Undesirable

by Laura Stapleton

  Two more words to make his pulse jump. An angry and desperate Marie could put him in any position she please, Sam knew, and he’d be good with her decision. Taking in a slow, calming breath, he then said, “No need to be ashamed. Nothing happened that night, and I did exactly as your husband requested.”

  “You’re a good man, Mr. Granville.”

  Sam looked at her, the breezes ruffling the tendrils of dark hair around her face. “I try to be. Just don’t ask for another kiss, please. I don’t have the strength to refuse again.”

  She laughed. “No more requests, I promise.” Marie fidgeted a little on the granite before adding, “Thank you, too, for the flattery. I don’t have to believe your sentiment to enjoy it.”

  Long lashes and arched eyebrows framed her dark eyes. His heart pounded in his chest as he realized he loved her. “Ma’am, I don’t mean to flatter you at all. I’m not sure I could stop with one kiss with you.”

  Her jaw had dropped a little before she recovered. Marie grinned, “You are a charmer. Very well, since you insist on pretending, I’ll play along.” She leaned back, her hands against the rock. “Thank you, sir, for fighting your baser instincts and not ravaging me in the saloon’s private room. Such a virile man as you, when faced with such a delectable creature as me, well, that must have been near impossible for you to control yourself.” Fanning herself with a limp wristed hand, she added, “My, my, I am so lucky you’re a gentleman.”

  He noted how her southern accent thickened along with the sarcasm. Not sure what to think, Sam felt sure he didn’t like the implication he had been dishonest. “You are lucky. Any other man might have taken advantage of a woman like you.”

  “Like me?” She shook her head. “No, I have no worries in that area. While you tease me mercilessly, I know for certain how men see me as something other than female.”

  Giving her a side glance, he wondered if she were teasing him or just fishing for compliments. “Excuse me? That’s not possible, not with you.”

  Laughing at him, Marie continued, “They, you, Charles, all know I’m a woman, yes, but see me as a friend or sister more than a wife.”

  He shook his head, certain he didn’t consider her a sister. “I see you very much as a woman.”

  “You're too kind yet again.” She smiled at him. “Ellen and Jenny are the first female friends I’ve ever had. I played boys games, despite my mother’s best efforts, until the boys turned into men. That’s about the time I became invisible.”

  Sam laughed, “You did?”

  With a sheepish grin, she said, “Maybe more ghostly, then.” Marie looked ahead. “I shouldn’t be talking about any of this with you. For some odd reason, you draw me out and make me say things I regret the next day.”

  Her confession bothered him. Sam patted her on the shoulder before saying, “I wouldn’t want you to regret anything.”

  “I do.” She looked at his hand and smiled a little. “I’m sorry for asking you to kiss me because it put you in a spot. And now I’m talking with you about my husband and how he hasn’t seen me in a long time. Next thing I’ll be telling you about how, well…” She looked at him in surprise. “About things I shouldn’t ever tell another soul.” Marie leaned over and nudged Sam. “Maybe we should talk about you for a while. You can tell me all your secrets.”

  “As if we were brothers and sisters holding misdeeds over each other?”

  “Exactly!”

  He wanted her as anything but a sister. Sam had a lot to think about, especially what Marie didn’t say about not being seen by Mr. Warren. Glancing at her, he saw the worry on her face as she examined a small chunk of granite she’d picked up. Dark circles stained the delicate skin under her eyes. He knew she’d spent a sleepless night over Jimmy’s death. Sam didn’t want her remorseful about confiding in him. “I have a huge secret of my own. If I told you, my reputation and honor as a man would be ruined. So if I say it to you, I need an oath you’ll never use this against me.”

  “Never?”

  Searching his mind for possible loopholes, he found one. “You can tell if the situation is life and death. Otherwise, never.”

  She grinned and faced him. “Oh, then you must tell me! I know a lot of secrets, most of them not my own, and haven’t told anyone. Not a single one to a single person, so you have to trust me.”

  Sam turned to her. The amusement in her eyes and the excited expression on her face told him he had to give her a real secret. Since she didn’t believe his infatuation, he wanted to convince her his comments weren’t idle flattery. “I have the note you gave Mr. Warren. The one you kissed.”

