Rushing up the stairs to her room, Rachel grabbed a few sheets of paper and began to pen a letter to Bruce.
Mr. Monroe,
Although I cannot speak for my betrothed (your son), I forgive you for everything. I am happy to hear you have an interest in the Bible, for the words will guide you on learning to forgive yourself. I believe it is important to do that, not for us, but for your own peace of mind. I wish you well. Feel free to stay in touch. Blake and I will keep you up to date on the developments in our familye throughout the years.
Sincerely,
Rachel Yoder (soon to be Monroe)
Rachel folded the letter, feeling light of heart, and finally ready to marry Blake. Now there would be no hindrance to their future happiness. She was finally free of the past, and it felt liberating.
Chapter 18
“I’d be more than happy to give you a ride over there to help mei schweschder, Rachel, with the pumpkin rolls. I know how important they are to her, and if you’re late, which I suspect you will be if you walk, she will not be happy with you.”
Lila looked into Samuel’s serious, blue eyes.
“I appreciate the offer, but didn’t you just come from there? I don’t want to make you take the trip all over again.”
Samuel smiled as he pulled her into his arms and placed a kiss across her cold lips. “You’re already freezing. Think of how cold you’ll be by the time you get there. I think today is colder than it was yesterday.”
Lila was already shivering, and the shelter of his arms had warmed her more than it should. She’d been looking for the opportunity to allow Samuel to propose to her again, and the close quarters of his buggy and the time it would take to drive her to meet Rachel might be the perfect setting.
“I am running a little late since I’ve been helping Bess with the boppli all morning. Danki. I promised Rachel I’d get there a little early to help her pick the pumpkins.”
Samuel pulled her into a tight squeeze and kissed her again just before helping her into his buggy. It would be her first buggy ride with a mann, and she had to admit she was a little nervous. She loved him, but she feared he would give up on her since they’d made a deal not to marry. Why had she acted in haste? She should have never said anything to him about it. But at the time, she had no intention of marrying him. How could she convey to him, without being too bold, that she was now ready?
Samuel grabbed the reins, slapped them gently across his gelding, and clicked his tongue to signal a command. The buggy lurched forward, causing Lila to grab onto Samuel for stability.
He tucked his arm around her, pulling her closer to his side. “I’ll hold onto to you so you don’t slosh around.”
“Danki, I’m certain your schweschder would appreciate it if I showed up to help her with the wedding in one piece.”
Samuel chuckled. “Is this your first wedding?”
“Nee, I’ve attended a couple of other weddings.”
“Well, as much against weddings as you are, I thought you might have avoided them until now.”
Lila’s heart sank. How could she tell Samuel she was no longer against marriage—that she wanted to marry—him? He would think she was narrish for sure and for certain. She couldn’t seem too eager and blurt it out or he would lose respect for her. Perhaps she could ease into the conversation and keep him there until he made another attempt to propose. The only problem was that he’d made a promise to her that he wouldn’t ask her again.
“I’m warming up to the idea,” Lila said. “Your schweschder seems to be happy about getting married.”
“Well, you don’t have to worry about that since you will never get married. And don’t worry about me asking you again. I promised you I wouldn’t, and I won’t.” Samuel teased her, hoping it would change her mind, and from the look on her face, it was working.
Lila sighed hopelessly. What had she done? Was there no undoing her mistake? Now he would never ask her. An entire lifetime of being a childless spinster stretched out before her as she envisioned her life without Samuel.
“Stop the buggy,” Lila said abruptly.
Samuel pulled over to the side of the country lane near his familye home. “What’s wrong?”
Lila was shaking. “I’m feeling a little too warm, and I think I want to walk the rest of the way.”
She jumped from the buggy, and Samuel followed her. “At least kiss me before you go.”
“You already got your kiss for the day,” Lila said, choking back tears. “You kissed me before I got into the buggy.”
Samuel closed the space between them. “That one didn’t count. Your lips were cold. Now that you’re warmed up, I’d like a real kiss.”
Lila couldn’t resist him, even if kissing him was all she would ever have with him. There would be no marriage or bopplies in her future because she had broken her own heart with her hasty decision. Now, it seemed, there would no undoing it.
Samuel pressed his lips to hers, his hunger for her more apparent with every sweep of his mouth across hers.
“I love you,” she whispered in-between kisses.
Panic seized her when she realized she’d let the words slip from her tongue.
Samuel pulled away and looked at her, his eyes glazed over with emotion. “I love you too!”
Lila smiled delightfully as she pressed her lips to Samuel’s. It wasn’t a marriage proposal, but it was progress.
Chapter 19
Rachel stood at the edge of her mamm’s kitchen garden surveying the last bits of vegetation. Except for a few squash, it had been pretty well picked over, and the stores of canned vegetables she and her mamm had put up for winter filled their pantry.
A sense of accomplishment filled her as she realized she was bringing a great deal more to her marriage than she’d originally thought. She knew Blake expected nothing from her other than her love for him, but she wanted to be able to provide for him just as much as he was doing for her. Come spring, she would be planting her own kitchen garden at her own haus, and she hoped they would be blessed with their first boppli within their first year of marriage. It was going to be a wunderbaar year; she could just feel it in the air. The letter from Bruce had freed her in a way she never thought possible; his letter could not have come at a more perfect time.
