Undesirable

by Laura Stapleton

  “Enough,” Charles interrupted. “No more fighting. I’m tired of you always starting arguments with Hessy, Marie.” He began walking to the front of the wagon, adding, “You’re so tiresome some days. Very well, wander off and spend the day elsewhere.”

  “What?” Hester snorted. “How is that different from any other day so far and what’s keeping her from sparking Granville?”

  “Hessy, enough. We both know her better than that.” He said to Marie, “We’ll see you this evening and not until then.” The siblings sat on the seat as Charles snapped the reins.

  She watched as they rolled away from her. Her tongue hurt from biting back retorts to the accusations hurled at her. Marie shook her head, unsure of how she’d lost such an argument. After so many other fights between Missouri and here, Marie knew better than to defend herself. The odds were always two against one. She knew she pouted but couldn’t help herself. At least Charles trusted her more than Hester did.

  Stay away until this evening, though? His command was harsher than usual. Most times when she’d angered him, he didn’t want to see her for half a day. During the noon meal, she’d have to find a way to avoid the Warrens without attracting attention. Anger and shame settled down hard in her stomach as she began walking. Unwilling to inflict her bad mood on anyone else, she stayed at a distance from Jenny, Ellen, and the other ladies. She took deep, calming breaths, focusing on the terrain instead of her emotions.

  The crisp morning gave way to a pleasant afternoon. They stopped for the noon meal at the daytime shadow’s shortest point and most people gravitated to their wagons to eat. Marie kicked at a young sagebrush, wondering if she should chance meeting up with the Warrens. The last time she’d done so after being asked to leave, Charles had been furious. Looking around, her sunbonnet blocked most of her vision so she let it fall behind her. Everyone seemed busy caring for themselves or the livestock. Marie decided to get a drink at the river. Better to do that than stand here looking foolish, she decided, and headed north.

  At the river’s edge, the soupy soil pulled at her shoes when she neared the water. She frowned at the thick goop covering the soles of her shoes, looking along the bank for drier ground. Disgusted, she hiked up her dress a little and walked carefully to the water. She stifled a yelp at the icy cold and scooted the soles along the bottom of the river to clean them. Marie walked upstream, looking for a rock or sand to stand on until her feet dried. She held the shoes away from her dress. No sense in letting mud drip all over one of her best dresses. An underwater stone caught her toe. She stumbled, clinging to the shoes but not her hem. Marie barely managed to recover in time to prevent a headlong dive into the water.

  “Careful!”

  She turned to see Sam dismount and walk up to the bank’s edge. “I am!” she snapped. Cold wet on her torso distracted her. She looked at the mud smeared there and sighed. “Although, I suppose falling in here would be beneficial. Seems I could use a good scrubbing.”

  He grinned, leading Scamp for a drink. “We may have to make time for all of us to do just that.”

  “I don’t suppose there’s any privacy with this?” She indicated the river with a wave of her free hand. “The mountains are too distant to hide behind, the brush too short, and as for trees? I’ve seen very few close by.”

  He laughed, “You’ve summed it up quite well. I’m sure we can devise some solution. Especially since the conditions will worsen before they improve.”

  Pausing her mud scrubbing, she stared up at him. “Worsen? My goodness, Sam, how much worse will they be?”

  “Ellen hasn’t read that part and told you, yet?” He shook his head. “Never mind, I have my guidebook here.” Retrieving the small book, Sam opened it to a little after the middle. “You’ll want to start around here since you know everything before this page.” He grinned at her still standing in the river. “After you’re on dry land, of course.”

  “I agree.” She watched as he thumbed through the pages. He needed a trim, his black hair unruly under his hat. His shirt, while still clean, didn’t have the same starched appearance as usual. Sam’s pants fit him well, too. The angle he stood in relation to her and Scamp showed off his hamstrings very well. She rubbed the shoe’s soles together, lost in thought while looking at him.

  He glanced up at her from the book and grinned. “Mrs. Warren? Are you well?”

  “Yes.” She scooped up her wet skirt in one hand and made her way to the riverbank. “I was wondering what could be worse than poisoned water and horrible mosquitoes.”