  Her face paled. “You do? Oh no! Where is it?”

  “It’s in my Bible.” He chuckled. “Of all my books, I put it there.”

  “Why did you keep it?”

  “Because your lips touched it, and I liked the idea of a woman asking for a clandestine meeting, even if not with me. Also, I needed to keep the note in case I forgot the room number.”

  Twisting and untwisting her sunbonnet strings she said, “You’d forget?”

  “All right, no, I wouldn’t.” He stared into her eyes. “I wanted to keep a note sent from a woman like you. Later, when I tried to burn it, I couldn’t. Not with your rouge on there, teasing me.”

  She licked her lips, nervous. “You’re right. You’ve told a splendid secret.”

  He held out his hand. “Do we have a pact?”

  “We do,” she said while shaking his hand. “I suppose I should inch my way back down to camp. Charles is cranky when I’m not there as needed. I’ve not been wearing my bonnet, either, and he’s not happy at how dark my skin is becoming.”

  His heart sunk, not wanting the afternoon with her to end so soon. He forced a smile. “I don’t blame him for wanting you there. I’ve enjoyed my time with you. His opinion about your skin is a different story.” She frowned at him as if puzzled, so he added, “A little bit of color looks good on you. Just enough to keep you from looking faint, but not so much you look in need of washing.”

  Laughing, she said, “As always, you’re too kind.” She gave him a sly glance before saying, “I think this time, though, I’ll believe your compliment.” Marie stood, a little unsteady in the late afternoon wind.

  Sam stood as well. “Let me go down first, so if you fall, I can catch you.”

  “Are you sure? If I fall on you, we’ll both tumble to our deaths.” She rubbed her palms on her skirt. “My hands are sweaty just thinking about it.”

  “Don’t even begin to be afraid. I’ll go first, get grounded, and wait for you. You’re a sensible, careful woman, and I have faith in you.”

  “You do?”

  “Of course, ma’am.” He gave her one last grin before climbing down the rock. Sam eased his way down, glad to be on flat dirt at the end. He looked up to see Marie still at the very top, waiting for him to be out of her way. Motioning for her to go, he watched as she tied her skirt together for the descent. Every minute or so, his body reminded him to breathe with a slight gasp.

  She jumped the last couple of feet to the ground and turned to him. “I’m so glad that’s done! Climbing up is always more fun than inching down, don’t you think?”

  “Always is.” He didn’t know what to say, here on solid footing. “Shall I walk you back?”

  “I’d like that, yes.”

  He almost offered his arm for her to hold, but even a usual polite gesture seemed too intimate at the moment. They walked to camp in silence. Sam looked over at Marie, her face covered by the sunbonnet. He had said in a quiet voice before they neared the others, “Thank you for spending part of your afternoon with me, ma’am.”

  “You’re welcome, and it was my pleasure as well.” She paused before turning to her campsite. “I enjoyed explaining myself. Thank you for allowing me to do so, Mr. Granville.”

  “Anytime, Mrs. Warren.” He tipped his hat and went to find his own wagon. When there, he saw how the men had been busy washing clothes. He grinned
to see they’d added his shirts and pants in with the other laundry. Joe and Lefty played cards, Lucky polished his bugle, and Arnold read a book at the campfire’s circle. “Thank you, gentlemen.”

  Looking up from his work, Lucky said, “You’re welcome, boss.”

  Arnold also glanced at Sam. “It was in our own best interest, sir.”

  Sam laughed. “I’ll bet it was. Looks like you all managed to wash up yourselves, too.”

  “We did,” Arnold said. “Uncle Joe went hunting but didn’t get anything.”

  “Game’s scarce,” added Joe with a shrug.

  Sam went to the wagon for bathing gear. “I expected as much. A plain dinner is good. I’ll go wash up so you girls aren’t offended by me.”

  The men snickered and continued their activities. Meanwhile, Sam carried soap, a small blanket, and clean clothes to the river. He didn’t expect privacy, and nearing the water, the various people assured him he had an audience. Examining the bank downstream, the crowd seemed to thin the further from Independence Rock they were. A stroll along the river might do him some good, he determined, and then headed down the bank to some open space.

