Lost Love

by Nicole Casey

It felt really weird to have him opening up to me, but good too. It was obvious that this move had affected Alex, that underneath his strong, confident demeanor that he portrayed to the rest of the world. There was a fear there, and it felt nice to be the person he could speak to about it.

  “Can you go home?” I shrugged, trying to make it seem like the obvious choice. “Couldn’t you take some time off, go and sort stuff out? Christmas is a busy season for the retail department, but not for us. I could always help run things for a while.”

  “I don’t know, do you think? I mean, I’d only need a few days, and I’d include a weekend in that...”

  “Just go!” I gasped, loving the idea of being his hero in this situation. “Get everything sorted, just make sure you’re back for the Christmas party, which apparently I have to organize...”

  “Oh yeah,” he cringed, which confirmed everything Heather had just told me. “Sorry about that. You don’t mind, do you?”

  “I guess not,” I was going to have to get Heather involved. There was no way I could do this alone – not that I was going to confess that to Alex. “You just come back all sorted, and we can start again after that.”

  “You have no idea how much of a lifesaver you are.” Oh God, what was that look he was giving me? What did it mean? There were definitely emotions behind his eyes, which made my heart dance about in my stomach. “Thank you, so, so much.”

  Maybe we needed this time apart; maybe it’d be good for us to get our heads together. It was growing a little intense, and only some distance would help that.

  Chapter Six

  Alex

  Things were worse at home than I’d realized, taking me away from my brand new life for a lot longer than I’d planned upon. I never liked to talk about it. I hadn’t even managed to open up that much to Jon, although I’d told him more than I’d ever told anyone else. The reason my dad lost his job was because he was sick. The money was going on hospital treatments, and my mom was too proud to admit that to me. She’d just kept it inside, burying her head in the sand and praying all her problems would just go away.

  Getting to the bottom of it and sorting out all of their finances had been tough, but now I felt like everything was back on track and I could relax. Unfortunately, that moment had only come about just in time for me to get back for the Christmas party, which I felt terrible for. I’d kept in touch with Jon while I was away, and he’d told me that everything was under control the whole time, but I wouldn’t find out the truth of that until I got back to the office. I trusted him, but I still wanted to see for myself.

  I had to admit, that despite all the extra work I’d piled on his shoulders, Jon had managed to pull off an amazing job of creating the Christmas party. It was a great sign. He’d probably had some help, but still, I felt impressed. The hotel he’d chosen was awesome. The bar where the party was being held was classy as hell, and the buffet looked incredible. He had every food imaginable there.

  I was pretty much blown away.

  “What do you think?” one of the younger girls from the design team bounded up beside me. “It’s good, huh?”

  “Really good.” Oh God! I was actually being pleasant with another member of staff, and there was even a smile on my face. This wasn’t like me at all! “Yeah, good job.”

  “I think Jon’s going to fit in really well for the long term, don’t you?”

  She continued to talk to me, but all of a sudden I couldn’t hear her because that buzzing lust was in my ears. I spotted Jon across the other side of the room, and my heart darted excitedly about my chest. I thought having a break from the situation with Jon would help me to reorganize the feelings inside of me, but clearly, I was wrong. It wasn’t the enclosed space that kept the spark alive, it was just him. I still liked him, that wasn’t going anywhere, however hard I tried.

  Shit, what was I going to do?

  All of a sudden, his eyes were drawn towards me, like a magnet, and the second he spotted me his whole face lit up with happiness. The fact that he seemed to want to see me as much as I did was hard, it made my feelings uncontrollably stronger.

  I needed a drink. Some alcohol was the only way I could get through this. I couldn’t get drunk, not when I was in such a high managerial position, but I could definitely have a couple. Luckily, there were champagne glasses lined up along the bar.

  “Hi,” even the sound of his voice caused warmth to spread across my chest. “How are you? Glad you could make it.”

  “I know,” I replied regretfully, patting his arm, feeling that electricity all over again.

  Why did he have to be so hard to resist?

  “I’m sorry about that, thanks for holding everything together though, I really appreciate it.”

  “Did you... get everything sorted?” he was being discrete because the room was filling up, and I really appreciated it. He was definitely the best – okay, first but still best – personal assistant I’d ever had.

  “I did, it took some time but I got there in the end. Thank you, I appreciate you being so supportive.”

  It might have been dark, but I could still see his cheeks flush with excitement. I wanted to cling onto him once more, and that moment made me miss the way I could just be so free with my feelings the night we first met. I wanted to grab him and kiss him, so I did. I wanted to strip him down, to feel his body, so I just went for it. This constant holding back was getting utterly exhausting.

  I honestly wasn’t sure why I was still bothering. Why didn’t I just give in and go for it? “Things are great at the office, I can show you everything when we get back.”

  “Thank you,” I felt shy and awkward all over again, and that must have shown because Jon started backing slowly away.

  “Well, I better go,” he indicated behind him, and I had to really fight the urge to beg him to stay. I would have given anything to spend more time with him, but I couldn’t think of any solid reason why. “There are still a lot of things that need doing, but I’ll see you later. I hope you enjoy the party.” He gave me a look, one that told me he was holding back a lot of words too, and it broke my heart.

