Sometimes Dead Men DO Tell Tales!

by David W. Smith

  Over at his desk, she nodded but didn’t answer. She was accessing a favorite website that had pictures of the old Fantasyland. “Here!” The excitement in her voice was evident. “Look!” When the men gathered around her, she pointed at the picture of the Tea Cups. They were close to the current location of the Carrousel. Dumbo was pushed back further to the side. There was a large pirate ship in the spot where Dumbo now sits, next to the Canal Boats.

  Adam had the Tea Cups on the wrong side of Fantasyland.

  She went back to the table and rearranged Adam’s items one final time. “There. Now that’s the way Walt would have seen it.”

  Adam stared at it. “And twenty paces north of the Tea Cups would be the….”

  “Chicken of the Sea Pirate Ship,” Lance finished for him. “We didn’t have to ride the Canal boats at all. Dang it!”

  Adam beamed at her. “That’s why we hired you, Captain!”

  Beth was pleased with herself, too. They were one step closer. Closer to what, they didn’t know. But they were closer.

  “So, what does Captain Hook’s ship have to do with all of this? Do we need to ride Peter Pan now?” Lance gave another groan.

  “Aw, I love that ride.” Still looking at Adam’s model, she sighed. “Do you think we need another trip to the Park?”

  Lance threw himself on the sofa. “Well, I ain’t riding the Canal boats again.”

  “I don’t think we need to, Lance. Can I see the clue, please?”

  Adam got it from his desk and handed it to Beth. “What do you think? Do we need to concentrate on the island part now, or finding a Jeremy B.?”

  “Not sure,” she answered slowly. “What islands are involved with Peter Pan?”

  “Just Neverland, the island of the Lost Boys and Captain Hook.” Lance was stretched out on the sofa, head back on the pillows.

  “And the Mermaid Lagoon and Tinker Bell,” she counted off. “Plus, the story was set in England.”

  Adam shook his head. “I don’t see any of that as a logical setting for a next clue. We already searched for an Imagineer named Jeremy something-with-a-B, but couldn’t find anyone.”

  “Maybe it’s the pirate ship.” Lance’s words were muffled by a yawn. He was almost asleep.

  She looked at Adam. “We need to go to the Park. I think we should ride both Peter Pan and Pirates of the Caribbean.”

  “Pirates?” Adam was surprised. He hadn’t even considered that ride. “But Pirates wasn’t finished when all this took place.” His wide gesture took in all the clues and the treasures they had found already.

  “I know, but Walt was well into the planning stages. It was the next Big Thing for the Park.” Beth shrugged. “I don’t know. But I think we should at least check it out.”

  “Do you want to go now? How late is the Park open today?” Adam glanced down at his watch and saw it was only 2:45 p.m.

  Her former cast member training kicked in. “The Park is open until 11 tonight. California Adventure closes at 10:00. Fantasmic starts at 9:00. The fireworks will begin at 9:45.” She broke off at the amused look they were giving her and turned red. “Sorry. It all came back to me.”

  Using their Annual Passes, they once again entered Disneyland. Adam and Lance kept their faces averted as they passed the Fire House and Walt’s Apartment.

  “Jumpy, guys?” Beth saw their nerves and had to tease. “Want to go say hi to Wendy?”

  Adam walked a little faster. “The only Wendy I want to see is waiting inside Peter Pan.”

  They went straight down Main Street and walked through the Castle. Turning right in the Fantasyland Courtyard, they got in line for Peter Pan. This ride was the most popular of the dark rides—the group of rides that employed the use of black lights to brightly illuminate the painted scenes. Because of the phosphorescent paint, the non-painted areas of the rides remained dark, hence the name dark rides. They had to wait twenty minutes before climbing into their pirate ship with an orange and black sail. It was a tight fit for three adults in a single padded seat as the lap bar was pulled down over their legs. The ride whisked them up into the air and through an open window to see the Darlings’ nursery below them. Nana the dog stood guard as Wendy read a story to John and Michael. The shadow of Peter Pan greeted them with the familiar voice: “Come on, everybody! Here we go!” Sailing out of the nursery, they had a bird’s-eye view of the busy streets of London as they circled Big Ben. The words of the song “You Can Fly” played softly in the background. The sky around them was moon-lit, filled with stars.

