SAVAGE LOVE (A Back Down Devil MC Romance Novel)

by Casey, London

  Miller felt guilty for putting his own heart and pleasure before the rest of the club.

  At the bar, he stood and watched as Gaige and Nate stood with shotguns.

  “Subtle?” Miller asked.

  “I don’t care anymore,” Gaige asked.

  The clubhouse door flew open. Blaine stood with a cigarette between his lips. “We got company, brother.”

  “Jerry?”

  “No,” Blaine asked. “A lone rider. About a mile out. Prospect spotted him. All black cut, man. All black cut.”

  “What the fuck?” Nate asked.

  Miller grinned. “Tell the prospect to bring him here. Lead the way. No confrontation. No bullets. My fucking orders.”

  Blaine sucked on his smoke as he took out his cell. He left the clubhouse, giving the orders.

  “Keep the shotguns handy,” Miller said. “If Jerry does show up, you two fucking hide. He sees anyone with weapons and we’re fucked. But at the same time, be ready to unload on him.”

  “Subtle,” Gaige said with a grin.

  “Yeah, right.”

  Miller moved outside, along with the rest of the clubhouse. Tensions were high, everyone seeming to be smoking, pacing, drinking, ready for hell to break loose. The only hell that would break loose was if Jerry had the balls to show up right now.

  As Miller stood in the middle of the lot, he kept his hands at his side. He didn’t touch his weapon. He didn’t ask for a drink or a smoke. His eyes remained heavy, steady, right there on the gate. Waiting for it to finally open and see who would actually be entering the Back Down Devil MC compound.

  This was a defining moment. The future of the MC and the town waiting. All that was in front of Miller but waiting behind him was perhaps the most important things in the entire war. A woman he still loved from years ago and the baby that maybe should have been his if circumstances went a little different. Maybe it was shitty for Miller to put himself in a role for Beck already, but somewhere in Miller’s heart he knew there was no other choice. The baby deserved at least a sliver of a chance at life, right?

  The prospects at the gates started to shout as they opened them. Slowly peeling them back revealed a couple prospects leading the way for the lone biker.

  Gaige and Nate stepped up next to Miller and pumped the shotguns.

  “Ready for this?” Nate asked.

  “Put the fucking guns down,” Miller said.

  “What are you talking about?” Gaige asked.

  The motorcycle throttled forward and knocked the prospects out of the way. One shot one way and the other prospect dropped his ride. The motorcycle then cut to the right and the back tire squealed. The rider sat there and let his two wheeled machine roar and spin at the lot, leaving smoke and black mark.

  When it all stopped, the rider stepped from the motorcycle.

  “What is this?” Gaige asked.

  Miller put his fingers to his mouth and whistled. “Take your fucking helmet off!”

  The rider reached up and slid the helmet off his face.

  “No way,” Nate said.

  “That’s our guy,” Miller said. “Filling in for Griffin. The only one who could do it. The only guy who would die for the cut but not ask for one.”

  “One of the Lost Men,” Nate whispered.

  The Lost Men. The bikers who gave up their patches and MC’s for the open road. A group of guys that were dirty, ruthless, and sometimes pure evil.

  Their leader stood a couple feet away from Miller.

  Yeah, it was a risk, but now was the time to take risks.

  “Miller.”

  “Trev.”

  They shook hands and hugged.

  “Holy fucking shit,” Gaige said.

  “It’s time,” Miller said. He patted Trev on the shoulders. “You look like fucking death.”

  “I’m ready to die, brother,” Trev said.

  “You just might have to.” Miller looked around. “We all have to be ready to die.”

  Even Ella. Even her little, sleeping family.

  fourteen.

  Beck woke up and wasn’t having anything. He wasn’t hungry. He wasn’t teething. He didn’t want to be held, coddled, loved, bounced, or played with. Simply put, he just wanted to be a baby and cry his freaking eyes out. There was nothing Ella could do about it either. She couldn’t blame the baby; he was in a new environment. Had no crib. Had no future at anything.

