No More Heartache: The MORE Duet

by Anders, Tarrah

  “You have nothing but crap on here, can we order on demand?” She asks.

  “Sure.” We settle on a comedy and we laugh our asses off. Sammie falls asleep towards the end of the movie and I’m back to wanting some pineapples.

  I’m in the kitchen eating out of the can. I can’t be pregnant, can I? I shake my head, that’s absurd. I look at the clock on my stove. It’s only 9pm, its early still. I put my pineapple down on the counter, grab my purse and keys and slowly and quietly leave my apartment with Sammie sleeping peacefully on the couch.

  I’m in and out of the drug store as quickly as possible. I won’t know anyone in this neighborhood, but I still don’t want to run into anyone. I’m back home, just as quick. Sammie hasn’t moved, and so on my way to the bathroom, I fork a chunk of pineapple in my mouth.

  What do I have to lose? I’m not pregnant, I can’t be.

  16

  Max

  Monday morning I’m staring at the same spreadsheet that’s been on my screen for the past 30 minutes and I haven’t been able to focus on a single line. I pinch the bridge of my nose and then rub my eyes.

  “‘Sup?” Dane walks in my office and plops down on the chair in front of my desk.

  “I can’t focus man.”

  Dane sits up straight. “Are you, do you…” He trails off, unsure of what he’s going to say next.

  “No, I’m good there. My mind is jumbled. Dav is avoiding me like the plague, I’m tired and I’m just bored.”

  “You’ve been working late man, you should just go home. Go hit up the beach or something.” Dane says.

  “Maybe. Feel like playing hooky?” I ask, I don’t want to be alone.

  “Let me check with Talia if I can clear my afternoon meeting. I’ll be right back.” Dane leaves and within 5 minutes, he’s standing in my office doorway with his belongings.

  I stand up and shut off everything and we leave the building.

  “Meet at your house? I’ll change at home and then be over.” Dane says as he heads to his car. I nod and get into my car and then I’m pulling out of my parking space.

  I pull into my driveway and run inside the house. I change into shorts and make myself a milkshake. I’m checking my messages, one from my sponsor and one from Leo. I’ve been making meetings a few times a week; Leo and I kept to our word and have gone to the majority of them together and I’ve gone to a few during the day when I’d been stressed. I have been doing relatively well and haven’t had any sudden urges to drown myself in drinking except for Friday night.

  Over the weekend, I got bored after Nikki left and resorted to a 4 mile run instead. That’s my game plan now, I drink my milkshakes, go to a meeting and I go for a run. If I didn’t call Nikki over Friday night after Davis and his friends left, I may have been tempted. And even though I met Nikki through the bar, she would be considered as part of my life back then, part of what made me toxic. But she is a human being, and while it may be strange when all I really want from her is sex, we do have some weird friendship, so I can’t completely drop her, right? But now that she knows I’m sober, the ball is in her court. I’m not interested in her in a relationship sort of way, so whatever happens will happen. I’m not actively searching her out, I needed to do something on Friday to let off the steam I was feeling and the best answer was to fuck someone. It was different, being sober. But it was familiar because it was Nikki, but not in the familiar like I want to be with her feeling. I could have resorted to going to another meeting, but I needed to let out my frustration, not talk through it for once.

  I need something thrilling right now, something out of my normal. I know I shouldn’t be making huge changes in my life at the moment, but I need to do something. As I’m standing in the kitchen drinking my milkshake, I continue to think of what I need to do. It’s then that I’ve figured out what I needed.

  Dane shows up at my house not too much later, he walks in and looks around my space.

  “I want to do something, exciting.” I explain.

  Dane has a worried look on his face. “Should I be afraid of what this would entail?”

  “Not exactly. C’mon, I’ll drive.” I’m purposely being discreet, so Dane can’t talk me out of my decision.

