faith still looking for someone to manage the apartments?” he asked his brother.

  “This contract is falling down around us, and you’re worried about the damn apartment building?”

  “Is Faith still looking for someone?” He enunciated each word.

  “Yeah, she is.

  Her parents liked him. He figured all he’d have to do was say he wanted the job and it’d be as good as his. But that would put him two hundred miles away from the people he loved, people he’d need in the coming days as he faced life without Crystal.

  A truck door slammed behind him. The motor caught and revved. Tires spun on the gravel. Matt looked over his shoulder. His father stood in place, his head tracking Rex Johnson’s retreat. He ran a hand through his hair.

  For a long moment, there was no sound. Matt realized both Brad and Derrick were watching his father, as well. His father lowered his hand. He looked toward his crew.

  “What are you staring at? Get those hammers moving.”

  With long strides, his father crossed the jobsite. He disappeared into the tool trailer.

  “Think Rex will really pull the contract?” Matt asked.

  “No doubt about it,” Brad answered.

  Moving to Milwaukee was the perfect answer, but Matt didn’t think he could do it. How could he leave his family now? When he had nobody in his life but them? He had to convince his father to replace him, but there had to be a way that didn’t involve moving away. He wheeled over to the tool trailer. His father was kneeling, his head bowed and hands clasped. Praying for a miracle.

  “Dad?”

  His father lowered his hands and grabbed a square from a hook in the pegboard in front of him. “Just looking for the square.”

  “Dad, I’m quitting.”

  “Damn it, Matthew. Not now.”

  Matt held up his hands, non-threatening. “Yes, Dad. Now. I’m slowing things down. You can’t hire someone who can actually help as long as I’m on the payroll. Don’t you see? The only way to save this project is for me to quit.”

  He’d already spent over a month in Milwaukee, and he’d lived through it.

  But this time it wouldn’t be for just a month. He couldn’t expect his family to drop everything to come visit him every weekend. And he probably couldn’t abandon the apartments to come to Fuller Lake weekly either.

  His father pushed his way out of the tool trailer. “I won’t hear of it.”

  He’d be in Milwaukee longer than a month, but it wouldn’t be for a lifetime. As soon as he was walking again—and he would walk again—he’d be back. As soon as he could take back the life Derrick had stolen from him. “Doesn’t matter,” he told his father, “‘cause it’s not your decision. I quit.”

  His father ran his fingers through his hair again. “Matthew.”

  “Just shut up, okay? If I find a replacement, will you hire him?”

  “No.” The word shot out without hesitation.

  “Well, you’re going to have to. I took a job down in Milwaukee,” he said, sealing his fate. “It starts right away. I’m going to call the other builders. See if they have someone they can spare or if they know of anyone looking for a job. When that person shows up reporting for duty, you’re going to hire him. You got it?”

  “I said no. I need you here.”

  “I can’t stay. Crystal and I broke up.” The words he hadn’t meant to say. Not yet. Not until he was used to the idea and it no longer hurt. But the words were out and he couldn’t pull them back. So he told the truth. “Don’t you see, Dad? I can’t stay here, not when I’ll keep running into her. I need to leave.”

  His father leaned against the tool trailer like all the air had been sucked from him. “I’m sorry. What happened?”

  He thought about Derrick, about his plans to get him fired. But his father really did need Derrick’s help. “It just wasn’t working. That’s all.”

  “You sure you need to leave?”

  Matt nodded.

  His father’s jaw turned hard, but he didn’t protest.

  Matt nodded in Derrick’s direction. “I just need to talk to him a sec and then I’ll be on my way.”

  He wheeled over to Derrick. Without looking at the man who’d be
en his friend, he said, “Meet me by my…the car. Now.”

  Without waiting to see if Derrick had heard or whether he was obeying, Matt wheeled over the hard, bumpy terrain one last time. He got in the car that was only three percent his and ninety-seven percent Derrick’s and worked on removing his chair’s wheels. The passenger door opened. The car shifted slightly as Derrick sat down and then pulled the door closed, reviving Matt’s anger. Derrick might have bought him a car, but Matt hadn’t asked him to. And he certainly hadn’t given Derrick permission to steal his fiancée. He had half a mind to tell Derrick he could have the damn thing back, but he really needed a car now that he’d come up with this great plan to move.

  Matt put the wheels in the back and then hauled his chair into the car. When everything was in place, he put his hands on the steering wheel and stared ahead. It hurt to be cooped up in the car with the man he’d always thought would be his friend. “I came here today ready to get you fired. I could do that, you know. All I’d have to do is tell Dad what you did, and you’d be out of here before you could blink. Even now, with this project coming down around us.”

  “What changed your mind?”

  “I love my father more than I hate you. Like it or not, my dad needs you. You’re a good worker.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Don’t thank me. Like I said, I’m not doing this for you. I’m doing it for Dad.” He finally looked at Derrick and was surprised by the dark circles under Derrick’s eyes. He looked away. “I’d like you out of my car now.”

  Derrick looked a little bit lost as he got out of the car. Matt didn’t care. Derrick wasn’t his concern. Not anymore.

  Matt went home and pulled out the phonebook. Within an hour he had a new employee lined up for his dad. And just like that, Huntz & Sons was now Huntz, Son, & Two Unrelated Dudes. Now it was time to make the call that’d take him away from Fuller Lake.

  But first he wheeled from room to room in the house he loved, the house so much like the one he’d grown up in, the house he’d bought with a family in mind. A family with Crystal.

  He stopped in the kitchen and stared at the canisters and knickknacks that still filled the counter. Clutter. Had it really been only yesterday that he’d complained about all her crap? Now he couldn’t stand the thought of the cupboards being bare again.