  “Longer stretches without water and bigger mosquitoes.” He held out his hand. “Let me have your shoes, then I’ll help you out of there.” She complied, and as he pulled her from the river, added, “We’ll have some steep inclines and declines to cross.”

  She took his outstretched hand for balance and held tight while she put on her shoes. “There’s no way around them?”

  “No, no way out but through.” Lucky’s bugle caught his attention for a moment. “Noontime is over, and I’d suggest you change into dry shoes if you have them.”

  “I will, Mr. Granville.” She smiled as he handed her the guidebook. “Thank you for this as well. I’ll read it as soon as possible and get it back to you.”

  “No rush.” He mounted Scamp and tipped his hat. “I know it by heart. Good afternoon, Mrs. Warren.”

  Marie watched him ride away, saddened at his absence. She slipped the book into a pocket in her skirt, not realizing how alone she’d felt until talking with him. The line of wagons approached them, dust billowing out from behind. Did she want to stop Charles for dry shoes? She shook her head. Better to wait until later when it was his idea to pause. Unsure of which way to go, she waited until the group passed her before joining them. Marie walked upwind so she’d not need a bandana.

  The pleasant afternoon lasted until she saw a line of Indians on horseback lining the ridge north of the river. Familiarity with savages left her wary, not fearful. The wagons crossed the shallow and wide river, going toward the onlookers. Marie held up her skirt as she followed. The cool water eased the sting of new blisters on her feet. She kept a grip on Sam’s book through the pocket’s fabric, careful to not slip and drop it into the swif current. Once on the other side, she saw the Indians continued to watch their progress. She shuddered. Maybe the guidebook held advice on avoiding a scalping.

  Scrub brush and the rocky soil kept interrupting her reading as she walked. Exasperated, Marie gave up and watched as a trio of wagons approached from the west. They inched closer with each step. A single ox pulled each cart, making her frown. Didn’t everyone need at least two if not four animals? She tried to not stare at the families but couldn’t help herself. The few older people led the way with the children trailing behind them after the dust settled. Some of the youngest glanced at her as they walked by, but the others watched their feet. Unlike the ones in the Granville group, these children seemed lifeless and somber.

  The sight of such beaten people tore at her heart. Marie searched for Sam or one of his men. Arnold intercepted the first eastern traveler. She watched as they talked for a short while. The hired hand rode to the southern end of the Granville party. How far the wagons had left her behind surprised Marie. She wanted to catch up to them, yet, she also wanted to see what Sam and Arnold would do now that they approached the sad little group.

  She couldn’t tear herself away from the drama. Sam talked with the two men and a woman, the children clustered around the adults. Both he and Arnold dismounted and looked in the wagons. She saw how Sam shook his head and knew their situation was dire. When he gestured to the westbound group, she figured he wanted them to join them. The yes nods and no shakes told her even at this distance they’d continue east.

  Sam and Arnold went to their horses. Though his employee mounted, Sam stayed on foot and pulled his saddle bag from Scamp’s back. He handed it to the oldest man, who declined to take it. Marie knew without hearing what Sam wanted when he gestured t
o the motley crew of youngsters. Seeming defeated, the man took the offered bags and shook Sam’s hand. The second man shook his hand also, and the woman hugged him. He then sat astride his horse, tipped his hat to them in farewell, and began riding west. Marie smiled as he rode closer.

  He frowned at her, the sternness not reaching his eyes. “What are you doing out here alone, young lady?”

  She laughed. “I’ve not been alone for long.”

  “Are you sure?” He indicated the wagons in the distance. “They’re up there a ways.”

  Her stomach tensed seeing just how far they’d gone ahead. With optimism she didn’t feel, Marie said, “I’ll catch up, they’re bound to stop sometime before dinner.”

  “Come on.” Sam held his hand out to her. “Hop up here and let me get you back to your family.”

  When Marie hesitated, he made a hurry up motion with his hand. She glanced again at the wagon train, now small against the vast horizon. They’d gone fast enough to give her no choice now. She put her right foot in the stirrup he vacated and, with a jump, sat sidesaddle behind him. The breath whooshed out of her at the close contact of her chest and his back. She’d not realized how cold she was until so close to him and his body heat. Marie wanted to lean into his back and absorb his warmth but didn’t dare. She held the back of the saddle for support. Leaning a little bit away from Sam for propriety’s sake, she still caught his clean leather smell and felt small next to him. “I assume your saddlebags had provisions?”