  Their pirate ship banked around a corner for their first glimpse of Neverland. The whole island was laid out below them. They could see Capt. Hook’s pirate ship floating in the lagoon; the Indian Village had smoke coming up from the teepees. Even the volcanoes were steaming as they rounded the side of the island to see a rainbow over Mermaid Lagoon.

  Next, they were flying into the sword fight between Capt. Hook and Peter Pan. The Darling boys were tied to the mast of the ship and guarded by Mr. Smee while Wendy bravely walked the plank.

  The ship now went into a dive straight toward Tiger Lily who was tied up in the water below. Just in time, their pirate ship veered left to go past her father’s village. They found Capt. Hook’s ship had turned to gold with help from Tinker Bell’s pixie dust and Peter Pan was steering them toward home. “Second star to the right and straight on ‘til morning.” The trio swung past Captain Hook trying desperately not to fall in the Crocodile’s open mouth while Mr. Smee ineffectively tried to row his boat closer. A left turn took them past Mermaid Lagoon, Peter’s ship left a trail of golden pixie dust behind in the sky overhead. And the ride was over.

  They now stood outside the exit gate. Across the way, King Arthur’s Carrousel was making its rounds. Merlin the Wizard was surrounded by a large crowd as he chose a youngster to pull the sword from the stone. Adam put a restraining hand on Lance’s arm before he could head over there.

  “So, what do you think? Any ideas?”

  Beth gave Adam a dreamy sigh. “I love that ride.”

  “Not what I meant….”

  Lance interrupted Adam’s line of thought. “Hey, Beth, did you know there’s a Lead Horse on the Carrousel?”

  “You mean Jingles?”

  His face fell. “Oh, that’s right. I forgot you worked here.”

  “Back to today, people.” Adam tried again. “This is like herding mercury.”

  The other two gave him a blank look.

  “Never mind. Did either of you see anything that could actually help?”

  A large cheer went up from the Sword and Lance started to edge over that way.

  “Brentwood! We’re getting in line again. Come on.”

  Barely stifling a groan, Lance joined them in the queue. Beth suggested they look at the building blocks on the floor of the nursery. Adam was going to look for any patterns in the traffic on the London streets and examine the pirate ship fight. Lance was assigned to study Neverland for any discrepancies and volunteered that he would be more than happy to study the mermaids more closely.

  When they finished riding a second time, Beth had seen the word Disney spelled out in the blocks. Adam and Lance had seen nothing of any importance that would help.

  Adam was determined. “One more time around. Beth, you take Neverland. Lance gets the nursery and the Indian Village. I’ll take the rest.”

  Beth cheerfully got back in line. Lance walked like he had twenty-pound weights on his shoes.

  “Spoiled brat.” Beth aimed her barb at the whiny Lance.

  “Perky Penny.”

  “Whiner.”

  “Slave Driver.” Lance warmed up to her challenge and fired back his response.

  “Loafer.”

  “Task Master.”

  Adam thought seriously about buying a gun as the two of them kept up their favorite game through the entire queue. The same cast member who had loaded them two times before looked at them oddly as she lowered their safety bar again.
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  Using a falsetto voice, Lance explained, “She just loves this ride,” as the pirate ship lifted them from her view.

  Once more they looked in vain for some clue to help them out. Once again, they found themselves standing outside the exit.

  Lance was the first to say it. “I really don’t think there’s anything here to find. And I AM NOT going to ride it nine more times to come to the same conclusion.”

  “I agree with Lance.” Beth looked around Fantasyland. “From what you’ve shown me, none of the clues were situated in one spot very long. My opinion is that Fantasyland is done. I think we need to go to Pirates.”

  “Ok, I’ll go along with that. Lance, you agree with Pirates?”

  He gave a fake deep sigh and said, “I just love that ride,” in the same falsetto.

  Beth punched him in the arm. “Can we ride Storybook Land? I haven’t been on that in years!”

