Undesirable

by Laura Stapleton

  Sam gave the order to halt just as the sun hovered over the western mountain peaks. The late hour didn’t give them much time to do chores before dark. Marie hurried to their wagon as it rolled into the nightly semicircle along the riverbank. Being this close to the water meant no romantic meetings for anyone this evening. She smiled. Unless someone wanted to find more of the black currant bushes they’d been passing all afternoon. Most of the bushes had held a scant amount of berries. Maybe she’d find a few off the beaten path. Excited at the chance to eat something besides the usual, Marie grabbed an empty jar.

  Her husband turned the corner, almost running into her. “Whoa, little lady! You’re not using hat little ole thing instead of the water bucket, are you?”

  Hester came up behind him. Marie nodded a greeting to her and answered, “I thought about seeing if there were any more berries. There might be more away from the crowds.”

  “I see.” He turned to his sister. “Hessy, want to go?”

  “Let’s.” She took the jar from Marie. “It makes sense for us to go. A woman alone is not a good idea, and we’ve seen just this morning it’s not safe for two.”

  Marie shrugged. “Very well. I can care for the animals and search for wood while you’re gone.”

  “We won’t be long.”

  She called out to them as they walked away from her. “I hope not. Dusk is coming up fast.” Charles gave her a wave as if he’d heard. She watched them and shook her head. They didn’t even look around for the currants. Dinner would be late and without anything new. The oxen took little time to unhitch. She led them upriver, searching for anything to burn. Sagebrush grew less here, too. Marie watched as their animals ate. She hoped Oregon had everything they’d need. She glanced up, barely seeing the orange gold clouds in the west. California, not Oregon. She needed to remember that.

  Leading the animals back to camp, she gathered as many twigs and sticks as possible. The placid oxen made easy work of holding their reins in one hand while holding an apron full of tinder in the other. After securing them, she made a small campfire for dinner. Marie considered searching for more wood, now hungry and growing impatient. The dark purple-black of the sky deterred her from wandering away, and she began cooking cornbread and ham. Just as she retrieved dishes and utensils, she saw her husband and sister in law. Relieved to see them she said, “There you are!” She handed each one their dishes. “Dinner is ready.”

  “Smells good,” said Charles.

  “Doesn’t it?” She peered into their bucket, disappointed to see it empty. “The berry picking was a bust for you, too? I had a difficult time finding anything for the fire tonight.” Marie saw Hester dish up her and Charles’ food. They both looked rumpled and dirty. “It appears you two had to climb some hills in your search.”

  “It wasn’t too bad,” said Hester while holding out her plate for Marie to fill. “The task ended up being very fun.”

  “That’s good,” Marie said.

  “Yes, I didn’t mind at all.” He smiled at her and held out his plate to Marie, too. “I only wish we’d been able to hunt longer.”

  She forced a smile. “Well, maybe tomorrow there’ll be a better chance of finding something tasty. “ Marie was glad they were chipper this evening. She preferred this to their glummer moods.

  Like a burst dam floods a valley, both Warrens talked non-stop through their supper. Hester asked about everyone in the camp. Charles enquired about the Winslows and how the children were doing after the tragedy. Their sudden kindness left her feeling odd. “I haven’t seen much of Mr. Granville or his men.”

  “They’ve beefed up security,” Charles said in between bites. “I heard from Allen that some of us would be the close guard while the others ride to check for danger further out from us.”

  “Hello, Mrs. Warren,” said Samuel, and nodded to the other two.

  His expression worried, almost scared Marie. He seemed furious, pale, and only looked at her. “Well, speak of the devil. Is everything fine, Mr. Granville?”

  “It is. I’d noticed the three of you were away from camp a bit late. After this morning, I’d prefer everyone stay within sight.”

  “Oh, I see.” She glanced at her family, now quiet and not eating. “We should have been more security minded.”

  Charles stood, giving Marie his dirty plate but talking to Sam. “You’re a good man for noticing, Granville.”