  Why couldn’t we just talk honestly? It didn’t feel fair! All I wanted him to do was open up to me. I just wanted to let him know how I felt too, yet it was absolutely impossible. It sickened me.

  “Yeah, see you later.”

  I turned and grabbed another drink, hoping this one would calm my emotions down. This was going to be hard, much more difficult than I’d anticipated, and I wasn’t sure I could do it anymore. If something didn’t happen soon, I was going to have to take action. I couldn’t fire Jon. That would be awful, especially when he didn’t deserve it. I hated to let him go from under me because I relied on him so much, but I couldn’t keep on torturing myself either.

  I was going to have to move him, sending him to another department. Either that or kiss him...

  God I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and kiss him hard. I wanted to shake off all the frustration and all the fears. I wanted to just stop caring what anyone else thought. I knew I couldn’t actually do that, but the more drinks I sank, the more inclined I was feeling to just do it.

  How the hell was I going to get through this party?

  I wanted to drink to calm my nerves, but the looser my inhibitions became, the harder it was to resist Jon. He just happened to be the perfect guy for me, and the fact that he was unattainable made him even more attractive. He was gorgeous, funny, sweet, reliable, and better than anyone else I’d ever met. If I kept allowing my thoughts down that path, I’d take action before rationality could even come into play.

  Maybe that wasn’t such a bad idea after all. Maybe we just needed to get it out of our systems. Maybe one time hadn’t been enough!

  Chapter Seven

  Jon

  I thought that I was doing really well. I genuinely believed that I was on my way to getting over Alex, or at least coming to a place where I could at least work alongside him – pur
ely because he wasn’t on my mind every single moment of every day – but I was wrong. In fact, just one mere glance across the dance floor had me right back to where I was before, and I felt like I was in utter turmoil about it.

  Even now, no matter what I was doing, I felt acutely aware of him. I could sense him – even what his body position was – and it was getting increasingly difficult for me. The time apart had done nothing but remind me how much I liked him and how powerful and sizzling the chemistry was between us. It was killing me that I couldn’t just go for it.

  I found it even harder in this environment – in a relaxed place with food and drink and everyone in the holiday spirit. It was nothing like the night we first met in that dingy bar, yet somehow it was exactly the same. That was heightening everything.

  “So, this all looks good...” the caterer muttered to me about his bill. “Do you have anymore questions?”

  I shook my head. Even if I did, I wouldn’t have been able to vocalize them. Not with Alex standing a few meters away from me, laughing at something one of the other guys had said. He had on his cocky, arrogant persona, but I knew the person underneath well. How he was when he was just around me was nothing like that whatsoever. “No, thank you.”

  “Well, Mr. Ringer should be here soon, so I’ll get out of the way...” even the knowledge that Raymond Ringer – my hero, the guy I’d idolized forever – was coming to make a speech didn’t have the same impact upon me. All I could think about was Alex; he was consuming absolutely every single part of my brain. Everything about me was him at that moment.

  What I wouldn’t give to utilize that moment, to grab Alex, to kiss him, but of course I couldn’t. I’d accepted that fact long ago and nothing had come along to change that. “Thanks...” I replied, but the distraction was obvious in my voice. “See ya.”

  Alex seemed to sense me staring at him. He cocked his head towards me, giving me a wicked smile. There seemed to be a looseness to his gaze, as if the casual nature of the night was giving him crazy thoughts, which had my heart pounding wildly in my chest. Was he suggesting... what I thought he was? Or was I seeing things I hoped were there? There was definitely a twinkle there, but what did it mean?

  I felt myself drawn to him. My body moved in his direction without me even meaning to. He was magnetizing me, pulling me in, and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. Not that I wanted to resist... not really.

  “How’s it going?” I asked, with a definite flirty lilt in my voice. Did I usually talk to him that way? I wasn’t sure anymore.

  “Yeah, it’s good,” he grinned. His teeth were gleaming under the lights. “I have to say you did an awesome job.”

  “Thank you. Heather helped me, but I am proud of what we did.”

  “I haven’t seen my room yet,” he declared, sending lust bolting right through me. The mere mention of the bedroom had me excited all over again. “But I assume it’s a nice one.”

  “Oh, the best,” I teased, nudging him playfully with my hip. “You’re my boss, of course I got you the penthouse suite.”

  “I would expect nothing less!”

  He handed me a drink, and as I took it from him I felt our skin connect and that sizzling chemistry came back with a vengeance. I had to gulp down the massive ball of fearful emotion that lodged in my throat at that moment.

  This was too close, too intense.

  I was getting sucked in to the point where I wouldn’t be able to pull away at all soon.

  “Thank you,” I practically whispered as I took it from him.

  The music was thumping now, reverberating through my whole body, and as I sipped a little bit of dizziness swam in front of my eyes. All I wanted was to take advantage of this crazy situation – everyone knew that the most insane things happened at work Christmas parties – plus there was the hotel room too, waiting for us both. It was the perfect scenario, and I was starting to feel that if we didn’t do it, we’d regret it forever.