The pumpkin patch was another thing altogether. Six long rows boasted enough pumpkins to make the pumpkin rolls for her wedding meal. Her schweschder, Abby, Aenti Lillian, and Lila would arrive soon to help make pumpkin rolls. Rachel intended to get the pumpkins picked and cleaned before they arrived so she would be ready since time was running low.
With only three more days until her wedding, Rachel was more anxious than ever to complete as many tasks as possible ahead of time. She hadn’t spent more than five minutes alone with Blake in the past two days, and she was ready to be married.
Pushing the wheelbarrow down the row, Rachel selected each pumpkin carefully, knowing the ones that were the most ripe would be the easiest to work with, and the tastiest. She left several on the vines that were still a little green. Rachel knew they would use them to make pies later, but they would need to be picked before the first frost and stored in the cellar. Her mamm had already promised her she could have most of the remaining pumpkins to make pies for her first Christmas with Blake. She had so many firsts to look forward to she found it difficult to concentrate on what she was doing.
Pushing the full wheelbarrow toward the kitchen door, Rachel was surprised to see Lila show up with her bruder, Samuel. She’d thought they would make a gut match, but Lila seemed very apprehensive around him the last time she’d seen them together. Rachel wondered what had changed as she watched the two of them smile and converse as though they’d known each other all their lives. But there was something else she couldn’t quite understand. They almost acted like they were courting. Was it possible they’d begun courting in secret?
Rachel approached her bruder’s buggy carefully watching the interaction between him and Lil
a. “Why did you bring her so late, Samuel?”
Lila stepped forward, eyeing the wheelbarrow full of pumpkins near the back door to the haus. She couldn’t detect from Rachel’s mood if she was angry that she was too late to help with the picking. “I’m sorry, Rachel. It was my fault we were late.”
Rachel planted her fists on her hips and eyed Samuel for an explanation.
Samuel tried to divert his schweschder’s obvious annoyance with him. “Don’t look at me like that. For a change, it wasn’t any of my doing.”
Lila leered at Samuel. “You don’t have to blame it all on me!”
Samuel nudged her playfully. “I’m not the one who jumped out of the buggy.”
Rachel’s eyes grew wide. “You jumped out of his buggy?”
Samuel held up a hand. “It wasn’t moving!”
Lila was suddenly angry at the blame Samuel was letting her take responsibility for. “I might have jumped out of the buggy, but you’re the one who…” she suddenly realized what she was about to say, and stopped herself abruptly. She could feel the heat rising up her cheeks in a tell-tale hue.
Rachel gasped. “You kissed her!”
Samuel chuckled. “She kissed me back!”
Lila felt her face heat up, and anger took over her emotions. “It won’t happen again!” she stormed off, leaving the two of them while she grabbed a pumpkin in each hand and walked inside the kitchen.
She was too angry with herself for nearly telling hers and Samuel’s secret, but she was even more angry with him for actually revealing something so intimate between them. How would she ever be able to face Rachel again? Worse, how would she get through an afternoon of making pumpkin rolls with Samuel’s relatives without being teased?
Before Lila could get her cloak off and hang it on a peg near the kitchen door, Rachel came bustling in the door toting a pair of pumpkins.
She looked at Lila sincerely. “I’m sorry for blurting that out. I was just so excited that mei bruder finally has someone. We’ve all been praying for him that he would find someone he could marry, but he hasn’t even courted anyone yet.”
Lila narrowed her mouth into a serious line.
“We aren’t getting married.”
Rachel’s look softened. “Of course not right away, but I’m certain he will ask you.”
Lila took the pumpkins from Rachel and put them on the table. “He already did—more than once.”
Rachel tipped her head to the side quizzically.
“You don’t want to marry Samuel?”
Emotions surfaced, bringing tears to Lila’s eyes. “I do, but I told him I didn’t.”
Rachel looked at Lila affectionately. “Why?”
Lila felt unsure if she could confide something so personal with a woman she barely knew. But Rachel was not a stranger; she was Samuel’s schweschder. Surely she could trust someone so close to the mann she loved.
“I didn’t even tell Samuel the reason.” Lila said quietly.
Rachel placed a comforting hand on Lila’s shoulder. “You don’t have to tell me if it’s too personal. But I would encourage you to share it with mei bruder. I could see the love in his eyes for you already. I’d hate for his heart to get broken.”
Lila felt the sting of reality hit her. She didn’t want to break Samuel’s heart any more than she wanted her own heart to break. Is that why he hadn’t asked her again? Had she broken his heart a little? She hoped her declaration of love had smoothed that over and would open the door for a future proposal from him.
“Would you mind if I practice on you before I have to tell Samuel? I do owe him that, but I’m afraid.”
Rachel offered an accepting smile. “Whatever it is, you can be certain he is a very understanding mann. I see in his eyes how much he loves you, and that will not change. But you need to be able to trust him with whatever is holding you back.”