  He looked Charles up and down without speaking before staring at Marie. His every word clipped, Sam said, “Mrs. Warren if you need anything outside of camp and after dark, tell me or one of my men. Do you understand?”

  “Yes,” Marie smiled, hoping to charm some of the hostility from his face. “I do and have been if there were problems.”

  “Good.” He tipped his hat at her, nodded at the Warrens, and walked back to his men’s camp.

  “Not only did a bee get in his bonnet, the whole hive did and stung him.” She turned to her husband, “I’ve never seen Mr. Granville so angry.” Marie took Hester’s offered dishes. She looked from one sibling to the other. The mood had been so pleasant before Samuel stopped by. Now, Charles seemed sullen, and Hester looked scared. They didn’t even talk in their twin language. Samuel’s displeasure must be contagious, Marie thought, because she grew aggravated, too. “I don’t suppose we could go back to being cheerful again.”

  Hester and Charles exchanged looks, him saying, “I don’t feel like it.”

  She struggled to be police while wrapping the leftover cornbread in a napkin. “Fine, what do you feel like?”

  “Like sleeping, since it is dark, now.” Hester retorted.

  “Very well, I’ll help get out the mattresses and blankets.” She helped set up everything for resting but didn’t want to sleep just yet. Not while the fire still burned brightly. After retrieving her own bedding and sewing, Marie hopped down and took the dishes to wash.

  A full moon helped her to see the river. She nodded to the watch as she passed. He was a gentleman from a family who kept to themselves. Marie didn’t know any of them well. She didn’t stop to exchange pleasantries, feeling shy all of a sudden. The moonlight glinted off the flowing water. The river ran fast enough to worry her. She took off her shoes on the sandy bank, sat down, and dangled her feet into the water. As her foot hit the liquid ice, a hand clamped over her mouth and arms pulled her against a man.

  “Marie, don’t scream.”

  As soon as he released her, she whirled to face him, “Samuel Granville, what are you doing? All that security nonsense and you do a silly prank like this?”

  He held onto her upper arms and drew her closer. “Robert James,” he whispered in her ear.

  The night wasn’t so dark as to hide his smile and she struggled not to grin, also. “Excuse me? Who are you talking about?”

  “It’s Samuel Robert James Granville when I’m in trouble with my mother.” He pressed his lips against her ear.

  “I’m not your mother, and I don’t care.” Now his breath in her ear completely distracted her. “You’re still in trouble with me.”

  “I know and don’t care.” He settled in beside Marie and held her tight. “I’m going to be in a lot more trouble by the time I’m finished with you.”

  She shuddered when his lips met hers in a bruising kiss and heard him growl low in his throat. Pulling away, she gasped “You, we can’t do this.”

  “Yes, we can. All night if we want. No one has the right to censor us.”

  He stopped what she wanted to say next by covering her lips with his own again. She returned his kiss, letting her tongue trace his lips as his did hers. Marie wrapped her arms around him. His breathing quickened. She could feel the pulse in his body as well as her own. Not everyone slept yet, especially the night watch. She couldn’t let this continue. “Sam, let’s stop. We can’t.”

  He lifted her skirt, tracing his hand along her outer thigh. “From now on, we can do whatever we want, tonight and every night.”

  “No, we can
’t, Sam.” She put her hand over his, stopping his progress. “Sam! Please!”

  He paused, asking, “Is that a please stop, or a please go?” He nipped at Marie’s neck, and she moaned. “I think it’s a please go.”

  “It’s a please stop because you’re not a sinful man.” She took his hand from her thigh and brought it up to kiss his knuckles. “In fact, you’re a very good man who is tempted by some dangerous ideas.”

  Sam ceased kissing her and pulled Marie’s skirt down modestly below her knees. “You are a very mean woman calling out my conscience like that,” he whispered. “On our wedding night, I’m going to punish you for stopping me so soon.”

  “Pardon me?” Apparently, she’d driven Sam insane by not allowing him to go any further. How else could she explain the wedding night comment? Deciding to leave his error alone for the moment, she instead asked, “Am I to assume by punishment you mean to hurt me, and I won’t enjoy it?”