  “Some, but not enough. I had money in there and a couple of meals for one person.”

  “Oh.” She didn’t know what to say, knowing most of the eastbound group would still sleep hungry tonight.

  He took off his hat and ran a hand through his hair. “I know it’s not enough. As soon as we find your place, I’m getting Uncle Joe to help me deliver them enough food to reach Independence Rock. They can buy or trade there for more, if necessary.”

  “Can I help?”

  He turned back to face her. His examination of her expression seemed like a caress. “Thank you, but no. We have extra provisions for this.”

  “We can always spare food for hungry children, Sam. Do let me know if we can help.”

  “I will.” Sam leaned toward her just a little before facing front. “You’re a good woman, Mrs. Warren.”

  Her cheeks burned from the compliment. “Thank you, Mr. Granville.” Her head felt full of cotton, and she enjoyed how they rode in silence until reaching the others. Quiet time spent with him lacked the undercurrent of disapproval that silence with Charles had.

  She glanced ahead, surprised to see the Warrens’ wagon in front of them. Her riding with Sam could make Hester’s accusations more credible. When adding in Charles’ order to stay away until dinner, she tapped Sam’s shoulder. “Don’t drop me off here.” She scanned the landscape for her friends. “Maybe with Ellen and Jenny, if they’re…”

  “Dearest!” Charles walked up to them. “We’ve been missing you today.”

  At first hesitant, Marie let him help her down instead of Sam. “Oh? I’ve been making myself scarce as you’d asked this morning.” Her feet touched the ground, sore from wet shoes rubbing in the wrong places. “Surely you’ve enjoyed the quiet my absence provided you and Hester.”

  “Don’t be difficult. You’re here now, and that’s all that matters.” Charles turned to Sam. “Thank you for retrieving her, Samuel. Hessy has often suggested putting my wife on a rope to keep her safe.”

  “Hessy?” Sam asked, his voice sharp. “Who is she to suggest such treatment of Mrs. Warren?”

  Disliking the anger on his face, Marie wanted to explain. “He means his sister, Mr. Granville. It’s a childhood pet name.”

  “Don’t speak for me!” Charles sneered at her. “You can barely speak for yourself.”

  Angered, Marie swallowed a retort, instead saying, “Gentlemen, if you’ll excuse me. I have chores to do.” She turned, walking to the wagon on uncooperative legs. Her feet hurt, and mortification drove her every step. Marie could almost feel their eyes watching her. She picked her way around the sagebrush to join the others as they rolled on toward the horizon. She looked back to see where her husband was and saw he walked alone a short distance behind her.

  In what felt like days later, the call to camp for the night sounded through the group. Marie sighed in relief. No one had stopped since lunch. Having missed the noon meal, her stomach had kept up a constant growl for the past couple of hours. Caring for the animals and cooking couldn’t happen soon enough. She searched the usual spots in their wagon for anything left over from prior meals. Hearing her sister in law’s sigh, she paused. “Is something wrong, Hester?”

  “Nothing more than usual. Chas wanted me to tell you we’re doing chores, and you’re to fix supper tonight.”

  “I see.” Marie turned back to the wagon’s contents and saw no spare firewood. Expected, since she’d not gathered any at noon, having relied upon them to do so. “Very well, I’ll get started.”

  Hester left after giving a sneering grin, and Marie sighed. Frustration and anger would solve nothing. She leaned against the wooden wheel, not remembering passing any firewood. The only chips for burning today had been dropped by their own cattle. She shuddered at the thought of even trying to pick up one. Sagebrush, she decided while walking away from the riverbed to find the driest and thickest to burn.