  Sighing, Ella sat on the edge of the bed with Beck in her arms. Her eyes started to fill with tears. She stood the baby on her legs as he whined and thrashed his hands at her face.

  “I don’t know what you want,” she said. “I’m sorry for that, Becky-boo. I promise that everything will be okay. You won’t even remember any of this someday. But I will. I’ll feel guilty for the rest of my life.”

  Beck stopped crying. A stray tear fell from his eye. His head turned. He bent his knees and then kicked up, bouncing. Ella grinned and let the baby do that for a few minutes. His legs were getting way too strong which meant he’d be walking before she knew it. Right now, the clubhouse situation wasn’t all that bad. It was comfortable. But the second Beck started to walk, then what? The place was crawling with outlaw bikers. That meant cigarettes, booze, other drugs, maybe. There were weapons, knives and guns, making the place somewhere no child ever needed to be. Oh, and not to mention the enemies that wanted to kill everyone inside the clubhouse.

  “I have an idea,” Ella said. She stood up. She eyed her bags and her keys were right on the dresser. “Just try not to cry.”

  Ella walked to the door and tore it open. She let out a scream and Beck belted another fresh round of cries.

  “I’m so sorry,” a woman said, standing there.

  “Who are you?”

  “Ava. Sorry. I’m friends with Emily and Mia. I was just coming to check on you. It’s going to get crazy around here.”

  Ella poked her head out and looked, seeing the prospects in the hallway. “Is Jerry here?”

  “No. Trev is.”

  “Who the hell is Trev?”

  “Someone I know,” Ava said. “Oh, that poor little guy. Can I get him anything?”

  “He’s just fussy.”

  “May I hold him?”

  “Yeah. Sure.”

  Ella couldn’t remember a time when she just gave her baby to strangers like this. But if these women were allowed in the clubhouse and were with other patched in members, then they could be trusted.

  Ella hoped.

  Ava took Beck with gentle care. She smiled at him and lifted him. She then wiggled him, tickling him, as she brought him down to her face.

  “What are you doing up there?” she asked.

  Of course Beck stopped crying and starting oohing and flirting with Ava.

  She kept him busy as Ella moved out into the hallway.

  Miller appeared a few seconds later, a guy next to him. The guy was big, thick with muscle, a gruff looking face with unkempt hair and dark eyes. He had a swagger about him that bothered the hell out of Ella. Like he was a guy that truly didn’t care about anything. He wore an all black leather cut that looked like the prospects cut, but as he closed in, Ella saw that there were threads of string on his leather cut and faded spots where maybe patches used to be.

  “Trev, this is Ella,” Miller said.

  “Damn,” Trev said. “Pleasure.”

  “Hello,” Ella said.

  “Ella, this is Trev. He’s from the Lost Men. He’s going to fill in Griffin’s seat for a little while.”

  “Why the fuck are you telling her this shit?”

  “She’s part of it all.”

  “What? You’re harboring pussy?”

  Pussy.

  Ella cringed. She didn’t want to be referred to as that.

  “Hey,” Miller said. “This is Jerry’s…”

  “Ex-wife,” Ella said.

  “Christ, Miller. You can’t just pour gas on the fire, can you? You have to go and throw the entire fucking can into the
flames.”

  “Would you expect anything different?”

  “Holy shit, Ava,” Trev said. “Is that… you had a kid?”

  “Nice to see you too, Trev,” Ava said.

  “What the hell…”

  “Ah, shit, darling,” Miller said to Ella. “Wait right here. I have something for you.”

  Ella’s head was spinning again. There were about ten conversations going on at once. She watched Miller rush away and disappear. Other Back Down Devil guys - Nate, Erik, Jace - appeared in the hall, all looking down at Trev.

  Something told Ella that Trev’s presence here didn’t come without a little controversy.

  Trev looked at her and grinned. There was a smoothness and coolness to him. But he was definitely a scary man.

  “You’re Ella,” he said. “You’re that one, huh? He called you Anne, didn’t he?”

  Ella gasped. She hadn’t had a time when Miller jokingly called her by her middle name in a long time.