  “No, no! I apologize! You know I love you, Beth dear, but if I have to go on that ride one more time I swear I’ll kill Adam.”

  Adam was halfway hoping she would rush to his defense—to state that she couldn’t live without him. Instead, she looked as if she was thinking it over. “Thank you very much.” With a huff he strode off through the castle and headed toward New Orleans Square.

  Behind Adam’s back, Beth winked at Lance. With a shared silent laugh, they followed their intrepid leader.

  It was nearing dinner time at the Park. The lines became shorter as the guests started thinking about the restaurants or the snack stands. After a short ten minute wait, they were ushered into the five-row flat-bottom boat that would take them through the world of the Pirates of the Caribbean. They didn’t have any preset ideas on what to look for yet. Adam was on the outside left end, Lance in the middle, and Beth on the other end of their seat. She ducked her face into Lance’s side as they splashed down the first waterfall to keep from getting wet. His arm went around her shoulder and stayed there even after the second, shorter fall. For the most part, they were silent on this first time through the ride. They studied the skeletons at the Bar Scene. Lance did ask Beth if she had an outfit like the girl in the painting that hung over the bar. The girl was a stunning red-head wearing only a pirate hat, eye patch, short skirt, sword, and tall boots. Her long hair hung down and covered her bare chest. Red-faced, Beth didn’t answer. Adam silently answered to himself yes she does… well, except for the sword, and then wished he hadn’t remembered.

  They sailed slowly past the Captain’s Quarters, invisible ghostly fingers playing “A Pirate’s Life for Me” on the white harpsichord. As they viewed the Treasure Room, Lance thought how much fun it would be to get off and play in all the gold and riches. A dark, misty tunnel warned them that “Dead men tell no tales” and deposited the riders in the middle of a gun battle between a full-size pirate ship and a Caribbean fort. Hidden air cannons made it feel like real cannon balls were whizzing by overhead. Geysers of water shot up all around the floating boatload of people. Once past the cannon fire, their boat floated into a town filled with audio-animatronic people and pirates. They studied the scene where the mayor of the town was getting a dunking in the well while several prisoners shakily awaited their turn. A group of village women were being auctioned off in the next scene with a stunning red-head attracting all the attention of the drunken pirates doing the bidding. The ransacked town was next, with the happy, singing pirates doing their rendition of “A Pirate’s Life for Me”. The jail scene followed, leading into the burning building and the drunken pirates shooting at each other amid piles of ammunition, dynamite and boxes stenciled TNT. A steep ninety-foot waterfall carried their boat upward against the current, the pull-chain clanking beneath the boat. They bumped quietly around the entrance island with its squawking parrot and treasure map.

  Knowing what Adam would want next, Beth and Lance headed back to the entrance to get in line again. There were even fewer people waiting now. Beth indicated the treasure map at the entrance when they walked past it. “That’s a new addition, isn’t it?”

  Adam nodded. “Yes, but it wouldn’t have been there at the time we’re interested in.” They were almost at their boat already. “Any thoughts, you two?”

  Lance just shook his head as Beth sighed, “There’s so much to consider. I’ll concentrate on the island part of the clue.”

  Adam nodded and got in their boat next to Beth. Lance climbed in last, leaning back towards the edge of the boat. He considered resting his legs across Adam’s knees, but figured that wouldn’t go over very well. Their boat started off with the familiar head-snapping jerk and settled into the dark, murky water surrounded by simulated willow trees and realistic-looking fireflies that darted above the tranquil waters.

  Even though the riders were warned to “Keep hands and arms inside the boat at all times,” Lance trailed a finger in the water as they slid past the houseboats. The Blue Bayou Restaurant was still setting up for dinner, the clink of silverware mixing with the sounds of croaking frogs and banjo music. A full moon peeked through wispy clouds as the boat left the pleasant sights and sounds behind them and entered the mysterious waterway that led to the first waterfall.

  Beth was first to break the silence. “I’m sure it can’t be in the bayous of Louisiana. I don’t think Walt ever went there.”

  “The mayor of New Orleans did come for the dedication and opening of New Orleans Square,” Adam reasoned.