  * * *

  A little known fact about me that Dane or anyone was unaware of is that when we were in college, for the fun of it I got my motorcycle license. I took the basic riders course, followed all the strict rules that are given about not riding at night, on the freeway or allow anyone to ride with me for the months that I had my permit. I never purchased a motorcycle at the time, but I have kept up to date on maintaining my license.

  Never would I have thought that I would be sitting on a blacked out Sportster frame Harley gliding through the streets following Dane back to my house. I never thought I would ever purchase a bike myself, but I’ve always been slightly jealous of those who did. Now, I understand it. I understand riding a bike keeps you busy and alert as well as my adrenaline is pumping just from the rumble that I’m sitting on. My left hand is working the clutch and putting on my turn signal, my left foot is also switching gears. My right hand is pressing for my front brake as I go into the turn, and slowly I stop accelerating as I pull into my driveway.

  I push down the kickstand and disembark from my new ride. Dane has exited my car and is now walking to me.

  “How did it feel? Better than when at the dealership?” He asks inspecting the bike.

  “Much better. It felt liberating and smooth.” I answer strapping the helmet to the back of the bike. I leaned down and placed my hand along the front end with the manufacturer’s logo. You would think that I’m petting a dog with the small deliberate strokes I’m leaving along the lines of the bike.

  Behind me, the crunching of pavement as a car pulls up to the curb in front of my house. Thinking it was Davis, I didn’t turn around but when I heard a car door open and close, I shouted behind us.

  “Dav! Come check out my new baby!”

  “Um, Max… that’s not Davis.” Dane quietly says which has my attention.

  I slowly turn away from my new purchase and my eyes meet with the leggy brunette, Tatum. I don’t know whether or not to blink in case this moment is a mirage but I do stand and smile. I’m afraid to be the first one to say something to break this moment, but I do anyways.

  “Nice to see you again, Tatum.” I smile then turn to Dane. “Dane, this is Tatum, we met at the hotel during my… errr… vacation. Tatum, this is my buddy Dane.”

  Dane steps forward and shakes her hand and nods.

  “Can we talk, privately… inside?” She asks quietly.

  “I was just gonna get going anyways. I’ll call ya later. Tatum, nice to meet you.” Dane practically runs to his car, parked in front of the vehicle Tatum got out of.

  I inclined my head towards the house.

  “Didn’t think I’d see you again.” I simply state nonchalantly leading the way.

  I’m conflicted with how I feel about seeing her, about her showing up. If I was the dick that I usually am, I would attempt another go to hump and dump her. But she seems troubled, and now I’m curious as to why she’s here. Another part of me is angry with her, even though her actions were the actions that I had done to many women. Overall, the new leaf that I turned in rehab has me being the better person that I’m working towards being, so I plan to go into this conversation with an open mind, then maybe I’ll go for a drive along the coast on my new bike.

  “Yeah well, neither did I, but it would seem like forces are bringing us together.” She says.

  I look at her with a puzzled look. That’s a weird statement. And I motion to the living room for us to sit. She takes the recliner and I take the couch and face her.

  “Before we start, do you want anything to drink?” I ask standing back up, suddenly feeling nervous.

  “This is a weird request, but would you happen to have any pineapple juice, or pineapple anything?”

  I walk into the kitchen
and look in the cupboards. We have a small can of pineapple slices, that I usually use for my pulled pork sandwiches. I get myself a glass of water and retrieve a fork from a drawer and I head back to the living room where Tatum, the girl who left me a Dear John letter after a what I would assume was a wild night of sex that for the life of me, I can barely remember.

  “Thank you.” She whispers taking the can and fork from me.

  “So, last week you stayed in the car when you and your friend picked up my brother. Why?” I ask.

  “Pride.” She says placing a piece of pineapple in her mouth.

  “But here you are right now, sitting in my living room, eating pineapple and wanting to talk now?”

  “Before, we didn’t have anything to talk about. If I would have come inside, it would have been awkward. Hey, remember me – we hooked up and I left while you were in the bathroom. Yeah, that would have been awkward, especially in front of your brother, who I happen to work with and Sammie.”