  The sun, halfway between noon and twilight, warmed his back. He breathed in deep, enjoying the marshy smell of wet earth and trampled weeds. Various women scrubbed their families’ clothes. Their chatter on both sides of the water reached his ears, but the murmurs had no meaning for him. He wondered if Marie might need to wash anything. Sam couldn’t remember her mentioning chores. Her admissions of her reasoning for wanting a kiss from him crowded out almost everything else she’d said. Except maybe the sentence about her husband not noticing her. He kicked off his shoes. A glance upriver showed too many women might see him, so he took off his socks and shirt, but nothing else.

  He stepped into the water, still wearing his dirty pants. The cold took some getting used to, and while he worked to ignore the discomfort, he thought of how perfect being alone with Marie seemed to be. Her husband might well be blind to his wife, especially when Sam recalled how much he saw them apart, but he sure as hell wasn’t. He soaped up his torso and put the bar back into his pocket.

  Searching his memory, it seemed the Warrens had always included three people, the husband, wife, and sister-in-law. He eased into the river, gritting his teeth against the chill. Shivering distracted him from anything else on his mind. He scrubbed his white shirt, trying to get it closer to the original color. Once satisfied the stains were gone, he pocketed the soap, rinsed the sudsy fabric, and threw it on the grass to dry.

  Hiding his lower half beneath the water, Sam slipped out of his pants, using the soap still in his pocket to get them clean. Tossing the soap onto the grass, he rinsed them free of suds. He wrung as much water out of them as possible before throwing them on the bank as well. The shallow water kept his modesty covered, and he grinned at the thought of standing upright. Embarrassing, but humorous.

  His stomach growled as he went underwater and suppressed a yowl from the cold covering him. Once rinsed, he swam to his belongings and dressed. His clean shirt’s tail reached far enough down to cover his backside. A quick shake of the new pants and they were ready to wear. He stuffed one sock and the soap inside the other for later washing. After another wringing, he folded his shirt and pants and headed for camp. The wind shifted direction and carried dinner smells to his nose. Sam picked up his pace as his stomach growled yet again.

  At his camp, the only thing changed from when he left was now food cooked over the open flame. He glanced at the simmering pot of beans and rice. Tomorrow, he’d go hunt for fresh meat. It had been a full week since any sort of variety. He looked forward to getting further down the Sweetwater and catching trout.

  Lefty greeted him with a nod. “Hey, boss. We’re in line to cross first thing tomorrow.”

  “Good work.” Sam hung his clothes up to dry. “I expect everyone knows to be ready?”

  “They do.” The younger man sat back, letting others pass around the plates Uncle Joe dished up for them. “I warned them all about being ready to go, no waiting around for picking up dry clothes left out overnight.”

  Sam nodded, dinner tasting better than usual. Had he missed lunch altogether? Seemed so, since he felt hungrier with each bite. He swallowed before saying, “Good.”

  The men all chewed more than they talked. Even during the sparse conversation, Sam enjoyed thinking about Marie and her slight confessional this afternoon. The evening slipped into night, people came and went, and still he thought of questions too improper to ask her. Part of him wanted to help her in what seemed like a quest to interest Warren in her again. The other part felt she shouldn’t have to try when men like him were interested in her already. He paused at the sudden thought with the fork halfway to his mouth.

  Seeing how he caught Lucky’s attention, he smiled and continued eating. Interested was a strong word but apt. The entire Laramie fiasco predictably triggered his lust. The time spent with her since then drew him into caring for Marie with every second they talked. He went through the motions of cleaning, getting bedding ready, all the usual nightly tasks before the others came over for entertainment. Sam watched for Marie and the other Warrens, but they didn’t attend. Distracted and hiding disappointment, he tried to focus on those around him.

  When the last person left for the night, he caught himself sighing in relief. “Second watch, let’s get some sleep. Tomorrow’s an early day.” He yawned, causing Lucky to do so, too. They settled into the bedrolls and fell fast asleep as Uncle Joe and Lefty began first watch.