  “True, but I don’t see how that would relate to the clue.”

  “What about the front of the building, the façade?” Getting drowsy, Lance’s question was asked around a yawn.

  “What about it?”

  “Oh, I thought you knew. It was partly inspired by the Cabildo Building in New Orleans. Jackson Square.”

  “Ok.” Adam had to prompt Lance when he fell silent. “What else? Anything we need to know about that building?”

  Lance shrugged. “I don’t know. The Louisiana Purchase transfer ceremonies were held there in 1803.”

  Beth gave a mock dramatic intake of breath. “You mean Walt left us Louisiana!!??”

  “Well, that and Arkansas, Missouri, Iowa, Oklahoma, Kansas, Nebraska, most of North Dakota, and part of Minnesota, New Mexico, Texas, Montana, Wyoming, and Colorado,” Lance counted off.

  “Nice treasure.”

  “You left out South Dakota,” Adam added dryly.

  “I did?” Lance started over, counting back on his fingers. “Wow, you’re right. Hmph.”

  Beth gave a little laugh. “I keep forgetting you two actually went to college.”

  “I did minor in History,” Lance sniffed.

  “Same college. Same fraternity.”

  Beth smiled at Adam’s reminder. “Oh, yes, how could I forget? Frat Dumba Dumba Guys.”

  Adam let that pass. Man, I’ve missed her.

  The slow journey again took them past the grotto, the bar, the Captain’s quarters, the treasure cave. Nothing gave them any inspiration. As they sailed through the fight between the ship and the fort, the guys debated the actual words heard in the dark passage they had just gone through. Beth’s voice broke into the on-going discussion—the discussion that was beginning to irritate the other passengers around them. “You do know the fort is patterned after Puerto Rico, right?” Beth looked over at them fully expecting to hear the now-familiar, “Of course, Captain.” But it never came.

  “What’d you say?” Adam cut off Lance’s spirited rendition of the ghostly voice: “Perhaps he knows too much. He’s seen the cursed treasure. He knows….”

  “I said the fort is like the one I saw in Puerto Rico.”

  His eyes narrowed. “When were you in Puerto Rico?” Even in the darkness he could see the blush mount her cheeks. She turned to face the bidders of the auction scene and coughed. He thought he heard the word “moon” somewhere in that cough. “Pardon?”

  Beth rolled her eyes and faced forward. “I said I saw it on a honeymoon cruise.”

  “A honeymoon cruise,
or your honeymoon cruise?” Adams’ words came out as demanding as his glance fell to her left hand, but she had tucked it into her pocket.

  “My honeymoon cruise,” she mumbled.

  Before Adam could react, Lance leaned over the top of him, pushing him back, to give her a hug. “Hey! Wow, congrats, Captain! I didn’t know.”

  If possible, she looked even more embarrassed. “Yeah, well, that was years ago.”

  “You’re married.” Adam’s spoke as a definite statement, strangely calm considering the sudden pounding of his heart.

  “Was married.” Beth slapped away Lance’s hands as a disembodied—but very human—voice came over the hidden speakers for everyone to ‘remain seated, please.’ “Can we get back to Puerto Rico, please?”

  “What happened, Captain?” Lance was genuinely concerned, not just nosey.

  She looked at the burning town around them. Apropos. He wasn’t Adam. Resigned, she knew she would have to tell them something. “He decided he didn’t like being married to me and told me—with some regularity—to get out.”

  “And you did.”

  Beth nodded. “After about six months of trying to make it work.” She tried to change the focus. “But, hey, I got to keep my car.”

  “Oh, cool.” Lance was leaning over the top of Adam again. “What did you get?”

  “Lance, who cares about a car!” Adam’s snap came over the top of Beth’s, “Thunderbird.”

  Ignoring him, Lance asked, “The big one?”

  “No way. The two-door.”

  “Nice!”

  Adam leaned his head against the back rail and groaned. Lance was practically in his lap again.

  “’55?”

  “’57.”

  “What color?”

  “Thunderbird Bronze.”

  “Porthole?”