  The arid land made finding dead brush quick and easy. Marie soon had a fire burning, augmented by discarded wood found down from the main trail. Seeing the empty water pail, she made a quick trip to the river and greeted others in passing as they went about their own chores. Not finding Ellen, she spotted Jenny walking with Lucky. She smiled, thinking of her own courtship with Charles. He’d been younger and more agreeable back then, much like Sam is now. The mean thought bothered her conscience. The arduous trip west turned even saints into sinners. Charles had every right to be unhappy at times, they all did. Given enough time, even the charming Sam would turn into a Charles someday.

  Dinner cooked on the fire, its aroma made her stomach hurt with hunger. Shadows stole over everything except the campfire as the day ended. Marie ate without Charles and Hester, unwilling to wait until the food burned to the bottom of the pan. She poured a little water into the cook pot, hoping the moisture improved the taste. Her dirty plate and fork went into the pail, and she began laying out the bedding for sleep.

  “Good evening, darling.” Her husband walked up to her, his sister trailing behind him. “Smells wonderful.”

  “Have you eaten, yet?” she asked.

  Hester brushed past Marie and said, “Of course not, we’ve been busy with the animals.” After taking a spoon, she began loading up her plate.

  Charles gave her a weak smile and began dishing his own food. “I’m sorry we’re so late to dinner.”

  Marie frowned when seeing the smirk Hester flashed her brother. She ignored her irritation. “It’s fine. I assume the food is still good?”

  “Very, thank you. You’re actually getting better at this.”

  Surprised at the compliment, she glanced up at him and smiled. “I’m glad you enjoy it.”

  She didn’t watch as the two ate. They talked using their twin language so Marie couldn’t eavesdrop if she’d wanted to do so. She felt for and retrieved Sam’s guidebook. Reading about the landmarks already passed was fun. She paused when learning about Prospect Hill. Jimmy had been buried there, poor boy. Her heart hurt for him. She stared at the page without seeing, wanting to remember all the games they’d played. Hester had called her a child back then, and Marie had tried to ignore what the crabby woman said. Having fun with the children made the boring and scary parts bearable. Her eyes watered a little, and she blinked back the tears over Jimmy’s death.

  Hester dropping their plates into the metal pail startled Marie. The sour-faced woman said, “I’ll wash these. I’d prefer to not wait until morning like you do.”

  As she left, Charles
asked Marie, “What’s that you’re reading? I don’t remember seeing that book before now.”

  “It’s Mr. Granville’s guidebook. He’s loaned it to me for a short while.” She ran her fingers over the leather cover. The gold embossed letters retained their indentions, if not their shine.

  “I’m not sure how I feel about our leader not having his guidebook.”

  She smiled away her irritation at being spoken to like his child. “I won’t keep it long. Since we’ve traveled halfway, the first part was an easy read.”

  “Just make sure you get it back to him unharmed.”

  “I will.” Staring at the page, she struggled to concentrate on the words. Weariness set in, and she decided to stop reading for the night. Instead, she opened the front cover and saw his full name suffixed by “Esquire.” Had she known he was a lawyer?

  Marie looked up into the fire, reviewing conversations with Sam in her mind. She didn’t remember him ever saying so, though he might have. Her heart beat a little faster at the thought of him being so educated. Adding intelligence to charisma, handsomeness, and a strong body made the man nearly irresistible. She sighed. The brief moment they’d contacted while on horseback still gave her goose bumps. With a grin, she imagined a kick in the right spot on Scamp might have goaded the horse into a trot. She’d have had no choice but to squeeze Sam around the waist. A shudder traveled her from head to toe. Marie closed her eyes, unwilling to let them betray the sudden rush of desire filling her.

  “If you’re tired, go to bed already.”

  Hester’s strident tone acted like a splash of ice water. Marie smiled, grateful for the distraction. “That’s an excellent idea.” She slipped off her shoes, nestled between the mattress and blanket, and slipped the guidebook under her pillow.

  Morning came far too early and left just as soon. The twins seemed in better moods than usual, Hester doing chores on her own initiative. The woman’s help gave Marie more time to spend with her friends. Ellen’s father’s health had improved, reducing her responsibilities. For the next two days, rocky hills added to the livestock’s misery. Some cattle grew lame from the jagged stones, their hooves cracking. Abandoned animals lay scattered along the trail where they died, one every couple of miles or so. She couldn’t get used to the smell and gave each carcass a wide berth.