“I decided a long time ago that I didn’t want to marry and have kinner because mei mamm died a few minutes after I was born. She only got to hold me for a minute, and then she hemorrhaged. The doctor was not there, and mei daed couldn’t save her. I’ve spent my entire life being afraid of the same thing happening to me.”
“But you said you changed your mind?” Rachel interrupted.
“Jah, when I held little Adam yesterday, I realized that the risk is worth the reward.”
Rachel pulled Lila into a hug. “Then you need to share your change of heart with Samuel. He will ask you again—I’m certain of it.”
Lila prayed she was right.
Chapter 20
Abby and Lizzie entered in through the already crowded kitchen at the Yoder home.
“Lillian isn’t coming,” Lizzie said. “Ellie had a stomach ache and she doesn’t want you getting sick before the wedding.”
Rachel felt disappointment at her aenti’s absence, and worry for her cousin. But they had too much work to finish for her to spend time dwelling on something she had no control over. She whispered a prayer for her familye and then went back to work carving the meat from the pumpkins.
Lila placed a stew pot on the stove in preparation for cooking the pumpkin. She busied herself away from the others, feeling a little intimidated since they were all familye.
Rachel put her arm around Lila and pulled her back toward the table. “If we are to be familye,” she whispered. “You better get used to talking to us.”
Lila felt her pulse quicken and her cheeks heat up with worry that the others had overheard Rachel’s whispers. She smiled, putting her best face forward, and bit down her anxiety for Samuel’s sake. Rachel was right about her needing to draw closer to his familye. It would give the probability of their future together a little push in the right direction. If she could get closer to these women, Samuel would be more likely to propose. Lila had not had the advantage of having familye around her. She usually avoided community gatherings since she and her daed had mostly closed themselves off from everyone. Her daed had never gotten over losing her mamm, and Lila shied away from social events for the same reason.
Maybe Rachel’s advice was for her own gut, especially since she had never taken advantage of community events to draw her into the security and love they offered. Why had she closed herself off from everyone all these years? Now that she’d been exposed to the kindness and sense of belonging that familye offered, she was grateful for her daed’s decision to send her here to stay with Onkel Jessup and her new Aenti Bess. Her new cousin, Adam, was going to grow up knowing he had familye that loved him; Lila would make sure of it.
Lila moved about the kitchen, aware of the closeness of these women, and couldn’t help but want to be a part of Samuel’s familye. He had declared his love for her only a few short moments before, and she was giddy with her love for him. It amazed her how much her life had changed since she’d come to stay in this community. Would her daed recognize the changes in her and want to change himself too? She hoped the move to be near his bruder would help him to be more social. They had both spent a lifetime of being lonely and cut off from loved-ones. It was time to put the past to rest along with her mamm, and move on with their lives.
“Let me help you with that,” Lila said bravely as she took two pumpkins from Abby’s arms. “You shouldn’t be lifting these in your condition.”
Abby giggled. “I’m hoping a little hard work will bring this boppli into the world. I feel like I’ve been pregnant for too long. But I know it is all in Gott’s timing.”
Lila placed a comforting hand on her shoulder as she offered her a chair at the table. “How much longer do you have?”
Abby blew out a breath as she sat down with difficulty. “It should be any day now. I can’t believe mei bruder, Caleb and his fraa, Katie, had their boppli before I did. I’ve been married longer than they have.”
Lila smiled. “Like you said; it’s all in Gott’s timing.”
Abby patted Lila’s hand. “You will make a gut fraa for mei bruder, Samuel.”
Lila looked at Ra
chel. “Does everyone know?”
Lizzie crossed the room and pulled Lila into a hug. “I didn’t know until just now. Why am I always the last to know what my kinner is up to?”
Lila swallowed hard. “I’m sorry you had to find out this way, but I’m not even certain I will be marrying Samuel. I’m waiting for him to ask me—again.”
Lizzie pulled her coat off the peg near the door.
“I’m not sure I want to know what that is all about. I think you can let me know when it’s official.” She smiled at Lila. “Right now, I’m late to go meet mei new grandkinner.”
When she closed the door, Abby and Rachel giggled. “Mamm always thinks we keep things from her,” Abby said.
“We do sometimes,” Rachel said. “But she should expect that. It’s the way kinner is. Our own kinner will do the same to us one day.”
Abby rolled a hand over her large stomach.
“This boppli better not keep secrets from me.”
Lila went to the stove and stirred the cooking pumpkin. She couldn’t help but think that if she’d been fortunate enough to grow up with her mamm that she would have told her everything. She’d longed her entire life to tell her every little thing that happened to her. It was an especially large void now that she was in love and wanted to marry. It saddened her that her mamm would never have the chance to meet her grandkinner. Perhaps it was time she started sharing the things in her life with her daed. After all, he probably needed that closeness just as much as she did.
Chapter 21
Lizzie took the hand her husband offered as he assisted her into the buggy. Jacob tucked the lap quilt around her, being protective and considerate as always. She looked into his eyes lovingly, thinking he was more handsome than the day she fell in love with him. And to think that they had come full-circle with that love, and were now grandparents.
Under the Harvest Moon: Book Seven Page 6