  Maybe this was exactly what we needed – one more night of crazy passion to get it out of our systems forever.

  Of course I already knew that wasn’t the case. I was already aware that what I felt for Alex now was much more than just physical. I liked him, everything about him, but I was willing to go with that excuse for now because it gave me what I wanted.

  “I’m going to go out for some fresh air,” Alex growled, seeming going through the same rollercoaster of emotions as me. His tone was loaded with suggestion, which was only highlighted further by the wink he gave me. “So... that’s where I’ll be.”

  “I might join you,” I nodded seriously back, trying to act to the rest of the world like this was just an average conversation. “I could use some... fresh air. I might just pop to the bathroom first.”

  As he walked outside, I tore into the bathroom at the speed of light. My whole body was freaking out with what was potentially about to happen. If I went outside with Alex, there was no denying where it’d lead, and there was no point in acting like I didn’t know to myself.

  Was that what I wanted?

  No, stupid question... was that wise?

  It probably wasn’t, but at the same time we weren’t getting anywhere as we were anyway.

  Did it really matter if we added to that?

  I stared at my reflection in the mirror, willing the obvious answer to just pop out at me, but of course it didn’t. I was going to have to make this choice. I needed to take a deliberate step in whatever direction I wanted, and accept the consequences of that.

  I splashed some cold water on my face, but it did nothing to dull the raw sexuality that threatened to burst free from me.

  I left with only one end game in mind – I was going to find Alex, and give my body what it so desperately needed.

  The fresh air hit my face. I saw him standing there looking as gorgeous as ever.

  “There you are...” I started, but I didn’t even get my whole sentence out because he came for me right away, and he kissed me like there was no tomorrow.

  The wind knocked from my sails; fireworks exploded in my stomach. To be honest, the whole office could have been watching and I honestly wouldn’t have cared. I had Alex back in my arms, making me feel incredible all over again. That was everything.

  This felt right, more right than anything else had, and that was all that mattered.

  Chapter Eight

  Alex

  I took Jon by the hand, staring into his eyes with the deep, dark lust that was coursing through my veins. I couldn’t hold back any longer. I’d been denying myself for far too long, and judging by that desperate kiss, so had he. We needed this. Whatever it would turn out to be.

  “Come back to my room,” I whispered huskily; my heart leaping into my throat with happiness when he nodded. I knew we’d be missing the party. We wouldn’t see Raymond’s speech, but this felt far more important.

  A thick sexual tension clung in the air as we walked hand in hand, but this time it only made me smile. It didn’t feel difficult because finally we could do something about it. I was glad that this time things were moving a little slower. We were taking a forced timeout because it gave us both a chance to back out if we wanted to. We could think things over along the way and make the right choice. There were still a lot of risks here, but the rewards were about to be incredible too...

  I dropped Jon’s hand as we walked through the reception area of the hotel, only because I didn’t want to cause any unnecessary rumors. We didn’t know what this was yet, and neither of us needed pressure piled on by gossip. As we traveled up to the top floor in the elevator, I yanked him in for a kiss, feeling those incredible sensations he gave me tearing through my body once more. But by the time we stopped and stepped out into the hallway, we had straightened ourselves out once more.

  All of that fell apart the second I clicked the hotel room door shut behind me. The pretense washed away and an animalistic need took over us both instead. We kissed frantically, shedding clothes as we moved thr
ough the room, and everything about the moment felt wonderful.

  “Are you sure?” Jon panted against my mouth, tickling my lips with his breath. “This is crazy, isn’t it?”

  “Totally,” I agreed, but nothing was going to stop me now.

  My fingers were trailing along the familiar muscles along his stomach, and everything had amped up a notch. In all the time I’d spent falling for Jon, adoring his personality, I’d forgotten how freaking hot he was. His body was strong and muscular, which only became more obvious as he became naked.

  I liked that. It felt like a secret just for me.

  Eventually, Jon pushed me back onto the bed, and I collapsed onto the sheets willingly while he pulled my trousers right off. He was taking total control of me. I enjoyed that, especially as it was me who had control at work. This role reversal was incredibly exciting.

  Jon climbed up over my body and started to run kisses all over my neck and collar bone, causing the intense lust inside of me to grow even more powerfully. The erection that he’d given me was straining desperately for him, eagerly remembering the last time we were together. It was becoming difficult to control. I fisted the sheets beneath me, arching my back, but it wasn’t until an involuntary moan escaped my lips that he finally got the hint.

  He snaked down my body, brushing his lips all over me as he went, and bringing me dangerously close to the knife edge of desire far too quickly. Did he not know how long I’d been waiting for this? Did he not know that he drove me crazy without even doing anything? This was so hard for me. I was finding it so hard to contain myself! Any minute now...

  “Oh my God, Jon!” I yelled out in sheer ecstasy as he grabbed hold of me in the place I was most desperate for him. My moans and groans only grew louder as he ran his hand up and down me, making my heart thunder noisily and the deep intense pressure inside of me to build. It started as a hot pool of bliss in my stomach and slowly spread itself upwards and outwards the more he touched me.