  “Yeah,” she whispered.

  “And you married the guy who runs the PD, huh?”

  “Yeah.”

  “And now you’re fucking the President of Back Down Devil.”

  “It’s not…”

  “Yeah, it exactly is,” Trev said. He leaned in on Ella. “Listen to me, babe. I don’t know you from anyone in this clubhouse. And I don’t give a shit about you. But if Miller is going to put his life on the line for you… that means I’m going to put my life on the line for you.”

  “Are you worried that I’m not worth it?” Ella asked.

  “No pussy is worth it,” Trev said. “But if Miller thinks yours is, so be it.”

  Ella swallowed hard. This guy was menacing and dangerous. She wanted to grab Beck and disappear back into the bedroom.

  Trev just stared her down. Ella tried to hold her ground.

  “Come on, Trev,” Ava said. “She’s a good one.”

  “You don’t fucking know that,” Trev said. “She’s fucking the guy that wants to take this all away.”

  “I haven’t fucked that guy in over a year,” Ella said.

  “Oh, shit,” Ava said.

  There was a rolling sound a second later and Ella turned her head. Here came Miller, pushing a crib down the hallway. Ella’s mouth fell open and she touched her chest.

  “Here,” Miller said as he stared at her. “So Beck can actually sleep the right way. Safely.”

  “Beck?” Trev asked. “That’s the baby’s name?”

  “Yeah,” Miller said.

  “That’s your kid, Ella?”

  “Yeah,” Ella said.

  “And it’s not yours?” Trev asked Miller.

  “Fucked up situation,” Miller said. “We’ll talk at the table, brother.”

  “This gets better and better,” Trev said.

  “Okay, do me a favor,” Miller said. “You go to the bar and get it all started. We’re on official lockdown and not coming up for air until we see the sunset. That’s how we’re going to welcome you. Then we’ll cover everything you need to know. Because Jerry is digging around for warrants. He’s going to come after us.”

  “How did you get that intel?” Trev asked.

  “Blaine is fucking one of the deputies,” Miller said.

  “Man or woman? Not that it matters, but Blaine is crazy.”

  “Trust me, it’s a woman,” Miller said. “One of the few requirements in Blaine’s life is that before he’ll fuck it, it has to have a pussy.”

  Ella looked over at Beck. His poor ears…

  But Beck was eye locked with Ava. He kept touching her cheeks. Putting his fingers to her lips and she’d pretend to nibble on them and cough, making Beck giggle and keeping him calm.

  “To the bar,” Miller said.

  Trev looked at Ella. “Nice to meet you. Remember what I said.”

  “What did you say?” Miller asked.

  Trev turned and bumped his shoulder into Miller’s. He walked away.

  “Fucking asshole,” Miller said.

  “Who is that guy?” Ella asked.

  “I’m going to walk away,” Ava said. “But not without giving you your baby back first.”

  Ella took Beck from Ava.

  “Let’s go in the room,” Miller said.

  He pushed the crib into the room. It was big and bulky, but it was perfect.

  Miller put it near the foot of the bed and then patted the mattress. “I had a few guys go get one for you. I figured if you stay… I don’t want Beck on the floor. Or on the bed. If he ever rolled off and got hurt…”

  Ella came forward and hugged him. Her right hand was her only free hand. She touched the back of his leather cut and buried her head in his massive, hard chest. She then looked up at him. He was looking down at her. Then Beck entered the picture. He touched Miller’s scruff on his face, patting it, making a strange face as he did so. For a split second it was like they were some kind of family.

  Beck touched Miller’s bottom lip. Miller started to smile.

  Ella backed away.

  Too real. Way too real.

  “Thank you for doing that,” Ella said. “You didn’t have to. I could go somewhere, Miller. I keep telling you.”

  “No,” Miller said. “Trev is here for a reason. It’s time to end it all. The war is going to ramp up now.”

  “Who is that guy?”