  “I could never hurt you, and I hope you would enjoy it very much.” He reached over to get her bucket of dirty dishes with a groan. “My idea of teaching you a lesson is pleasing you so many times you lose count. You’ll be ruined for any other man, only wanting me as a lover.” Sam knelt by the water’s edge and took out the plates and cutlery, placing each on the ground.

  She realized he meant to wash dishes for her. Marie smiled and kneeled to help him. They cleaned in silence until she could no longer refrain from asking, “Could you please tell me what is wrong tonight? Why you acted so rough?”

  He shrugged and placed a clean plate into the pail. “I covered your mouth in case I startled you.”

  “That explains some of it.”

  “You were in my arms, and I thought of all you deserved as a wife. I lost control. Today was horrible. I kept thinking what if they’d taken you instead of Ellen? Del can travel light and quick. Plus, he’s not responsible for all these other people. If you’d been in her place, I’d have had to let him go get you. It’s bad enough waiting to hear about her. I’d not live through losing you.” He put the last of the silverware in the pail before continuing. “I’m tired of wanting you so much that I can’t sleep and am unable to help the situation.” Upon standing, he helped Marie to her feet as well.

  She gave him a quick hug, afraid to believe in his feelings for her. “I knew you cared for me, but I don’t think it’s as much as you’re saying.”

  He held her at arm’s length. “Do you think I’m lying?”

  “Not at all. I believe that you want someone you can’t have.”

  “I can have you, and I will by the time we reach Fort Hall. I swear it.”

  His serious tone made her laugh, and without thinking, she said, “I wouldn’t be swearing such things. Especially when you have no right to do so.”

  “All right. I won’t promise anything until I hear your answer. Do you love him more than you love me?”

  The question bothered her. She couldn’t be honest with him and tried giving Sam a feeble laugh. “You know I can’t answer that.”

  After pausing for a moment while examining her face, he said, “Come on.” He held out his hand for her to take. “You need your sleep, as do I. Let me walk you back.”

  A thought from earlier in the day came to mind, and she stopped. “Sam! You’ll know the answer, I’m sure. Have you heard of ‘oochiegoo’?”

  After pondering the question, he answered, “No, where did you hear this?”

  She shook her head, disappointed he didn’t know. “It’s a word Charles and Hester bandy about in conversation.”

  “How is it used? Like a noun or a verb?”

  “Like a verb, as in when will we, or did you enjoy it when we, or…” Much like Eden’s snake, the thought wrapped itself in her mind. A verb they do together in secret? “What I think it means isn’t possible.”

  “It might be.” He led her outside the wagon semicircle and downstream, nodding to Uncle Joe as they passed him a few feet away.

  Marie laughed at her ludicrous idea. “If they weren’t siblings, I’d swear they were planning a rendezvous. That’s just not possible. He wouldn’t be with Hester. Charles has me always available and has no interest. “

  “No interest in you?” At her go-ahead, he asked, “Can you pinpoint a time when it ended?”

  She shook her head until the memory surfaced. “Hester moved into the guest house and things cooled rapidly between us. He’s a private person. Having her underfoot inhibited him.”

  “You didn’t have servants?”

  “Of course, we did, but they weren’t family. I suppose he felt comfortable being intimate as if they were invisible.” As if they were lightning strikes, a thousand clues hit her consciousness at once. “Sam.” Dizzy, Marie reached out for him. He held her hand, steadying her. “I have the strangest idea that Charles and Hester are having an affair, have had one for years now. Isn’t that the silliest?” Her nose stung and tears filled her eyes. His face swam in front of her as she requested, “Tell me that can’t be true.”

  He shook his head, “I can’t lie to you. I also think they’re carrying on together, very together.”

  “Oh, mercy!” She put a hand to her mouth muffling, “I’m going to be sick!” Marie ran a little way before bending over and dry heaving. Hearing Sam behind her, she cried, “No, please don’t follow me. It’s not nice. I’m not ladylike right now.”

  “I can handle it.”