  The next morning, the bridge trembled under the weight of the wagon and animals. Had no one made repairs since the last time he’d crossed, Sam wondered. He held his breath with each step until landing on solid ground. Looking back on the rickety wooden structure, he added it to one more reason for retiring from guiding settlers west. He faced forward to lead the animals out of the way for the next group. Walking on to where Lefty held their horses, he nodded at the young man. “Thank you. Ours is the last of them.”

  “You’re welcome, sir,” Lefty acknowledged while hopping up on his horse. “I’ll take the front with Arnold.”

  Sam nodded his agreement and sat astride Scamp. His insides felt light, having seen Marie and her family across already. Her smile and the flash of her deep eyes brightened the new day for him, the nagging ache of Anne’s betrayal eased considerably by such sights. He grinned at his infatuation, counting on it to not last, but enjoying the feeling anyway. She and Mr. Warren loved each other enough to marry and soon enough they’d remember that, leaving Sam feeling foolish in his interest for her.

  The air warmed as the sun rose overhead. They neared Devil’s Gate, reaching the landmark at noon. He gave the call to stop for both food and the chance for everyone to marvel at how the river cut through rock like a knife through meat.

  Walking Scamp to the water for a drink, he saw Marie already there and greeted her. “Good day.”

  She straightened with a full bucket. “Good day to you, too. Are we climbing up there today? I’ll bet the view is lovely.”

  “No, we are not.”

  “Such a shame. Still, you must be busy, and I can certainly climb up by myself.”

  “No, you can’t, Mrs. Warren.” At her raised eyebrows, he continued, “We lost a young boy the first trip I made through here when he and a few of his friends climbed up to look down. A gust of wind caught him by surprise, and he tumbled down into the river.”

  “How very sad! No wonder you have such strong feelings.”

  “It is, and I do, ma’am.”

  “Very well, just for you, I’ll only climb when you allow. I’d prefer to be alive for a while longer, and you seem to know all the ways to die out here.”

  “I do, don’t I?” He grinned at her smile. “Experience is a great teacher.”

  “It is, and it’s taught me if I don’t get back, I shall have a couple of cranky family members to answer to.” She backed away before turning b
ack to her wagon.

  As Scamp pulled at grass, Sam watched her for a while. She turned the corner of a wagon, disappearing from his sight and breaking the spell. He shook his head. Even the briefest of moments both pleased his heart and left him wanting more time with her. He sighed at his foolishness. With any luck, familiarity would soon breed contempt and end this budding infatuation.

  Better to think about the afternoon ahead. The sluggish flowing river caused by a lack of rain meant mosquitoes. It also promised a dusty few hours until camping for the night. At the signal, he got back on Scamp and headed to the front of the group. The road, though rocky, stayed reasonably flat for most of the afternoon. As they neared Split Rock, everyone traveled in a wide band across the plains. He noticed how some of the ladies wore handkerchiefs like the men, like a bandit’s mask. He grinned at their appearance, these delicate flowers of womanhood dressed as if ready to rob a bank. Considering how often Marie went without a sunbonnet, she’d end up oddly colored if not careful.

  He’d never noticed her looking into a mirror, so she might never discover the uneven tones. Unless Hester or Charles told her. He shook his head, thinking of how often they made suggestions to her within his earshot. The Warrens wasted no time in pointing out imperfections to her. His good humor evaporated. Even his bossy older brother didn’t henpeck him so much.

  Spread far and wide to avoid most of the dirty air, Sam and everyone else didn’t have much chance to talk. He regretted not talking with anyone since he enjoyed almost everyone’s company. Being alone gave him too much time to think. Not what he wanted to do when his thoughts drifted to Marie too often.

  Glancing around, Sam saw he’d ridden ahead of everyone else. He squirmed, unhappy at how little he’d paid attention to his surroundings. The Sweetwater, a few yards in front of him, had changed its course recently it seemed, giving moisture to the lush grass growing in its wake. He stopped Scamp and doubled back to tell his men he’d found a camp for the night. The river went in and out, almost creating an island with the loop.