  Miller leaned against the crib and folded his arms. “Ah, darling, sometimes we lose our way. Life happens. Sometimes guys lose their edge. They lose their love for their club. Sometimes they want the ultimate freedom. Which is the road. But when you choose the road you lose your club. Your patch. Your respect. You’re on your own. We call them Lost Men. If they had a leader up there, it would be Trev.”

  “He used to be a member here?” Ella asked.

  “That doesn’t matter, darling. He’s here to put his life on the line for all of us. For nothing in return.”

  Ella slowly nodded. “So I’m staying put.”

  “Yeah,” Miller said. “I have to go fill him in on everything. Then we’re going to drink and talk about the past. You have the room. The bed. The crib. I’ll be on the cot.”

  “Miller, no. That’s dumb. No more of that. This is your room. You sleep in the bed. I’ll sleep on the floor next to the crib.”

  Miller came forward. He touched Ella’s waist. He looked at Beck, then at Ella. “Trust in everything I’m doing. I’m going to protect you. I’m going to protect the kid. You can trust the women here. Ava came from the Lost Men. She’s a good one. Emily, Mia, Avery, Kaity. Get comfortable. I have to go fucking work.”

  Miller kissed Ella’s forehead and went to the door.

  He was gone a second later and Ella walked to the crib. Miller bought Beck a crib. She gently placed Beck down. He was able sit up on his own with ease. He reached for the bars and pulled himself up. Beck smiled and started to bounce a little. A big smile climbed across his face.

  “That’s all you wanted,” Ella said. “Your own crib.”

  There was a knock at the door.

  It opened and Ava poked her head in.

  “Sorry,” Ava said. “I just figured you and Miller needed to talk. I brought some friends.”

  In came Emily and Mia.

  Mia had a couple bottles with her. “If we’re on lockdown, let’s have a few drinks.”

  “I think we all need a drink,” Emily said.

  “Oh, I can’t,” Ella said.

  “Why?” Ava asked.

  Ella grinned and cupped her breasts. “These.”

  “She breastfeeds,” Emily said.

  “She almost gave Blaine a heart attack before,” Mia said.

  “Oh, sorry, damn,” Ava said. “So you haven’t had a drink since Beck was born?”

  “Well, I have a pump at…” Home? I have no home. “I don’t have it with me.”

  “I can fix that,” Ava said. “I’ll send someone to buy one. Miller will do anything for you, right?”

  “I don’t kn
ow about that,” Ella said.

  “Then I’ll just go,” Mia said.

  “No,” Ella said. “Nobody is leaving. It’s dangerous. My… I mean, Jerry. He’s dangerous. And he has power.”

  “Oh, sweetheart,” Emily said. “I’ve seen the guys out there do some crazy things. I wouldn’t worry.”

  “You can’t say that, Emily,” Ava said. “That guy they’re going after is her…”

  Beck let out a noise.

  Everyone fell silent.

  They all stared at Beck.

  For Ella, it really didn’t mean anything to her. Jerry wasn’t a good man. He didn’t deserve anything but what was properly owed.

  But Beck…?

  Ella let out a shaky sigh.

  “I need a drink,” Mia said.

  “So do I,” Ella said as she stared at her son.

  “I’ll take care of it,” Emily said.

  Ella turned her head. If she drank anything… it would unleash everything she wanted. Besides taking care of her only son, the greatest urge within her body was pretty basic.

  Miller.

  She wanted Miller.

  Not just today. Or tonight. Not just tomorrow. She wanted what she had been flirting with all those years ago.

  She wanted forever.

  fifteen.

  It wasn’t the most awkward moment of Ella’s life, but it was pretty damn close to it. The prospect’s face was eight shades of red when he gave the bag to Emily. He looked at Ella, then looked away. They’d sent the young guy out to get Ella a pump. Emily then gave Ella the bag and Ella soon found herself sitting on the edge of the bathtub, alone. When she finished with more than enough for Beck, she stood and stared at herself in the mirror. There was nothing wrong with having a drink or two. Beck would be fine. There was plenty of milk for him now. She just needed the baby to peacefully fall asleep and sleep all night without any problems. One thing Ella would never do is put her baby or herself in any kind of danger.