  Standing, she took a deep breath. An image of the twins being intimate sprang to her mind, and she resumed retching. During a break, she said, “Please, Sam, just leave me here alone. I’m finished with this entire trip.”

  “That’s not going to happen.”

  She stayed faced away from him, her head bowed. “I don’t know that I can be around them, knowing this.”

  “They’re the ones who should be ashamed of themselves. It’s disgusting.”

  Marie looked up at him, appreciating the sympathy without pity she saw in his eyes. “They’ve probably been laughing at me this whole time. He’s probably told her every time I tried to seduce him.” She put the back of her hand to her mouth. “You suspected this about them?” When he nodded, she asked, “For how long? Since Independence?”

  “Not that long. Maybe a day or so after you fell in the river, then saved my life. I didn’t know which couple I’d overheard, not until you were asking after them. I’d thought you knew, too, but only at first.”

  “You’d think I’d know and condone their actions?” Tears started falling in earnest. “I suppose I deserve your opinion, considering my forward conduct with you.”

  “You deserve nothing like this!” He reached out and held her upper arms. “How many times do you think they were together before you and I kissed?”

  “Excuse me?”

  “How many times have they had sex for each one of our kisses?”

  “I, I don’t…” She pulled away from his grip, wanting to stop the images in her mind.

  “No, let’s add up the occurrences, shall we?”

  Frowning, she sulked, “I’d prefer not to.”

  “Hester’s been stashed in the guest house for how long now? How many years? I also happen to know Warren is a gentleman farmer, meaning he works very little, if at all. His hands were as soft as an infant’s when we first met. I’m surprised he lived this long out here. Usually, weak men like him have died before now.”

  Marie looked at him, blinking. She’d thought he condoned the Warren’s activities and wrongly so. “You’re every bit as angry as I am, maybe more so, since you’re not injured, just indignant.”

  He stopped, facing her and almost yelling, “I’ve gone through hell wanting to crush his head like a melon, yet unable to say or do anything.” Sam pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath. “I both did and didn’t want you to know because of how much hurt you’d endure. That old goat had a vibrant, beautiful woman like you and carries on with another? It’s galling. Especially the other goat he’s pawing
after.”

  “If she’s who Charles wanted, nothing I could try would gain his attention.” A wave of nausea hit her. “Sam, I don’t know if I can be good with them. Does everyone know?”

  “Most don’t, but others suspect.”

  She held her mouth, trying to calm her stomach. Marie had seen no pitying looks from anyone but had noticed how none of the others included either twin in conversations.

  He tipped her chin up to see her face. “Marie, don’t feel forced into doing anything you’d prefer not doing. I’m here, my men are here, and even your friends will do whatever they can for you.”

  Sam’s expression was so earnest, she smiled at him. “You are a very kind man.”

  “Sweetheart,” he murmured, “you don’t have to do anything today. Nor tomorrow, nor ever, if it’s what you want.” He stood very close to her. “I only want your happiness.”

  She stared into his eyes. Sam was handsome down to his bones, inside and out. “I didn’t know how long I’d been beating a dead horse. Now, I’m aware and can’t go back. When I get to Oregon City, maybe you can recommend a good divorce attorney.”

  Sam grinned, his whole face showing his joy. “I can recommend one right now. A man who can have the document filed by the time we reach Fort Hall.”

  “I assume you’re the man?” she said as they passed Uncle Joe’s post.

  “Yes. Whatever you need, however you need it, I’m here.” He took her hand. “In the meantime, what do you want to do tonight?”

  Marie’s stomach churned despite being empty. She considered herself no better in the morals department. Eventually, she’d have to face Charles. “Nothing, but I need to do something, I suppose.” Marie almost wished she’d been intimate with Sam. She’d have liked to rub her husband’s nose in her own infidelity out of spite and to feel less like a throwaway wife. How many times had he crawled out of Hester’s bed and straight into theirs? Or maybe Hester had been the one leaving their bedroom after she and Charles. Marie shuddered with revulsion. “Let’s go ask them directly.”

  “Do you expect them to be honest with us?”