  “That’s a good point.” I look at my watch. “So you said before but now, you imply that now there’s a reason you want to talk?” She’s not looking directly at me, but focusing between the can in her hands and at the window off to the left of me. She’s chewing on her bottom lip and her eyes are slightly glassy like she’s about to start crying.

  “I’m not going to beat around the bush, but I feel that you should know that I’m pregnant.” Her bottom lip is back between her teeth as she’s looking me dead straight in the eyes. “Before you ask the standard questions, yes I’m sure because I’ve taken at least 20 tests this past week. I’m 100% sure that it’s yours because you’re the only person that I’ve had any sort of sexual contact with in the past 6 months and I honestly don’t remember if we used protection or not.”

  I feel like a cartoon character where the jaw hits the floor.

  “I need a milkshake.” I say standing up and walking back into the kitchen. Tatum is definitely confused with my reaction as her jaw seems to have hit the floor too. She stands and follows me.

  As I’m readying the ingredients, I look to her. “Would you like one?” I offer.

  “No thank you.” She’s confused and I should probably explain to her why the sudden need for a milkshake but the front door opens and Davis walks through. He’s whistling some odd tune and when he comes into view of the kitchen with Tatum and myself in it, he stills and practically drops his bag and keys.

  “Hey, Tate. What’s going on?” He asks, with a concerned look on his face as he looks back and forth at the two of us. Then he looks at everything that I have out on the table along with the pineapple can in her hand.

  He knows!

  “Is everything okay?” He asks looking at me.

  “Yeah, um Tatum came over here to talk. And I need… I need a milkshake.” I stammer out.

  Davis nods in understanding. “Okay, um… I’ll let you guys talk. I’ll be um… in my room if either of you need anything.” He turns and walks towards the hallway.

  “Does my brother know?” I ask, wanting to get that out of the way first.

  “I think he’s piecing the pieces together. Max, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to spring this on you, so that’s why I wanted to…” The blender basically cut her off. As soon as everything was blended, I shut it off.

  “I need a milkshake before we can continue this conversation.” I explain as I grab a glass. “Do you want more… pineapple? I think I have another can in here.”

  “No thank you, I’m good for the next hour or so.” She smiles.

  I take a drink from my glass.

  “So what has my brother told you about me, that I didn’t mention the night we met?” I ask, gauging if she knew about my alcoholism.

  “He hasn’t really said much, but to be fair – I never asked. Once I knew you guys were brothers, I kept those two separate.”

  “Okay, well then Tatum, we barely know each other, but now we’re about to. This is going to get heavy because we’re both unloading some… well heavy information right now. While you started, and I soooo acknowledge the pregnancy, I want to go into some, um background on me right now to explain… myself.”

  “Um, Okay. What does this have to do with me being pregnant?” She asks.

  “Everything and nothing.” I start taking a deep breath and gesturing back to the living room. We sit down beside each other this time.

  “When we met, I was drunk.” I start.

  “No shit Sherlock,” she laughs.

  “Yeah, I had probably been drunk daily for a year and half. And that vacation of mine was a week-long bender, my breaking point. I was in a downward spiral after a car accident.”

  “Your brother did mention you were missing.”

  “Yup. I escaped to the hotel and drank myself silly. I remember fragments of my week there, like I remember you, your legs, and parts of our evening together. Before you think it, I’m not making any excuses, I’m just telling you what’s happened. Anyways, Davis and Dane, my friend you met earlier came to the hotel, gave me a “come to Jesus” and then the next day I was in rehab.”

  “That’s why you weren’t here for the BBQ!” She exclaims.

  “BBQ?” I ask.

  “Oh, Davis had a BBQ, you weren’t here. He said you weren’t going to be around. I wasn’t… I wasn’t going to come. I didn’t want to… make it weird.”

  “Ah. Okay. So there, I’m a recovering alcoholic and the sudden and extremely random need for a milkshake, has well, replaced alcohol. I drink my milkshakes when I have any, even minuscule thoughts that would send me to drink, it doesn’t necessarily mean I want to. It’s become a crutch.”

  “Ahh okay, that makes sense. I thought it was strange, but I didn’t want to ask you why you were so weird, right off the bat. Don’t worry, I have to have something pineapple at least every 45 minutes to an hour to refrain from becoming a blubbery mess.” She smiles, this time it’s a real smile.

  Man, she’s beautiful. And fuck, she’s pregnant.

  Because of me, she’s pregnant.

  The reality was settling in as I sipped on my milkshake and stopped talking as I looked at her over the rim of the glass.

  “So, what do we do now?” I ask.

  “I don’t believe in abortions.” She stated quickly.

  “I would never ask that. Plus, I’m cool with women’s lib. It’s your choice.” Fuck, my life went from super boring to straight up drama in less than a day.

  “Well, that’s a relief. I honestly don’t know what to do. I took a week to get the nerve up to come over here and tell you. I don’t know what’s next.” She admits. “I have to say that I’m surprised you aren’t freaking out.”

  “Well, case and point, milkshake. But I’m freaking out, you just can’t tell. I’m more speechless.”

  “That makes sense.” She smiles.

  “Have you made a doctor’s appointment yet?” I ask.

  “Yes, it’s Monday morning.”

  “Can I, can I come?” I ask.

  “Sure.” She pulls out her phone and gives me the information.

  “You might as well give me your number too, just think, things can’t get more awkward now.” I try to joke, but it lands badly and she doesn’t get it. She hands me her phone and I put my number in her contacts and then text myself so I have hers as well.

  Well shit. Can you strap a car seat on the back of a Harley?

  17

  Tatum

  I left Max’s house confused. He had no crazy reaction to my news other than his random milkshake desire, which he later explained. I expected more of a panic and definitely not a calm and understanding presence. I had 4 more days until I would see him again, and I was already nervous. We’re not jumping into a relationship, but then again we are but it’s very unconventional. The guy who I thought was just an impulsive roll in the sack, we end up strapped to each other for life.

  I pull out my phone and go through my contacts. I pull up Davis’s information and press the cal
l button.

  “Is everything okay?” He asks as soon as he answers.

  “Everything is fine. Is Max, did Max…?” I don’t even know what I’m wanting to ask.

  “He is in the shower, he’s been in there for a while.” Davis explains. “So, are you okay?”

  “I’m hungry, but other than that, I’m okay. I got over the hard part, I assume you know what’s going on?” I admit.

  “Yeah, Where are you, do you want me to meet you and we can grab a bite?”

  “I’m sitting in front of my apartment complex. I’m not sure what I want right now.” This sucks.

  “I’m gonna put on my shoes and I’ll be right over. I can bring anything?”

  “Pineapples.” I know that much.

  “Let’s get something other than pineapples in you, please?”

  “Fine. A double cheeseburger, no onions and no mustard. Onion rings and, and a strawberry milkshake.”

  Davis laughs. “Max rubbing off on you already?”

  “His milkshake looked good, shaddup.”

  “I’ll be over in 20 mins. Should I call Sammie?”

  “No, she’s team screw Max right now.”

  “Ouch.”

  We hang up and I go inside and place my belongings on the kitchen counter. I toe off my shoes and change into my yoga pants. From my bedroom, I can hear my phone text message notification go off. I don’t rush to the phone, and instead remove any makeup that I had on and use the restroom.

  I grab my phone and see that Max had texted me.

  Max: Before Monday, do you want to meet up for a meal or something?

  I laugh. His text almost seems nervous as I think of a reply to send back to him. A meal?

  Me: In my condition, I can always eat!

  Immediately, I see the thought bubble pop up on the screen for his reply.

  Max: Saturday work? Lunchtime? I have plans with Davis tomorrow, some big reveal he wants to give me. But does that work okay for you? Or Sunday? Anytime really, how about right now?